holy shit I'm so tired and working on a paper and I have to go out later and I really dont want to
how are you all
Alone. And it's my own goddamn fault.
>>24700145
What happened anon?
Jesus I really fucked up with the blox
>>24699544
got the house to myself for a few hours
might make a coffee
anxiety and constantly weighing up killing myself or not
>>24700174
A variety of things really. I graduated high school a year and a half ago and cut contact with a majority of my friends.
Basically what happened is towards the end of my senior year I started to get really paranoid that everyone I knew hated me so after graduation I either ignored them or told them to fuck off when they wanted to hang out. Just realized a few months ago how colossally fucking retarded of a move that was. Also probably would've had the chance to get with some grills too but I was depressed at the time and said I'd think about but never responded to that person.
Basically I have no one to blame for any of my problems but myself.
>>24700461
Why do you wanna die anon? Or sort of
>>24700463
Can you apologise? You obviously realise your mistake and you're sorry
>>24699544
>already done with this term
>perfect 4.0 GPA saved again
God is truly the Greatest, I pray him and offer my gratitude to Him everyday.
May he bless you all too.
>>24699544
I'm feeling absolutely shit after the girl I was madly in love with got hijacked by this other guy right before I was about to make my move. I never had had a heartbreak this bad before, and it's destroying me inside at the moment. Hopefully it will blow over soon, but it's been like this for 2 weeks. I just want this life to end, but I don't want my friends to experience that.
>nobody replied to my joint suicide post on the other chan
God damnit I know I dont have the guts to do it myself.
>>24700669
what seems to be the issue, anon?
>>24700625
Ah man, thatsucks :(
Could you try t omake a move anywyas?
>>24700669
>the other chan
Still a thing?
Anywyas, whats wrong anon?
>>24700682
>>24700693
I fell for a girl who is way out of my league, and now I am living with her in the same flat, while she is dating another guy, I did this to myself. Antidepressants no longer work, alcohol no longer works, drugs no longer work, no options left but the rope
>>24700719
Oh, did you post in the last thread? I think I remember that. Could you move out?
>>24699544
At least you have time to work on your paper.
>tfw trying to lose weight
Getting obese has absolutely ruined my life. I never though I'd end up a hamplanet 21 yo virgin. Some people find their appetite is kill when depressed, I just became an incel who comfort ate all day and found escapism in media and chatrooms.
Have anxiety attacks when I introspect and examine my situation. Its going to take so long to unfuck my life.
did the captain of the titanic cry?
>>24700719
>I fell for a girl who is way out of my league
And you're going to kill yourself over that?
Man, it's just your hormones.
Search ways to supress them
>>24700756
its the first time I am posting about it, been on r9k for the past few years. can't move out, signed a contract for 9 months. And yeah, the other chan was a thing for a whole, they had a suicide board where I posted about 1 year ago but nobody got back to me, even though I offered to pay for any method they wanted.
>Slowly failing out of community college.
>Dad says he might kick me out if I don't improve.
>Stress making me literally sick.
>Intense anger issues causing me to lash out at everyone.
>Alienating everyone who once held me in good standing. Some people won't even look at me anymore.
>Starting to look like a fucking psycho
>Afraid of myself and what I might end up doing to other people if given the opportunity.
I wish my life was over, but more importantly I wish it was complete. I wish I had kids and a wife who loved me. I don't even care about having fun anymore. The only thing I fantasize about lately is fulfilling my biological purpose so I can die in peace.
>>24700693
Already done it, but she declined. Her feelings lies elsewhere.
We're still friends, but I feel like I can't return to the previous state we had.
I've told her that I need to be by myself for a while so I can sort things out.
It feels so bad because I swear she was the one.
>Posting from a prepaid cellphone because no internet
>2-10kb/s
Truly a hell I didn't know existed.
>>24700789
its the nail in the coffin, I could go on about friends of aspirations, not enjoying anything, even attempts at becoming an acoholic or drug addict somehow didnt work out because I just didnt find the pleasure in them.
>>24700760
I do, and I'm thankful, i'm just a really shitty procrastinator. It probably wont get done till the day after
>>24700769
How much do you weigh and what do you want to be down to?
>>24700801
Have you talked to her about it?
>>24700810
You need to get therapy IMO. It would do you a lot of good i think
>>24700811
That sucks, and no, there really isn't such thing as "the one". People arent' that unique.
>>24700812
jesus anon im so sorry
>>24700769
Know that feel, man. I've always been fat and depressed. When I actually started losing weight, I felt so bad I was ready to kill myself. Still wish I had because I'm the highest I've ever been.
>>24699544
>crippling depression
>is a normalfag
>>24700852
cant even write normal sentences because passing out drunk is the only way I can fall asleep any more, sorry.
>>24700857
oh of course I havent talked to her about it, I am not selfish enough to think that she would be happier with me than him, fuck, I am pretty sure he makes her happier than I ever could, and therein lies the pain.
>>24700857
I am 131 kg which is probably close to 300 lbs. Longterm I would like to be between 75-90 kg depending on much muscle I can while I cut.
>>24700859
I'm trying to keep myself as engaged as possible all day, been doing stuff on kahn academy and trying to learn some comp sci basics. If I'm idle the temptation to eat crap and fuck up my progress goes through the roof.
>>24700857
>>24700811 here
Yeah you're right about that. I just connected so well with her. The intense love turned into intense sadness, I can hardly enjoy anything nowadays.
>>24700946
how much muscle i can gain while I cut*
doh
who /feelstiredallthetime/ here?
Anyone know how to get rid of depression-induced fatigue?
>>24700511
I could try but I doubt it would matter. This was right after graduation so it's been almost 2 years.
>>24700769
I won like 20 pounds, I'll start hitting the bike hard.
I don't like when people, or I, call me fatzo, fatty, pig, pork, grease ball, etc
Same here skel. Working on presentation for business class that's going to bomb horribly. Hope you get your stuff done on time.
>>24700946
Yea. I'm 360lbs at the moment and slowly rising, though thankfully it's not all fat. Hypothyroid runs in my family, and I'm 26, which means that shits about to start kicking in soon if it hasn't already. The worst part? I can't afford insurance, so I'm fucked. Yay murica.
>>24700926
Eh, sometimes your happiness needs to come first, even if its selfish.
>>24700946
Keep at it anon, its not impossible. I dont know anything about muscle gain though\\
>>24700947
You will eventually get over it, as hard as that is to imagine now
>>24700993
me senpai
idk, maybe vitamins
>>24701008
That sucks, but at least its a mistake you won't make again now. Can you make new friends right now?
>>24701040
Itll probably get done the day after its due. Whatever
I got prescribed a SSRI this week. What can I expect when I start taking them?
>>24701127
emotional numbness and the inability to cum
>>24701104
> sometimes your happiness needs to come first, even if its selfish.
why is my happiness valued above hers. I dont see it that way. I dont have enough worth as a human being of enough importance.
>>24701127
Whicho ones?
>>24701242
You have inherent worth as a human being
>>24701242
That's crazy, man. Stop it.
You're worth just as much as she is.
As winter rolls in, I'm starting to feel it again. I just always feel left out. I just want to be apart of the group. It's like I have a giant unspeakable horror that's constantly hovering behind me.
>>24701172
What happens if I'm already numb?
>>24701263
It was Sertraline.
>>24701354
Do you have any hobbies that would help you make friends?
>>24701393
I didnt like Sertraline very much
>>24701263
>inherent worth as a human bean
you dont honestly beleive that do you?
>>24701469
Kind of. I mean there are things that I'm interested in doing. But after classes, I just feel too drained to go participate in them. I just fall into this cycle of being in class or being alone in my room.
>>24701491
I do desu senpai
I guess im an idealist
>>24701546
I understand. You on any meds or in therapy?
>>24701550
Nah. I wouldn't mind getting a therapist just to talk to, but It just seems too weird and expensive. Medicine scares me.
>>24701601
Community Counselling has a payscale adjustment. I go for free.
TFW you tell your parents about your depression and they can only go on and on about how you hurt and anger them.
>>24701469
What was wrong with it?
>>24701677
Jesus, fuck your parents. ANd it kinda zoned me out too much.
>>24701550
>>24701491
Oh trust me she has more value than me. But it's mainly about the selfish principle of of "I would make her happier than he is ". Which looking at myself right now is wrong. I hAve no motivation to fix it either. Such is life. Going to complete this degree and join the french foreign legion.
>>24699544
Grab your balls, salute the flag. It's a good day to be alive, cocksucker!
>>24701776
Is the FFL still a thing?
>>24701855
>tfw no sadistic yui gf
>>24701677
I almost know that feel. Every time i tell my parents they yell at me and beat me. I even get in trouble when they suspect that i'm sad.
>>24701863
Yes, very much so, need to train up my body a bit to get accepted but then I am looking forward to being shipped to guiana for 5 years. Its either grow up or die there which is win win.
>>24700810
Same here man. I don't know what to do if I get kicked out. I'll probably have to live in my car.
>>24701910
WEll, I wish you the best. Hopefully it works out for you
>>24699544
Where do you have to go?
>>24702103
Pathfinder RPG. I like it but I've just been so exhausted recently and I don't really want to socialize
honestly never thought i would be a person who got depressed. this past year ive been either meh, or really down. working towards a degree i dont care about and a bleak financial future kinda sucks. I kinda felt better today, i think ima try to find a job that has some form progression to mediocre pay so i can atleast live a little comfortably. hopefully life wont end up so bad
>>24702133
Can't you just call it off if you don't feel like going?
>>24702321
No, I did that last week :(
>>24702207
What degree?
School is making me want to acquaint my head with the pavement. I barely have time for things I enjoy to do by myself and barely any energy to hang out with friends. Its like I'm in a limbo of exhaustion, depression and masturbation. I need a fucking hug or something.
What to with thyroid problems, but can't afford insurance? It runs in the family and symptoms are starting to show.
Fun fun fun.
>>24702207
>ima try to find a job that has some form progression to mediocre pay so i can atleast live a little comfortably
That was my plan and I ended up here.
>>24699544
I'm almost 22, still living at home, and I work 60+ hours in a cardboard box factory. I'm trying to push myself to register for school, but I get so fucking tired and angry after work its debilitating.
>>24702410
God same here. I'd give you an ehug but that's approaching ERP territories
>>24702411
No idea. Can you get like obamacare or something?
>>24703049
Could you get a new job? One less taxing?
Why is it so hard to just let go? The normie advice of "if you want to die, you can do whatever you want" should be right. Why do I keep trying to preserve this life that I hate? Why don't I have the courage to just do something different, or even to try at anything, for fear of failure?
>>24703117
Obamacare would cost $105/mo, 0 med coverage, $5500 deductible, and $100 copays. Oh yea, no dental/eye.
I make too much to get help, but not enough to pay for my options because murica.
>>24703117
I could go back to Walmart or Safeway actually. I was just thinking I need to push for school as fast as I can since I'm close to burning out.
>>24703223
God damn America :(
>>24703172
People want to live, and people are afraid to change
>>24703275
How long would you have to do school?
>tfw too anxious to even leave my room on some days
>tfw getting panic attacks when I try to excersise because I feel like a useless human being when I want to stop and hate not being distracted enough to stop the bad thoughts
>tfw lonely and want someone who can understand what I'm going through
I mean at least I'm not suicidal and I did pass all my uni courses which is a big plus for me.I keep going on shitty to forums to get some affection from anyone fml
>>24703319
Right now I'm looking at a year and a half. Gonna do a certificate program and a few pre reqs in case I want to transfer.
By the way, thanks for listening man. I needed to talk this out. Think I'm just gonna knock out admissions tommorow and start a new chapter.
>>24702381
just business admistration. i never found a passion so i didnt know what to major in
>>24703343
You thought about therapy?
>>24703823
Good luck man
>>24704045
Not everyone does. What could you see yourself doing?
>>24703319
Feels good to be so free.Kill me pls
>>24699544
Hey, I have crippling depression too.
However, i cured it with weed.
Why dont you smok weed fellow robot?
>>24704358
Already in therapy. It's good but it's gonna take a while to deal with the deep seated self esteem issues.
My family wants me to deus vult but I'm to enlightened for that shit. But now I'm forced to sit through church every week. I don't even mind the sermon because it is sometimes interesting to hear what the Priest has to say. Some of it is legit and is merely couched in Christianity. However, having to avow my belief in God to my family all of the time is psychological torture. This should be against the Geneva convention.
>>24704380
I am incapable
>>24704415
Weed makes me anxious
>>24704583
Keep going man
>>24704637
I eventually came out to my family and for months it was super shitty but now it's calmed down.still got shoved back into the closet though
>back under 100kgs
>have a good job lined up for next year
When does it start feeling better?
>>24704923
Dunno, dunno. What's the job?
My cat died tonight.
This is the last straw.
Obviously I'm not supposed to love or be loved.
Fuck everything.
Stay golden, skellybro
>>24704846How does one go back into the closet?
>>24705299
:( I'm sorry anon
You don't deserve this, and I love you. I hope you change your mind
>>24705438
Basically get disowned if I come out any more
Saw this awhile back skelly. Made me think of you.
>>24705462
I would have told them to keep their damned kinship and moved out. Do you depend on them?
>>24705587
Yeah someone posted that in a really early thread. Idk if they made it or what but it made me laugh
>>24705737
I do :( I can't afford to leave
