have you ever experienced happiness?
Only when i watch my cute chinese cartoons about cute anime girls doing cute anime things.
Maybe. But reading on 'mindfulness' 'meditation' didn't let me experience it as fully as I could, because my brain is forever caught in self-referential loops, and only perceives 5% of every single experience, the rest being consumed by the endless 'you just noticed that you are thinking', 'you just noticed that you are feeling', 'you just noticed that you are moving', 'you just noticed you are experiencing'.
>>24821251
In fact, from time to time, I manage to remember how life used to be before 'mindfulness meditation' turned me into a thoughtless shell, when I used to notice, when my mind used to wander, when I used to imagine.
>>24821251
>>24821295
Jesus Fedora-Tipping Christ
Yeah. Mainly drug enabled happiness, but happiness none the less
>>24821251
>>24821295
abandon thread, the anti-buddha is spreading
>>24821383
what kind of drug you do anon
>>24821373
Try to design some code with your brain interrupting itself literally every twenty seconds with 'did you notice that you are trying to think?', and getting consumed by that thought.
Or try to explain something to another person with the same.
Or try to to draw something.
It is impossible.
Then how can experiencing happiness be, if it is a much less immediate experience, demanding less attention? I haven't been happy in years.
I have accepted that my life has ended, but I won't let anyone else suffer this as far as I can help it.
life wasn't so bad when I was a little kid
>>24821413
I answered the question. Sage.
>>24821424
Whatever I've got. Tonight I've had 4 milligrams of flutoprazepam and some weed.
yeah, held a girl's hand once. Went on one date, and promptly friendzoned me. Still a KV. Sometimes I wish that night didn't happen so i would know know what happiness feels like.
>>24821426
Seek therapy, my nigga.
When was the last time you guys were happy for an extended period of time? As in, not happy because of an event that happened that day, or because of some substance, but just happy for a week or more.
I can't remember, it's been more than 5 years.
Probably when I was a kid. If I have, I've forgotten about it.
>>24821558
i genuinely can't remember
perhaps when i was a little child...but i'm not sure
i haven't been truly happy since i was 12
>>24821534
That's always easy to say, isn't it? When someone's pointing out the effects of 'meditation', just brush it off with 'you're mentally ill'. The implication either being that one is imagining things, or that one has some sort of obsessive disorder causing one to think about oneself and is inthatmuch an exception. Except, it is not so. What I am experiencing is LITERALLY the effects of 'meditation' and 'mindfulness' as universally touted by science. I experience less suffering, less anxiety, less addiction, less anger, less doubt, less self-criticism, I am less argumentative, more tolerant, more forgiving. Except I am, for some reason, still seeing and saying that I feel and think less emotionally and creatively, too.
And what would a therapist recommend to me, anyway? 'Meditate' more? There is literally no way to remove self-referential thoughts. Trying to notice them is only making the problem worse. The impairment is permanent.
>>24821251
Same here famalam.
>>24821627
Glad I'm not the only one to experience what you described verbatim
>>24821627
>self-referential thoughts
I'm curious, do you mean recursive "loops" like this?
>I'm noticing a thought
>I'm noticing that I'm noticing a thought
>I'm noticing that I'm noticing that I'm noticing a thought
>etc
>>24822195
Yes, exactly.
I am soon distracted into noticing the loop as a whole, but it changes nothing: my previous focus, for instance thinking about payment terminals, or a relationship between two words, or order of my daily schedule, is lost, and I must refocus on it every time. And then it happens again. It's as if every time I think of something, I am hit in the face, 'don't be distracted, be in the present, be in the here-and-now'.
I have never 'meditated', and so I'm more or less able to write (reply to posts as I read them), but when I'm on my own, for instance outside, my time is just a never-ending 'self-aware' haze.
>>24822974
>my time is just a never-ending 'self-aware' haze
But >meditation is good for you!!! >meditation is about introspection!!! >meditation allows self-control!!! >meditation helps you let go of unwanted thoughts!!!
>>24822974
>as if every time I think of something, I am hit in the face, 'don't be distracted, be in the present, be in the here-and-now'
The exact process is:
>think about something, e.g. 'hey, this bird hobbles funny'
>notice that I thought about it
>feel sad
>notice that I'm feeling sad
>remember the whole 'self-awareness' debacle
>sometimes, remember to refocus on the thing again
>fail
>notice that
>feel even sadder, until I notice something else, at which point the whole process repeats
This has literally been my life for years. Nothing but abortive realizations. I'm not saying that I would be knowledgeable or curious or creative if I had never heard of Buddhism and 'meditation', but it wouldn't be as bad. I just wish my eyes didn't roll up my skull every time I saw something.
>>24823127
But >>meditation has no downsides!!! >meditation is proven by science!!! >you should meditate every day!!! >meditation broadens perception!!!
Yup, recently, after dating and fucking a girl with whom I was infatuated. The comedown was pretty hard when she left.
>>24823127
Again, this is word-for-word what proponents of 'meditation' advertise. I have 'become self-aware', 'become mindful of my inner self', 'become truly focused', 'achieved profound self-control', 'become deeply grounded', 'made my thoughts anchored', 'let my brain become thoroughly interconnected', 'put my thoughts under deep scrutiny', and every single superlative term in which Buddhists refer to victims of the practice. Except I am calling it what it really is. Self-absorption.
>>24823357
For instance. Just a dozen of seconds ago, I returned to the front page and saw >>24823276. I thought, it was a long time that I heard Nyan Cat, let's open it. And 'self-awareness' interrupted, 'you just thought about this', taking a fifth of a second out of my life. Then mind-wandering managed to return, and my wandering mind thought to describe this phenomenon in this thread here. And again, I was interrupted by pseudointrospection, 'you just thought to do that'. Actually, I just realized that it might be yet another way in which Buddhist practices resemble schizophrenia. This is comparable to having commenting hallucinatory voices. Note, I do NOT have real voices; the form of these vapid thoughts is non-vocal and non-verbal. But this is comparable in the sense that it is a useless nuisance.
>>24821198
define happiness
Nah.
I wasted my youth wishing to be an adult. Then being an adult didn't pan out.
I'm hoping that once I finish my slavery contract and have my debts paid off, I can be happy as a translator of nip porn.
>>24821198
When I was a kid I was very happy
>>24821198
Yes. I experience it when I'm with my oneitis. Years ago last time.
as a very young boy I did. That all changed once I understood the world more and my own perceived flaws.
I've told this story before but
>female friend of mine (cute, too) is walking on campus with me
>Hey, Anon, my roommate is out of town, you should come keep me company
>go to her dorm (girls only, at that)
>we end up watching a show on Netflix on her laptop on her bed
>I eventually put my arm around her
>She puts her arm over me, her head on my shoulder
>She eventually falls asleep there
There are few things as nice.
Yeah, like 3 years ago, so I'm not too far gone.
I really don't want to get to the point where I snap, but you never know.
>>24821198
I think I did when I was a kid but I suspect those memories aren't real.
When I was a kid opening up a fresh new deck of Yu-gi-oh cards
When I was little. My parents were geniuses and every day held something new. Disillusionment is a bitch
I don't remember being happy. Not even as a kid.
>>24821198
Yeah. I think the last time was around the 4th or 5th grade. When puberty came, so did the sadness. I have occasional bursts of "happiness", something that last one or two days, a week at the most, a feeling that reminds me of my childhood, but it never lasts. My mother asked me if I was happy the other day. I didn't want to tell her no, so I just said "I don't know, I don't really feel anything", which is sort of true. I've stopped feeling. I've come to accept the fact that happiness wasn't meant for me.
No one is happy 24/7, but goddammit I would kill to just be happy 50% of the time.
>>24821198
I have but I've forgotten what it felt like its been so long.
