one more week
just one more week
>>24795985
first for eurobeat
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wv0iUKb80C8
>>24796051
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbEaSHhQRe0
Im listening to this today
>>24795985
who here /waiting/?
My pointlessness ends in about 2 years, but all I do, every day, is just wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. It drives me fucking insane
>>24796110
What are you waiting on?
>>24796143
cant say here
What are you waiting on?
it's been on and off for like two or so weeks it just happened that i missed out on a lot of things for being a robot
>>24796163
Why not anon?
>>24796187
im not sure what you mean
>>24796219
cuz I cant
What are you waiting on? The only reason people are depressed is because the light at the end of the tunnel is too far away. They kill themselves when It is not visible.
I see the light. It is far, and faint, but I can see it. But im getting tired of walking
>>24795985
Keep going Skeleton, I believe in You.
I have exams in 10 days. I'm way above average in tests but I hope I'll don't fail the real thing
>>24795985
>one more week
two actually
fuck
>>24796278
Waiting for this semester to be over really. I have short term goals.
>>24796353
Good luck to you too
I'm waiting too until this year to be over, don't want to be an inconsiderate asshole right before Christmas, so I'll be an inconsiderate asshole next year. A knife through the heart, yes it'll be painful and that's why I'm doing it that way.
>>24796765
Why such a painful method, and why at all?
>>24796791
>and why at all?
do you really need to ask if you browse /r9k/?
>have to do an art experience essay
>doing NBND (Nothing But Noise December)
>i now have to explain noise, and why anyone would listen to it
>
i don't know how to explain Whitehouse or Consumer Electronics. should i just do "muh textures"?
also,
>tfw cymbalta is doing nothing for you but making you not be able to eat
how's your semester going, SJW?
>>24796856
Everyone has their own reasons. Its not universal
>>24796864
Heyy what kinda noise are you listening to?
Its going okay super stressed right now though hope i dont fail
>>24796902
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UtyfjiZMI8w
this right now. might just use PE for it so i can do lyrics.
i was listening to a lot of blackened noise last month. i would do KEK, but that shit is too weird for a uni paper.
>>24796765
Let's say it's because of vanity since suicide is suppose to be cowardly. Also because I've suffered enough that I don't really care about the pain. Why? We're all special snowflakes but we all grow up in a world where the rules are supposedly the same for everyone. People get fucked up, and even if they pick up all the pieces they see that from here on it's not going to get much better. Same story, suicide's a meme and an increasingly popular one when nothing else in the world has a rhyme or reason.
I think a large portion of my life might be a complete lie. Or at the very least I am so fucking confused on how to feel about my life and the relationship with my parents.
>>24796962
Oh okay I was thinking stuff more like Merzbow. Good shit yo, I wanna read it when you're done
>>24796990
Whats going on anon?
this morning i was lying in my bed, pretty comfy
i had to poo and didnt want to get up so i just pooped in my bed
>>24797011
oh
thats not good
how could you stand lying in it?
>>24797048
i've been taking a fibre supplement so my poo is like a rabbit dropping, i basically just kicked it aside
>>24797068
Gross desu. I have issues with how i see cleanliness so i couldn't ever do that.
the though of suicide keeps coming on more and more. The few friends who I drink with once a week I start crying or something when I drink with them I can't keep my shit together anymore when around people.
>>24797164
Whats been wrong anon?
>>24796401
oh fuk
it's actually two and a half
kill me
>>24797003
My father who's essentially 50 years old told everyone in the immediate family he is transgender. I don't know how to deal with it mainly because I had hated his guts before. I don't hate him more because he is trans (which regardless of the person I don't have an issue with), and now I don't know how to feel. Its probably worse for my mom and my older sisters, who are both 6+ years older and have already moved out.
>>24797200
it just keeps getting worse
>>24797202
Do you live with him? How is everyone taking it? And why do you hate him?
>>24797236
I'm 19 but I still live with my parents. My feelings towards him really a caused by the fact that I don't feel at ease around him and am really intimidated by him, and we disagree with each other a lot. Also he's military and that negatively impacted my life back in HS when I was forced to move with him. And I am not sure 100% how my mom and sisters are dealing with it, as my sisters live thousands of miles away and I haven't talked to my mom one on one about it yet.
>>24797202
Maybe it's a chance to try and make the relationship better?
If your dad felt like he couldn't be himself before maybe that was part of why he sucked. Not saying it excises things. It's your life. Feel free to do whatever.
>>24797379
Ah, I understand that. When did he come out?
>>24797428
Couple days ago. It's funny, because I told my father all the signs I noticed and simple thought he was going through a mid-life crisis (well, I guess he is in a way)
>>24797466
Huh, I suppose so. Have you two talked about it?
>>24797497
We did, with my mom in the room. I found out were he stood on multiple LGBT topics though, which I was curious about due to the fact that he is a chaplain in the military (especially a pastor/priest)
>>24797554
Holy cow, thats unexpected. Well maybe this is the start of a better relationship with your father.
>>24795985
two more weeks for me
>>24797619
good luck have fun friend. What all do you have to do?
>>24797637
my trip keeps disappearing. Spooky
>>24795985
Life feels like a long day and I just want to sleep
>>24797901
Ive been there. Are you exhausted al the time?
>>24797922
Every day, anon.
>>24795985
>skeletonbro is still around
you're a cool guy for still making these threads, skeleton
>>24797982
You're cool too
I'm here forever
>>24797945
Same here. Are you getting any treatment for depression?
i get home from work and lay in bed with a laptop on this website every single day, why am i still alive?
>>24797194
I honestly don't know, could be going nowheres in life, hating life, being alone, I just don't know anymore. The other day when I was with them at their house I went outside to get some fresh air and ended up crying for 20 minutes
Things feel worse than usual, ex-girlfriend who I still talk to for some reason (probably crippling need for support) told me to leave her alone. Life is moving very fast. But I bought some weed today and I'm gonna smoke it in about an hour.
>>24798038
because your organs are functioning properly
>>24798054
Do they know about your feelings?
>>24798055
In what way is life moving fast?
>>24798015
>Same here. Are you getting any treatment for depression?
No. I'm just going about my days rotely. If I didn't have things that I had to do, I don't think that I'd do anything.
>>24798104
I'm not sure last weekend I was crying on their couch but it seemed they didn't care or pay attention, every time I try to say something my best friend who I've been friends with since elementary school will say something about people being weak, like suicide is for weak people, I was almost in tears saying if someone doesn't enjoy life they shouldn't have to live.
>>24798104
(I'm life is moving fast guy) I have a mountain of things to keep up with between school, work and commitments to family, and I feel like I'm failing at all of them. I picture a better version of myself holding up in the face of challenges.
>>24798141
You should try to get help
>>24798184
Jesus christ, get better fucking friends. They obviously don't care about you. Actually makes me angry
>>24798200
Ah, I can understand that. I'm sort of in the same boat, about to graduate and scared of the future
>>24798217
Also album of the day
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FehDvM6NCzw
It's getting worse, I think my friends are begining to notice, my best friend is texting me to see how i'm doing very often, i can't get myself to get up the stairs i hate myself i don't want to see anyone anymore, i tought it was getting better but it doesn't seem like it anymore
>>24798217
the problem is I can't, I mean we've been friends forever, we have fun and stuff but as soon as I bring up something emotion they just kind of ignore it like a few years ago I told one of them I can't stop think about killing myself and he just said just don't do it. I don't see how the fuck that helps anyone.
>>24798302
So none of them know?
>>24798321
God thats incredibly frustrating. I'm so sorry anon. You need professional help, as soon as possible.
>>24798357
I probably should get some, also my "friends" are homophobic and I'm bisexual but have never told anyone, beside one guy.
>>24798388
God the more I hear about this the more upset it makes me. Seriously anon find better human beings who can emphasise with other human beings. I'm super lucky to have accepting friends who were okay with me being queer. (really sad that it has to be lucky)
>>24798357
>>24798280
No, they don't, i guess i've made some coments in front of my best friend implying it but i never told anyone, only one who knows is my mom i don't know what's wrong with me
I'm average looking, i don't have problems talking to persons, people generally like being around me but i can't like myself i just can't bring myself to do it
On the other hand 2015 has been a shitty year, i finally got the confidence to start asking girls out and i failed with all of them, at least before i told myself i was alone because i didn't tried but what are you supposed to do when you try and yet fail every single time?
Nice music taste btw
>>24798506
Maybe you should try therapy? And thanks
>>24798413
I wish I could.
>>24798567
Do you have any means of meeting new people, maybe like an LGBT club or group near you?
>>24798613
I don't think so, I'm pretty much on the bottom of the social circles because of anxiety.
>>24798547
Yeah, I'm working on that I'm scared that i'll have to take pills or something like that because i would feel like i'm not happy and i'm just high 24/7
>>24798567
It's not hard mate, take up a hobbie or go to a club or even on the internet, all you need to do is to be polite, a nice person, give your opinions respectfully even if you dissagree with someone and if someone gives you shit don't take it, it makes people respect you a little bit more
>>24798665
You ever thought about anti anxiety meds?
>>24798674
Pills aren't too bad, you won't be high 24/7 on the right meds
>>24798709
I've been thinking about going to a physicist, but I'm kind of nervous about it.
>>24798826
Nervousness is normal, but it shouldn't stop you from going.
>>24798826
Shit son, what problems do you have that are so bad that you need to see a physicist? Evil clone? Time travel paradox? Quantum superposition mishap?
>>24795985
>tfw starting to feel better
>stopped drinking, stopped smoking and went outside during the day for the first time in months
>listening to happy music, feeling good
>see group of hot girls on way to target
>doesnt faze me, i am happy
>they laugh about something as i walk past
>suddenly start sweating like fuck
>skin crawling
>aware of how im breathing
>aware of how im walking
>aware of how im dressed
>aware of how i look
>entire body itches
>face and hands bright red
>nope into an alleyway where i sit trying to calm myself until nightfall
>buy marlboros and 3 6 packs of budweiser (on sale)
>come home to parents smiling and asking how my day was
>o-okay
i know that my feelings and actions were totally irrational and that the women probably didnt even take notice of me but that just makes it fucking worse
>>24798965
haha no evil clone or time travel paradox
the social leprosy of autism seems to bleed through the screen. it's pointless to socialize offline or off. why can't my brain get this and stop wasting time trying to communicate with others?
>>24798965
oh man got me good
>>24798999
Thats pretty severe anon. You really need therapy IMO.
>>24799049
I dont' think thats true. Are you actually autistic or are you just using it as another word for being awkward.
I'ts all coming undone skelly
>>24799086
Whats wrong shia lafam
>>24798999
get some help immediately anon. you really need it. ( no offense )
best of luck to you
>>24799066
tried therapy once but the therapist was a condescending hippy fuck and it put me off the idea
>>24799156
See someone who isn't stuck in the 60s
>>24799066
it's true. I don't think like anyone else so they ignore me or make fun of me. I'm fucking weird I guess so I don't blame them. just wish I'd stop trying to communicate with them but I can't seem to be able too.
>>24798999
>entire body itches
fuck man this sensations is awful, is there any way to stop it?
>>24799239
If you aren't geting anything good out of the relationships you have, leave. Its for the best
>>24799279
a shower might help.
>got my straight razor and leftover painkillers from recent surgery
>holidays coming up soon
ONE DAY /R9K/
ONE DAY I'LL BE FREE
>>24799354
can't shower out in public senpai
and by the time I get home it's gone
>>24799279
short of sitting down for a good few minutes and trying to focus on breathing calmly i havent found a way but you cant exactly do that in a public area without having more people look at you
>>24799433
what do you mean it's gone?
>>24799504
the sensation of having to scratch everywhere at once without relief that I was talking about in my first post?
>>24799180
even with a different therapist i doubt id like the idea
just the thought of sitting and talking face to face with someone and having them analyze you and probe your mind for a paycheck makes me uncomfortable
>talking to Uni group
>"We should meet tomorrow to do blablabla"
>Say I'd rather not cause it's my birthday that day
>"Oh ok anon. Are you celebrating tonight?"
>No
>"Tomorrow then?"
>No
>awkward staring
>ended up going to a movie alone and smoking 3 grams of weed alone on my birthday
1 more week till winter break and I can leave this fucking shithole
>>24799587
They're more there to help you, not always to "probe you". Help you discover you
>>24799592
Dont like the people?
>>24799504
it only happens when people are looking at you or when you feel like people are looking at you, imagine feeling so embarrassed that you physically want to tear your skin off over something as ridiculous as thinking youre not swinging your arms enough as you walk whilst being fully aware of how ridiculous it is to feel like that thereby amplifying the embarrassment because you think everyone knows how embarrassed you are too
>>24799733
>Dont like the people?
I find them really shallow. No real interests to speak of. Even if it's not something we share in common, just talking to someone that is passionate about something can be at least tolerable, even if you don't give a shit about what he's saying.
But the people at my Uni have no interests, or at least not that I've ever heard them mention. Try talking about a movie and get blank stares. Try talking about some current situation in the world and get blank stares.
Just can't do the idle chit chat and drinking stories all the time. Would prefer to be alone instead.
>>24799733
i dont need help discovering myself i just need to be less of a little bitch
>>24799793
WEll they can help you wit that
>>24799792
I can understand that. I cant stand being with people who don't interest me desu.
>>24799755
ohhh I didn't read your first post, sorry I'm a little drunk. I don't get itchy just twitchy, last week I had to leave work because some redneck said I needed to use the bathroom after seeing a girl and I go so twitchy I felt like I was gonna pass out.
>>24799823
not by sitting you down with a colouring book and crayons like youre a child they cant
>Been in bed for 2 days straight
>Got 3 uni assignments in for Wednesday
>Don't think I'm going to get them done
>Probably gonna fail uni again
Fuck's sake lads.
>>24799869
I don't think most of them do that? I've never been to one who did that, even when I was very young.
>>24799881
:(
Have you sought professional help?
>>24799906
>Have you sought professional help?
Literally can't think of anything worse than talking to someone about my problems. I don't care, so why should they?
>>24799940
Its their job to care.
>>24799881
>don't have any assignments right now
>know that there's going to be at least 3 huge ones and multiple smallers ones before christmas
>two of them are going to be speechs
I can't wait
>>24799970
It's their job to feign interest and to keep you coming back. I'm just hoping this will pass. Thanks anyway SkellyBro.
>>24799979
>Speeches
Fuck that.What are you studying.
>>24799940
I feel the same. Like there is nothing they can possibly do that will change my outlook.
But I'm so fucking bored that I went to my uni shrink, got prescribed anti-depressants and am gonna go to a private shrink in january. Hope I'm proven wrong.
>>24800007
Idunno, the one I'm seeing genuinely cares. Shes very sweet. I hope it passes too
>>24799792
I feel you anon. People here are all nice, and decent to talk to about like class and stuff, but nobody seems to actually care about their lives. I can't tell if everybody here is as done with everything as I am, or if they are actually incapable of thought
>>24799906
as i said, hippy wanker
he talked through this theory he wanted to try out whereby taking you back to a place of innocence (through literally playing with toys and drawing pictures and shit) he could connect with the source of grief or whatever the fuck and itd be easier to help me
so i played along for a while until it became apparent that he was a drooling retard spouting pseudo-science as though his life depended on it (and to be fair his livelihood probably did)
it could well have just been a one off bad experience but im content to continue going the self-help route because at least i have a better understanding of who i am than any therapist
>>24800272
I can see why it would put you off desu. Good luck with your self help route though
If you kill yourself youre a giant faggot. Just gather your shit, and go somewhere else, find a homeless shelter or a church, they will help you sort your life out. If you give up youre a fucking loser, dont lie and pretend like you dont have options.
>>24801293
Wow thats a very well thought out comment thanks for sharing
