/depression/
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You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
/depression/ general
Share your story anons.
>>25127204
I think I have reached such a level of depression that it has become like a limp you just live with by now, like an old man with a cane. I call it gloom syndrome.
I realized I have pages and pages of shit written down. I'm attempting to make some sort of novella of it.
That's all I'm going off now.
>>25127204
man, the outside world is so annoying
I just want to sit in my room and be comfy forever
I've been depressed for close to a decade now. Every day I feel nothing. I have nothing. I am nothing. Distractions no longer work. I enjoy nothing.
I want to die and become nothing.
>>25127204
depression is a word used by normies
refrain from materializing it in your frontal lobe
use some other word
so i can freely say that depression is not real and piss off all the attention-whoring normies who claim they have the depression, without hurting people who actually feel very very sad
>>25127204
Nothing will ever go my way, and if I can't make myself happy, there's no point in trying.
>>25127204
Can depression cause tiredness? I mean I'm always tired. I've just slept 15 hours and only now I'm not so tired anymore.
>>25127204
i dun fucked up mane
I have depression from my schizophrenia. I feel so worthless and unable to do anything because my brain gets so scattered and I can't do anything and I hallucinate and I'm so withdrawn from everyone. I mostly keep to myself in my bed all day. I have a few hobbies like drawing, writing in my journal, reading, and playing instruments, so my depression hasn't gotten too bad. There have been months where I was unable to do any of them though. I'm kinda moving out of my slump now that my treatment is getting better.
I don't want to leave my slumber...
>Lost my girlfriend (who meant everything to me) who told me she doesn't love me anymore and cheated on me with some guy who uses her
>work a shitty min wage job that I'm over qualified for
>didn't get accepted for a career job that I interviewed for
>have no friends in life (gf was my best friend who I did everything with)
>video games don't even entertain me anymore
This is the lowest I've felt in a long time. Like the walls are closing in on me all around. I have nothing to do in my free time and I usually just spend it walking the local park by myself and reflecting on my life.
Kinda hit me when I was little, my parents got divorced and I was 7. Yeah, sounds like no deal, but I was living in a small farming town at the time and most of our family lived there. It was pretty much our whole world. Not being able to find a suitable income there, my mom took me and my 2 year old brother north to the city.
It was hard on all of us, living somewhere where we knew nobody. My mom, just did what she could to keep us afloat. I remember living in a shitty gated apartment complex, or series of apartments. It had all kinds of people. We had some Muslims living below us, Koreans and Vietnamese next to us. hardly anyone spoke a lick of English. I was a lonely kid, got my ass beat a couple of times.
All the while this, my dad is still seeing the women he was having an affair with and I guess was trying to figure out a suitable place to stay for when my brother and I spent the weekends with him. He eventually put two and two together.
>>25128159
>gf was my best friend who I did everything with
This is the worst feel, even before we started dating she was my closest friend and only female friend. And now I have nothing. But at least your case it's her fault so there is nothing you could do, in my case it's my fault and I am left with regret and anxiety.
>be me
>feel I'm a burden on my friends and others
>feel my friends don't even like being my friends anymore
>no gf
>fall in love with best friend who I have no chance with
>I haven't been talking to people for 2 days and my friends still don't try to figure out what's going on with me
>mfw
i died on the inside some time ago, now I just need to wait for the rest of me to catch up.
I've been having dreams about Her non stop. Last night we were the last two people on earth and she was still mad at me. I can't take this anymore I might just an hero near her house holding a framed picture of us just to make the guilt go away.
>>25128207
So he moved in with this lady and her four kids, I kinda got along with them. But not their mother, you can guess why. Anyway, a year or two passes and my mother notices something off about me, so she takes me to see some doctor, he says I got depression (It would later turn out that I was actually one of them ADD kids), so he puts me on anti-depressants. That shit fucked me up, I was having all these trippy terrible dreams within dreams and seeing shit. Mom takes me off them.
Elementary school was difficult, I was going to a place located in a wealthier part of the city (where all the high-middle class fuckers live). I get bullied for years, no friends for years. At least until middle school, I met Jimmy, kid got me into all the classic rock. ACDC and shit. Hung out with the "rockers" all the way through highschool. Around age 15, I got into anime, went throught a weeb phase for a while. Enter highschool, first two years were uneventful, towards the end of my sophmore year I met Niki. First love, we both were into the Beatles. You'll learn more about her later. Around this time, I wandered into the band room out of curiosity, there I met the band director, he greets me, asks me what I'm doing here. I just tell him I was curious, he asks if I'm interested in playing an instrument. From that point my life changed, I started to learn the violin, I was shit at though, I ended up switching to the trumpet because the band need more trumpet players. I have many fond memories of marching band.
>>25128557
Anyways, during the remainder of my highschool years I hung out with Niki and a couple others. Apparently it was obvious how into her I was, no one minded, they thought it was cute. Often compared me to a puppy. I tried and tried to win her over, but she apparently had a boyfriend she met on WoW. (yeah...) Took me a while to deal with that heartbreak. But in the past couple years, I learned that she came out of the closet. It makes sense now that I think about it.
Fuck, I dunno if I wanna keep going. Shits been pretty shitty lately...
This is the great lesson the depressive learns: Nothing in the world is inherently compelling. Whatever may be really 'out there' cannot project itself as an affective experience. It is all a vacuous affair with only a chemical prestige. Nothing is either good or bad, desirable or undesirable, or anything else except that it is made so by laboratories inside us producing the emotions on which we live. And to live on our emotions is to live arbitrarily, inaccurately - imparting meaning to what has none of its own. Yet what other way is there to live? Without the ever-clanking machinery of emotion, everything would come to a standstill. There would be nothing to do, nowhere to go, nothing to be, and no one to know. The alternatives are clear: to live falsely as pawns of affect, or to live factually as depressives, or as individuals who know what is known to the depressive. How advantageous that we are not coerced into choosing one or the other, neither choice being excellent. One look at human existence is proof enough that our species will not be released from the stranglehold of emotionalism that anchors it to hallucinations. That may be no way to live, but to opt for depression would be to opt out of existence as we consciously know it.
>have a deep obsession with death
>read all these books about it, ranging from mystical to scientific to philosophical
>write in my notebook all about the different realms of death and the death experience
>had a near-death experience a year ago that I keep reliving and imagining it and drawing the things I saw
>so sure that once I figure it all out I'm going to kill myself and reach the eternal void
Do you guys think I'm psychotic? I can't think of anything else but death and I get these hallucinations where I'm talking to dead people about their experiences. I don't want to talk to my family doctor about this.
>>25127204
Uhm.
I've reached the level whenyou are like... Not giving a fuck about anything?
I used to have many friends and luck with girls
I'm a robot so I'm virgin.. But you know.. Kiss with girls hang out a lot with friends you know the normie life.... I'm fat as fuck and short so you know the insecurity comes sooner or late... Finished high school and start college so all of my high school friends and girlfriends followed different ways.... I start college don't ask me why but with 0 friends... And being a really looser with girls.... Literally nobody gives a fuck about me so suddenly thus girl comes at the classroom and immediately I felt like a connection... You know the story, talk for hours and hours then she start sending nudes to me and I was like fap fap fap fap... Then one day she told me that he has boyfriend... And I was like but the pictures and dirty talk and shit... She didn't care.
My head is fucking hurting
so I still as a friend for her.. I'm an idiot, I know.
Finishes the college (I'm paramedic but I wanna study nurse next year)
And then again I came home really depressed about everything, colleges problems, no good universities wantto admit me.
And i was really sad so I talked to that girl send her about 10 lines about how sad I feel and I need advice about what to do and shit... And then.. She only text me back saying " hm it's hard" ..
Fucking really? I literally as a rock for her listen to all her shitty problems giving her advice went to her house when she was sad even that she had a boyfriend and the only time that I really need support and some kindly word or just a hug she just text me that shit.....
Now here I am. The last call in my cellphone is of my father.... The last message in my Facebook is of some cousin about 4 days ago
nobody to talk
nobody to tell my problems
I just want someone to talk... Just a hug.
Someone who I can rely one not afraid that she gonna be scared or let me down.... It sucks be alone
>23yo virgin loser filled with regrets
>Old Chad doc gives me Paxil and talks about his sex life and red pill tier stuff
>Tells me it increases libido
>After checking online it does the opposite most of the time
First time taking them.
>haven't felt any strong emotions caused by an outside source in months
>only real emotions are terror and sadness
>panic attacks where I believe the world isn't real
>might be psychotic but I haven't been diagnosed or seen a doc
>hard to talk to anyone
>can't relate
>so much in my head that I want to share
>nobody to share it with
>no gf
>no friends
>never held hands or had sex
>kissed a girl once when I was 15
>it was 31 years ago
there's no point
>>25129198
Damn that's tough.
>normal childhood except parents got divorced
>got a decent job with good pay
>everything still feels pointless
i dont know what the fuck is happening
sometimes i wish something bad had happened to me so i could blame it on something at least
i dont have any happy memories at all not even from when i was little, i was always being bullied by my sisters while my parents never cared enough to do anything
parents divorced when i was 5 and i was considering suicide at 8 before i probably even knew what it was
thats not that bad but i think unhappiness is just permanently implanted in my mind because of that
and im just disappointed with everyone these days they all got bad intentions and all females are unfaithful and slutty due to the oversexualization of them and i got out of a relationship with a girl i loved too much who didnt care about me and emotionally abused me and was unfaithful
