who wants to suffer here?
i dunno how to explain this.. but its like, i don't want to go do normie things, even if they make me feel happy for a while, because i think it's just a distraction from the true nature of the world, and the true me, which is suffering. i feel like if i can stay in that suffering and see it down to its depths, i can somehow solve this dilemma. i could try and get back to how i was before this darkness, back to a regular life with everyone else, but it seems so fake, like its not worth the effort it takes to uphold, and i've seen through the curtain now so i could never go back, like something broke in me. i feel like i have to stay with my suffering, else i'll lose all the work i've put into it so far, its like i have something to prove and doing "fun" activities just distracts me from that.
anyone relate?
get over it man
don't waste your life.
were all suffering. its the universal language
>>24824556
> le wasting life meme
fuck off normie
>>24824624
oh blow it out your ass, faggot. if you're too stupid to figure out that life being meaningless means you can do whatever you want, then so be it.
have fun being ass blasted all by yourself
>>24824556
>get over it, man up, and be yourself
Truly some incentive rhetoric
I relate family. No desire for a gf or anything. I'd likely inflict suffering on her too for being too distant from it all.
>>24824680
> say i want to suffer
> thinks the "have fun" line has any effect
death renders every action and emotion absurd because it'll all be erased/forgotten. so don't compare one life to another and claim one has more value. all life is a waste.
I used to be like you.
I had all the reasons for being the way I was. Then I took some antidepressants and changed.
Again, I had all the reasons to be the new way I was.
We rationalize everything, We don't know shit.
We are just explaining why this is this way and that's that way and recognizing patterns, most of the time creating sense out of sheer white noise.
Whatever way you live is the correct way to live, its seems.
You just can't be wrong. You are cursed to do exactly what you will do and think what you think and then the game ends and you can't even see your score.
>>24824749
thats my point. all life is a waste. therefore, theres really no consequence to any of your actions.
if you really want to suffer, then go for it, i suppose. i've been there and it was a waste of over a decade.
>>24824776
pretty legit. i guess shit happens and we try to rationalize it after the fact
>>24824818
> (A) theres really no consequence to any of your actions
> (B) it was a waste of over a decade
B is regret. how can you have regret if you believe A?
>>24824906
>"huh. i should have done a bunch of crazy shit because as it turns out none of this garbage matters"
its whatever, you're gonna do what you're gonna do
Anon I've never related to a post more, I'm 22 now and felt this way since I was at least 17. The anhedonia has become an identity. If I laugh it always seems like its coming from somewhere else, and I'm always laughing at things others don't think are funny.
>Walking down the street and see someone yell "FAGGOT" at another pedestrian out of the car window
>laughed
>watched the Gummo bath scene where the mom is throwing suds near his spaghetti
>laughed
Normies don't seem to have trouble with or think about these things at all, but maybe some people have just never had truly bad things happen to them in their lives, they haven't had to be under that stress yet. Normies try so hard to not face the impermanence that they'll have to see eventually (that will make them think about death). But we like to stare at it to know it happened.
I want to suffer to I can stop being so weak,but I can't stand pain because I am so weak
>tfw no one to abuse you
struggle is man's destiny.
do not give up.
despair is nothing, evolution forged us for it.
>>24824749
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tH2w6Oxx0kQ
>>24824525
I think it's because when I suffer it is the only emotion of mine that is real. When I laugh with people it isn't because I am truly happy but because I need to appear happy so I will look okay. Occasionally movies, music, and vidya make me feel genuinely happy but those are always short lived.
>>24825336
>>24824729
glad someone relates
> Normies try so hard to not face the impermanence that they'll have to see eventually. But we like to stare at it to know it happened.
i feel like this too, i guess looking into the darkness is more interesting to me.. keeping up this lifelong game of desperately running around trying not to look at it.. its pathetic. now im like this i cant stand fake people or pretense anymore.. those who fake laugh, or try to put a positive spin on everything, its exhausting, what are you even trying to prove
>>24825539
insightful.. i agree. maybe my holding onto suffering is just as bad as normies trying to hold onto happiness, but it just seems like the truth. happiness seems fake, fleeting, a moment to forget, whilst suffering is always there underneath
