What do I actually want from life?
It's getting really mentally taxing to just sit on computer every day.
With the realization that nothing exists beyond the physical, which is doomed to die out eventually anyway. There is nothing left to want, everything is worthless and fulfillment is unattainable.
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If I think too much my mind will face too many paradoxes. Brain acknowledges the universe but can't process it. My brain is like a computer that plays well when doing primitive things but when having to do really difficult tasks it stops working and errors will pop up.
Ignorance is a bliss truly. I consider myself as ordinary dumb person. I'm occasionally wise or clever but I certainly don't know everything. I know almost nothing.
When I can, I try to ignore thoughts and focus on food, sex/jerking, games, books, being lazy and stuff. When I'm feeling ambitious I feel good about everything and myself and I know I can do anything. The next morning I see myself doing the same patterned things like every day I'm alone. I have no discipline to stay off alcohol, junk food, slouching in my room doing nothing. Pleasure is too easy to get and I wallow in my mind with my painful thoughts.
The natural state of human mind is working, too busy to think anything else. I believe in natural balance. I want natural balance in my life.
Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"
