>>25144445
The only stuff I really enjoy writing is poetry and just freeverse musing. Very little is in a cohesive outlined text. And it comes and goes too. I'll have days where I want to write every thought I have and then days where I can't stand to write a single word.

why don't you go to /lit/ robot

I'm a writer, but never really got anywhere with fiction. I used to work as a traditional sports writer and now do PR copy, and in my spare time enjoy writing ridiculous gonzo reports of things and inflammatory reviews and editorials.

>>25144516

My main two boards are /r9k/ and /lit/ but I seen a thread about making music here the other day and it was all the robots from /mu/ in one place.

I like /lit/ but I feel more at home here...

>>25144445
who're your favourite authors?

>>25144445
do you have a throwaway email? we could be writing pals i-if you want..

Hey, I don't wanna sound like a dickrider but it's pretty cool, that you're trying. After I read Crime and Punishment I also played with the idea to write something. Currently I'm a friendless,hobbyless NEET and I always liked literature. My local newspaper hands out 1000 bucks every 3 months or so to the best short story submitted and I might give it a go, it's not like I had anything better to do.
Do you get any appreciation from those mags, even if you don't win?

>>25144569

McCarthy and Fante, no bully

>>25144536

How did you get into writing copy m8? I apply to ad places every now and again but never get any response.

My English has been called rambling, incomprehensible, and nonsensical, but at the same time, there were people who called accusers of mine of that illiterate.

>>25144445
im sure as a writer you read plenty, but maybe you should read more stuff and better stuff

I tried writing a sci-fy comedy a la The star diaries because those books were the only thing that could make forget about everything and be happy for some minutes, plus my native language literally has 0 serious sci-fi tradition. Then I remembered I'm always on the verge of breaking down and I'm not really funny.

Now I write my own dream journal.

>>25144595

I do - [email protected]

>>25144663

I think you should keep it up. I always just tell myself "If everything goes well, I have at least until I'm 65 before I die. I might as well keep writing until then. I either do or I don't and I'd hate to regret it if I didn't."

>>25144663
>literally has 0 serious sci-fi tradition

It's not nice to invoke 'literally' only to three words later let the reader down by revealing that you used the no true Scotsman of 'no serious sci-fi' anyway.

>>25144445
Not a dull read, I enjoyed it. Some initial thoughts:
>Be sure to re-read your passages every once in a while. Are there any extemporaneous details that might be better without? How is your pacing?

>Read through, and when appropriate, ask yourself: what is my reader wondering about the story at this point? Are there any character names, ages, dates or motivations that I've yet to mention? Is there a reason I'm leaving those to be resolved at a later point in the story?

None of this is to imply I'm any better than you, we're all learning. I've still got a long way to go myself.

>>25144605
It's a lot easier to transition from journalism. In my case, I was an automotive and auto racing writer, and ended up going to work for a small racing shop and parts manufacturer.

Once you have experience there, you start getting better offers. In my case, I actually quit and I'm back in school right now, because all of the better offers I got required a degree.

>>25144714

>Read through, and when appropriate, ask yourself: what is my reader wondering about the story at this point? Are there any character names, ages, dates or motivations that I've yet to mention? Is there a reason I'm leaving those to be resolved at a later point in the story?

Fuck... thank you for saying this. I always wonder this myself when I'm reading if the author has ever wondered what it's like to read their book as a new comer etc. but I've never imagined the same thing about my own stuff.

>>25144596

Nah they just send you a letter telling you thanks but sorry no.

Here's some advice Anon, shorten your sentences and cut out some unnecessary language. I get this might be part of your "style" but it makes bad difficult reading.

>E.g (gazebo)" that he himself had built"
(Why add himself there).
>"The tree in his yard had long since grown gargantuan and beneath the overgrowth a cold had settled into the place that slowly killed the grass and left only a frigid paddock of dirt that indicated some case of pneumonia in the earth." This is one sentence Anon, way too long. Let's try splitting it. How about something like:

The tree had long since overgrown the yard, and beneath a cold bad settled, slowly killing the grass leaving only a frigid paddock of earth. It was as if the earth had caught pneumonia.

Again I don't necessarily like that image but its much more readable now.

>>25145055
>a cold bad settled

What a nice postpositive adjective. One hardly sees those.

>>25144445
I gotta say anon, you write very well and I mean it! You set up the scene and mood in for the story very well in the beginning. Also there's something about the tone and flow of your narration that is very drawing, I was able to read without without trying its like the words were flowing. The narration style reminds me of an old book from my grandparents house, "The Hollows Den" or "Hollows" something (it was about animals living people's lives basically, with a frog, possum, and more if you wanna try to look it up. It was a classic)

If I were you, I would consider writing a book and selling it on amazon as an e-book. My mom did that. (Not going to answer any question bout that sorryyyy) but really I think you have a great voice, and the way you transition the characters from scene to scene and action to action is really great 10/10.

This could be a great introduction to a story for sure.

For the characters: I got a Tony Soprano vibe from the protagonist, (I.e. The strong silent type) so he's character seemed great even though you never went into depth. Again I know it's a short story, but this looks like a great beginning as well. There's a lot of family dynamics and issues you could cover with the characters you introduced here, such as a commentary on how young kids nowadays like the nephew are seemingly always zoned out (typical stereotype for the youths like us), or how there seems to have been some kind of possible tension between the brothers.

Again, all great stuff a million possibilities you can go with in the sample you gave us alone. 10/10 keep up the great work and give us updates sometime man! Now I'm gonna sleep because it's 3am here lol

>>25145622

Well this is one of the most encouraging things I've ever read anon so tyvm m8

>tfw feel like you're shit at writing
>tfw scared to post works of you actually trying
My English Professor likes my writing, but I want to write fiction. I'm sure I suck dick at writing in general.

>>25144445
I haven't read all of it, but critiquing writing is something I excel at. I've been studying to become an English teacher, and publishing a novel is something I plan on doing in the future.
Your writing style is needlessly complex and it almost sounds like you're rambling, at some points. It just doesn't flow well, for that reason.
>The tree in his yard had long since grown gargantuan
It was like you didn't know how to construct that sentence in a creative way, so instead, you went over to a thesaurus and found the word "gargantuan", thinking it was more sophisticated. A lot of amateur writers think that they can get away with writing things with a very basic syntax, so long as they litter their narrations with sophisticated vocabulary. It just doesn't work; someone who is experienced in writing and or proofreading can see right through it.
>The gazeebo, too, suffered: a useless shelter that he himself had built years before as a gift to his Mother who had always asked him for some shade in the backyard.
You're trying really hard, but it just reads awkwardly. This stuff has to be able to flow well out loud when you read it.
The main problem is that it's written in a way that I can only describe as awkward and confusing. I can't tell what's even going on half of the time. You have potential, anon, and I would recommend reading literature and paying attention to their syntax and vocabulary to improve your own writing.
I hope I didn't come off as an overly-analytical ass hole, either. I'm just assuming that you're someone who's willing to take brutally honest criticism, considering the fact that you've posted this on 4chan of all places.

>>25144445
I saw Midnight in Paris a few days ago. Some of the stuff in that movie resonated with me. Well, just the parts with Hemingway. Maybe give it a watch, OP?

>>25146444

Nah you didn't thanks mate, brutal criticism is the only kind worth hearing desu.

I will say though that you said it reads like I am "trying to hard" when honestly that whole first paragraph was probably what came most naturally to me, does this at all change what I should do to correct the awkward style of it?

>>25146563
From my experience, it doesn't matter what comes natural to you. What you should be focused on is achieving a finished product that reads and flows well.
Basically, just get a bunch of shit written down, directly from your head, then start making revisions. Making your writing flow well is something that takes years of practice and experience, and I would recommend reading professional literature and taking notes at how they do things. See, what you should be focused on is honing your skills so well that your "natural" way of writing is one with a sophisticated syntax that flows well.

>tfw academic with more non-academic publishing of weird shit under pseudonyms than academic publishing

>>25144445

I just write little chunks of whats on my mind when shit gets rough sometimes. I am more of an artsy fag, but writing has its own perks. I audibly cringe every time I read my shit though, its verbal vomit for most part and only little parts of it are somewhat coherent and with any kind of actuall meaning behind them.
I just have a little booklet in which I write whatever floats in my head, hoping that some day I can read through all of that and see actuall improvement.

Also like your style of writing, its pretty clean and tidy. But its really dull man, you manage to describe well, but there is no real movement in your text.