>have to poop
>don't poop
>use public restroom
>don't lift the seat up before I pee
>>24778518
>saving. do not turn of the power.
>turn off the power anyway
>neighbor snores
>kill him and his whole family with an axe
>>24778518
>Have to poop
>Hold it as long as possible
>Go use restroom
>Don't wipe anything up
In my defese having the third explosive shit in a day wreaks havok on your anus, it was so sore after just the first time that doing any more wiping would have just made me bleed more.
>"Anon what time is it?"
>I don't know
>"Can you just check your phone?"
>No
>total at store is $5.01
>cashier reaches in penny jar to make change for $20 bill
>tell her I want the coins instead and she puts the penny back
>didn't really need the coins
>>24778601
>TIME 4 U 2 GET A WATCH
>break out in fake laughter
>piss pants
>knock over card display
>fart on a disabled person
>>24778694
>store manager says "You have to pay for that!"
>stab him with my replica master sword
>cops come
>AM I BEING DETAINED?
>>24778518
>make a fountain drink at gas station
>take the straw out of the paper
>too lazy to look for the trashcan
>just leave the straw paper trash on the counter
>someones gonna have to clean that up
>see traffic light switch to yellow
>speed up
>pee while at work
>never touch junk, toilet, or bathroom door with hands
>don't wash hands before going back to work
>>24778748
It's ok I constantly run red lights.
By some insane chance I've never been caught.
>boss says he appreciates my hard work
>don't work hard
>Walk into grocery store
>Go to fruit area
>Eat grape
>Walk out
>>24778518
>I'm a lazy fucker and I can't do my job worth a shit
>every time I fuck up I always tell the customer it's my second day
>I've been working at subway for 6 months
>older brother working on RPG Maker game
>open his files and mess with variables
>places invisible blocks in front of npcs to disrupt pathing
SAVAGE
>faggot taking up a lane riding his $3,000 bike
>everyone's going out of their way to go around him
>I slow down and get as close as I possibly can and speed around him
>so far two people have fell off their bikes this way
I still think I'm justified. Fuck cyclists.
>using a friend's computer
>log out of their email
>see checked box labeled "remember my password"
>uncheck it
>>24778893
>tell people I have acquired many points harassing faggot cyclists
>I actually treat them with respect because I only commute at night and nightmischief is too brutal for me
keep fighting for me
>get tailgated going 10mph over the speed limit
>person tries to pass
>speed up so they can't
>>24778518
>get call from work
>dont answer it
>>24778893
>>24778959
i hope you get rekt in your homicide cages fucking normies
>>24778976
>not brakechecking the tailgating cunt
>>24778981
I did this too many times to count when I work at the fast food king.
>>24778981
Of course.
You know whichever faggot manager on duty is just gonna ask you to come in at an unscheduled time.
Learn all the numbers they use, memorize them, and block all of them.
>>24779011
Fuck you faggot, use the sidewalk
>>24779025
removes liability if you do it my way :^)
>>24779033
>too many
Did you get fired? I'm too important for them to fire.
>>24778518
>Have to poop
>Wait until I get to work so I get paid to poop
>>24778981
And then your parents pick it up or yell at you for not answering it. FUCK YOU MOM AND DAD I'M 24 YEARS OLD I WASN'T ASNWERING IT FOR A REASON.
>employee at theater says 'enjoy the movie'
>make a point to not enjoy it
>>24779090
It's always the fault of the person who hits the car in front. Even moreso if they were travelling over 10mph above the limit :^)
>fast food place calls my number
>don't pick up the food
>>24779165
I thought the same, but my dad was rear-ended and the guy contested it, etc etc., general clusterfuck.
If someone tailgates REALLY close/dangerously, I just pull aside to the shoulder to let them pass. Not worth getting hit over
>also I concealed carry so I try to avoid confrontation
>work in coffee shop
>people ask for decafe coffee
>hate making decafe coffee
>give them normal coffee instead
>done this to a pregnant lady once as she was being rude
>>24778893
>Get knocked off my bicycle
>Demand driver's insurance details.
>Get new bike, compensation, driver loses no claims bonus.
>Crash my bike into car and cause lots of damage
>Driver must eat the cost because bicycles don't need insurance
>>24779199
Did your dad manage to win? There are only a few situations where I can imagine the person crashing getting off (i.e my scenario or something like https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cROLP8wlzb8). Yeah, I typically never purposely fuck with cunts, but sometimes tailgaters get really annoying.
>>24779262
>implying I'd give you my information
>implying you'd somehow get back on your bike and catch up to my car driving 50mph
>>24779276
I don't know, it'd been like two months and I haven't asked since then. There was some retarded policy where because the guy contested it, the police wouldn't give our insurance a report until it was resolved, so he couldn't get any insurance money.
The guy was objectively in the wrong in every way, though.
>dad driving, rainy dad
>slows down to brake (not suddenly, at a completely safe/average pace)
>guy rear ended him
We think what happened is that the guy assumed my dad was going up to the next light, but he was actually turning onto a closer side street. Luckily, the rear-ender's car was totaled, at least.
>>24779311
That's honestly the worst part about driving, to me. Other people just don't fucking know how to drive.
>>24779295
>Implying my eyes don't work
>Implying I can't read number plates
>Implying I wouldn't get you arrested for leaving the scene of an accident
>>24779363
Yep.
>people waiting until they're well within blinding-you range to turn off their fucking brights
>people tailgating you when you're going 10+ over the limit
>people passing on the right
ree, etc
>>24779101
No, they couldn't fire me for not picking up a phone. It wasn't like I was late or skipping shifts. Just didn't want to come in early or on off days because other pricks were unreliable.
>someone asks me if I'm upset
>tell them yeah and then I talk about why I am
>normally bottle up my emotions or keep them to myself
/ANGELIC/
>Mommy says to eat my vegetables
>Dip them in chocolate syrup first
>dad asks if I have eaten the sandwiches he made for me
>tell him I have
>he finds them later while searching through the trash
/foiledmischief/
