I closed my eyes.
Only for a second, but now the moments gone.
I feel like I've missed a train in the station of my life.
I've never felt like this before /r9k/.
Losing her feels significant, as if I've chosen the wrong path and the entire shape of my life has crumbled to the ground.
Hold me.
its ok anon.
we all get lost sometimes.
just remember not to make this mistake again.
you only get so many chances at getting your shit together.
before you end up broken.
we can just chill for a while though.
>>25111875
Thank you
This board is solace
>>25111975
we have to get up and work sometime anon.
cant mope forever.
but maybe not today.
ill stay here with you.
oh hey anon
come on
fine anon
we can do it again, cause i love you.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
more anon pleeeeeeeeease
phew
now did that change your life anon?
i enjoyed it too, but it didnt make me matter, except maybe to you.
what is there in life but the reasons why you matter?
this is why i matter right?
have i done anything in life aside from take care of this body?
but that's not an option for you anon.
and will even you keep caring for me if that's all i have?
im not sure either of us are going to find it.
it takes so much work.
and being with you makes it hard to see how important it is.
I cant help but make you feel like you matter.
Eventually we'll get to a place where we can imagine, maybe even desire a future without them in it.
We're gonna be fine, man.
and i want to be more than a piece of meat anon, even if that's not what you think.
and i dont think im going to get there.
with you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tH2w6Oxx0kQ
All we are is just dust in the wind
>>25111875
To be specific 2 chances.
After the 3rd you give up and don't want to fix anymore, it doesn't help obvisously.
good luck
and work hard.
and remember the good times
when you move ahead.
Are you going to kill yourself, or both of you?
>>25112749
its a pretty vague thing really.
i suppose i really only rebuilt my life once so its hard for me to say, but in the midst of that i made some big changes and felt hopeless regularly.
its odd though, even in those times i keep things going and dont just fall apart, like i thought might happen. but some things dont get better so maybe im broken in some small ways.
>>25112956
Not small if you can lose that.
>>25112956
You can only take so much punishment until you simply give up.
For me it was 3 times, the first two times I felt I could pick myself up, not that I was happy but I did it, I had no idea what to fix as I've never been told but I tried to project a a better me and live it.
Now I don't even want to try anymore, I just want meds or an end I'm not fixing this again I don't have the willpower to do it again.
But that is my personal opinion, maybe others have more willpower to fix themselves.
>>25113047
i never went the meds way, mostly out of fear that id never go back.
I dont think willpower is a real thing anymore.
what looks like willpower in other people is just good habits they have made. your habits are what gets you by when you start losing it.
i suppose in a way its true, i never have not imagined that i could be living better than i am today. but perhaps only in part due to "every day is worse that the last so when you see me its on the worst day of my life." being the norm for me.
>>25113029
you can lose anything so long as its not your liberty or your life and have it be worth it.
>>25112743
that's a fine piece of music and all but its like listening to the radio.
how about: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plUBhAf_dCQ
>>25113216
It seems that people that believe "Tis better to have loved and lost" are the same type that quotes Office Space.
Ever consider that losing something may be the last turn on the road to doing something that would cause you to lose your liberty or your life?
>>25113216
I were afraid of meds as well before, now I don't care.
I just don't want to feel like shit anymore, either I get the willpower to get meds by talking about how I feel to some stranger doctor or I'll end it all.
I'm not fixing this again, I don't want to work for years only to have it ruined within months again, I'm not doing that. It's not worth it!
>>25113319
what ever happens, love, loss, or anything, its better to do the best you can in the face of it.
when you are afraid to lose something, do you really have anything at all? its a state of paralysis. better to think you have nothing and appreciate what good things there are in life than to place your identity in something or someone else.
at the end of the day its about acceptance of risk, and most of the time people make such choices by not looking at them clearly. you start relationships in part by not thinking that someday it will make you want to die. the hard part is learning how to make the same choices while thinking about them clearly.
>>25113440
does someone support you?
I was a pathetic mess until i became independent, and a lot of things just slowly worked out from there.
pro tip, you will never stop feeling like shit. that is the human condition. changing your drugs until they work better helps though.
>>25113663
Continuing to trick yourself into thinking everything will be OK is why one can continue into a new relationship and the same reason why they will fail again.
>>25113804
Of course no one supports me.
I had a co-worker that mentioned he'd help me for a day then the rest of the week we didn't talk so I assume it was only to make me feel better.
No I have to look for help myself and get a proper diagonse or nothing will happen. Not that I expected anything else but I somewhere hoped I had support in this.
>>25113853
i have been single for about 5 years. the prospect of a partner doesnt thrill me like it used to but i still want it.
accepting risk isnt thinking it will turn out fine, its deciding the cost is acceptable. I know by experience what sort of cost it is, i just have to maintain awareness of it if i try to start a relationship. i think it will be hard, im avoiding it.
>>25114091
Why did it fail last time? How do you know it won't happen again? How do you know it won't be worse than the outcome you're willing to risk?
The only answer is to not want anything from them that you can't get from yourself. That way it doesn't matter if you don't have their money, or their domestic skills, or their love. Anything else is unpredictable.
>>25114041
i didnt mean emotional support, nobody cares about how you feel.
If you support yourself than the next step is to make your work secure enough that you can say no if you need to and not be afraid of losing your income.
im sure you can work on your medical situation, just dont rush.
>>25111664
iktf bro
It honestly never goes away, just dulls over time. Even when you're with someone who makes you happy, someone you really ought to love even harder than her, you never really love anyone more than her, and you lay awake at night, sometimes, next to the new girl, the girl who's really better objectively and loves you infinitely, and you'll think about her, the one that left.
It's tough but again, it dulls over time. Like a fresh, deep wound hurts like hell, but years later it just twinges every now and then.
>>25114210
>How do you know it won't be worse than the outcome you're willing to risk?
that is a silly question, the nature of risk is that you just dont know.
you're close enough to the truth. i had no future of my own, and through it all i learned that you have to take responsibility for your future to be able to act as a real person and if there is a next time i will go into it with that understanding and find out if it makes a difference.
in any case im not emotionally dependent anymore, so i imagine i will manage.
its odd how alluring it is to emotionally invest yourself in another person. not a good way to live, but so cozy.
nobody can have it all i guess.
>>25114274
I kind of discard myself as I don't see myself worth more then bare minimum.
I want to change that and get a feeling of self worth but I can't do that alone.
So at the time I mearly work five days a week and wish I were at work during the weekends as I have a place to be, a task to do, something to fullfill my life.
I have no life outside of work I wish I did but I can't bring myself to fix it despite wanting meds as I would seem weak and perhaps discarded for someone else.
>>25114671
i know that feeling man.
dont try to have self worth, try to do worthwhile things. i used to thing that meant doing special or different things, but really simple stuff is what is actually important most of the time.
>>25114671
take it easy man.
i wish you the best.
>>25114478
Of course it's a silly question, they're all intended to be unanswerable.
wowooo
you're a faggot, please go.
