When I was seven my friend's dad wiped my ass. Another time I walked in on him taking a naked dump on the toilet.
>>25088635
doesn't everyone get naked when they shit? it's so liberating and makes the shitting more comfortable
>>25088677
What would be the point? It takes 30 seconds to take a shit max. You'd spend more time getting undressed than actually sitting on the toilet
>>25088677
>doesn't everyone get naked when they shit?
god I fucking hate normies
Why the fuck did he wipe your ass?
I write fan fiction.
>tfw no real dark secrets other than jacking off to cartoons
>>25088700
>It takes 30 seconds to take a shit max
what?
I shit for half an hour at minimum. its usually in the evening and I also take a shower after it.
I will never understand how people can take a shit and just go on with their day without washing their smelly shitty asshole properly with soap and water
>>25088717
I wasn't taught how to, anon. I bent over into a hand stand position and he wiped my ass.
>>25088746
Holy fuck I'm laughing
What was his attitude about it?
>>25088763
This was the mid 90s anon. Things were different back then. You'd wipe the neighbor kid's ass and think of it nothing more than being a neighbor.
He just did it and we both went about our ways.
>>25088744
Not everyone has diarrhea every poo
>>25088744
>not taking a shit while you're in the shower
>>25088806
even if you have the hardest, driest, most solid shit ever it still leaves residue on your asshole and in your asshair
how can people be so nasty?
>be me in the 2nd grade
>friend had the Japanese "naked misty" pokemon card
>friend threw sleepover
>I find the card then bring it to my sleeping bag
>start rubbing my dick against
>friends dad walks
>asks me what I'm doing
>I say nothing
>he asks me what I'm hiding
>I pull out the card with urine droplets on it
>he accuses me of trying to steal
To this day my friend still doesn't know I was trying to fuck his pokemon card
I drank some of my friends piss. He didn't know.
>>25088677
>doesn't everyone get naked when they shit?
no, nice dubs though.
>those people that are so bad at time management that they sit stall-to-stall with other people taking a dump at work.
Fucking why? How can you take people seriously when you're shitting in the same room and audibly farting and splashing and stinking?
>>25089038
what the fuck does time management have to do with that?
the whole gravity of health class didn't sink in til I was 13 and hanging out with friends one time.
>summer vaction
>they wanted to go swimming in the river
>we all went down to the river
>no one had a swimsuit so we were gonna go skinny dipping
>after we all started stripping i saw one, a penis. then all of my friends penises.
>it was at that point it occurred to me that I was the only girl in my friend group and I suddenly got kinda embarrassed about being naked in front of a bunch of guys.
in retrospect I always knew I was kind of a slow kid but this story always makes me cringe over how slow I was.
>>25089055
Why would anyone willing choose to shit in public? I can count the number of times I've shit in public on one hand because I know how to allocate time to shit at home like a human rather than shitting on demand like some barn animal.
>>25088635
in middle school me and my friends all used to go to our one bros house to jerk off together. he had found his dad porn stash.
we would all don a blanket, mostly, and group jerk. and wipe or fling the cum where ever like animals.
one time i used a condom to jerk off into, to see how it felt had never done it, and i just shoved the condom like between the cuhsoins.
later that night his dad finds it and he tells him it was me.
his dad called me, made me tell my parents and then talked to them because he worked as a psychaitrist.
best childhood ever
>>25089141
did you poop on them
>>25088635
I PEE sitting down
>>25089234
Mudslime shitskin detected.
>14
>slept over at my asian friend's house
>really sleepy and don't know where bathroom is
>have semi morning wood
>walk into his parents' bathroom
>his mom comes in and sees my 7 inch dick that was hard but looked flaccid and just stares
>>25089255
Sitting. Not squatting, fuccboi
>>25089148
People who shit at work aren't doing it on demand. It's the opposite. They have to go then so they do.
I can just imagine you hunched over and sweating as you obsessively write out a shit schedule.
>>25089313
Dune coons are not allowed to pee standing. They have to either sit or squat.
Kill yourself, Mohammed.
I had an obsession with my dad's penis as a child. When he was asleep I'd sneak around, pull down his underwear and look at it and touch it. One time I even licked it.
>>25088635
>>25088746
>when I was seven my friends dad wiped my ass
>I wasn't taught how
>bent over in a handstand position
>>25089336
I have a supreme diet and have trained my body to dispense one log per day approximately one hour before bedtime. How chaotic your life must be - unable to control your bodily functions.
How the fuck do you people shit with clothes on? I feel more comfortable shitting naked because I get to put my feet up on the wall and shitpost on my tablet.
I have vivid memories of being stalked and taken by aliens as a kid. I don't tell most people because I don't want to come across as insane, and because the ensuing sleep-deprivation did things to my sanity at the time, and I kinda want to think that it was just that.
I'm not the first person in my family to meet them, and I sometimes wonder if having kids will mean that they're the next in line for a visit.
I did disgusting, filthy things when I was a kid to make myself unsanitary, undesirable, and potentially dangerous to them.
They scared the shit out of me, but the fear and terror at the very thought of them has always been paired with fascination and attraction. Now that I'm older, I miss them, and sometimes I wonder if the decline and apparent cessation in frequency of the visits meant that I was a shitty test subject, which is ironic because that was the fucking point of what I was doing.
Sometimes I wonder if me being so different neurologically and this having happened have anything to do with one another, and I've genuinely entertained the possibility of not being fully human.
>>25088635
Is this jake? Fucking faggot.
>>25089409
You'd better stop posting.
>>25089636
Considering how many people born in '93-'94-ish have the name "Jacob" or "Jake," it's a wonder that we don't use posts like this just to invoke lulzy paranoia on the part of posters.
>>25089440
top fucking lel senpai cuck desu
>>25089682
Jake detected
>>25088700
Actually my average time is 4 minutes.
>>25088635
>be 10
>like to blowdry my whole body after a bath to warm up
>sister's friends are over, they're like 2 years older
>I'm only in my tidy-whities warming up my penor
>sister's friend opens the bathroom door, I quickly look her way in shock
>we're both paralyzed for a moment, I'm just waiting for her to leave or something
>she walks in and closes the door, takes the blow-dryer from me (I kind of let her)
>she starts blowdrying my body but keeps putting it too close on my skin. she says hold still
>I let her do it, she continues enjoying the brief moments of pain when she puts it too close
>she was about to try it on my eyes but that the limit for me so I tried grabbing the blowdryer
>she grabs my arm tightly and sinks her nails in until I stop resisting
>blowdries my eyes for a moment, it hurts, then she gets me on all fours and starts my back
>sits on me but I feel weak somehow so i'm now flat on the floor, I start to silently cry
>once she notices she starts apologizing and tells me she's sorry
>she says I can do it to her too but I tell her i dont want to and I want to go to my room
>she makes me promise not to tell anyone before I can leave and keeps saying sorry
>cont
>>25089671
I'm not american you idiot
>>25089671
I didn't post anything illegal
>>25090001
And that's ladies and gentleman what you call ablow job
>>25089455
Do you actually feel superior because you have mastered the art of shitting?
>>25090058
>laughing_elf_man.xlsx
I'm the father of my best friend's sister.
>>25088744
>without washing their smelly shitty asshole properly with soap and water
You talk a lot of shit for a dehydrated piece of shit. You do realize that your asshole starts to stink like 2 mins after you exit the shower, right? Unless you use an enema, your asshole will never been clean.
>>25090146
your mum licks it clean for me lad
>be me
>be 13
>practicing for girls with friend in his bathroom
>our tampons get shit on them and I dare him to smell mine and push it into his face
>he gets my poop on his lips and nose
>>25090205
>our tampons get shit on them
how is this "practicing for girls"
>>25088635
did he finger your tiny Virgin boipucci ?
>>25088802
then why the fuck did you come here crying about it you big baby, need some victim points to pass your final?
>>25090246
you no how I no your a virgin
I sucked my friend's dick when i was 6
>>25090325
because I think it's funny.
>>25090001
>cont
m8 get on with it
>>25088746
>SEVEN YEARS FUCKING OLD
>CAN''T GRASP THE CONCEPT OF USING PAPER TO CLEAN SHIT FROM YOUR ASS
>>25089622
I don't think it's insane. I'm sure I saw aliens when I was a kid. They might have been watching me, but they never did mess with me. Not that I remember
>>25090205
>Putting tampons inside your ass
>practicing for girls
ye sure
>>25090439
>being a jealous hater
>Summer between 3rd and 4th grade
>Go over to a friend's house for a play date
>Friend has another friend over
>He likes the other friend better so they were ignoring me and basically being dicks to me
>Friend's sister, 1 or 2 years older, notices me crying and invites me to play with her
>O-ok
>We go into her room and play with dolls and shit
>She mentions in conversation that she has never seen "a real-live wiener."
>I respond that I have never seen a real-live vagina. At the time, I had no idea what a vagina even looks like, just that it's the girl version of a penis
>You-show-me-yours-I-show-you-mine
>Turns out a vagina is a hole, approximately the size of my wiener
>I say "I wonder if my wiener fits inside your hole"
>We try it
>Turns out it does fit
>Leave it in for a couple seconds then I said it feels funny and we go back to playing with dolls and shit
And that is how I lost my virginity by accident at age 9. At the time, I had no idea what sex was, and I had no idea of the significance of it. To this day, I still don't know if she knew what she was doing. The next time I had sex, I was 22.
>>25088746
INDIA
N
D
I
A
>>25090025
>Normies: The Board
>be 15
>Dad has a hot tub
>enjoying the jets and decide to move around to try the other seats
>move across the volcano jet in the middle of the tub
>whatsthis.jpg
>volcano penetrates my ass
>actually feels good
>work it for a few minutes and play with the pressure settings
>get bored after a while and get out of the tub
>now I have to shit
>go to the bathroom
>start spraying water out of my dilated asshole
>tfw I unknowingly gave myself an enema
>>25090934
haha i did that at a water park when i was like six with one of thos gysers
>>25088635
Sticked my dick in my 4 year lil sister mouth when I was 12 now Im 20.
Tried to rape my sleeping cousin.
Applied food on my dick then try to me dog to lick it.
