Pretty sure I flunked this test I just took today. WOrking on a paper righ tnow thats a few days overdue. I want to leave and play magic but I would probably feel guilty for not sitting at home and pretending to work on my paper
Had some feels at work today
>every at my job is always having banter
>never a part of it
>just grin at them when they are all laughing
>multiple times a week "Why are you so quiet, anon?"
Feelsbadman. Fuck I hate myself.
>>24913888
when do you finally kkll yourself you attention slut?
>>24914456
When you can spell and form intelligent sentences ;3
>>24914143
Do you just feel like you can't fit in with them, or that you cant contribute anything?
>>24914143
the feels are strong with this one
atm wondering if i should work out or just go to sleep, what does anon recommend
Hi skelly, reapplying to college after being suspended. Just taking it a day at a time you know.
>went to psych
>get told I might have depression, ADD and Asperger
>>24914512
They're all nice people, I just never know what to say. I just want to be accepted because deep down I can't even accept myself. Maybe if other people care about me I can care about myself for once. I don't want this feel anymore.
>>24914587
Work out for a little while first. It doesn't have to be much but you'll probably feel a bit better afterwards so it worth it.
>>24914512
why dont you just answer instead of avoiding like a little bitch?
>>24914668
I can really identify with that. I try talk to people at my college and they don't really listen. I think deep down I want acceptance from the people around me as well in order to fill better about myself. I hate that feel.
>>24914623
hear hear. Good luck anon
>>24914637
Did you see anything like that coming?
>>24914668
Do they not accept you? You can participate while being quiet
>>24914754
I did answer
I took myself off my meds a couple of weeks ago and felt fine till today, I'm so tired and depressed.
Too bad my pills are in some land fill right now.
>>24914894
Why'd you stop taking your medicine?
>>24914894
I really hope you werent on SSRI's.
You cant just stop taking them all the sudden, it fucks up your neurotransmitters.
>>24914921
I thought i didn't need them anymore
I'm a moron
>>24914929
I tapered off
Went to the store today and bought beer for someone else's gf because I'm a kek and the girl at the cash register gave me the longest death stare and I can't stop thinking about it.
>>24914888
They accept me and they treat me as normal, but I don't feel included, like a part of 'the group' if that makes sense.
>>24914980
I mean you threw them away. Did you let your doc know or anything? Whens the soonest you can get back on them?
>>24914999
Sounds like she was just having a bad day
>>24915100
Hm. So you would like to participate more?
Got my results back today
I passed all my classes
Now I hopefully won't be having intrusive thoughts about suicide every few hours.
>>24915300
Good job. We'll see if I can replicate your success
I'm in love with Mystery.
>>24915454
Is taht another trip?
>>24915925
Yes but she doesn't even acknowledge my existence.
>>24915992
thats unfortunate i suppose
>>24915454
She's not even cute
>graduate HS 2014
>stoked for the uni. Got pretty good grades in humanitarian subjects in HS and really enjoyed them.
>start to major in philosophy
>not what I expected. We don't research anything or learn anything interesting
>it's just read x fact book and answer questions about these facts
>lose motivation, get low grades but at least pass the course. But what's the point of majoring in something I'm not doing well in, I won't get a job from this or anything beneficial since I can't develop networks because autism
>don't make a single friend, feel alienated
>second semester gets worse, I now have developed depression because I don't want to study something I'm not good at and thus wont benefit from it in the future, but feel like I have nothing else to do. I have no other ambitions or talents.
>start browsing /r9k/
>can't take it anymore, drop out
>get a warehouse part job because I'm too much of a pussy to start full time wagekeking, would just make me suicidal probably
this is where I am now. Still living at home, working part time barely making enough to save anything after the month is over. Every day feels the same, still shitface personality, lonely, khv, no ambitions, dreams of any sort of academic work is dead. At least I have no loans from uni because scandinavia, and recovered a bit from depression by not having to stress out from uni, but life feels like a dead end for me. Suicidal thoughts are more occurring though because I am now set for failure, and being a failure and a burden in my mothers eyes is the worst feel for me. I can't take it bros. I want more money to finally finance myself but I would probably off myself after 6 months of mental fatigue of full time wageslaving. There is no escape. I might go degenerate druggie mode if things stay the same and then suicide before I turn 25 when everyone expects me to leave the nest, start building a career and having a gf.
>>24916031
I know this is cliche but beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
>>24916123
To be fair the first years of college are the worst classes. Things get more interesting after the first year or so.
Also have you ever thought about seeing a therapist and talking to them?
Or maybe find something thats more compelling to you?
Anyone else binge eat cause of their depression? I just did and whilst it feels good for 10 minutes I feel 10 times worse than before now.
>>24916195
Used to a lot, mostly under control now.
Eating five burgers, chicken sandwiches, and taco bell tasted wonderful at first but then the high wears off and I felt even more social afterwards.
>>24916195
I've never binge ate. Sometimes I eat more than I mean to when stressed but thats about it.
>>24916195
I do sometimes, but it depends on whether I'm on drugs and other factors. I've I'm drinking and/or smoking weed or sober, I binge eat like crazy. If I'm on benzodiazepines or uppers or opiates, I don't eat very much.
Nothing quite like getting absolutely shitfaced, eating a bunch of decadent indulgent food, stumbling to the bathroom, puking, then collapsing in bed feeling pretty alright.
>>24916306
Woops, phone turned suicidal into social
>Terrified of my age and how much time there is until I'm thirty
>Mentally put together sets of data about how much time is dedicated to doing what, and what it yields
>Realise time spent on anything greatly diminishes along with yields as you become older
>Realise you could be doing anything and there's always a reason for doing something else
>Spend most of the morning sobbing in bed
>There are so many options for other things I could be doing that it's trivial whether or not I do them
Oh, I feel bad and desperate.
>>24916452
Yeha thats a big difference
>>24916473
It'd be weird and maybe cool if eating made me sociable
Anyone on effexor? how does it feel? does it help you with concentration?
>>24917191
Yeah you right
>>24917402
I was on it. Side effects were too much for me
>>24916453
>>Mentally put together sets of data about how much time is dedicated to doing what, and what it yields
Same senpai, its pretty awful
You ever thought about therapy?
>>24917571
>therapy
I once saw a councilor. At the time, I couldn't feel a thing, which is why I was there in the first place. It became pretty annoying being asked how I felt when it was the same answer for months on end. Never again.
I digress, the problem for me has always been my ego. When I tried to rid myself of it, I came very close to killing myself and throwing away everything I had spent years practising and learning. In that sense, I am beginning and the end of myself: to not be me is unbearable.
Well had to go to the doctors today and my mom wouldn't leave me alone about how it's not normal for not talking to people,she kept asking random stuff like if I'm suicidal,if I want to hurt people and other shit.
>>24917891
Hm. So what does your ego do for/to you?
>>24918114
A GP or a psychologist?
>>24918198
It tells me to be great, and to never stop until I am. It is conflicting, however, when the the utility gained (as I mentioned before) is most likely quite low and irrelevant. I don't know why I wish to exceed, but I do, so I shall do it.
>>24918455
It's okay to be driven to succeed as long as you can handle not succeeding
>Sex drive is completely gone
Will the loneliness finally leave?
>>24918198
Just had to go to the doctors for my ears, but on the way there she was asking all this.
>>24919170
What did you say to her and what do you feel?
>>24918726
Probably not :(
I don't know what to do as a career. I just want to support a family and spend time with them. It kills me to see people so happy in their goals, when I can't even make a single one.
THERE IS COMPLETELY RANDOM NOISE COMING FROM MY SPEAKERS
I HAVE NOT A FUCKING CLUE WHERE FROM OR HOW TO GET IT TO STOP
NOW I'M LISTENING TO AN EPISODE OF POPEYE
SAVE ME
why is that album cover in OPs picture so relevant nowadays?
>>24919277
Hm. Well, what are you good at?
>>24919351
close all tabs!!
>>24919387
tradition
Fuck, I turn 24 in a little over a week. I didn't need these anxieties to come back.
Is depression basically being a downer? Kind of seems like it desu. Like nigga just be grateful.
>>24919405
Thats the thing, I'm not good at anything. Nor do I I have any interests. I'm bad at math, and science. I'm not terrible with computers, but there isnt anywhere here for me to learn. I love History but there is only being a teacher with that.
>>24913888
I feel you. Why the fuck is it so hard to understand physics.
>>24919584
Its basically wanting to die and sometimes you're not even sure why.
Bro it's fine. I'm going on my 4th year at community college. I got a few F's. It's no big deal. I just retake the class for GPA replacement. Next semester I'm gonna graduate with a 2.5 and I'm on my way to a mid-tier university where I'll meme my way to a degree. The key is you've just got to relax man. Once you're done you're going to be making SO much money, and it's all going to be YOURS because you're not a normie retard that falls for the vaginal Jew. You are going to be fine man. Trust me.
>>24919202
Said no to everything even though I'm extremely suicidely, and felt annoyed/angry.
I'm doing okay at the moment, but I had a pretty jarring experience earlier. I used a computer I hadn't touched for a few months, when I was doing worse, and I had a bunch of tabs open to do with suicide. I had kinda put all that stuff out of my mind, I'd forgotten how bad I was.
>>24919596
What stuff are you studying?
>>24919596
because man wasn't supposed to know how it all works
>>24919658
what
>>24919682
Hmm... maybe she wanted to help
>>24919702
:(
at least you're better now?
I feel fucking awful. I have had severe, suicidal depression since fifth grade and it hasn't gone away. The worst part is I can't even blame anyone other than myself. People like me, I easily enter relationships, my grades are As and I have been in several programs that basically set me for life academically since 7th. My parents love me and we aren't poor. I feel like and am complete shit and I can't blame anyone for it other than my inner, shitty personality. I can't relate to anyone because I am female, so anyone i actually try to talk to just tries to fuck me when I don't even want to have sex. I am starting to think may be transgender which just adds onto the pile of shit going on inside my head that I will never be able to get rid of.
>>24919868
You're not transgendered, thats just a mechanism your brain is using to cope with what is happening. It's trying to come up with a way to explain your problems away, trust me I've been there.
>>24913888
ever feel this feel?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6Mjo_0ouFg
listen to this band and suicide is inevitable
>>24919991
my entire life i have never been able to relate to women. I have always hated them and never saw myself as one. I just went along with it until puberty hit, and when I started getting boobs I started getting depressed.
I think the main reason I am depressed is because I can only see myself as evil and awful. My earliest memory is me sitting in my bed planning to kill my mother and get away with it. I was going to stage a suicide. I was 4
>>24919868
See a normal therapist, and a gender therapist. Its a good idea
>>24920031
Ill listen to it later, watching a movie
>>24920031
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6Mjo_0ouFg
I love crywank. Here have some more sad music
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luM6oeCM7Yw
This feeling, like all things, shall eventually pass.
>youtube is fucking recommending me shit I've already disliked
FUCK OFF GOOGLE IS SO SHIT
THIS IS HONESTLY THE MOST EMOTION I HAVE FELT IN DAYS
What's a depressed man supposed to do? Everyday I wake up with no purpose and end up browsing this shithole before I realize it. EVERY SINGLE DAY, I go here zoning out in front of shitty, pointless posts I am not going to remember afterwards and in the end I just become more exhausted and depressed. What's some other activity that doesn't require much brain usage and can occupy me for a whole day?
>>24913888
I went out today and realized that I'm just a failed normie.
I went and hung out with a really beautiful girl and we have the same taste in music and she actually listened and cared about my insane ramblings.
My stomach is in knots because I doubt anything will come of it if I ask, and there's the possibility of ruining a couple of friendships if I go through with asking her out.
I was hugged by a caring girl for the first time in a very long time and I still want to die.
This is unfair.
Why can't I just feel normal instead of a constant state of varying degrees of fucked in the head.
>>24920805
Its the worst
>>24921126
Get help. Thats probably the thing to do
>>24921320
Becauuse our brains are rude and chemically fucked up. SOunds like you had a good day though. How long have you known her?
>>24921729
Maybe a year or so.
I've only just gotten to know her personally recently.
She's so cool she makes me hate myself for being myself.
my brain feels like it is being squeezed in a deathlock as it floats out in front of me, my nose feels like it is being pushed down through my skull, my eyes feel like they're gonna pop out of my head, when i lay completely still my entire body moves by itself my arms move and i feel myself floating like a spooky ghost swaying back and forth in stale time and space, i cant even focus and read without spending minutes reading each sentence over and over in hopes of finally making sense of it in my brain, im so dizzy and empty headed that i don't know where i am half the time or where i was this whole month, i am in fantasy almost every waking moment, i remember my dreams in great detail and spend most of my time meditating and listening to music, i can't recognize my face in the mirror, there is an emptiness drilling a hole in my head that might be capable of draining out my fear, my favorite feeling is laying still and focusing on my mind as it feels like my skull is sliding out of my skin from the sheer amount of force pushing down on my head
i've felt like this for a decade and i still do and they say derealization/depersonalization i don't know but it took away my ability to feel until the last week in which ive felt emotions and a semblance of an identity from those said emotions it is quite strange
everything is still foggy and i am living underwater where babies are swimming around in the womb in some distant black hole still but gee whiz i never felt so happy in my life, so happy to be so miserable
misery is the equivalent to happiness when compared to that emptiness
loneliness and misery are fantastic
im so happy to feel lonely it feels great
when the tears leak from my eyeholes it feels like i'm emptying a cyst in my brain, like waking up for the first time, except more from the womb void and into a dreaming state than into the normal people world
i think im gonna puke, but that's probably because i haven't eaten in nearly a week im so relieved
