can we have some abstract feels?
>get text from old friend i haven't talked to in years
>tells me his band is playing a local venue and wants me to gohe probably sent it en masse but fuck it
>say sure why the fuck not, maybe today will be the day my life turns around at a punk-pop band show
>go to venue
>its sketchy as fuck
>say hi to friend and talk for a bit, then stand in the corner alone for 30 minutes until his band starts
>they're actually pretty good
>everyone is enjoying it and i'm once again alone in a crowd
>set ends, tell old friend it was great
>out of fucking no where, girl i asked out and was rejected by 7 years ago rounds the corner
>she somehow doesnt remember all the creepy and perverted shit i said to her that freaked her out and stopped her from talking to me in the first place
>she says hi and asks me what i've been up to
>tell her basically nothing, still living with parents
>"oh thats awesome"
>then proceeds to tell me abo0ut her boyfriend that shes happily been with for 4 years
>she leaves for a second
>immediately walk out of venue and go home
>spend 40 minutes drive home feeling like i'm going to have a fucking aneurysm and consider just running off the road and seeing what happens
>realize that girl was the only shot i ever had in my whole life at a gf and i fucking blew it 7 years ago and have amounted to nothing
>"how was the concert sweety?"
>"fine mom"
how was your night r9k?
pls rspnd
>>24945456
Sat in bed and pondered what I should do to turn my life around. Then I realized my life is pointless, so I laid down and existed.
>>24945710
I don't know why i ever think things will change for the better. i've started slipping and mentioning how unhappy i am to my parents, i cant handle them knowing how depressed i am.
>>24945456
I'm having to beg my professors to let me turn shit in months late because I had a major depressive episode and stopped going to class and couldn't get it together until now.
>>24945873
Well good on you for trying to get it done, a lot of people would have just said fuck it. Hope you can get everything in anon.
>>24945907
Ha trying doesn't count for much. I might have used up all their good will. This isn't the first time something like this has happened. Also, live with parents, they don't know.
>>24946017
Yeah I understand what you mean. Just do your best I guess, not much more that you can do than that.
>>24945456
I'm sorry man, that sounds rough. I know it's memed as fuck, but things will look up. What else is going on in your life? Any career prospects? What are your hobbies?
>>24946351
It just fucking hurt. I felt like I had been kicked in the chest and could barely speak. It was like watching someone win the lotto with your numbers. I'm almost done with an IT degree but that's just so I can move out of my parents house before they kick me out, and I've been playing guitar for a while even though I still fucking suck. I just don't know anymore anon. I've been thinking ti would get better since 7 years ago and it's literally only gotten worse.
One last bump. Thanks for listening and sharing.
>>24945456
>starts talking about her boyfriend out of nowhere like you give le fuck
I know we all crave companionship, but have some decency. She's obviously a vapid whore. Whatever you were doing the last 7 years was more productive than chasing after some dumb slut, even if it was jacking off and watching anime.
>>24946457
It's never going to get better.
>>24946805
She's not perfect, but she's actually pretty nice. I get what you're saying though, probably wouldn't have mattered much even if it had worked out by some miraculous means, would have fucked up eventually.
>>24946807
I know. I've finally accepted it. Apparently I peaked at 15, and that peak was being BARELY socially adjusted enough to talk to girls. Now I just run from them and shitpost on r9k. I can't imagine hitting a deeper bottom, but I'm sure I'll find the shovel.
>>24946906
Not the guy you responded to but I know the feel of "probably would mess up regardless". I feel like no matter what in the future all my relationships will turn weird.
I'm just programmed that way as a person to not have it in me to meet people's expectations, even in rly small ways. I'm always going to be weird and strange and not someone who inspires confidence in people. I'll never open up and have a fulfilling relationship with a girl, even my best friends barely know me (and I don't have a lot of friends).
I get invited to shit but I'm just not social.
I don't even care but like I wish my parents didn't think I'm a huge screw up.
>>24947004
The worst part is this all happened right after basically the same type of thing happened a few weeks ago.
>Got put into a group with this extremely pretty girl for my business class
>By some cosmic convergence we somehow get along
>She's actually funny and laughs at my mean and self deprecating comments
>Almost seems like she likes me
>Muster all the courage I have in my spineless body to ask her to get coffee or something
>LITERALLY minutes before I am about to bare my soul, she mentions she has a boyfriend and that were basically never going to see each other after this class
>Spend the rest of the few weeks left resenting myself and her
Like I just cant win. I just clam up and accept that my life is shit, and the few times I ever put my heart on the line and try to pull that normie shit, it's ten times worse than i could possibly imagine. That stupid image macro is true, I came here because nothing good ever happened to me.
>>24945674
Best wojak ever. I relate to it. I know that feel the image is trying to get across
>>24946906
Girls being shit inspired me to see if I was bi. There's more to it, but I was frustrated enough see if guys did anything for me. Turns out they do. Then I realized that I can't get a boyfriend because my parents would kill me.
>>24945456
this will happen to me on the day I die
Take solace in the knowledge that all of us will be dead and nothing any of us did will matter in as little as a hundred years from now.
>>24947269
I stole it but thanks. I drew this pepe a while ago though. My life is nothing but screaming as loud as I can. Everyone can hear me but they choose not to listen.
>>24947354
Yeah folks are really conservative too. I'm not into dudes but I can understand it's probably better.
>>24947368
If you mean you would kill yourself, I considered it. Then I realized I wouldn't be able to play age of empires 2 any more and decided against it.
>>24947406
I think about this all the time. It depresses me even more than my crushing loneliness
>>24945710
Yeah I get that. I have been feeling the same. I have has a few anxiety attacks this month and been feeling like shit. I have been thinking about going to get mess but I font know if they will even do anything si why bother. I also am starting to get attached to a grill I met on Skype but I know she will never feel the same so it's pointless to think of her that way and feel like I should stop talking to her before I sperg out and embarrass myself. Life is suffering.
>>24945456
I liked your story.
But your life is 99% likely to be a lot better than mine so I don't feel sorry for you I'm afraid.
>>24945873
It's looking like I might have to do the same, except not beg to turn shit in but just beg to bump up my grade just a few points to get a C. I'm fucking done if I get a D.
I'll have to lie about the depression though, I'm really just a dumbass who couldn't figure out the homework.
>>24947510
I feel you, I can't say I have a terrible life, I'm just surrounded by people who's lives are 99% better than mine. It's all relative I guess.
>>24947456
Different bot but SAME!
Sometimes I JUST! and lay in bed staring at nothingness instead of killing myself but I fantasize about it all the time.
I won't do it but what is this quintessence of dust
>>24947430
I hope dudes are easier to deal with. I mean, I would think that I know how they think.
>>24947534
What classes are you fucking up in?
>>24946906
>Apparently I peaked at 15, and that peak was being BARELY socially adjusted enough to talk to girls.
Fuck are you me? I was the least self-aware around 15/16 and that also happened to be the time that I was the most "successful" with girls, i.e. being able to talk with them. These days I dress better, take better care of my personal hygiene, and have become a bit more 'cultured' but that doesn't mean shit when I can't even initiate a conversation with another human being.
>>24947588
Yeah. I feel like doing it would be the best way to end the suffering but I just can't get myself to do it...yet. I do like the idea of an accidental death though. Like dying in a tornado or drowning. I also think of what if I just drove off the bridge everyday I go to school. I dunno maybe the fact that we can't consider doing it seriously means the is feint hope for us.... or not.Best of luck to you anon
>>24947618
Only Physics. My homework average is like a 60. I'm doing well in my other classes.
Not that it matters, my GPA is so fucked from freshman year that I can't imagine ever getting hired for a competitive job.
>>24947679
We must be one in the same then. As a teenager I wasn't afraid of anything so I oozed confidence and actually had girls interested in me. Now girls look at me like I'm an abomination because I'm below average looking. On my drive home I thought about it and realized the reason I felt such a pain in my stomach seeing her was that when she rejected me, was when that confidence started to fall and I became the nothing I am today.
Fuck it I've been deciding whether or not to post all my shit from my life here or not but tonight's the night I will and idgaf cause I'm on my phone
>be me 5 years ago
>7th grade
>beta as fuck with a broken arm
>catholic school so we have recess
>sit by playground swings for atleast 5 months since I couldn't do anything
>girl I knew who was a bitch and trouble maker comes up to me
>hey anon I dare you to ask out kelsie
>think for a sec
>kelsie was the hottest girl In my class and everyone had a crush on her even me and I'm to beta to say no
>s-sure
>walk with girl across playground to kelsie
>during the walk my mood changed every step I got closer to the destination
>felt to alpha as I walked up and without stuttering which was a feat on it's own I said
>hey kelsie do you want to go out with me
>didn't realize a group had formed around me since probably they saw my march to kelsie and thought shit is going down
>kelsie doesn't say anything but she's looking right at me and I can feel the spaghetti
>well...uh..umm...I gue...omg. Idk i think... Idk well... I...
>teacher blows the whistle so everyone lines up to lunch
>everyone runs to the line and then we go to lunch
It's now that I realize that she probably would have said yes and that is the only chance I've ever had to actually getting a gf and she got so much hotter as she got older and i don't even know cause people at my high school have said I've glowed up or something I think it's a fucking normie word but yeah I fucking ruined my chance of getting a gf an I think about it so much...
>>24947700
I only passed physics coz I was also in the 1 hour a week honors course which made our boring physics lecture kind of interesting. I know it's kind of late but next time around ymmv
my female friend came to my place to have some drinks before going to this club, I made some hamburgers and her boyfriend drove us there. I'm just friends with her and her boyfriend drives me home if I ask him sometimes. maybe he wants me to c.u.c.k him? I don't know. I don't have any feelings for her anyways.
also she left her gloves at my place. weird.
Looking at the anti deppresents next to me, thinking about who would find me and what there reaction would be.
And how mum said if I kill myself she will kill herself.
I really really just want to do it.
>>24945873
I somehow graduated, I'm almost certain many of my professors passed me and put up with me turning shit in really late out of pity. It must have been obvious to them I was severely depressed, had crippling anxiety, but I was also very smart and creative. I don't know how to explain it, I was a mess but I was treated by professors and classmates like I was some kind of handicapped eccentric genius. Things never turned up though, I graduated and drifted into isolationism. I gained weight, became an alcoholic and no longer have doe eyed study buddies wanting to jump my awkward dick, no more bro professors giving me a silent nod of observance when I show up, no more turning in an A+ paper two weeks late.
>>24948036
Yeah my mom likes to make it a point to preemptively guilt me now and then.
>"A parent NEVER gets over the loss of a child."
>"Oh if anything happened to you I don't know what I'd do."
You won, mom. I'll go on living and suffering until you pass.
>>24948029
Very Russian novel
He probably just doesn't rly care idk I'm friends with some girls who have boyfriends and my ex had friends who were boys. It's just whatever at a certain point you either trust someone or you don't
I have the strangest urge to kiss my friend I'm not even attracted to.
Unsure what to make of it.
>>24948183
Probably desperation and frustration
I have had this feel before as well
>>24947693
I can't bring myself to end it because I'm too stubborn. I'm too curious if things will ever improve and if suicide would be a huge mistake. Guess you could say I day dream too often.
Keep your self moving. It's not about forcing happiness, it's about not letting the sadness win.
>>24945456
>find out only other single cousin now has a qt gf
Why is life so cruel.
>>24948293
I envy your optimism anon. But I understand wanting to keep moving and persevere. I want to quit but I also want to see what happens you know. I am going to try this one last time If I fail I will do it but if I succeed then I guess I'll keep going.I am the captain i must go down with the ship
>>24948307
>only have one male cousin
>all the rest are female
>all the girls have bfs
>male cousin is gay
>at family gatherings I'm the only one who gets asked if I've got a gf yet
>I'm below-average looking
JUST
>>24945456
>haven't killed myself yet
I guess I'm doing alright
>>24946906
every time i read one of your posts i have to stop myself from replying some stupid shit about you reminding me of myself, but wow holy shit everything you say sounds like me five years down the line
youre scaring me man
i dont want to end up like that, but i know that if my life keeps going on like this, i will
i feel like i need some massive change in my life to kick some sense back into me, maybe college can do that for me
i doubt it, but its worth a shot i guess
OP, that wasn't abstract. Mine is somewhat abstract.
>summer after senior year of high school, no plans for anything yet
>I have worked summers at a karate studio the last 4 years, taking care of the kids and whatnot, it's alright, but exhausting
>last camp of the year, and last camp I will ever work there
>on the last Friday we would always get bouncy house water slide things for the kids to play on
>all the older helpers would spend the day outside getting it all ready, as sort of a break from wrangling 6 year old for an entire summer
>all the people I've spent this time with
>they talk about college, parties, friends, relationships
>ask me about myself
>I don't have any of that, have never been to a party, never had lasting friends or any relationships, people always let me down and I just want to be alone
>time for the kids to play on the slides
>ground was hot so I was standing in one of those big plastic storage buckets (we used them for filling blow up pools)
>stand there for a long time, contemplate everything that has lead to me getting to this point in life
>kid comes over to me and asks me why I'm standing in the bucket
>say "I don't know"
>he starts filling the bucket with water
>all the kids starting filling the bucket with water
>it fills to the top, some of them try to stand in it with me
>I leave, a little upset they stole my standing/thinking place
>go over and sit in a chair that's further away and think "they can't fill this bucket"
>but then some of the older helpers came near me and began to talk and I realized that they will always fill your bucket, you can't escape, as hard as you try.
>>24948818
Do it before it's too late man. Life just disappoints me so much that it makes me laugh. A few weeks ago I got so upset I started laughing like I was losing my mind. get off this fucking site before you end up like me.
>>24948883
Wow I give you credit thats honestly better than mine. Kinda poetic actually.
>>24948942
>get off this fucking site before you end up like me
you know, i think i will.
i go to a shitty continuation school because i failed almost every class back in high school after some shitty depressive episode
im still almost a hundred credits away from a diploma, but the depression bullshit killed my motivation
im supposed to be doing another pile of homework, but instead im here
i dont know why i do this to myself anymore
take care, man. i hope something goes right for you someday.
>>24949119
Thanks anon, you too.
>>24947879
GLO=good looking out
too confident to let anything bother you
Haven't be to class in weeks, probably wont talk finals as I'm stupid. Can't wait to embrace the wagekek in about a months time.
>>24945873
shit, I know a guy who's going through basically the exact same thing right now.
feel really bad for him because it was his first semester in college and it was just one thing that threw him off hard, and evidently he's basically going to have to drop out.
>that they will always fill your bucket, you can't escape, as hard as you try.
I think I understand what you mean. do you think there's a right amount of full for your bucket?
Thanks for talking to me guys, I'm goin to bed because it's 3 am. Take care anons.
