Realization
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You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
Hello /r9k/
Lately I've finally been noticing how different I am from everybody around me.
To add some background, from as early as first grade I was made to participate in my school region's gifted program. Something about having a decent IQ and an absolutely absurd capacity for learning.
Anyway, I grew up being constantly told how "bright" I was and how much "potential" I had. Whenever I would slack off in school, my parents and teachers alike would all moan about how I was "wasting that big brain."
Of course, I always attributed that to the need for teachers and parents to make kids feel special, important, significant ad nauseam. I always believed that I had the same potential as everybody else, just that I perhaps expressed it differently from most.
Now, at age 19, I'm finally starting to see what they meant.
I've been in college for the past year. I've always been excited for college. It's an environment where many of the people are driven to actually perform well, unlike K-12 schooling. In addition, the instructors have no need to sugarcoat things and make people feel special.
It's a place where I can see how I actually stack up against other people, a place where I could even find people more mentally capable than myself. To find people who learn things more quickly and recognize patterns better than myself.
But, much to my surprise, that never happened. I still learn things far more quickly than others. I still have much higher output than literally everyone else.
Honestly, it feels pretty lonely. The obligation to "not waste my brain" is a bit too heavy for my liking as well.
There's nobody around to challenge me, and I have the potential to do things that very few others can.
It is lonely and I don't like it.
Anybody else have to participate in the gifted program when they were in school? Any related stories or thoughts?
>>25188767
>Anybody else have to participate in the gifted program when they were in school?
Yup. I was in pretty much the same position as you after my first year of college.
Turned out I wasn't really that smart at all though. I mean I probably have slightly above-average intelligence, but nothing special at all, what was seen as "bright" and "potential" was really just the fact that I cared about school and had a sufficient attention span to pay attention in class.
As soon as I got to 3rd and 4th year, when all the people who'd been busy partying and stuff for the last 10 years decided to give a shit and really apply themselves, I was distinctly average. Having considered myself superior for so long I hadn't developed much of a social circle and my life went to shit because I had nothing else and no-one.
tl;dr don't take yourself too seriously, you're probably not that special
I know that feel anon. I was in gifted programs all throughout school and always got straight As without studying. I have had my IQ tested twice. I won't say it because I don't want this to be an IQ circlejerk thread, but it was very high.
Everything in school, all school work, is just easy to me. Nothing is a challenge, and I like that. The only challenge I have is creativity- not that I'm not creative, it just feels like I need to make every creative thing I produce perfect.
I am thankful that it is that way. But I think it has ruined me. I think too much, and honestly, too fast. I have constant racing thoughts and anxiety that has been diagnosed as very, very severe. I have come to the conclusion that there is no point to being alive at all, and that anything I want to attain can't really be attained with intelligence and hard work.
So I give up. I will get a job, make good money for 20 years or so, maybe more, then retire and live a frugal life in a cabin in the woods.
Be carefull what you wish for, I was told throughout my childhood I was special, ginaly got into the best school in m country, realize I was pretty much as inteligent as everyone else there. Loosing my "special" status was kinda mind blowing for me, but it turned out fine, classes where really stimulating, shame I only noticed how many opportunitties I let pass by the end of it.
>>25188880
Yeah, I make sure to keep up somewhat of a social life and keep a few close friends. Talk to girls here and there. Intelligent or not, I'm pretty damn introverted so "social life" means hanging out with some classmates once or twice a month.
Thing with me was I never really tried in school. I had shit grades. I was just really good at tests and figuring things out. Always highest in county for standardized tests, and on the gifted entrance test thing I took in first grade I figured out division using nothing but the two example problems that already had answers filled in. We were still mastering subtraction at that time. I'm definitely special, just not in a way that will help me much outside of academics. So not in a way that matters.
>>25188881
I just plan to off myself when I eventually got bored of life, whenever that would be.
Speaking of IQ circlejerking, this one guy in our gifted program would lord his almighty 165 over my lowly peasant 138. He crashed a car while drunk recently and died. IQ doesn't mean anything if you are otherwise an idiot.
I guess when you actually start to learn something that you find interesting is when you will stop worrying about someone better/worse than you and you will just want to know more about that thing.
When you start to think more independent about that subject, when there is not something specific you should do to be better at it is when the challenge comes.
