Late night Christmas Eve feels thread.
Post anything on this relaxed evening. What you want (even if unrealistic), how you're feeling, any worries, how your day is/will be, etc.
After uni my already miniscule, miserable life will collapse completely
>>25236143
Why familia? What are you studying?
>>25236156
I'm exceedingly bad at meeting people as it is, and I know that as I graduate without my closest friends (they're arguably abusive anyway) they'll move on to new people. University is mostly people of my age and stage of life, and the general public will be impossible to meet people in.
I'm doing Computer Engineering, not that I've applied for any jobs. Have to move out by summer so I'm pretty fucked on that front too.
>>25236380
you have a major in computer engineering. i'm sure you'll be alright bro :)
Well I got pretty deep with my dad tonight and opened up to him more than I have to anyone.
He gave me the advice to be positive and expect good things. He said he's sorry I'm so miserable and that he just can't understand it because he's never actually been clinically depressed.
I appreciate his support but it doesn't help much.
He did share some of my views on women being awful though, so that's cool.
I just feel awful in general. I don't want a gf at the time being, and I won't want one for a long while. The problem is even if I found one, she wouldn't like me back. And if she did, that doesn't mean I'd be happy.
I'm beginning to see more and more just how deep the hole of depression goes. Even if everything was perfect, I just couldn't experience joy. And that hurts. It's better I end it.
>>25236911
Even if everything was perfect, I just couldn't experience joy. And that hurts. It's better I end it.
As long as you still have family you have to stay alive. Every suffers to some degree, we suffer more than others, others suffer more than us.
Why would you want to inflict that depression on your dad
>tfw Jewish and Christmas is just another day for you
All memes aside, growing up Jewish makes me feel like I'm missing a significant experience everyone else has.
merry christmas
just as life can be a curse, it is also a gift. find what swings in the middle of the eternal dance between benedictions and perdition.
everything passes eventually. when its over, only you remain
...
>>25236089
>what you want.
A new tablet since browsing on my phone is a pain in the ass
>How you're feeling.
Better than usual. My dealer gave me my week of weed for free this time since it's the holiday and he knows im pretty broke, known him a couple years
>Any worries.
Family time tomorrow. I normally have a big family gathering and last christmas my mom said if i don't shape up im getting kicked out of the house. I feel like my moods improved, and at the time I was showering once or twice a month. Now I cook and clean and make sure I or my room don't smell, but I feel like ill get kicked out of the house after new years.
As much as I try, I can't change the fact i'm a NEET. Because of various mental illnesses I can't hold a job, never have. Last time I worked (17 years old, a few years ago now) I lasted 4 hours because I was talking to our customers about conspiracy theories. She knows I can't hold a job, but I doubt she'll be very understanding
>How your day is/will be
Probably shit
>ECT
Merry christmas, r9k, even though I cant say it in real life because im bad at displaying emotion, even if im gonna be kicked out and likely die on the streets in the next few months, I love my life, and I love all of you.
>Christmas eve
>bf gets fucked up on adderall and starts playing video games with his friends
>locks himself in his room
>hasn't looked at me all night
>no family or friends to spend holiday with
>alone watching hulu and can't sleep
Just fucking end it now
All I want is to be able to spend Christmas with my online friends, but we're all poor and far away from each other. I don't really have any good irl friends anymore, so it looks like it's gonna be a lonely one this year.
