Feel thread
Images are sometimes not shown due to bandwidth/network limitations. Refreshing the page usually helps.
You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
Why are you all so fucked up?
Did your parents never love you?
Give me some feel greentext.
>be me
>parents at work
>take cactus from living room
>forcefully shove it up my ass
>parents walk in on me cleaning up the blood
>tell them I'm an edgy cutting faggot
>mom died in march
>2 dogs died in July
>still no gf
>about 4 in flaccid, 6 in erect
>senior year of high school
>always been a forever alone loser, really want to change my life for the better
>finally man up
>ask kind of cute but dorky shy girl out to prom one day in science class
>she smiles and actually says yes
>feel absolutely amazing, like I'm really starting to turn my life around and become a man
>night of prom comes
>go with my best bro and his date, best fucking night of my life
>we return to his parents home, parents are out
>take girl to unoccupied room
>start making out
>she starts undressing
>pop a chubby
>she starts unzipping my pants and taking them off
>sees my dick
>starts LAUGHING
>stands and runs to door
>cracks it open and starts shouting "ANON HAS A SMALL DICK COME LOOK AT THIS" over and over while still laughing her ass off
>mfw
That shit seriously traumatized me. Haven't gone on a single date since in years.
>mom was alcoholic, dad divorced her after she became abusive with me when I was less than two years old
>he got full custody
>when I did see her occasionally she was drunk
>told me she didn't care about me
>blew smoke in my face
>put me in car and drunk drove, almost killed me in car accident
>5th grade crush told me I was sick for having strong feelings for her
>9th grade crush said she felt the same way, then never talked to me again
>10th grade crush, I got to be pretty good friends with, asked for her number to text her, she laughs at me, never talks to me again
>get internet gf
>date for two years
>she cucks me
>gave me herpes
>no longer feel attracted to women
>just write stories about me and a fictional good mom to feel some semblance of pure female affection/love
Why are women so cruel.
>>25041095
You should have killed her anon, I think that is the only situation in which I would actually hit a woman not in self defense.
>Parents are very good friends with another couple for years before I was born
>Year after I was born the couple have a daughter
>Best friends for years, live close and grew up together
>When I'm in my teenage years parents decide to emigrate to another country taking me along
>The couple decides the same and take their daughter
>Abroad, no friends, barely speaking any English, she's my only friend and support since all my old friendships have ended abruptly
>Years pass, we're still good friends and love starts to develop
>We're about 15 at the time
>Feeling is mutual
>Become a couple
>Together as a couple for 4 years, through ups and downs but always manage to get through because our relationship has been forged for our entire lifetimes
>She decides to go to art college and become an artist ( always loved to draw )
>Get into the college she wants
>Suddenly turns into an unsufferable cunt with superiority complex
>Stops talking to me
>It was 4 years ago
>Still miss her and can't get over her. Seeked help with professional and it still didn't help
>I can't even look at women as a gf material anymore for some reason
>It's getting worse with each passing day
>>25041115
Jesus.
>hurr durr You have been muted for 2 seconds, because your comment was not original.
>>25041234
How the hell could someone do that, how horrible.
>>25041234
I feel you anon.
I have a question.
Lots of women talk off hand about
>oh where have all the good men gone
but they always end up with guys a month or two later.
But you see so many guys who are crushed and damaged by women to the point where they are incapable of imagining dating ever again.
Why is this? Is it just bias from posting/browsing here, or is this a real phenomenon?
For example, all three of you
>>25041115
>>25041095
>>25041234
seem to have been damaged beyond all repair.
What gives?
>>25041400
When they're young they want to party and just be in the centre of attention. They might be alright in their teens but once they get closer to 20s it triggers. So all the calm guys get thrown the fuck out and get their hearts crushed. Then the girl is chasing after all the cool guys only to end up in the position, they put the calm guys ,themselves. Then they want all the calm guys back but they're either crushed beyond repair or already with someone else. That's my opinion anyway.
>was a cheeky cunt in elementary school, sort of the class clown but the type that keeps it low-key so I didn't ever push it too far and get in trouble
>bullied in 6th grade
>completely changed my personality and made me shy, quiet, and introverted
>also had an an unrealistic view of relationships
>thought that by just telling a girl I was interested in her, she would at least give me a chance
>in 8th grade I gave a cute girl that was in some of my classes a love letter
>I can still remember the gist of it, always makes me cringe
>she never responds to it obviously, 2 years later she sent me a message on Facebook addressing it and apologizing for not knowing how to react
>whatever, it was dumb kid stuff, gave me some angst but nothing serious
>in 11th grade I met a girl in the theater department, probably the first girl who ever actively tried to talk to me
>even my socially retarded self can see that she's into me
>hang out with her outside school
>she becomes the first person I can get into hours-long texting conversations with
>she asks me to be her bf
>say yes
>literally the best months of my life
>she breaks up with me because she has 'commitment issues' and is going to therapy for it
>lm sad, but not super sad
>a month later she starts talking to me again
>eventually asks me to give her a second chance, that she's thought about it and she's tired of being afraid of serious relationships because she doesn't want to lose me
>say OK, second chance
>few more months
>she abruptly stops talking to me when she goes off to college
>no texting, no talking, nothing
>never even a formal goodbye or explanation, she was just gone
>depressed for almost a full year
>mostly over it now and trying to get back in the game in my first year of uni, but it's hard and I feel like I've developed trust problems of my own
>its only my determination to not be like her that prevented me from turning into a redpill
>>25041234
TIME TO MAN UP, BITCH
>>25041686
>>25041784
Man up and do what, exactly? I think I have tried everything I could at this point
BUCKLE UP, BLOG POST INCOMING
Mommy Issues:
>mom was tiny and got VERY sick when I was born, needed a C-section, I almost died, fever in the "definitely dead" range, multiple infections, stitches reopened a lot after that
>dad says she changed completely after that; listened to different music, talked differently, laughed at different jokes, dressed differently, had a different attitude, and became more viscous and unstable
>somehow all the fevers and infections and being on the brink of death for so long changed her
>he considers the day I was born to be the day she died; considers me to be all that's left of her
>dad told her she could call me when she was sober for a year, haven't heard from her or seen her since I was 7
>she's in prison now and I haven't seen her in over a decade; I can't remember her face, but oddly, her voice is something I remember vividly
>she's done hard drugs, threatened people with guns, fought six buff metrocops at once as a 4'11" female, carjacked, stolen, initiated standoffs with law enforcement more than once, and skipped bail to my knowledge, and honestly I don't even know what he's locked up for
>despite that, I can remember her reading me stories to go to sleep, singing "good morning to you" to wake me up, singing "you are my sunshine" to me, making me dinosaur egg oatmeal for breakfast, playing with me, and breaking into the local school's playground to use the swings and look for animals in the clouds
>somehow I'm torn between believing that she's truly gone and I never really knew her, and knowing that she really did love me and that some tiny spark of who she was might still exist
>not really sure whether to contact her or not for closure; conscious of the fact that she's threatened to murder her own kin before and not sure whether I'd actually be in danger if I met her
>it's borderline psychotic-sounding, but somehow I've always felt like she was with me, and I swear I can feel her
more gf feels?
>quiet introvert with no desire to talk to people in school
>meet cute girl who wasn't interested in me at first
>feel strangest desire to pursue
>she plays video games so we have a common interest
>play lots of mmorpgs together and start down the cheesy path towards romance
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>finally open up and tell her all of my feelings
>date for a year and things are going well
>both of us struggled with depression but I did everything I could to help her through it
>gave me the standard "you saved my life... I don't know what I could do without you"
>go off to college and the distance strains us a bit, but we pull through
>come back and notice she's acting cold
>feelsbadman.jpg
>she stops coming over when I ask her on to and won't even go on a date
>stops talking to me entirely for a couple of days
>try to ask what's wrong and get "I haven't even talked to my friends, anon. Leave me alone"
>tell her that I'm more important than her friends and she should trust me
>breaks up with me that night
>feel really lonely and sad about it, cry pretty much every night
>call her and ask her if she'd give me a second chance
>she says "we should both see happier and more /dominant/ people"
>the dominance part burns and emasculates me
>never talk to her again
>follow her social media for a while and see posts about how you should never date "sad white boys", how I never sexually satisfied her, and how she did everything in the relationship
It was 7-8 months ago, and I haven't been able to feel any desire for another woman. It's not even about wanting her back. I just feel pretty redpilled at this point. Oh well hope it was a good enough feels read : ^ )
>unruly child
>always crying and getting into fights
>get tested for autism
>nothing came out of it
>become depressed after 16 years old
>shortly after I turned 18
>parents told me in a casual conversation that I probably had autism but they didn't want a diagnosis
>go to doctor for my depression
>diagnosed with aspergers
If it weren't for them I could've had proper guidance and help but instead people treated me differently not for having autism but for not having it and still acting weird.
>>25042153
>the last time I saw her, she read me Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone to put me to sleep
>a story about a dead mother's love magically still watching over her son
>Jesus fuck
From Slightly-Sad to Cinderella:
>lived with my grandparents until I was 7 because my dad was always working and single; saw him on his days off
>life already bittersweet because of how things were with my mom and dad, but still pretty damned happy at this point
>grandparents spoil the fuck out of me, I'm an only child, my dad working means I get to go to a fancy-ass private school, I've got perfect grades, I'm regarded as a fucking genius, they want me to skip three years, I have lots of friends and even a little girlfriend I can smooch, I can practically get away with murder, all I do is read and play vidya and watch TV and stay up late and ride bikes and go swimming and eat popsicles
>dad gets remarried
>I immediately change schools, leave my childhood home, leave my childhood guardians, lose contact with all my friends, lose a lot of my belongings,
>I get two little sisters and a stepmom, and we all move in with my dad in this shitty house without fucking cable or anything
>stepmom is fucking EVIL
>she hates the fact that she thinks I'm "spoiled," she's proud of being "ghetto," she thinks that I'm "a little shit," and she mockingly calls me "little prince"
>have to clean floors, do dishes, vacuum my room, mop, vacuum the stairs, clean the doorknobs, faucets, fixtures, showerhead, shower controls, shower drain, dust, clean the windows, clean the railings, wash my door (what the FUCK?), wash my walls, clean the toilet, clean the sink, clean the tub, clean the tile, clean the stove, clean the countertop, and make my fucking bed on top of it
>no longer even allowed to go outside, still heavily criticized for sitting around inside
>>25042524
nigga you just a retard looking for excuses
>>25042531
>she hurls constant emotional abuse, lies about me to shame me in front of other adults, calls me names, punishes me for no reason, punishes my sisters and my dad to get at me, and tells me to go run away and find my mommy if I don't like it
>she tells me to fucking run away and find my mommy
>what a cunt
>in addition to this, my dad beats the ever-loving shit out of me every day to every other day for the slightest infractions
>grandparents never hit me
>seriously, I got hit for "staring into space" and for spilling Gatorade
>beaten into the floor until I was shaking and pissing my pants, in front of everyone, while my stepmom smiled in glee, explicitly, according to my dad, to satisfy my stepmom even though he didn't think I did anything wrong
>picked up by my hair and beaten
>beaten against the wall
>explicitly threatened with blood loss and permanent disfigurement
>denied food as punishment
>screamed at on top of it and made to feel worthless
>pretty much beat me at stepmom's behest or whenever he was mad at me
>throttled
>given bruises and a black eye
>stepmom worked for fucking SOCIAL SERVICES at this point
>I'm told that if I ever try to call the police or run away or get help, I'll just be brought back and punished for it
Descent Into Madness:
>already had suicidal thoughts, even when I was living with grandparents
>they only skyrocket at this point
>begin fantasizing about killing myself and self-harming daily
>>25042725
>nightmares and night terrors literally every night until I'm like 13
>in middle school, I literally, in a completely genuine and non-exaggerated way, stayed up for 48 to 75 hours at a time, consistently, sleeping only half an hour on the nights I did sleep
>hallucinate shadow people A LOT, see insects everywhere
>grades turn to absolute crap at this point
>constant headaches and nausea
>also going through immunotherapy for severe allergies at this point
>get zero help from fucking anybody
>eventually regain some semblance of control over my life by getting a lot of books with birthday money from grandparents, taking up meditation, lucid dreaming, yoga, exercises, visualization, diet
etc. on my own
>pull up grades
>at least sane by the time I enter high school
>it gets worse, though
>bullied constantly growing up (being forced on the ground and burned, almost died from being hung from a tree, attempts to drown me, ect..)
>molested
The list is actually pretty long but it comes down to people treating me like shit for no reason.
Now
>prone to addiction & depression
>prone to violence, hair trigger temper
>low capacity for empathy
>can't hold relationships
>>25041234
This has to fuck you up really bad. How heartless.
>>25042942
I Grow Some Balls:
>in high school, I'm pretty much completely neglected, as are my sisters
>dad's always working, stepmom barricades herself in her room and get high
>I have my own job and pay for my own food, gas, toiletries, entertainment, clothing, insurance, etc.
>drive my sisters to and from school and activities
>stepmom only comes out of her room to scream at us, begins cheating on dad
>fucking snap one day after an argument and leave home
>leave behind everything in my room, cut down to a backpack and an outfit, go vegetarian that day because I'm fucking done living any way I don't think is right
>move into my grandparents' house, they leave shortly afterward but keep paying utilities on the house, I have a car and income, I still keep driving my sisters, I still graduate
>>25043144
Miscellaneous Trauma and Issues:
>in a HUGE fucking fire when I was like 4
>pretty much covered head-to-toe in scars from various wounds, including on my face
>once saw a loved one vomit blood and held his hand as he died
>only gf ever, of 4 years, cheated on me while I was taking care of this guy
>genuine Asperger's and Sensory Processing Disorder on top of this shit
>addicted to a lot of things over the whole course of this
>>25043044
I'm sorry anon. I was in a similar situation as you and I think I can relate to some of your feels. Do you ever feel like none of this is real?
>>25043344
No, I'm pretty grounded in reality. More so than most people.
>be me
>be first of two sons from a pretty wealthy family (dad is a heart surgeon, mom owns a commercial real estate business)
>I have a feeling that my parents weren't as ready to have a kid as they thought they were/didn't want to have me. They were married well before I was born, however.
>put into a catholic school in the middle of fucking nowhere in rural delaware
>stayed there until 6th grade
>had 0 friends there, never made my first "friend" until 4th grade
>first friend was a kid named Matt, had curly red hair, was really energetic and fun to be around.
>I was probably no more than an acquaintance to him, as we rarely spoke.
>in 6th grade, family and I moved to Maryland. I lost contact with matt completely.
>got fucked with and shunned for another 3 years until I was put into a private college prep high school
>during this time, I had never developed any relationship with anyone in my family. I had no social skills.
> my parents and brother are just distant aquaintances I have to see on holidays, even now, over ~13 years later.
>I made it through high school with an amazing transcript, got into an amazing private college, double majored and finished with a GPA of 3.9. I'm now in my 2L year of law school
>I've made a lot of friends in that time, but developed alcoholism
>I will never have a meaningful relationship with anyone in my family
>I feel nothing towards anyone. I made friends with horrible human beings who just happened to be smart, solely for networking purposes
>I feel cold and empty inside
>I am a despicable, immoral, hateful man
>mfw I'd make a good politician
I plan to go into politics, but I hate myself /r9k/. I worked so hard to get where I am now, but at the cost of my moral and social integrity. I want to fucking abandon my family as I'll never have a meaningful relationship with any of my relatives, so they're useless to me.
I should kill myself.
jesus christ this entire fucking thread
>move out of the house
>dad takes up WoW to "keep in touch" with me
>he never play video games, so he sucks ass on it
>takes him fucking 4 months to hit 80
>he wants to play with me now, as we are finally on the same level
>get mad at him, tell him to gear up first, as he is still in greens
>takes him two fucking months to replace shit in heroics
>finally have to accept his work and take him with me as a trial in my guild
>first raid with him, he fucking ninja pulls a group in the start and makes us whipe, let it pass
>repeats it once more
>instantly kick him from both the raid and the guild
>he whispers me; "I am sorry, son"
>put him on ignore
>he hasn't been online since then
>ask a girl out
>she says yes
>the next day try and talk to her
>she just runs away
>throughout the rest of high school she just runs away from me
>dont want to confront her because I'll feel like a desperate asshole
>fast forward
>college years
>she's pregnant from an abusive boyfriend
>she has since broken up with him
> and signed the child over to her parents
>she dropped out of college and now has a roommate while she works at a department store
>I'm NEET and shit at home playing video games and disappointing my parents
where did it all go so wrong
>>25041041
sorry anon- really
>>25044100
there is still hope anon. You could try pursuing her now.
>>25041115
90% of people have herpes. Not everyone shows it. The worst is little red bumps. It's all good. Some women are bitches.
>>25041686
>>bullied in 6th grade
>>completely changed my personality and made me shy, quiet, and introverted
my life. seriously i was zen back then, outsmarted teachers, read probably over 100 books by the time i was 11, had lots of knowledge, was smart, and fucking hilarious. but i kept getting shut down by certain teachers, i got into 'big' trouble one time, and i dunno man, got bullied when i went to secondary school, got better in the end had loads of friends but ive taken a different path. On the brightside im incredibly emphatic now and have rhino skin. Slowly getting back to my true self. I am an introvert but i dont see that negatively , i loe time alone and can really shine in social setttings. Worst part though is that i sometimes just want to literally die. I also dont even know my sexuality.. rant rant rant... need a hug sometimes, for my anxiety. Fuck that teacher and those kids.
Why am I fucked up?
Because 4chan is the closest thing I've had to a father. I've been influenced accordingly.
>>25043858
I'm 24 btw, if that makes any difference. 24 years and I have never once felt emotionally close to anyone. I've dated several times, but they've always been the ones to break up with me complaining I'm "too distant" or that I don't care about them in the slightest. My parents and brother occasionally text me random stuff, just to start a conversation, but I rarely ever respond. And if I do, it's merely for a few sentences. My brother does this much more so than my parents; I feel like my parent's solution to this problem is mostly just to throw money at me. I can tell my brother struggles with this too, or he and I are even more distant than I thought.
>>25044283
I was like that too in school, except up until 9th grade when I entered the private college-prep school everyone fucking hated me. I went through a huge identity crisis from 9th grade to my freshman year in college, really fucked with my head. Out of that I became the man I am today.
>>25044195
Problem is that nobody knows that herpes isn't actually anything to worry about. I would feel wrong not telling women I have it, but if I do I would scare them off.
Not that I would ever be in that situation, I have been so shaken to the core by all this that I no longer feel attracted to anyone sexually.
>>25042401
feels a little bit comforting to hear the whole 'cant feel desire for other women' thing. thought it was just me desu
but it sucks, we need to learn to love ourselves. we're worth it brah, you and me both ,and all other anons reading this :)
>>25044335
I just don't know how to form emotional connections. It's not that I don't want to be close to anyone; I really, really long for that kind of relationship with someone, anyone. I just can't open up to people and I'm so fucking absent-minded I forget there's even a slight chance someone might care about me and I'm letting them down. And that's how I end up fucking myself over in any romantic relationship I make. This also affects my friendships. I can never get close enough to any friends to share my emotions with them, or else I run the risk of them sharing their emotions with me, and that's fucking uncomfortable.
Does anyone else know that feeling when you get five 4s?
i wish i was a stupid, naive furry but i'm not.
i'm a cynic, i'm too smart/boring for the idiots of furrydom but i fucking hate the smarter furries (usually engineers with bastard mindsets) even more. there's almost nobody there worth spending time with even online which isn't surprising because it's a porn fandom.
my interest in furry only comes from a desperate escapist desire anyway. the problem is, i realize that. i wish i was dumb and happy. and a dogman: not for sex, but for aesthetics.
maybe i should be put to sleep.
>>25044443
I know you don't.
>>25044443
Oops, I posted the wrong image, sorry OP you aren't a faggot, this is a good thread, what /r9k/ is all about.
>>25044498
Don't rub it in faggot
>>25040894
>literally all my family is mentally ill
>I've slept with my parents until I was 11, so my sleep schedule was always fucked up
>mom was an epileptic and seeing her seizures scarred me every time
>every morning I woke up to the sound of my parents shouting at each other
>I was the fat kid in school
>I was that kid in school who hangs out playing with bugs behind the school in recess
>start looking at gore to desensitize myself and later to laugh at it when I'm 12
>contemplating suicide since age of 13
>person I love the most (grandpa) dies at 15
>as the years pass I'm still always alone in my fucking room
>hate socializing
>current situation: other grandfather just died, grandmothers Alzheimers gets worse and worse, other grandmother dying, mother moved out and had breakdown, father is basically a creep for her, both suicidal
>hate them both but try to be nice to them because they don't have anybody either
>feel a deep sense of disgust with the world in general and with myself
>all my thoughts and feelings are ambivalent at all times
>I'm a 20y old KHV
>I'm in love with a girl whom I strongly dislike since 2 years
>I'll probably end up killing myself, I'd say in the next 3-4 years
>feel like I've lost touch with my feelings and even my thoughts so I really don't know
>now that my grandfather died I've felt nothing but have been vomiting since then, when I see the girl I have dreams about I start shaking like I have Parkinsons, feelings are purely somatic sensations now
>tfw no reason to be the way I am
>Nothing to blame but my own nature
>Don't even hate myself because I can hardly even bring myself to care
>Have to deal with feeling outnumbered and overwhelmed every day
>No one likes me, even when people are nice I'm not able to give anything back
>All I have is myself but I never even feel like I'm really here
It's all I can do to try and look after myself to keep from getting worse, I hope to fuck one day soon I can manage to crawl my way out of this bottomless pit, even if I don't get anywhere it would be better to be able to work against it.
>>25041095
>6 inch erect
t-they do this for 6 inches???
>born into middle class family with initially overly strict parents
>allowed to use technology growing up very rarely, family owned no tv internet etc
>this causes me to develop a superiority complex in elementary school due to how "different" I am from everyone else
>grow to consider video games/technology as the best life has to offer since I hardly ever have access to them and never have an opportunity to exhaust their enjoyability
>towards the end of elementary school parents essentially give up on abstaining from technology and focus on raising my siblings differently
>become incurable video game addict, would try to sleep for every hour of the day I was not allowed to play video games throughout middle school
>few friends because too materialistic(mostly caused by deriving little pleasure from socialization due to anxiety, and much from toys and video games)
>would con friends at any chance I got to get money, and lost pretty much all of them this way
>middle school ends, as does my enjoyment of fapping and video games
>life is nothing other than anxiety and boredom because I cant into real life
>discover this site
its pretty much been downhill since then
>>25044443
wew lad
ew ladw
w ladwe
l
a
d
>>25044049
You are such an ungrateful piece of shit. Kill yourself you faggot.
>>25041095
>western women
>8.8 inches - "it's okay"
>>25044718
>"my kids will never watch TV and play video games because it's deeeeegeneracy!"
/pol/ thinks this is a new idea.
too smart to live
killing every ounce and rationality and goodness in my soul to make death easier
if you can bear making yourself an automaton in order to attend college and join the labor force, i suggest you do it immediately
there is only hell for my kind
>>25040894
>live w/ mom and dad
>fairly well off
>mom tells me how she was so excited to have a girl she can dress up etc.
>have good relationship with my dad, but he's always out of town
>be with mom all the time
>yells at me about my grades, says i'm not a kind person, constantly tries to get me to work out because i could lose weight and feel more comfortable about myself
>tell me i'm wasting my beauty as a young girl with the way i dress/present myself and tell me i'll regret it when i'm old and ugly
>become super depressed
>edgy and cut a lot with kitchen knives on thighs/stomach
>goes on for years with no one knowing
>freshman year
>one time get my toenail caught on something and it breaks
>tear the rest out myself
>get accustomed to it and start regularly tearing out my nails
>dad finds out one day, sees me with one foot without nails and a few missing on the other
>get taken out of school the next day to go to therapy with no warning
>feel like shit, depressed for years
>art is the only thing i care about, draw to vent
>mom sees something i drew about her, gets upset with me, throws it away, dad tells me i hurt her horribly and doesn't care if i come home
>every time i talk with her it turns into a huge argument in which i end up having an anxiety attack
>senior year at this point
>stay out of house as much as possible
>date a guy who was also really depresssed/schizo bc low self esteem and he was the only guy that's ever shown interest in me
>constantly threatening suicide, sending me photos of his blood on the floor, nooses, etc.
>doesn't know about my problems for months
>relationship is really up and down and super co dependent
>>25045025
>break up with him before i go to college
>supposed to go to chicago for art
>unable to because parents think i won't keep myself alive if i'm that far from home (live in the south west)
>go to state school, convinced if i survive this semester i'll make it there
>start to feel even more depressed, hang out with friends constantly and drink and do drugs to distract myself
>roommate is a disgusting slob, never stay in my room
>stay outside and get torn apart by mosquitos
>start picking the scabs habitually, constantly covered in sores and scabs all over my legs and arms
>start smoking just to keep myself from cutting because if i cut i can't go to chicago
>take xanax nightly to keep myself from having anxiety attacks and to sleep
>one night i can't hang out with my friends/distract myself
>feel like i'm on a different plane of reality and i'm medicating myself into a stupor
>decide i'm comatose and in order to get into the 'real world' i need to do something drastic (kill myself)
>grab exact blades and go to a park in the middle of the night
>see visions of myself dying here
>sit on the swing and start cutting the shit out of my wrists
>feel alone, try to call someone
>friends are busy
>would worry parents
>decide to call therapists
>she answers
>picks me up
>takes me home
>go to hospital
>get flown to texas for residential care
>stay there for a month, taking various meds and spending most of my time chain smoking outside
>get back
>feel like garbage
>living at home
>stop eating
>mom tells me how excited she is since i'll lose weight
>still get into fights with her nightly
>tells me i stopped being nice when i got depressed
etc. etc.
this doesn't really end, i still have a shitty relationship with my mom but at this point i've moved out and am doing better, quit smoking, etc.
Uhm...
>born in a mid class family
>lot of problems fights and differences between my dad's family and my mom's family
> I never know where I belong
> be 21 yrs old
> fat and short
> I was the clown of the class in high school
> I felt alone.
> kissed a few girls but never fuck
> Virgin at 21
> my parents think I have personality and self confidence and self steem
> don't have any one of these
> study at an Institute
> im paramedic
> my dream is study nursery or medical technology
> suck at math
> suddenly I don't have friends.
> just idiots expecting me to say something funny
> I change my music taste
> nobody talks to me
> nobody I can tell how I feel
> nobody I can tell my problems
> I met this girl at Institute...
> send me noodes
> send me dirty text
> feels good man.jpg
> start flirting by weeks or 1 or 2 months
> suddenly she told me she has boyfriend and I'm her friend
>it's OK I'm used to get rejected by wlman
> I accept being her friend
> cry almost every night because u feel lonely
>I feel a failure
> I feel alone
> I'm afraid to die.
>decide to tell how I feel to the girl, I'm her friend anyway
> wrote almost 20 lines of text
> send
> she text me back " hmm mm well it's hard"
> I start to crying for almost 30 minutes
> fall sleep.
> never talk to her again
>she never texts me again
> nobody calls me, nobody talks to me.
> I hate people.
I just wanna someone to talk.... Some emo girl or something.. Someone who have time to talk to me and just talk. Someone who I can rely on and told her my problems knowing that she gonna told to me something nice.
>>25045044
>boyfriend
> xanax
>Chicago
>therapist
fucking normie whore go away, the only problem is in your mind. You are no robot.
>>25044049
youre a piece of shit son
>>25040894
>parents loved you too much
I wasn't ever meant to get past the womb
>>25040894
>tfw /r9k/ is so bad i have to filter 50+ threads to make it usable
>>25045127
How do I know if I'm not a robot? How could I know if the problem lies not within my head, but originates from something outside of my control?
I'm >>25043858 and >>25044335 and >>25044385
>dad is literally crazy
>watched him put my moms head through a wall once when i was a kid
>they both act like they dont know what im talking about
>they didn't think i was watching
yeah, my good old dad, great guy
never forget that time he said to me, "drop dead you little bastard", fun times
It's not that life is too hard. It's just that people are cunts and have ruined the experience of life. I could live in the wild in a cabin where I hunt, fish and forage to survive. But that requires money. You can't get money unless you work with people. Every person I've ever known has tried to get power over me, even random strangers. I can't take this constant battling with people in a bid for supremacy, so I dropped out of life and retreated into social isolation.
>>25045398
Look sweetie... Everyone here's have at least one big issue but you aren't even a half fuckd up like the mos of us. I know that with all the shit that you'v through you think all is lost but not. There's a lot of guys out there of that bothers you. If you had at least you can know with security that others guy can put interest in you...
You have a therapist and it's obviously that you have friends or people who talk to you.
The problem here is that I sent that you don't thin things before do it... And you focus your mind on the bad things instead the good ones... And don't lie to me you are pretty :) if you wanna talk email me
[email protected]
I'm 21
>>25045631
Oh. I'm not >>25045044
I'm a different person.
>>25045631
You're talking to a guy you stupid fuck.
I'm saving your email.
Have a good day :)
>loving, middle class family
>wasn't exposed to anything bad growing up, no traumatic experiences
>never struggled in school, always found ways to make money growing up
>relatively cruisey life, never struggled with anything
>relatively good looking if not a little short
Simply just always been unhappy, no matter what I achieve or what I overcome I just never feel any happiness. I just don't really have a desire to do anything and don't get any enjoyment out of anything. I always push people away because I feel like I've simply got nothing in common with the vast majority of people. I'm pretty convinced my brain is just wired wrong but fuck getting medication from a psychiatrist, heard enough horror stories.
>>25045076
Nothing is that bad I know the shit.... I know it sucks but... How can I say this. Nobody is gonna knock your door and give you money, health, friends, self esteem and shit...
You gotta do things by yourself..... If you wanna people watch you different... You gotta change.... If weight it's the problem you can change it.. And with that you are gonna realize that a lot of things gonna change.
>>25041400
Men are expected to be the more outgoing one, i.e. the one who asks to date, etc.
This means when a man gives up, his odds of being in a situation to start a relationship decline to almost zero, whereas a woman will still be receiving offers, etc, even when she has 'given up'
>tfw you piss a bottle but don't want to feel disgusting, so you put your pinky out.
>>25043240
What's wrong with eating animals?
>>25045631
I'm >>25045044 and >>25045025
I don't really need anyone to talk to I think, I'm doing better even though i still get urges to cut/rip my nails out
Thanks anyway though, even though I'm pretty sure that's bait.
>Literally an accident
>Mom severely neglected me as a young child
>Spent the majority of my childhood being involved in family drama and custody battles while also being bullied constantly at school
>Haven't seen my mom since 7th grade, and even then visits were only far and few between
>Tfw will never know what it's like to have a mothers love
>Tfw also don't know how to care about others and lack empathy also probably because of all this
Just fuck me up.
>>25046249
I just don't personally agree with it. It's something that I've had about me since I was a toddler. I don't actively bring it up with people I know, and I don't really judge people for believing differently, but I'm a lot more comfortable living life this way, and living life on my own terms therefore kinda dictates living this way.
I honestly can't even kill spiders.
>be me
>have dad beat siblings and i
>always alone as a kid because lived in native reservation
>always made fun of as a kid because always alone
>grow up with one close friend who leaves me at the age of 8-10
>almost make friends and overcome social autism
>move
>make acquaintences but still too paranoid because of muh bullying
>am completely ok with the thought of dying alone after finding some semblance of social contact out of steam
i suppose my existence isn't bad
just loneliness imposed by wondering and wallowing in my own shit
genetics. great g ma has schizophrenia. mom is bp. and i've got an anxiety depression duo. fuck your theories darwin.
>i am the product of an affair
>I never felt accepted by my stepdad
>never fit in at all and always felt like an outcast
>matured extremely fast but was hated by my peers for it
>I can't communicate emotion and intimacy scares me
>I rejected the only two girls who liked me because of intimacy issues
>my entire family is full of headcases
>I am absolutely socially retarded and I hate going into public for anything
I quit caring about living or dying because I feel like I'll never be happy
>Completely normal childhood
>Loving parents that both worked, 2 brothers and 2 sisters
>Always really social in elementary school, had friends, went to birthday parties, played vidya
>Literally everything went to shit in 6th grade
>Became really sickly, so I couldn't hang out with friends as much
>Barely left the house aside from school and such
>Only people I was around on a regular basis were my older and younger sister since both my brothers were in college
>Older sister started to get into shit like deviantart, livejournal, and eventually4chan
>Obviously got me and my younger sister into it at ages 11 and 8
>Went from kind and motherly to fucking insane and abusive
>Took all sorts of virginities from us
>Got me really into loli, shota, incest, and all sorts of other fucked up fetishes
>Since I was such a weak piece of shit I could never fight back when she got violent
>Dealt with it for 4 years until she finally left the house
>Tfw I've been coming to 4chan for the past 8 years
>Tfw I'm horrified of women and can barely be in the same room as them without freaking out
>Tfw I might also have MS and narcolepsylike my mom, which would explain why I've always struggled with being tired or weak all the time
>Tfw literally no friends, only person I talk to regularly is my little sister
>Tfw I know she's just as fucked as I am, and since I've never told anyone, she's kept quiet too
>Tfw probably won't even live to see 40 anyways
I quit
>be born a shy, pasty, ginger kid
i was supposed to lose from the beginning
>had qt 3.14 gf for 3 years
>we genuinely loved each other
>she gets a new job and I notice she talks about some dude who she works with a lot
>it annoys me but I don't wanna freak out at her over it
>go to visit her at work one day and ask for her at the front
>its the dude, he looks like a total dick
>gets really mad and aggressive when I ask for her
>few months pass and she never mentions him, but our relationship is rocky
>book a trip abroad with a mate
>literally minutes before my 12hr flight get a notification telling me she has listed herself as single
>writes a nasty status about me
>ruins my entire trip
>get back and meet her
>she tells me she's already seeing someone
>its that fucking dude from her work
>find out much later she was seeing him while we were still together
Fast forward 3 years...
>met gorgeous girl through friend of a friend
>she's everything I like in a person
>we hit it off immediately
>for the first time in three years feel a genuine connection with another human being
>start seeing each other
>she is getting serious really fast
>one day randomly stops talking to me, only texting me one or two word non-replies hours after I text her
>tells me "we need to talk"
>but forces me to wait a week cause she's "busy" leaving me to just think what the fuck happened for a week
>meet up finally
>breaks up with me because she didn't realize we were going to be dating (even tho she was the one who rushed it into that direction) and tells me she needs to "get [her] life together" before committing to a relationship
>tells me to never talk to her until she's "ready" to be with me again
>ask how long it will take, she says "I don't know"
>fast forward a month
>she became a massive club slut
>now has some roid monkey boyfriend who will probably abuse her
>still working the same dead end job doing nothing with her time, meaning she didn't figure her shit out at all
I don't think I can trust women ever again.
>>25043858
Don't kill yourself anon, become president and install the uprising all over the country
We are counting on you
>tfw normies think I'm cool for my not give-a-fuck attitude
>I actually suffer from severe schizoid personality disorder
>I will never have a 10/10 fox bf
>>25040894
>parents split when I was too young to remember
>que string of new step dads, new step moms
>have never seen a successful blended family
>majority of step parents, moms and dads, were abusive. mostly to parent rather than us
>both parents completely dysfunctional as a result
>brother was older, hes more fucked up by it
>becomes a complete fuck up as we get older
>parents/step parents project all frustration on to me in order to prevent me from becoming like him
>enter last blended family, real dad with step mom
>they have a child together
>he dies young, real young
>they take pictures with the corpse...holding him and all this fucked up shit
>cremated, they keep his body in a cabinet in the house my step mom took from us when she decided it was time for us to leave
>mfw living on my own at 16
>mfw support drug dealing alcoholic dead until i graduate
>been living on my own since
So I'm basically completely untrusting of anyone and I see all relationships as inevitably ending in failure. Life is grand. Trying to get better. Sorry of the story is a bit incoherent.
>high school
>fat greasy pimply nerd who sat alone at lunch and had no friends and never even came close to having a girlfriend
>get sick of it all
>take off a year after graduation
>get a fresh haircut
>drop 60lb in a year and gain some muscle mass
>take acne meds and clear up my skin
>buy better fitting clothing
>improve posture
>go to university
>I'm more anxious and self-critical than ever
>every single move I make, thing I say, item I wear, I'm overthinking and regretting in my head
>I'm still the same horribly awkward nerd I was in high school who didn't have friends and couldn't talk to people without sweating buckets
>except now people pay attention to me because I don't hurt to look at
normies: "man, you're such a chill guy"
if only they knew. i go to therapy and take zoloft but it doesn't help. i don't know how to hold a conversation or make friends, but people still want to involve me in things because they see something in me. i'm convinced i'll never get a girlfriend because i'd rather fucking kill myself than be in a crowded social situation.
>I failed to graduate highschool by one half of a credit.
>I got an A in all other classes for that whole year.
>The class itself was easy, I didn't fail because it was too hard. I failed because I missed six assignments.
>I missed those assignments because I missed too many days of school that year.
>I missed all those days because my parents didn't give a fuck and just let me lay asleep while my sisters went out the door to the bus. I am an extremely deep sleeper, it takes a slap on the face to wake me up most of the time. Sometimes two.
>I didn't learn that I was failing the class until the last two weeks of high school because that teacher never gave out progress reports. He was the football coach, and was too busy with that I guess.
>When I did learn, I went to the principal. The principal said - go tell the teacher to just give you the six assignments you missed. These were simple little multiple-choice sheets, like 10 questions each.
>I did that, and the teacher refused despite it being a request from the principal. As I said, he was the football coach and cared more about that.
>So I went to my parents. I asked my dad, who couldn't work, to call the school and speak to the teacher.
>He called, but spoke to the wrong teacher. When I asked him to call again, and was very specific about which teacher, my dad refused.
>So I failed that semester of highschool, and that's fine. I just needed to take a correspondence course at the college to get my diploma.
>The whole time I took it, everyone in my family - mom and two sisters - kept ragging on me about how I was too stupid to pass, why bother, just give up. Except my dad, he always got onto me to do the work, and believed in me.
>But then, my dad died. Lung cancer. And I just gave up. On alot of things.
That's not all. Will continue in next post.
>>25050390
>Toward the end of that school year, my art teacher stepped up for me in a big way.
>She loved me. I am the best artist that school has had.
>I was even going to have an art exhibit at the Ritz, which is a big deal around those parts.
>She contacted someone from an art college in texas, who - just for her - came up to check me out.
>He made me a special scholarship offer at the school. I could go to college, and wouldn't have to pay for anything.
>All I needed was to bring my mom to meet with him and give consent. And of course, a highschool diploma.
>I said sure, at the town library we could meet!
>I went home and told my mom about all this.
>She said no.
>She. Said. No.
I can only assume she just didn't feel like going, and didn't believe in me -that much-.
>The man eventually had to go back to texas.
>My dad, my sole believer, died.
>I gave up on living for a while...
>>25041095
I call bullshit right here
>>25041281
>>25043045
>she has to stay in a relationship with somebody she doesn't love just because their parents decided to move to the same place.
you guys make a lot of sense
>>25041234
as the other anon said
>TIME TO MAN UP, BITCH
honestly, your first love will always be the hardest to forget, both are young, see each other grow, learn together, etc.
i dont want to be an edgelord and tell you that you will forget her as soon as you stick your dick in another pussy
but its most likely to be the solution, think about it metaphorically dont be autistic, please
>true love will find you in the end
>parents divorced during childhood
>mother turned to drugs and tried recently to kill herself (again)
>parents never show love toward me, buying things is nice but at the end of the day believing in me means more
>father treats me like trash my entire life
>going to a top university in 3 weeks (free)
>struggles with being gay, can't tell anyone
>because of this I have anxiety attacks, more are in public now and it causes me to ruin everyone's good time
Loneliness and self hatred consume most of my nights, so I smoke weed to fall asleep. I couldn't muster the energy to go to my minimum wage job this morning, I'd rather get fired. I'll probably be fine with the schoolwork and get a nice job but it won't make me happy.
>about 4 in flaccid, 6 in erect
Im only 4.8 inches erect. Stop whining faggot.
>>25044049
honestly you should probably just eat 5 pounds of salt.
>tfw a girl that rejected me three years ago is still killing me inside
>tfw trying to get back to the old me
Why is it so hard
>15 years old
>neighbor is the cutest girl in the world
>we were friends for years and would always hang out
>I wanted to take it to another level as young men often do
>she's gorgeous and I'd literally have zero chance with her if we weren't friends
>finally get the sack to ask her out, as boyfriend and girlfriend
>she says yes!
>happiest I've ever been in my life
>got my first kiss that night
>I'm a pretty nerdy underdog kind of kid so naturally I tell my friends
>"ahaha dude NICE!" and all that shit
>it starts getting around
>these popular girls come up to me later
>(this was like 4 days later btw)
"is it true you're going out with _____?"
>hell yeah its true I feel like a sick baller
"oh... she says it's not true..."
>what
>go and talk with her about it
>her face is completely serious
"anon... this embarrassing. I wish you didn't actually tell people."
>what
"so we're like... not a thing, okay? please don't tell people we are. we can be friends or whatever but we're not like that."
>and she just walks away
i legitimately wanted to strangle her, but i just ended up crying when she left.
i never found out why she changed her mind. she wouldn't say, and i didn't press the issue. now i think every girl interested in me is lying or has some other motive. it fucked me up and embarrassed me around the whole school.
it was also the only time i had ever been real friends with a girl. we fucking did stuff together man. we went on trips, we watched movies, we shared feelings and secrets. i felt like i got stabbed.
sorry if this post is melodramatic but it was someone i loved and trusted, who i thought felt the same but CLEARLY did not and made a point to embarrass me.
>ordering a sub from a local place
>look at their vegetable selection
>tell them to just put everything on the sub
>sub lady pulls olives out of some hidden fucking drawer
>nothing in life I hate more than olives
>too much of a sperg to ask her to remove them
>gf asks why I'm angrily picking out olives from the sub I ordered
>I respond withnothing. You really think I'd ever have a gf? Fuck
>>25050718
I broke up with the only girl I've ever loved, I am better now than I was then but I haven't met a girl I care about since.
>Parents fought all the time, sometimes got violent
>Moved away from Dad when I was 2, back when I was 3, and finally split for good when I was 4
>Mom was loving but a little neurotic
>She'd snap if things weren't clean and perfect
>Vidya games the only thing I enjoyed, played all the time
>Didn't even bother with school, sports or relationships despite parents lectures
>Stuck working shitty entry level jobs now
When I think about my life, it wasn't even that bad, I just snowballed over the years into a shitty person with terrible habits. I don't have the ability to change or improve myself because I never learned how to focus, and I don't really know what I'd want to do anyways.
>>25050611
Get out you psychotic delusional roastie slut. No one gives a fuck if you think you have something to add to the conversation. You're talking gibberish.
>>25050722
Shit dude, that hurts to read. I'm sorry, anon.
