Describe moment in your life when you realised its not going to be a fairy tale and insufferable pain will fulfill your days and constant thoughts of suicide are impossible to avoid any longer.
>>24867398
Last year when I was 20 desu senpai.
Whenever I'm on /r9k/
I still remember, I remember I was in my moms bathroom and she told me about how a helmet saved some guys life in Iraq, I was like whaaat how can it save your life, d-does that mean life can go away?
When I saw a dog get hit by a car, fly into the air and lay on the ground whimpering while its insides were stretched across the pavement.
>>24867582
It always makes me incredibly sad seeing dead animals on the street. Drivers in here are crazy and a lot of homeless dogs get hit regularly. I'll always remember the first one I've seen laying dead for days near my old apartment. The image of it is burned in my head.
>>24867398
As soon as I left school
When I realized that my life and my actions in life are a vicious cycle that I can't escape from. So I'd say about 3 years ago.
what are you, eight?
thinking that way turns you into a giant pussy. it's a thought trap.
It's been an entire lifetime of conceding all traces of hope bit by bit.
>>24867398
It started going downhill slowly in September 2001, but I didn't start to suspect it around 2008. I didn't truly see until 2012, when I finally stopped listening to other people tried to force down my throat and started looking into things for myself.
>>24869199
*stopped listening to what other people tried to force down my throat
Every single day when I wake up
I open my eyes, and sooner rather than later my sleepy haze clears and I realise that I'm a fucking loser and I hate myself
>>24867582
>tfw this except my own dog
when I had a bf and I realized that relationships follow the same curve of starting out really great and then going to shit like everything else in life
that humans are fallible and the one thing I want in this life (love) will never be perfect so long as I am human and the person I love is also human
Every morning approximately five minutes into my shower.
Every night around seven P.M.
>These since fifth grade
>>24867559
That is so innocent
around 17, by 20 I attempted suicide
I'm 23 now and only reason I'm still living is I discovered opiates genuinely made my life better
faked a heroin addiction to get free methadone and my life isn't roses and sunshine but it's definitely livable now. none of this bullshit therapy or 'correcting levels of serotonin' or whatever the latest bullshit theory drug companies use, all I need is opiates in my bloodstream
I like to think of myself as having opoid deficiency syndrome
>>24872428
Opiates are better than the trash pills like SSRIs and Ritalin and all that other garbage.
There is ZERO evidence for the "chemical imbalance" theory of depression. It's pseudoscience.
>>24872585
It's not 'zero' evidence but it is minimal
there is however trials where healthy patients were given various monoamine depleting drugs, it did not cause overwhelming depressive symptoms in the patients
so there's a bit of evidence against it too
with the new research on ketamine and hippocampus function psychiatrists are changing their tune to 'antidepressants work via a method that we don't completely understand' instead of the monoamine hypothesis
so the moral of the story is to use ketamine
>>24872585
absolutely
I've tried over 15 different pyshciatric medications, some with very serious side effects and nothing has even come close to what opiates have acheived.
these medications they give you, for the most part are LESS than useless. that is, not only do they do nothing, they CAUSE horrible side effects
I can vouch for a few drugs.
>beta blockers
these help for the physical symptoms of anxiety. if you get chest pain, racing heart, high blood pressure sensation etc, these will help with that
>benzos
good for panic attacks, yes there's terrible side effects and addictoin but these are powerful medications that will end a panic attack or high anxious states
and perhaps surprisingly
>venlafaxine
yes the withdrawal sucks, yes it's addictive, and yes it wont make you feel good. what this medication did for me, was to 'blunt' my lower emotional states. what I mean is that it sort of protects me from the depths of emotional despair. depression is quite an emotional disease, you feel awful and hopeless, and meaningless, and purposeless, you feel like you want to die etc. what this medication did for me (and I should note I don't really fuck with low dose meds I take 450mg venlafaxine, if you have mild-moderate depression this med wont do shit probably, plus you'll get addicted), what this medication did for me is to protect me from those emotional states. it's as if I can't feel that way. I can't break down into despair or feel suicidally hopeless. it's definetly helped with my feelings of suicide. instead of being an emotioal thing like "i feel so bad I just want to die holy shit life is so tragic and horrible", now it's just like a cost benefit rational thought. it's sort of taken the emotionality out of the equation
>opiates
these will make you feel content with present and feel as if the future is bright, it will make you optimistic, you feel life is ok, the best word to describe is content.
