>"OPEN UP: You have been conscripted into the United States military!"
How do you respond, /r9k/?
BUT THERE ARENT COMPUTERS IN SYRIA RRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
They honestly wouldn't want me at all.
>>24731232
>Welp, that's what I get for getting a driver's license. Should've stayed off the grid and not enrolled in Selective Service.
>>24731232
If there was a situation which reinstated the draft, I would have already been enlisted.
Got nothing better to do.
>>24731232
>C-can my mom come with me?
I'm extremely obese, it must be some dark times if they are desperate enough to put me in their army.
>>24731232
"Time to take out some normie Syrian trash."
>>24731232
>give me muh rifle and we got a deal!
That's nice. I'm not an American citizen.
Why the fuck would the United States Military conscript people in my country??
>>24731232
>try to attack/injure/kill one of the soldiers
>death follows
>it'sfinallyover.mp4
>>24731232
*approach them on my wheelchair*
Good evening gentleman, can I offer you some tea?
>>24731303
>"WE'RE SENDING YOU TO AN EXTREME WEIGHT LOSS CAMP, FATTY! FAILURE TO MEET REQUIRED WEIGHT WILL RESULT IN YOU BEING ASSIGNED TO BOMB DISPOSAL"
>>24731332
>>24731340
>"THE JUSTICE OF THE USA KNOWS NO BORDERS, MAGGOT!"
>>24731352
>"MY BAD: YOU'LL BE SENT TO THE AIR FORCE"
tell them I'm not a US citizen and therefore cannot legally be conscripted
Become an English Professor
>>24731371
"UNDER UN RESOLUTION 1543(A)(II), ALL TRIPCODE POSTERS MAY BE CONSCRIPTED BY THE MILITARY. NOW DROP AND GIVE ME 20!"
go full hatred
>>24731232
with a 100 round mag dump.
>>24731266
You're automatically enrolled either way Anon, I got a card in the mail when I turned 18.
Nah, I signed away my right to die for something more than myself.
barricade the door
what are they gonna do shot me?
>>24731241
>"WE'VE GOT ANOTHER AUTISTIC FROGPOSTER, SARGE!"
>"GET THE JAWS, PRIVATE!"
>>24731232
Well I did sign up for selective service...
1 condition. I want 19K. I have a major hard-on for tanks.
>>24731232
I'd go willingly if it was a war with Russia or China. I'm half German and half Japanese so I think hating those two is in my blood.
>>24731430
Fuck, I just read that in his voice. Thanks for the last chuckle before I go to sleep.
I wait for them to kick the door in, look at them like pic related and say "kill urself my man" and let them kill me
This is my dream, so i'll come out doing cart-wheels and thank them for making my dream become a reality.
>>24731395
I'll give you 20 loads of cum in your mouth, faggot
>>24731507
>"SMARTMOUTH, EH? PRIVATE, FETCH ME THE RAPING STICK! THIS MAGGOT NEEDS TO BE TAUGHT A LESSON!"
So what happens if they enlist you and you just do absolutely fuck all? like complete, unprecedented disobedience? They can't harm you in any major way.
What can a dishonorable discharge do to a NEET, anyway?
"Thank you Jesus. Lets go."
>>24731549
>"FOR FAILURES AND FATASSES, WE PUT THEM ON BOMB DISPOSAL! IF YOU DON'T DO YOUR JOB, YOU BLOW UP!"
>>24731549
>complete, unprecedented disobedience?
That would probably land you in Fort Leavenworth.
>>24731577
I don't know what that is, and google fails to clarify.
>>24731505
>>24731555
>>24731273
>>24731310
>"GOOD! YOU MAGGOTS WILL GET A NICE COMFY RIDE IN THE HUMVEE OVER TO BASE!"
>>24731232
But you guys are Iraqis
>>24731232
Fukken noob. In Soviet Russia we run away from army till 27 years.
>>24731232
But. I mean. Like really. I literally already did 4 years of hard time for you assholes.
Check again.
I'm broken as fuck.
Please leave me to cry alone in my dark, sad apartment in peace
>>24731232
>>24731367
I'll surrender as soon as I get a chance and take it easy in a Russian PoW camp.
Tiktok fighting keks
>>24731549
Well. If they legit think you crazy time they'd kick you out with bad conduct just to extra fuck your life up.
If they believed you were just a malingering lil bitch they'd send you to military time out for lil bitches. There's one at Vandenberg I believe
I'm not an American, but the only reasonable thing to do is to submit to them, allow them to conscript you as a slave, but refuse to fight or kill anyone or to contribute in any active sense to the possible harm of another human being. If they decide to abuse or execute you, submit to that. Await the resurrection of the dead and final judgement, wherein those who attempted to destroy you will be put to shame.
I'd become an officer with my university degree, then make my NCOs do all the work
If we lose or begin to lose I'll surrender immediately and trade information for favor and power in their future regime.
>>24731685
What is 'military time out'? like a military prison?
>>24731232
You're in france, buddy.
>>24731232
May I have my draft papers?
*burns draft papers*
"Hell no, I won't go!" "Hell no, I won't go!"
>>24731701
jew detected
ORIGINAL BLOXXXX
>>24731232
i'd join, and then shoot myself in the head the instant they put a gun in my hands.
now that i think about it this could actually be a pretty effective method of suicide for people who don't already own guns.
>>24731232
i'd question what the US military is doing in australia and why they are conscripting foreigners
I would love it, it would give me some real purpose.
b-b-b-but i'm in the australian military
>>24731232
if there was nothing I could do about it and it's like WW3 or some shit, then oh fucking well. I start university in almost exactly one month but if they need people that fucking badly then I guess I'm putting off university until they send me back. I wouldn't be hard, only boring.
>>24731734
Not a Jew, just better to be on the winning side
Fuck America too, it is run by the Jews
>>24731666
>russian pow
Yeah im good f a m id rather fight and or die
>>24731823
Theyd treat us good because they're signatories to the Geneva conventions.
>>24731865
>russia would follow the conventions in ww3
>they would treat pows well
Got some bad news anon
>>24731743
>>24731752
Australia is practically America's protectorate. You fight who they fight.
>>24731232
Do american doors open inwards so they can be kicked in easier? You can't really kick in a door where I'm from because they all open outwards.
>>24731272
This. If shit hits the fan enough for the US draft to be reinstated (and it would REALLY have to hit the fan) then I'm already signed up.
Dying in war would be the best way to go. At least then you die in glorious battle for your country and get kind of remembered.
>>24731894
>Australia is America's bitch
Fixed
>>24731418
It's not automatic, I've looked myself up on the registry and I'm not there
I refuse to answer the door and open fire if they kick it in
Watch them search around the house trying to find the guy they're looking for, with me in plain sight, until they realize I am him and leave because I'm trans scum with several medical problems that disqualify me from being in the military (not to mention being hopelessly under the weight requirement for my height).
>>24731232
"Conscripted" is a big word for a stupid jarhead like you.
>>24731978
LMAOing at ur life familia
does this mean I get to be an operator?
>>24731978
Diversity Quotas. Welcome to the Service, faggot.
>>24731232
good
if I die I die, if I live I'm going for those sweet veteran bennies
>>24731232
What branch exactly, kondae?
>>24731232
What are you doing in naziland friend?
>>24731232
>Desole, je ne parle pas anglais.
>>24732100
lol is Murrika really doing this?
>makes me sick, how far we done fell.jpg
I'd take at least one of them with me. For freedom.
Get out of Australia! Fuck off we're full!
>>24732388
Crickey!
Fuck, guess I'm moving to Canada.
Honestly I'd rather take the jail time for being a draft dodger than go into the military.
>>24731232
I'd sign up for any serious war. someone has to stop the muslims from destroying the world
>>24732547
You'll go to military jail
But this isn't the United Sta.....
Nvm, I'm coming!
>tfw this will never happen
>tfw military doesn't allow autists to join
>>24731266
>A lottery based on birthdays determines the order in which registered men are called up by Selective Service. The first to be called, in a sequence determined by the lottery, will be men whose 20th birthday falls during that year, followed, if needed, by those aged 21, 22, 23, 24 and 25. 18-year-olds and those turning 19 would probably not be drafted.
>>24731232
Shoot them in the face.
This is Canada. They have no power here.
>>24731232
FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFFFF NOOORRMIEEEEESSSS
SCCCRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
ALOHA SNACKBAR
*bombs*
Im no American citizen guys. And my country is by their constitution not allowed to force me into the armed forces. So go away please and take your freedom somwhere else.
>>24732862
>Shoot them in the face.
and you got nogunz
>>24731232
Conscription is slavery. Slavers are bad guys. The purpose of war is to kill the bad guys. They are dumb enough to give you weapons.
The fat guy in Full Metal Jacket was the real hero.
b-b-but I'm already in the Royal Navy
>>24731743
>implying that AUSTRALIA is a sovereign nation
it's not like your country exists to provide a human shield between southeast asia and the civilized world
>>24732993
Nah- I got threegunz, two of which are peestols. A .45 1911 and a Tok TT33.
One makes big holes, the other makes smaller holes but deeper.
I would hang upside down on a pipe on the ceiling with two duel desert eagles and waste the entire team as soon as they entered my apartment
>>24731400
dude nice AUG skin, you should totally trade me it for some nova skins
>>24731232
>How do you respond, /r9k/?
America must really be going to shit if they are coming to South Africa looking for recruits.
>awesome, I get to serve in the strongest army on the planet with rather liberal policies and tons of benefits, like GI Bill and actual citizenship!
Uncle Sam is a vast, vast improvement over the shitty army that feels like a one-year prison term for being born male in Russia.
>>24731232
I would have raped a virgin Christian girl by then. No reason to risk my life without first procreating
>>24731232
Id rather just die right here in my room than die for israel and billionaire kikes
>>24731232
Holy shit if they're down to drafting my fat fucking ass that means the enemy has already taken DC and is coming up the street.
Give a rifle, one round, and point me at the bad guy
HOORAH! I'm ready to kill some mudslimes.
>>24731232
become a general and take back the country from the normies
"Who the fuck gave you the authority to conscript citizens of the EU, Yankee scum?"
THIS IS THE UK!
I'M ON NEET BUX AND NOT FIT FOR WORK!
If all else fails...
NO! LOCK ME UP! SEE IF I GIVE A FUCK!
>>24731950
It is illegal not to register
>>24731371
You don't need to be. I looked it up after my friends scared me about not registering, if you're an immigrant living in the us, you need to register.
>tfw international student and not required to register
Feels good tbqhwy
Say sure whatever, and then run away when I'm in position to. May take a couple of weeks before they think i'm one of them.
>>24731232
THANK FUCKING GOD.
Let's go kill some mudslimes.
Awesome! So when do I get to start killing people?
I'd love to join the military but I don't think they'll accept me. It would literally cure all of my problems.
>>24731232
Honestly at this point i'd rather be a soldier drone then be the miserable piece of shit I am now.
>>24731232
I couldn't join the military if i tried
>self inflicted scars
>history of mental illness
>>24734408
>>24734399
>>24734383
you guys would be good drone pilots
>tfw you realize they came to you last
>the front lines are now filled with old men, sparse hardened veterans who've gotten lucky, and robots
The war is already lost. God help us.
>>24731251
This. What makes you think anyone here could pass the psych?
>tfw probably too physically incapable to even be considered
If there is a world war I'm probably gonna die from starvation, but I pick that over fighting for NATO.
>>24731232
Screw off, ya queer.
>tfw already in the military
>tfw it's so boring it made my WoW addiction come back
>>24731232
40 5.56 rounds through the door.
>>24731484
YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE GOVERNMENT DOGS
>>24731232
I wonder why the recruiters are in Cornwall
>>24731232
B-but my 2D waifu is not in syria
>>24732839
<Tfw when almost too old
>>24731232
if i can get the GI Bill benefits for being drafted, ill go along with it.
if not, ill pretend to be mentally insane and get expelled.
Shoot self in foot or just straight off myself the second they put a gun in my hands. I don't give a shit what it does to my non-existent reputation.
>tfw met a WW2 veteran who gave that exact advice for this exact situation
>>24734818
DON'T ARGUE, MAGGOT
There must be a mistake. Did you not check my medical records?
>>24731232
>tfw you're over the drafting age of 25
>tfw my brother will be drafted
>>24732193
>>24731978
Who's this boner condoner?
>>24731232
Get the fuck away from my door, private.
Hang my SG 550 behind my back, grab my Transporttasche 04 and open the door. I already am a conscript.
>Skyrim belongs to the nords
>proceed do charge with battleaxe
>get shot with taser
>they think I'm crazy
>get back in to room
>eat doritos
>>24734497
This. I know I couldn't.
I need 7 medications at all times. I have a history of psychotic features. Take me if you want faggot. It's not like I have anything here.
Wrong residence, idiot. The military has are declared me unfit for duty due to the overwhelming amount of surgeries I've had.
Jokes on you, I've already enlisted.
>>24731232
Join and give my all to it. Hopefully die in combat at a young age preferably instantly
>>24735333
>24735333
this for me too, nice trips anon.
Are women drafted aswell? Would be unfair if they weren't
>>24735209
>boner condoner
I'm 32. lmao
>>24732193
Being trans doesn't automatically exclude you, but the inevitable mental issues that go with being trans would
I give up my American citizenship, I am moving back to Chile or Spain.
>>24735721
>trannies in the military
That's pretty sad... Oh well, on paper I've got an involuntary hospitalization, major depressive disorder, psychotic disorder NOS and PTSD, so I'm pretty sure they wouldn't take me.
>be fapping to hentai
>eatan my MRE chicken tendies
>mortar fire disrups my faping session
fucking Muslims REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>pickup 50 cal with my retard strength
>its just like call of duty.meme
>get awarded 10 medals
>>24731232
BUT THEIR NEVER GONNA GET ME
IM LIKE A BULLET THROUGH A FLOCK OF DOVES
>>24731232
-i bet you didn't expect this
*hologram dissolves*, doors lock, gas slowly pouring in
-pshh, nothing personal
>>24735939
TO WAGEkekTHIS WAAAR A GAINST YOUR FAITH, IN ME!
>>24736025
Say your puh-rayer
>>24731232
my life finally makes sense again. t-thank you
*beings to suck the soldier's cock*
Burgers have conscription?
Heh.
>>24731232
Um, I'm literally autistic. My body is all fucked up too. Are you sure there isn't someone else you would rather have in the military?
>>24731232
-Im just 2 punk rock 4 yallin a sid vicious way
>>24731232
SS is sexist, it only takes men.
>>24732193
>makes me sick, how far we done fell.jpg
Ironic coming from a trans.
"but i wanted to join the russian army"
>>24731232
Well, I can't abuse my bisexuality and just "happen" to leave some gay furry porn or pictures of bears on my bunk when we're having an inspection, so that's out.
Guess I'll just have to go the omni-racist sociopath route.
"Why are you coming after me? I'm a fat fuck of a Canadian, and I am not an American citizen
>>24736719
Wasn't that the point? I already hate myself, no need to do it for me.
"ummmm.....no im not!"
Armybot here
You spelled "sergeant" wrong and no one in the army ever says sarge neither do the NCOs or higher ups would call you private unless they didn't know your name even if they did they'd say private anon either way fun thread
>I'm 35, they gonna take you before they take me
Huehuehueghe muthafuckas I'm Type 1 Diabetic
>>24737434
No one cares pog
>>24737434
>he doesn't call sarges sarge
I bet you say Sarnt don't you poglord
>>24731232
grab my piss bottles and prepare for the showdown
shoot up a base and sabatage war efforts
>>24737517
>>24737506
Ok senpai you're so sugoi
B-but I've already been enlisted for several years now senpai~>Thinking the military would draft a bunch of fat neckbeards
"No thanks, I already served my time"
My IRR is done in 3 days
>>24731485
I was like you once, young a full of life. Most of the 3 years I was in, very little was spent on tanks doing actual tank shit (did two gunnery qualifications), lots of maintenance (that was what we did most on the tank). I deployed to Iraq and we didn't have tanks there. We had Humvees and our boots. All that fucking training on tanks, all those days spent fixing bullshit on the tank, and then not even be able to use them, then have to come back from Iraq and keep fucking around with broke ass tanks.
>>24731232
THANK YOU. I AM PROUD TO SERVE MY COUNTRY AND MY LORD.
HAIL TRUMP
HAIL VICTORY
Are there noobtubers and campers IRL?
>>24737110
MAGGOT. ACCORDING TO THE CANADIAN ANSCHLUSS ACT OF 2038, YOU ARE NOW AN AMERICAN CITIZEN AND OBLIGED TO PERFORM MILITARY SERVICE. TO SYRIA MAGGOT, IF YOU DON'T BAG A DUNE COON BY THE END OF YOUR TOUR YOU WON'T GET BENEFITS.
>>24738011
yeah but no respawning
I will gladly perform my duty to the fullest of my abilities. For freedom! For dignity! For... eventually getting laid as some point.
BUT SIR, I HAVE NO US CITIZENSHIP.
>tfw, i enrolled in selective service willingly even though i dont have US Citizenship
>>24731232
I already went through conscription so fuck your shit senpai.
