I hear being suicidal is trendy these days
>suicidal thoughts filling my head
>get a random boner and start jerking off for the 3rd time today
>as I cum I forget all my worries, vividly imaging lifting the veil over my oneitis's head at the altar
>after under a second of bliss I the suicidal thoughts come flooding back in, shame, self hatred, and that fentanyl I could buy online to OD on
>"Feel like shit, want to kill myself every day"
I don't suffer with depression, but I do have severe anxiety. I think maybe the physical side of depression and anxiety overlap quite a bit. I feel like shit literally every day. Constant lethargy, stomach cramps, always feels like having a stomach virus or some shit, panic attacks at random, spikes (decreases) in body temperature at random, cold sweats, shaking, never feel like I can get enough air in my lungs, feeling like I'm going to black out from oxygen deprivation...
I can't say I've ever been suicidal though. I don't really understand that mindset. Yeah, my life is pretty shitty with all the psychosomatic crap that's constantly going on, but I guess you get kind of numb to it after a while. I've been dealing with this shit for the better part of a decade, so I've more or less incorporated it into my daily routine.
>>24880663
>even though my depression has recessed as of late, I still have to suffer from my anxiety
>feel like everyone is staring at me once I leave my front door
>I get panic attacks constantly in public
>get even worse ones alone in my room
Christ how do I make it all stop?
Anxiety, depression and sociopath here. I don't understand how people can be contempt with being forced to live life by society's rules and standards. Through thousands of years of human evolution and social construct we have arrived to the point of normality where we choose ourselves to be wage slaves, working every day just so that we can give the government our hard earned money. If you don't live according to the morals and standards the population has shackled itself with you become ostracized or shamed. Even if you get a girlfriend or significant other, you wake up to see them in their flesh, skin folding around bones as they move about, sighing and wondering where their life could have gone. This is our society. I honestly do not see any point in living other than small menial things like owning and bringing unparalleled joy to a cat or dog. We were already born slaves. Our fingers and toes will never be able to taste the unsold earth.
I don't know how I got any schoolwork done in the past. This semester its been like pulling teeth. I fucked up so many things.
>>24881497
Lol what the fuck, you definitely belong here
Anybody /gfbutstillfeelingempty/?
I thought getting a girl would make all my problems go away and boost my self esteem,but i dont really feel any different.
>>24881497
The experience of life of most humans is NOT worth it in the end.
>>24882120
Do you feel connected with her?
A gf is just a word, having it is just a social contraption. A real relationship is another thing
>dream about ex
>wake up
it's been over a fucking year
>walking around
>look at someone as I walk by them
>suddenly Im smashing their head against the wall and shit
>suddenly I'm a few feet forward and breathing a little harder, nothing happened
This is happening more and more lately what's wrong with me
>never have felt joy or pleasure in doing anything
>suffer from it
>living not the life but the limbo
>constantly thinking about how i am too lazy to even have fun
>not even sure if i have depression cuz i actually am able to get out of the bed and move in front of the pc
>really sure that i am a disgrace for the human race for all people who struggle with real mental illnesses
>hate myself
>then cannabis came into my life
>be now
>after approx 2 years of rather heavy use got numb to it
>loose interest in the literal only thing that i mildly enjoyed
>realize how i am still a piece of crap
>feel the cycle of not doing anything and self loathing getting back to me growing stronger day by day
anyone interested in more insights of my mind?
>>24880663
>I hear being suicidal is trendy these days
it isn't, people just like to call you a pussy, or say how since someone has it worse than you that the chemical imbalance in your brain is insignificant and you should just stop being depressed like flipping a light switch because they are the authority on all things.
personally I've found when I don't feel depressed I gotta freaking cling to that and not let depression get in the way and just block out those thoughts and try not to stress over stuff that has to be done and just do it. It's a lot easier when it's something I want to do though I psych myself up to get motivated about doing it and ride that high till the objective is done. Tends to take a certain temperament when actually doing the thing to not lash out at others for no reason which makes it a lot easier to stay focus'd on the task and figure out why other people might lash out if they do.
