How are you feeling right now?
/vent/ thread.
>woke up yesterday with a fairly loud ringing in my left ear
>gets worse with certain sounds
>halfway through the day it sort of goes away, but certain sounds will bring it back out for a bit
>tell my mom about it and that I might need to go to the doctors
>woke up this morning
>still there but not that bad
>mention it to my mom again
>right now
>moms drunk
>blasting music from a speaker system literally 2 feet from my bedroom door
>ear is ringing like all hell
>getting a really bad headache
>go out to get a drink
>she's by the fridge
>starts clapping along with the music
>ringing gets really loud with each clap
>headaches getting worse
>left eye is watering for no reason
>even with my door closed the bass and high treble still travel through into my room
>each time there's a peak in either the ringing gets worse
>now sitting here with white noise playing through my headphones with a teary left eye and a throbbing headache
WHY!? I told you about it like maybe four times over two days, you've asked me about it multiple times, there's another fucking speaker system you can use that's also better than the one you're using now, but you choose to use the one outside my fucking door. I don't understand.
>>24926447
give me a hug anon
>today (or yesterday but it's still today with my fucked up sleep schedule)
>roommate brings over girl
>i'm getting ready to go to the store
>about to get off computer
>hear girl he brought over say in typical vapid bitch voice "he's the weird one, right?!" obviously talking about me
>roommate knows i'm here and might be able to hear them so he doesn't completely throw me under the bus
>says "yeah, sort of"
>know he probably would've trashed me if i wasn't home
One of the many reasons I don't try anymore
>they turned the music up
>turn the white noise up a bit
>start to playLoL
>game goes like absolute crap but I could still carry it
>internet disconnects
>reset the router a few times but it wont reconnect
>come back and the games over
This made me a lot more sad than it should have.
>>24926556
I think I need one..
>>24926568
That's really brutal anon, I'm sorry.
It's not particularly shitty for me, but it still feels awful.
>dated this girl for 3 years off and on throughout high school, our senior year we break up because she was cheating after our Christmas vacation on the opposite side of the country with her family that I paid for with burgerbux savings.
Fast forward through 2 years of awkward "how are you doing?" Texts every couple months
> still hate her but haven't gotten one of those texts in a couple months so I get concerned
>she messages me out of the blue saying that she's pregnant and the father wants nothing to do with it
>notmyproblem.jpg
I know it's stupid but I almost feel responsible for allowing her to go down this path. I'm not mark zuckerburg or anything but I'm going for a medical degree at a state university and fairly good looking. I can't help but to feel that if she stuck with me her life could have turned out better than this
>>24926963
She chose to go the path she did, it had nothing to do with you after she cheated. Cut contact and don't talk to her ever again/
>havetraumatic event
>suddenly stop enjoying videogames
>I'd spend maybe 100 hours playing vidya every fortnight so this is a lot of new time
>have all this free time to do anything I wanted
>all I can think of to do is exercise and browse imageboards, maybe read every once in a while
>browsing /r9k/ for hours every day now
Someone fix me.
>>24927124
What was the traumatic event?
>>24926447
Hey OP, tell your mom to shut the fucking music off.
i just want a fucking girlfriend. why do i have to be 5'6"? :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) i've only ever had one girlfriend and it was long distance. she cheated on me at an animu convention with some 6' dude who was 10 years older than her. every waking second is pure torture. all i think about is killing myself. fuck my genetics for making me 5'6". fuck my dad for marrying someone who's literally 5'. god damn.
>>24927149
I don't wanna talk about it and I'm not gonna, at least not here.it was just intense emotional pain
>>24927176
5'6 ? PAHAHAHAHAHHAHA you fucking manlet!
>>24927189
i will give you my address and allow you to personally execute me. upon death, you will be granted full access to my cadaver. full access.
>>24927183I checked your image on the archive and fuck that girl and all girls who lead people on while having bf's
I've decided to stop trying to get a gf.
Or bothering with women. I'm working on a female tulpa, not necessarily to be my gf, just to have a female to interact with and accept me.
>all my crushes reject me and are disgusted by me
>had one gf, she cheated on me and generally tried to fuck my shit up
>grew up with no mother, except when I would occasionally see her drunk/she would try to kill me drunk driving
>just got a therapist
>says she's reluctant to let me do outpatient because of how close to suicide I am, that I need to get prescriptions for powerful meds ASAP
>spend all my time playing CS:GO and listening to let's plays
>don't eat most days, have been losing weight quickly which is a good thing cause I gained 30 lbs recently
>slept 20 hours, missed all of yesterday
>working on getting a job, not in uni cause I just graduated high school (was supposed to finish next May, but got online classes and flew through them so I could be out of that normie infested place, I am 18 so not underageb&)
>have two friends who live far away, and a brother that I talk to
>they all believe I will kill myself soon
>dad took away my shotgun today because he found it loaded
>when I'm not playing CS I post on 4chan about how much I want a Rosey mommy to tuck me in at night and accept me
>tfw the only relationships I want are completely non-sexual because of how destructive sex is
Seriously, fuck sex. It's never done anything but hurt people, except in 2% of relationships where it's just a bonding thing for two lovers, they are both faithful, and make kids.
Sorry for the disjointed post, just venting.
>>24927212
Nah man ill take you home and keep you as a pet. Because you are a subhuman animal manlet.
>>24927295
sounds great mister :)
>>24927227Thanks for the sympathy, stalker-chan.
>>24927304
Yeah, ill tower over you like a fucking titan.
>tfw only 6ft
>>24927360
d-do i have to wear binds if i'm your pet?
I feel horrible, I'm starting to go into a manic episode because of this stupid new bipolar medicine.
>take pill
>hope to feel natrual
>get extremely shaky and energetic
>a forced happines comes on me yet i feel like shit at the same time
>now posting on 4chan, wondering when and how i'm going to kill myself
I hate it, my father is the reason why I developed depression in the first place, and I've always hated him for what he did to me at such a young age. I hate him so fucking much. It's his fault that I'm like this, it's his fault that I kept all of this sadness inside of me until a while back, long after it ruined everything about me.
Sorry if it's a bit long of a post, or if it has a few errors in it, i need to try to sleep this off even though i know i won't be able to.
The other day a friend of mine who I'm madly in love with, got really really sexual with me. He said alot of borderline kinky stuff, and because of it i let my guard down and mentioned my 3 most embarrassing and degenerate kinks. We ended up semi-entertaining my fantasies, but not in a truly sexual way. I still feel embarrassed as fuck about it, but that's not even the bad part. Right before it evolved into anything seriously sexual, he pulled back and told me he didn't want us to get too close, and that he was afraid of hurting me emotionally. For various reasons we probably couldn't have a relationship together, and I think he had that in mind when he said to me "I want to be and do things with you, but it would be irresponsible to let you develop feelings I can't reciprocate.
The shitty thing about this is that all these things he did; saying how he didn't want to hurt me, how he didn't want to drive off the friend that means so much to him, how we needed to keep from getting close so I wouldn't get hurt- They just made me love him even more. I started developing these feelings ever since about September. I want him so bad my heart feels like its going to burst. When I talk to him my worries disappear, when I think about him I get butterflies in my stomach and it nearly makes me want to puke. When we don't talk much like today, I feel so sad and empty I don't know what to do with myself.
I already love him with all my heart can give, I'm already lusting after him just as bad as he's apparently lusting after me. But.. we can't be together. We'll probably never be together and knowing this is killing me inside. I feel so sad and upset I can barely eat. But I can't tell him about any of this because I don't want him to think he's hurt me. He'd feel so guilty about it and I'd never be able to convince him otherwise.
I'm between a rock and a hard place anons, and to be quite fucking honest, I wish I had the guts to kill myself.
>>24927846
You don't have to be with him. Since you have a friend who's done that kind of stuff with you, you're perfectly able to find someone else that wants to be with you.These feels are temporary, don't do anything dumb
>>24926447
Shut it off yourself.
Then get your ass down to a doctor's office.
>>24926568
Move out.
>>24926963
Everything she did after you two split up was entirely her own responsibility.
>>24927124
Build Gunpla
>>24927176
Secure a regular arrangement with an escort who will give you the boyfriend experience.
>>24927230
Go for a walk. A long one.
>>24927605
Take control of your own life. The longer you blame your father, the longer you'll remain in a rut.
>>24927846
Cut off contact, find a new friend, never get attached.
>>24927846
What are these embarrassing kinks you mentioned?
>>24927846
Women aren't capable of being in love. I'm sorry, but I don't feel your pain, because it's so easy for any girl to find someone else who will date them. You have such a wide selection to choose from. I don't even pity you.
>>24926818
C-c-an I have a hug as well pls? ;_;
spent nearly $2000 at the veterinarian because my dog's teeth were fucked
then I spent another hundred on dog pain killers and antibiotics
they gave me a tray of 10 even though I'm only supposed to give her 1 every day for a week
I wonder if dog pain killers work on humans
on top of that she's currently on her period and leaving bloodstains all over my house
also because of the tooth thing she can't have dry dogfood for a week so today I have to go to the store and buy fucking canned dogfood which smells like shit
and right now she's downstairs at the door making that "wee weee" noise because she wants to go outside when I'm trying to just lay in bed because it's cold
haven't I done enough for you these past two days
can't you let me be for like 45 more minutes
>>24928179HUGS for this sad sprudo
>>24926447
>so desperate for a relationship
>take a chance dating a guy
>immediateregret.png
>oneitis actually confesses to me once I start dating, says she's really upset
>can't break up with bf because he always says shit like "you help my depression", and "I feel so much better around you"
I fucked up, guys. The girl who I actually cared about probably won't be interested in me anymore, and I can't break up with this dude either without looking like an asshole.
>>24926447
Your mother sounds like a trashy whore op.
>>24928379
Also, i'm feeling very shitty about this if that wasn't clear.
>live with my dad
>he once again freaks out
> this time that I didnt immediately collect all of my laundry
>threatens to throw me out (again)
>tells me I'm an antisocial prick for doing laundry on my own when necessary or he's too lazy
I told myself I'd beat him to death if he ever once threatened to throw me out again. Obviously didn't do that.
Went running for a long while, now on my way to a friend.
Fuck my dad and the moment I get a place of my own can't come soon enough.
I'm not sober and I'm leveling yet another character in Maplestory but this one has STANDS so I'm excited to see what happens.
>>24928420
Sorry to tell you this anon but if you want to get what you want you're gonna have to be a bit of an asshole.
I wish eeyore and the rest of the shitty tripfags like samson and eggman were dead. I'm tired of them shitposting everyday.
>>24928618
https://github.com/ccd0/4chan-x
>"Enjoy" drinking in the moment, but hate the aftermath and can't afford to do it often
>Also conflicts with my cut/getting /fit/
>Would like to cut it out for the most part and definitely just have "a few" on nights out
>My friends are all heavy drinkers, expect me to get thoroughly smashed every time we're out
>We don't organise sober outings ever any more
>Resent the hangover but appreciate time spent with my friends
>It's December, so it's at least one night out a week until January just to maintain the image that I'm not "boring"
I don't get how people do it. I know it's a normie as fuck complaint to make, complaining about having friends, but I'm so bored of drinking and the cost is killing me. I'm drawing a line under it in January and start making excuses once the "mandatory" festivities are out of the way, since I'm sick of donating a good portion of my spare income into drinking alcohol. I've got other vents if robots care to hear.
>>24928875
>but hate the aftermath
i feel bad for you :( i don't even get hangovers. like there was this one morning i woke up and felt kind of weird after drinking, but i drank water and it quickly subsided. gosh, that must be horrible.
>>24928478
>the moment I get a place of my own can't come soon enough
I can tell you it's a great liberation. Getting away, even partially, from my parents was a great thing for my mental well-being. It's harder work to maintain, but don't let people tell you it isn't something to look forward to.
>>24928918
I don't get "hangovers" in the traditional sense. I wake up dizzy with little sense of balance and because I drink spirits, my stomach feels strange for most of the day, but not like I'm going to throw up. I have a few pints of water during the early hours and it kind of disappates over the day. The worst "aftermath" for me is the loss on control during the night. Some of my cringiest memories are stuff I've done drunk and the liquid confidence has never got me anything. Off the top of my head:
>Any time I've tried to strike up conversation with women when drunk
>Dropping the word "cukcold" in conversation (perfectly within context, but it's not a normie term)
>Spouting unfavourable political/sexist/racist views
>Getting so wasted that I become the focal point of everyone but still sober enough to remember the entire night in vivid detail the morning after
It also always leads to a day of reflecting self-pity, like this and my previous post.
>>24928125
Finding someone to date them isn't the same as being in love with that person
>>24929088
>Some of my cringiest memories are stuff I've done drunk and the liquid confidence has never got me anything
Same, anon. I called my ex the last time I got drunk, even though we went our separate ways. That's when I began to realize that drinking is a shitty way to solve your problems.
>>24929115
True, but they have no shortage of people who are willing to validate them emotionally. But maybe everyone isn't as shallow and weak as me, and they need more than just validation. I doubt I've ever been truly passionate for someone; I just want constant validation.
>You woke up this morning
>Got yourself a gun
>Mama always said you'd be the chosen one
>>24929088
>tfw cringiest things you've done have been in full sobriety
another year is coming to an end
i've gotten another year older but i still haven't made any progress in my life at all. still neet with no education. still a virgin. still no friends
i feel the only thing that's keeping me sane these days is moe anime but even that can cause me to get depressed because i'll never get to experience the happiness that the characters do
I feel sick currently but I felt hope for the first time in a year when it might come about that my mother will kick out my degenerate half-sister and her slave and I might have control over my domain once again and for the first time while living with this side of my family
>closeted trans
>I hate how fucked up my mind is
>see cute cis girls on the street
>feel like dying because I'll never look like them
>tfw wasting my potential away on doing nothing
>could be doing internships for big software companies
>I choose to shitpost and play CS:GO instead
>aware of how faster time flows nowadays
>something that felt like yesterday was 3 months ago
>feel myself getting closer to my inevitable suicide
>feel sad about lots of things
>can't cry or react really
>feel like I'm truly dead inside
>feel like I'd feel better if I could just cry and let it all out
>can't
>>24930434
>aware of how faster time flows nowadays
>something that felt like yesterday was 3 months ago
This might be one of the worst feels. I remember when I was only a few years into school, it felt like a year would take three/four times what it did now.
Time honestly feels like it passes by so quickly now and it's fucking scary.
>slept 11 hours last night
>only been awake for just over 12 hours now
>legitimately feel like I haven't slept for at least 24
I need to hurry up and kill myself.
>I am a subby stupid gay
>last guy I've had a relationship with made me fall in love with him (online)
>was a kek (online)
>I was the extra-marital part
>leave him for his own good
>still love this mother fucker after 11 months
>he talked to me on my birthday (a month ago) and still follows me on snapchat
>feels like I'm leashed to a person I can never have
>he told me he found another "pet" (name we had for our relationship) but "swore to god he learnt his lesson"
>knows how weak is his self-control
>all I did was for nothing
>he probably is still a kek
>I was just used
>still cannot let go
Thank you, daddy issues and good morals, you made me leave the only person i have loved for nothing.
>>24930434
I know your pain.
>have group of online friends
>they all said they'd hang out and get drunk
>none of them did
>not a single message from them the next day
>>24930883
Find someone else, there's plenty of guys out therewink wink
>>24930727
Maybe it's depression or your sleep is pretty bad?
>>24927846
I had the exact same situation with a girl who was older than me. I was 17 at the time, she was 24 at the time. I was madly in love with her. My problems disappeared anytime I spoke to her. When she wasn't around, I'd think about when I can see her again.
She said it wouldn't work cause of the age difference. She knew I liked her, I never said it, but I know she knew, maybe she liked the fact that somebody could love her so she kept me around, maybe she just pitied me, I dunno.
I got sick of the torment, so I cut off contact with her. It was the single most hardest thing I have ever done. There were countless times I almost messaged her, or called her, but I had to resist.
You're in a shit spot anon. I'm not saying you should do what I did. You'll know what to do when the time comes. Put yourself first, don't let yourself be tormented, and I know you'll put them before you like I did for months, but for your own sake anon, try to look after yourself first.
>>24926447
how am I feeling?
>ate about 3 kebabs, 20 chicken balls and about 4 portions of chips just after I had a few pints (no joke)
>went back to club and for about 5 hours sank about 15 pints
>woke up at about 7 this morning with sick all over my jacket and my arm full of glass
>glass in my hair, in my clothes and stuck to my shoes
i don't know how i got back but all i know is I have an unbearable urge to watch anime even though I've never watched it before
I'm slowly feeling like I'm getting gayer and gayer, it's probably because of my vacations.
I'm going to a cruise in January and I've never been to one, I'm afraid it's going to be a nonstop party and I hate parties.
I'm almost 21 and still a hkv, I don't even want to change that anymore because i feel a certain sense of pride.
>>24930955
I might be gay, but I'm also a christian that choose celibacy because of my beliefs. Also a (not completely) degenerate furfag that is a weeb. Constant psychotic breaks and social anxiety plus the fact that I'm "annoying" would make any relationship with me a horrible experience, not including the episodes that my religious side brings to surface. I'm also a hikikomori that only leaves the room for school (I'm on vacations now), church, eating and going to the bathroom.
I'm looking to forget a person, not to find another one to get my problems to a bigger level. Sorry, anon.
>woke up
>wash my face
>look at the mirror
>realize my hair loos is getting out of hand
>get my hair buzzed
Don't know if I'm feeling relieved or depressed, I really liked my hair it's sad to seeing it disappear.
I went to a fucking Christmas party last night for my company, and I was literally like the only person there who DIDN'T have a boyfriend or girlfriend except for the biggest losers of the losers. Like, I make a lot of money, and I'm obese and not pretty, but I'm very charming when drunk. I didn't think it'd hit me so hard, but I was almost ready to walk out of there. I went for a walk and cried outside. But when I came back, people were very nice to me and I had an okay time for a few hours. Afterwards, I walked back to the office to deal with the alcohol, and got incredibly sad again.
I think that in this world, there are some of us who are just designed to be there, to be a reliable anchor for everyone else and to never be either happy or sad. I think we're there as support, both moral and physical, to assist everyone else on their journey. I'm hoping this might change at some point for me.
At the very least, there's always futa on male.
>>24931210
>tfw no robot internet bf
>>24928076
Bondage, choking, petplay
>>24928125
I'm not a roastie you c uck
>tfw work outside
>start thinking/remembering things
>i try to relax
>can't
>feel like crying
>lots of people passing by
>having to deal with it
>it just doesn't go away
>i just want to run away
>somehow manage to contain my tears back
I want to start taking antidepressants but im afraid they will just fuck my shit up even more and most stories end up in suicide, is there something safe i can drink? can someone confirm?
>>24933512
You can always find another guy, but you need to accept you're not going to date that one.
>>24926447
Just diagnosed as an actual autist.
Not bad but just sorta makes me feel queasy inside. I am INTJ whatever that means. Can any autists inform me on what to do? Currently NEETing at parents house
>>24933691
I'm trying to come to terms with that, but everything I try to do to distance myself from him makes me even more infatuated with him. There are times when I literally cannot stop thinking about him, even though I know there's no way it could work out.
Especially when I'm in bed trying to fall asleep, it seems then is the time when my fantasies run wild and keep me up until 5am clutching a pillow.
>>24933869
You should try distracting yourself with games, movies, books, and listen to some calm music while trying to sleep. These might take your focus from him to something else, but ultimately it's all up to you.
Why do you think you become more and more infatuated with him?was he your only hope?
>she rarely posts on facebook
>every time she does I'm greeted with her beautiful face and I falter
>she's one of maybe a dozen fb friends I have outside of family
>every time she posts I'm reminded
>I'm so socially inept I can't hardly speak to her
i fucking hate myself
>>24933907
He's just been so nice to me this whole time, you know? I had some pretty shit stuff happen to me a while ago and he started talking to me completely out of the blue, seemingly to cheer me up. He's got his own problems, he's not all that happy with his situation and he gets down about it often, but he's always so cheery and friendly to me regardless. He's thoughtful, kind, has a great sense of humor, is into vidya and anime, talks to me often.
I guess to me he's just got all the things I'm looking for in another person, he just seems so perfect and dreamy I can't think of anyone else even remotely similarly.
>>24934106
He's not the only nice guy out there, I'm sure you'll find another one who can make you smile.And it should be easier now that you've experienced that
>>24933512
As far as kinks go those are pretty normal. I've known plenty of people that like those but then again I am around a lot of weebs.
>>24934106
And cute kinks.
What's the point of life if you have no one, and what's the point of a relationship if the only reason someone gave you a modicum of attention is because you're good looking, and they never gave a shit about who you are as a person. I want to drop out of life.
>>24934789
>>24934911
maybe they arent all that unusual but i feel embarrassed to like those things so much. I feel like i'm unnaturally masochistic and im also scared it might have weirded him out a bit. I think i remember saying some stuff along the lines of wanting to be tied up and choked out, and he made some comment about how surprisingly sub i am.
>>24928699
With anonymize you still have to put up with the derailment and shitposting of tripfags. Filtering is a much better solution.
>>24935076
It's expected that you're embarassed by this,I am too, but he probably wasn't driven back by that, maybe he just doesn't want to get too inolved with you for some reason.
But you kinda fucked up by telling him about your fetishes.
>>24935172
yeah i dont know what i was thinking, it was really dumb of me to do that
>>24935076
There's no such thing as too naturally masochistic. You can be as masochistic as you desire! And if the guy you like turns out to be too submissive for you or you feel like you're not dominant enough for him then it's safe to say you two are incompatible that way. If you want to change yourself to be more dominant towards him it only proves how submissive you are to want to serve him like that.
>>24935315
You were into him, there was a lewd mood, so it wasn't really your fault.
>>24926447
Sounds like that might be an ear infection, OP
>>24929152
I'm pretty handsy when I get drunk and I might have contributed to giving my gay friend a total breakdown because I was letting him cuddle with me.
>>24931099
Shit, man. I know that feel. My ex was 25 when I was 19; she eventually ended it because she "wanted to begin to start a family". I loved her (and honestly I think she felt the same way) and it torn me apart. About 2 months after we broke up, we started to hang out again. She was dating a new guy, but it was us hanging out alone. It was toxic, so I had to force myself to block all contact so that I could move on.
Was looking at old facebook messages last week and saw her name. Looked at her profile and she's now engaged to the dude. Made me feel better for some reason; I'm genuinely happy for her
>new girlfriend
>she's nice enough
>we have mutual friends
>terrified of breaking up because I know for fact they will pick her over me
>they're the only people my age I can feel genuinely relaxed around.
Also
>i want to get chipotle
>>24927846
That fucking sucks, it sounds really harsh. I know it doesn't help, but good luck.
>>24935366
I'm too masochistic in the sense that I like everything from bruises to bleeding and whipping but he'd practically have to be a sadist to do those things to me, and I don't think he is.
The other thing about it is that as much as I love physical pain I don't enjoy emotional pain. And as far as I know most sadists enjoy inflicting emotional pain.
>tfw no loving sadistic yandere bf who enjoys drawing blood but also likes to cuddle
>>24937210
So cute. You can easily find someone else desu
