A bearded wizard allows you to go back in time to your 11th Birthday. You can bring 5 piece of paper, each containing one advice to your younger self. Once in the past, you'll lose all of your "future" memories and skills, except for those 5 pieces of paper, that you'll know be from your future self. What do you write?
I'll start:
>kiss her when you have the chance
>kiss her when you have the chance
>kiss her when you have the chance
>kiss them when you have the chance
>kiss her when you have the chance
>BUY APPLE STOCKS
>BUY GOOGLE STOCKS
>BUY YAHOO STOCKS
>BUY FACEBOOK STOCKS
>KISS SABRINA, SHE LOVES YOU
>>25106450
This, if you're not using the information from the future to make huge profits you're a complete fucking moron and don't deserve to go back in time
>LOL FUCK YOU FAG
>>25106384
>lose weight
>dont go on 4chan
>study harder
>force yourself to be social, even if you dont like it
>kill yourself
>>25106465
>>25106450
pretty much, when i was 11 i didn't give a shit about girls. always had the 'find suitcase full of money' fantasy so i'd just go for the $$$
>>25106450
>>25106465
>>25106504
what if your time-traveling is the butterfly that eventually make that timeline's Google/FB/etc bankrupt?
>Kylo Ren Kills Han Solo
>The villain at the end of Fallout 4 is your son and you have to kill him or nuke Boston
How big are these pieces of paper? Can I use 4 of them to encode a ton of information, and then use the 5th piece as instructions on how to decode the other pieces?
Also your advice is literally shit.
>>25106534
Well, then nothing happens and I'd pretty much in the exact same situation as right now. Exept that I took my chance with the girl I love most.
>on September 11, 2001, 2 planes crash into the Twin Towers in New York. Stop it dude.
>Start getting ripped dude.
>Never EVER hate any of the rednecks at high school, they are the most important people you will meet in life.
>when you move, talk to that Medditerian girl with black hair, and don't let her get away.
My final piece of paper would be the lyrics for every major song in that was written after that day. followed by
>use that voice dude.
>It doesn't get better
>it only gets worse
>there's nothing you can do about it
>don't live your life trying to make others happy, it doesn't pay off.
>just kill yourself.
>>25106572
>bought tons of companies stocks
>companies bankrupt
>"Well, then nothing happens"
jesus christ sometimes I think you act this retard on purpose
>Get with that qt3.14 you meet in 2010
>Work hard in school so you don't have to do it twice
>Get to gym earlier
>Don't pussy out of banging the yummy mummy in October 2015
>Force yourself to socialise at college
>>25106653
Yeah, but these companies are (or will be, in this scenario) pretty much the pillars of western civilisation, it would be pretty unlikely that the shares suddenly drop.
And if they start losing value gradually (which they probably wouldn't either) one could still sell one's shares, maybe even with some minor profit.
>>25106540
GOD DAMNIT FUCK YOU
USE SPOILERS NEXT TIME YOU FUCK
FUCKKK
>>25106783
TOPKEKTOPKEKTOPKEKR2D2 reactivates at the end and provides the missing piece of the map that leads to Luke
Have you seen Shutter Island?
>don't study botany
>buy _____ stock
>You're not weird your just depressed
>everything gets better after highschool
>put time into your friendships or they will wither
>kill yourself
>it's never gonna get better
>trust me I know
>you are inferior
>kill yourself
A 10 page essay on why I should stop caring about girls, childish things, video games, cartoons, etc and start exercising and become a high speed spec ops operator.
>>25106384
Why can't you just put all the advice on one piece of paper? No, none of this makes any sense.
>>25106783
be glad he didn't tell you Kylo is Han's sonwhoops
>don't get fat
>start lifting earlier
>step away from the ps2
>talk to girls
>join some sort of sport team
>>25106384
>don't be a fucking idiot in front of Kristin
>(winning lottery numbers from at least one big draw)
>don't let people get to you and turn you into a secluded fucking hermit afraid of everything
>spending too much time on the internet/videogames is a bad idea
>fuck Skynet, 4chan needs to be prevented from existing
>>25106450
>11year old goes to parents
>buy stocks
>lmao no
Way to waste your wish
>>25106561
This fucking guy. Get the hell off r9k, you smart.
>>25106893
Honestly this is a much worse spoiler,
I'm glad I've seen it already
>be born white
>be born taller
>be born with parents
>be born with facial aesthetics
>be born with better genetics
>be born with higher iq because I can't count
>eat more you skinny fuck
>wank less
>go to a different college and pick physics
>no one acctually cares about you so get out and emotionally disconenct yourself while you still can before it has detrementing effects on your mental health and you are left in a metaphorical pit of despair and regret where you cannot go any other direction with your career and your opinion on humans is stagnated to a point where it cannot be redeemed as your life choices are the epitome of retarded
>sleep more
>>25106384
>Start doing drugs at 15
>Never talk to Josefine
>Didn't you fucking hear me, don't talk to Josefine
>Do construction in HS, work for dad instead of IT
>That night then you where about to jump, do it, you where right about it and everything went to shit
>>25109656
Who is Josefine?
>>25109817
Soulless bitch that lured my 17 year old self into 3 years of hell
>END
>YOUR
>LIFE
>RIGHT
>NOW
>>25106384
>just be urself
>just be urself
>just be urself
>just be urself
>just be urself
You will get Rachel, she is an ok chick.
Tell a close fiend misogyny is not ok
Keep you hair short.
Demand better at least live in you grandparents basement instead of their couch.
Be confident and engaged with the world around you move away from your home town.
>Radios are cool and all, but will become obsolete soon, the internet becomes the new HAM. So try to fix up more computers than radios, those skills become very useful if you wind up where I am
>Dad will kick you out of the house if you flunk highschool. I know, it doesn't seem like he would, but he does. Try to get them to get you adhd meds school
>Don't agree to move away from Pennsylvania, you will never make friends in New Hampshire, you could be normal if you stay down there
>Alyssa ends up being really hot, so get your ass off of your gamecube, soldering iron, radios, whatever the hell your on, and and go do something with her
>If you do still wind up in New Hampshire, Junior year in Chemistry, LET LISA BE YOUR FUCKING LAB PARTNER YOU IDIOT! SHE WALKS RIGHT UP AND ASKS YOU AND YOU SAID YOU'D RATHER WORK WITH MIKE LIKE HOLY SHIT NIGGA ARE YOU DUMB!
>Buy Bitcoin
>They get divorced, just roll with it
>You're too autistic for Eliza, either don't try or get less autistic
>never trust Nate
>commit harder, and you'll be able to grow thing successfully, but if you're lazy it will fall apart.
Jump out of the window.
Jump at the train.
Drown in the river.
Get in a car crash.
Before it's too late.
>>25106384
>brown eyes
ew
>Keep up with school
>Buy a day planner
>Plan everything down to the fifteen-minute mark
>Start your 401k
>Save 10% of every dollar earned
>never stop talking to joey and them
>dont talk to people you meet on the internet more than once EVER (most important)
>date ashley in 8th grade shes gna be hot as fuck next year and shes soo down for u
>in 7th grade smoke that weed with your homie on halloween and if you like it (you will) when your ready look for the yellow house behind the krystal on ur jewish friends street downtown and ask them for bud
>dont tell anyone but your closest friends you do drugs
>stop trying to act edgy, it doesn't make you look look cool I makes you look autistic
>actually talk to her
>socialize with people at school
>don't become a sheep
>kill Donald Trump
>Don't waste your youth being a nerdy neckbeard
>Study mechanics or something, event though mom tells you not to
>Don't waste your time on J, she becomes a SJW
>Make a move on K as soon as you meet her, don't get friendzoned
>Buy bitcoin
>>25106384
I know what I would say but it would probably be useless without context or I probably wouldn't heed it.
> don't go to the school you went to
> don't ever get complacent
> stop being a cunt
> get out there
> leave a scar
>buy bitcoin immediately
>sell at 900
any other answer is wrong
>>25111926
This. If you invested $100 in bitcoins and sold at $1 = 1309.03 btc then sold it at 1124.76 per BTC you'd have $147,234,458.28. Imagine a year's salary working some shitty job going completely towards bitcoins. You fucks live in mommy's house anyway, so working part time at McDonald's at minimum wage for a year you could invest about $10,000 after taxes and have $14,723,445,828. You'd be about 1/5 as rich as Bill Gates after working part time at McDonald's for a year and see that return in 4 years. If you needed to cash out a little early, you could sell some high and buy back in later when it drops low. Just write three peaks including the all time high in 2013, then 3 valleys including the all time low. You could easily be a trillionare if you work hard enough. I was 11 in 1997, so if I had started saving at 14 when I first started working, I'd have 9 years worth of savings.
>>25106384
Dude, that information would totally fuck with the series of events. You might think the chance was earlier than it actually was in your current history and you could end up fucking things up horribly.
Things probably wouldn't have been that different for you anyway. There's no one magic moment in life where everything would have turned out different. At least, not for most people.
>>25106561
Let's assume it's 5 prices of wide ruled notebook paper
>>25106384
>ask people to hang out with you with extreme frequency. Get a regular hangout group.
>hang out with the cool kids, don't be afraid they're pretty cool!
>Ask girls on dates, don't be afraid of rejection or awkwardness about parents having to drive you.
>pay careful attention to trends and have confidence to dress stylishly and get a good haircut
>do your schoolwork, and look into doing extra courses that are actually interesting and worth the time of someone of your intellect
>>25106743
>banging the yummy mummy
Does that mean what I think it means? Did you almost ear enough good boy points to get the big one?
