Deep down I hope someone notices how miserable I am and tries to save me like some anime
The problem is I hide it too well and I've gone so deep I have no social interaction and nobody will ever know I'm miserable. Even if they did know I'm not someone worth saving
>>25234965
I enjoy loneliness. Ever since I was a kid, I derived some kind of sick pleasure from the isolation and depressive feelings it brought.
>>25234965
Iktf.
I would like to try to commit suicide for attention. I know that it makes me an awful person but I want to try it anyways
Plan is not the word I can't describe it I just know my life will end after going postal and killing a few people. I am not even a beta I just hate the small things and have zero outlets. That shit builds up
I don't actually feel anything anymore. Anything I like or enage myself or issues I had were ones I forced on myself. I missed out on the best years of my life becuase I was too scared to try anything involving other people, thinking I would always have time to change, but now any genuine feelings I had to enjoy anything are mostly gone, so its too late.
>>25235038 also this
>>25235020
can you get back to that person and apologize?
>>25234965
i'm afraid I'll never have friends or a job I care about again and there is no future even though i have above average intelligence and used to interact with people quite well
I wish my dad would die so I could run the business and find out if it was him making it fail.
Can't figure out what kind of person I want to be romantically involved with want to be independent and asexual but I fuck up everything and want someone who will help me through things and help me figure out problems I have.
Why is it the people without any problems have the easiest time continuing to not have problems.
>>25235119
Just put yourself in a position of luck. If you go involve yourself in places you know the type of people you would like to know would be, eventually you'll have to make a meaningful friendship
The only reason I don't have a gf is because I am a coward.
I will regret this failing for the rest of my life.
I will be lying on deathbed alone regretting it
>>25235199
Im with you anon. We'll die full of regrets
>>25234965
>The problem is I hide it too well
You don't, you literally said right after that the reason is because you don't even have anyone in your life.
The amount of anime you consume is directly proportionate to how big of a loser you are. It's like a meter for loneliness and autism.
I bet you've jerked off to cartoons before, haven't you? Be honest. Cartoon women turn you on. Do you have a pillow you have sex with at night too?
I would have no problem seeking help for my problems if I didnt fear being thrown in the looney bin. I just want to stop blacking out and hitting myself, and to stop seeing ghosts and demons. Hell I'm pretty sure some of them were real. People can tell there's something off with me. I've been called a creep a lot. But I don't think anyone knows just what's wrong with me, except maybe my mother.
>>25235234
My roommate did nothing but watch anime all day. His Tyrone friend who watched more and knew more about anime than him would come over and watch too. They're both getting laid this holiday season. I'm here in my old room at my families house fighting the suicidal tendencies.
>>25234965
I don't love the person I used to be in love with, but I'm stringing them along through imitating in conversation my personality from the time that my feelings were still there.
>>25234965
It's alI my fault
I've spent so much of my life lying that I don't know who I am anymore.
>>25235515
Why would you do that? That just makes it worse later.
>>25235395
>seeing ghosts and demons
Do you have a tumor? The bin might not be so bad mate
all i really want, really really want in my whole life, is just to find someone that will love me as much as i love them and live a full life together. honestly nothing else on this planet makes me truly happy
>>25235615
How would you know that would make you happy?
Speaking from experience, being with someone, especially if you love them and they love you, makes you feel even worse. You ignore the empty feelings because you feel fufilled in your relationship, and then it grows and grows until you lose them to it.
Married but I would rather be alone
>>25234965
I don't need to post anything. You did it for me.
>>25235664
because i've been with someone.
and i didn't have that problem, them loving me made it better. it ended for an unrelated reason.
different people can feel different ways anon
>>25235882
You are ultimately right, but what I'm talking about requires a long relationship. You have to be with someone long enough to see how you've grown together and also how you haven't. 2~ years is not gonna make that happen.
>>25234965
I only recently realized that the only reason I used to have female friends was because in high school I was forced to be near them. Ever since getting to college the only girl Ive had prolonged contact with was my best friend's girlfriend. Ive gain some weight and am in the worst shape of my life. I have a chance to do great things, but have resorted to shutting my self in my room and playing video games when I could be living life. I think I am slowly losing it boys.
My doctor prescribed me anti-psycotics and I dont know why. I am constantly depressed and my anti-depressants haven't helped. I'm gay and too afraid to tell anyone but even if people knew that I' gay I wouldn't be able to have a real relationship with another person because I'm afraid of losing people I care about.
>>25234965
if anyone is like OP or OP themself, post a throwaway email, steam, or skype here. I would love to talk with you and perhaps convince you that life isnt all so bad. Perhaps be your friend if you're willing.
>>25235564
There has never been any 'later'. But you are right I should tell them that. I am a normalfaggot who feels at ease with ambiguity and manipulation, that's why.
>>25235422
>His Tyrone friend who watched more and knew more about anime
Is it true that nerdy black men can get ridiculous amounts of #nerdgirl pussy, because SJW shit guilt-trips them into trying to fuck every black man they meet who isn't a violent felon (aka not very many black men)?
>>25236623
I'm too far gone to try and form a relationship with anyone and yes that means acquaintance
I have been depressed for a decade now. I've fallen so far that happiness is just a distant memory now. I'm even beginning to doubt that it every existed at all. I wish that someone would save me, but no one will. The most obvious and irrefutable fact about life is that you're on your own. There's no cavalry coming to your rescue. Your so called loved ones treat you like a discarded beer can -- you're only good for them when they can use you. Once you've depleted, they cast you aside.
>>25236774
another guy once said that, i pestered him enough to send me a steamlink to a throwaway i posted... hes still in a pretty shitty spot but we do talk every day now and i think he's a little better off. Give me the chance at least anon
I don't think anybody in the world cares about me. This includes family. The day they either kick me out or I move out, I am going to send them a hate filled letter.
They don't really know who I am, as a secret (aka covert) schizoid, I have hidden who I really am in order to avoid complications. Every time I have ever shown my true self they have thought I was acting weird. I will tell them the truth, let them know they literally mean nothing to me. As well as: how I never wish to speak to any of them ever again, how they are all bad people, and why I am telling them.
I hope I can inflict at least a small fraction of the pain they have caused me. Shouldn't be too hard, I made my dad cry by telling him I hate him around age 11~13 and my mom cry from previous things I wrote about her.
Perhaps it seems twisted I have planned this for a while, but if there is one thing I have learned its that emotional pain is legal and can last a lifetime.
I'm afraid of everything. Past, present, future... I'm afraid to check my school e-mail, I'm afraid to answer phone calls. I'm afraid to schedule doctor's appointments. I'm afraid to walk outside in fear of shitting myself. I'm afraid to have responsibilities. I'm afraid that I'm still going to be living with my mom in 10 years. I'm afraid to grow up.
>>25234965
they're too good for me
i'm a characterless human being
their lives would be better off without me
I very likely will never get a gf, I have just enough pride to where I wont date a complete landwhale or butterface but am a shitty person to where I can't pull better than thatthis is leading me to consider feminine guys more of an option out of desperate loneliness... considering they usually arent fat and they can cover up with enough makeup or whatever to hide their man faces.
i literally dont know what to do, i'm in uni and I hope i will get a job but even then i've seen so little interest from females it gives me no hope
>>25236803
I don't believe I'm good enough for anyone and everybody eventually ends up annoying me.
I can not have a happy relationship so I'd prefer to not even bother.
>>25236957
literally what the guy i just told you about said. I remember the very things he said, and he STILL feels that way about a majority of people.
Some quotes from him include:
"Maybe im a bad person, society doesn't like me and nobody ever will"
"You would probably bully me like everyone else did"
"Im too scared of being betrayed, but I deserve it because i'm shitty"
>and everybody eventually ends up annoying me
what are some things you find particularly annoying anon? i'll leave you alone if any of them apply to me
I came into my cousin's panties when I was 14.
She never found out.
I never told anyone.
>>25236440
It's a possibility your doctor believes you have bipolar disorder. In bipolar type 2, you experience the same symptoms of major depression, but anti-depressants don't help. I had a psychiatrist prescribe me anti-psychotics and didn't tell me why, because insurance doesn't cover bipolar since it is a pre-existing condition (before new health care act in the US). My new psychiatrist confirmed I was bipolar and taking a combination of a mood stabilizer and an anti-psychotic has made me feel the best I've ever felt.
>>25234965
I want to cum inside a girl and get her pregnant so we can raise a family together.
It will never happen though, my demeanor is too cold and boring and I have no clue how to be a good father.
>>25237026
are you a girl? I know this sounds awful but I have no interest in speaking to anyone over the internet unless it's a girl, not that I want to have a relationship or anything but I guess it would be nice. Just forget it
>>25237042
how do you feel now?
>>25237065
well I could say yes and make you feel better but obviously im not. I understand anon, they talk different and act different about things.if you change your mind, heres an email to shoot me contact info or talk to me there if you got nothing: [email protected]
if not, best of luck out there I know it's rough. I would give you a listen anytime, hope you get a girl to talk to one of these days.
>>25234965
I want to die just to guilt the people who think that tough love works
>>25237065
Why? Are you looking for some e-relationship? You think you'll find the love of your life online?
>>25237026
You're not helping. You're just collecting friends and probably giving them some fucking normalfag advice. How can the conversation mean anything when you're doing it with everyone?
I really want someone to hug and cry and hang out with.
>>25237147
No, I literally just said I wasn't autist, but if I'm goign to talk to someone, I prefer that to be a girl since I don't talk to anyone anyways and I don't want to talk to another autist that's just another version of me you feel?
Every single action I put out into this universe is a lie. Every single word. People open their mouths and say words and I say words back, but I never ever truly communicate anything. I do it to protect myself from being hurt. I don't think twice anymore, the lies become who I am in the moment and only disappear when I'm left alone to think. If I wear a mask of lies then I can deal with the human interaction just long enough to ensure bare minimum shelter/food/safety and nothing more. I have had 4 friends for 7 years and they think we're tight knit. We're not. I built a fake personality out of mannerisms I picked up from observing human beings. I tell lies all the time just to fill my communication quota within the group. I feel myself longing to abandon communicating with them entirely. After getting to know them through the safety of my mask I've realized that we're nothing alike and we shouldn't be friends. When I try to abandon my fake friendships I find myself getting bored after a month though, and I always find my way back. It's torture for me. I don't like telling lies and I don't like talking to people, especially those with normie traits. I think I may have no choice but to add in some undesirable traits to the fake personality so they hate me and I can escape naturally. My family is the same. I've begun abandoning communication with them as well. None of the people in my life would mesh well with my real personality. I wish every time they opened their mouth I could open mine right back and tell them what I think about their bullshit. They probably know it's bullshit too. They'd come quick to hate me that way anyway, it's only natural. I hate myself too. I just want to find something genuine. I don't think that exists. This world is built on delusion. Suicide sounds like a wise choice.
>>25237173
Are you being honest with yourself?
>>25237087
I feel motivated and hopeful. A combination of cognitive self-therapy (thinking positive, looking for hope over despair, letting go of what you can't change) and the new medication has lead me to get the best grades I've ever gotten in college this semester.
If I forget to take the medication for a day I feel irritated at little things. I never forget more than 1 day, but one time I forced myself to stop talking it completely. The second day I felt extremely irritated and annoyed. The third day I would get unreasonably angry at the smallest things. The fourth day I was physically shaking and hyperventilating. Then I took them again. Your body does become dependent on them and you will experience withdrawal symptoms if you go cold-turkey.
I felt the same crippling depression of sleeping for 18 hours straight and failing out of college because I didn't deserve anything. I thought I was worthless. I thought about suicide every day and got online to order a shotgun before going to see a psychiatrist.
Now I feel mellow and level-headed. I do get sad, but I either try not to think about it, or I look at the positive side of things.
>>25237147
im literally not senpai, I WANT to talk to people because making them happy makes me happy. I don't collect shit because I make sure I talk to the friends I do add. It's not even normalfag advice so much as it is listening and being someone to talk with. If you wanna be a shrewd cunt though thats up to you
>>25237152
whats up anon? tell me everything, where you from?
I can't get off from sex and get incredibly anxious when trying to do so. It's making me wonder if I'm trans, or just damaged because my ex cheated on me and my bf is asexual.
>>25237261
>I can't get off from sex and get incredibly anxious when trying to do so
same, it always makes it really awkward when your partner does and you don't as they always think it's their fault, I am now a self hating trans
>>25237261
>It's making me wonder if I'm trans, or just damaged because my ex cheated on me and my bf is asexual.
How you came to either of those two conclusions is a mystery to me. It's probably just performance anxiety, relax.
i am probably not intellectually above average, i suck at math and i am a borderline sperg addicted to instant gratification and not leaving my comfort zone who will never become anything and dies alone
I use my rage and despair to fuel my everyday life, much like a sith. It improves my confidence whenever needed by feeling arrogant and over confident, of course all first passed through my logical checks. It makes me feel powerful and strong. I choose to let it empower me instead of being a social autist betafag all the time
>>25237250
>whats up anon? tell me everything, where you from?
Singapore.
I want someone to hang out with and laugh and cry and hug and do things with. Nothing is 'up', it's just a want.
>>25237772
well if i was in singapore I would certainly give you a hug and let you cry, laugh, whatever you need. Would you not want to talk and be friends outside of real life meetups? I certainly would be up for doing that in a few years when im able to.
>>25237772
What do you think of Lee Kuan Yew and the PAP party?
>>25237843
I don't want to still be here 'a few years' later. But thank you.
nothing makes me happy or excited anymore except for getting a big paycheck. then i spend it all on beer and food and i eat/get drunk alone in my room watching whatever show i torrented that week
It's completely, 100% our own faults that we're losers without girlfriends.
bitching on r9k doesn't help us any apart from making us feel better for a few seconds.
I will be working this menial pointless job probably until it kills me. I will always be that really awkward weird dude that everyone frowns at or avoids when they pass me in the street or at work. Every exchange I have ends in silence and uncomfortableness.
>>25237980
I feel disinterested because i want to leave.
Those white bastards can farm excessive wealth to carry into their coffins for all the fuck i care. I'll just hog on to this based passport. Visit best Korea one day
>>25234965
Hello there anon. I know your pain, since I'm probably the worst off of all you guys. If you need someone to talk you can add me.
Merry christmas anyway and know you are not alone.
http://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198037318746/
>>25237843
Why are you so eager to talk to someone, anon? You say it makes you happy, but badgering people like this will only make people less likely to want to talk.
You should go to /b/ baww threads and post there. I bet you will get loads of replies from people as thirsty as you for someone to unload their fee fees onto.
>>25238247
im here, why would I not offer to talk to people who want someone to talk to? sometimes it does make a difference you know. You sure are a cynical bastard.
>>25237196
>suicide
>wise
I can't actually get off unless I'm masturbating. Not a single girl I've been with has actually caused me to cum and it feels awful. Despite the fact that I'm always calm and relaxed.
On that note I've become so okay with everything just being awful that it's just normal to me. I really don't feel any emotions to shit anymore and have become a machine that goes to work and comes home to the computer.
I think something is completely wrong with me.
>>25238472
You masturbate with a death grip/in an unhealthy way
most importantly, you watch too much porn.
I don't even have a good enough personality to make up for my ugliness.
My personality is pretty shitty once people get past the clowny outer layer
There are a lot of people who've wanted to be my friend and females that have liked me over the years but out of a mixture of anti-social and laziness I didn't bother forming relationships with them and now I am left depressed and alone.
I could fix any problems I have by being outgoing and meeting new people but I don't bother trying.
I feel sorry for myself and my own personal failures instead of taking the steps to accomplish anything.
I'm lucky to have been given a relatively great life but even so I still waste it by being a big, hating ball of negativity.
Fuck guys I don't even have any problems but after being alone with my own mind for so long I create fake flaws in my own head.
>>25237772
Hey m8, didnt know there were robot sings here, b mostly filters out the curious ones. Why are you here on Christmas?
>>25238521
Clowny Outer layer...
What kind of personality do you have bro, I hope its the same as mine...
same as OP, want friends but know when i actually made said friends i wouldn't really care much for said friends and would just stop speaking to them. i want friends but dont want friends at the same time
I'm only really comfortable around new people if I meet them online, usually through video games. I'm basically incapable of forming new friendships with people that I meet in person, because I get too nervous.
>>25234965
I encourage people to improve but when I receive criticism to work off of I either fumble trying or just hate myself for hours on end. All for making the mistake instead of improving. Can't tell if it's hypocrisy or incompetence, likely both. Either way it tends to bar me from more creative things like writing and drawing. I could do them for fun but it's basically MSpaint scribbles or stupid fiction made to be a peanut gallery sort of thing. Both of which I couldn't make improvements of without trying, and trying makes me rage and quit for a while. I hate making mistakes to an unreasonable level but I'm so incompetent it just loops into itself akin to an ouroboros.
>>25234965
I think I might be sexually attracted to my brother. I've been suspecting this for years.
(I'm 24, he's 22, were both men.)
http://steamcommunity.com/id/lewisw60
if anyone wants to add me, basically same as >>25238542
except for the first part
>There are a lot of people who've wanted to be my friend
Honestly I'm slowly losing my fucking mind, I literally shout to my self with my hands on my head like an absolute madman from fucking loneliness.
>>25238723
Are you two close? What is your relationship like?
I'm afraid that my internet bf is the only guy I'll ever be able to talk to, and I will be alone forever and I'll never get to meet him because we live opposite sides of the world.
>inb4 whiny, attention seeking roastie.
>I all ready know, everyone all ready knows
>to bad I'm not leaving, hahaha
>>25238616
technically I'm a normie I think, I don't fall into the robot definition. Anyway where else can I be on Christmas?
>>25238751
We keep in touch; were definitely not estranged.
We lived together at our parents hous until I moved out at 21.
I first noticed what might be attraction when I was around 11. I was disgusted by this and pushed for my own room until I got it. (There were 3 other kids, rooms were scarce; I wound up in an alcove. Pretty comfy.)
But it didn't go away. It fluctuates, some days I almost get hard when he's around, other days we're fine.
I got into the habit of just never looking at him and leaving the room whenever possible if he was around.
This is probably one of those things where my mind is blowing something way the hell out of proportion but I'm too afraid to confront the possibility to deal with it.
The weird thing is I'm otherwise straight.
>>25238725
You're 15 years old
>le so lonely in high school
>>25238803
>no friends irl
>have internet best friend
>talk every day and get along great
>develop huge crush
>he lives 2k miles away
I can't even bring myself to admit it to him, because I'm too nervous about how a long distance relationship would turn out. How do you handle dating when you're so far away?
Somewhere along the line I decided that the best way to deal with my problem of getting over-attached was to not let myself get attached in the first place. I would still crush on girls occasionally and even think I was in love once, but I wouldn't let myself try and get too close. Now that I've grown a little bit older and wiser, I'm feeling like I stunted my development as a person so much by doing this. I'm scared that I learned to trust in myself and only myself so well that I can't trust in anybody else no matter how badly I want to. I'm so convinced that everybody will fuck me over if I do trust them that I don't tell anyone anything about what I really feel and it just builds up inside of me and stresses me out all the time. I've tried talking to a counselor about this and just talking to someone about it helped for a while, but every time I go back into the real world I realize that I'm still the same and they're still the same so talking doesn't really make a difference. The crazy part about it is that no one's ever really fucked me over. I have no good reason to feel the way that I do.
>>25234965
I thought this was what I wanted for a long time, and then I got it. If anything it just made me more miserable that I had someone that cared that much about me but I wasn't capable of reciprocating.
>>25235100
>I missed out on the best years of my life becuase I was too scared to try anything involving other people
I know this feel way too well man. Even back in middle school I didn't do team sports because I was so scared of sucking and getting embarrassed even though pretty much everyone sucked anyway.
>>25238725
Enjoy the ban you underage faggot
>>25238875
Assuming he's attractive and kind to you, it doesn't seem weird that you'd feel this way. A hot guy was nice to me and it gave me confusing feelings once as well.
IMO, it's not something you need to feel ashamed about.
Same feels, OP, minus the anime part.
>>25239100
> a hot guy was nice to me and it gave me confused feelings as well
It's a bit different when it's your little brother, bud. If this was some random guy I knew I'd have no problem getting over it, but this goes too far even by my standards. I don't want to be attracted to my brother, I want to have a normal relationship with him, and I have nobody to talk to about it irl (this thread is the first time I've admitted it ever).
I've convinced myself that having a romantic partner who loves and values me will solve all my problems, but in the back of my mind, I know it probably won't.
