Been feeling so tired recently that I've been going to bed at like 8PM. It gets dark too soon. How are you all doing?
>>24676603
>It gets dark too soon.
I know that feel.
Pretty awful desu. Depression is getting out of control, meds aren't working and overall feel hopeless. But I know others probably have it worse but its hard to look beyond my own problems when they seem so overwhelming to me.
>>24676639
My depression hits so much harder at these times. It bites. Its affecting everything I do
>>24676674
What meds are you on?
>>24676674
I don't even know if I am depressed.
Can you like... try and describe how you are feeling to me?
I think I am depressed, but I have never talked to anyone about it, and I don't have anything to compare it too...
Haven't gone to classes in weeks and I'm failing my first year at college. Parents obviously don't know, not yet at least.
I have an exam in 5 hours, it's 3:30 AM. I'm staying home, though.
It's like high school all over again. Might as well tell my normalfag parents to stop wasting time and money on me.
Hello, wageslaving.
>>24676603
Long time no see, skelly.
Things are okay. Found out that my boss is firing two people I work with, and I'm getting one of their positions. Basically the same position I'm working, only I'll be working days now instead of nights. I'm honestly excited to see the sun for more than 30 minutes
>take edible around 3hr ago
>not much but last of my stuff
>FINALLY start feeling it slowly kicking in
Or how a skinny white kid began his descent into the shadow realm.
>tfw no new episodes of animu to watch
>tfw should keep watching what I started the other day
>tfw today went better than expected
>tfw you beat PSMD
I don't know what else to feel now.
>>24676694
H-hi guy I saw on /tg/ once
>>24676805
What happened in high school?
>>24676826
Hey, grats man! I like the sun
>>24676972
I did weed once but I had a panic attack and hit a car when I was driving home. Thats my drug story
What were you watching?
Also how was PSMD
>>24676994
Hi I made the MTG modern thread and accidentally left my trip on whoops
I doubled up on my smoking habit from stress and I'm feeling really sick, sore throat and chest pains.
also my feet are cold right now.
>>24677057
>hit a car
Jeez son how do you fuck up that badly?
>tfw weed doesn't make me drive differently but that's muh anecdote
I was watching FAFNER. But I'm only two episodes into the first series.
PSMD was really fun. I have Epilogue to do now, then post game.
>>24677085
Thats probably not good desu, whats stressing you out?
>>24677116
I just backed up into it, it was dark and I wanted to hurry home.
Also >tfw don't have the attention span for anime series no mo
>>24677057
D-do you play other tabletop?
>>24677382
I play Pathfinder and want to play more. I love tabletops.
Also I played Warmachine but all my shit got stolen so I'm jaded now
>>24677155
I don't really know what the fuck is going on. I want to hurry up and get to the new series because it looks fucking badass.
>>24677441
Whats it even about?
>>24677420
I-I wanna play Pathfinder. I never learned how and I want to I guess
>>24677664
Its fun, pretty much DnD 3.75. Do you have anyone to play it with?
>>24677584
It's a mecha.
>>24677720
N-no I don't
I really need to be studying my vocab and writing my essay for German class. But I just had another break down and wound up in the fetal position on my floor for the past 2 hours so I'm not really feeling it anymore.
>>24677727
I think the last mecha I watched was Code Geass back in whatever the fuck year that was. Good shit
>>24677741
Do you have a permanent stutter online? :^)
Just kidding, but I might be up for an online game sometime. They're hard to do but can be rewarding.
>>24677793
What happened anon?
>>24677829
I played 5e before, and from what I understand it's that with more number crunching. Which I'm honestly fine with
>>24677855
I guess, never have played 5e. DESU I really want to try The Burning Wheel.
First semester of graduate school and I'm currently wondering how I'm going to write 50 pages worth of papers in 3 weeks.
>Exhausted
>Poor
>Can't lift because I feel like passing out after 2 sets
Sometimes I feel like driving out into the night so I can freeze to death peacefully.
>>24677829
Well I was trying to read through my chapter for German and study the new vocab/cases and then I felt like I just hit with a bag of bricks. My vision got all blurry, and I just fell out of my chair and curled up. I started crying and telling myself I want to die and that there's no point in studying if I'm going to fail anyways. This has happened before so I guess I'm used to it. Ate some ice cream and now I just feel neither dead or alive
I just want to say that I appreciate your threads skelly. They're the only thing not shit on this board. Love you
>>24677951
Jesus Christ that sounds awful
>>24677954
Just gotta start slow
>>24677968
That happened to me when I realised how awful my Trig and CS classes were. I broke down and dropped one of the classes and failed the other. Might consider dropping the class desu
>>24677989
Thanks anon, love you too
Uncontrollably depressed
>preg
>gettin an abortion
>sick, can't eat anything
>want to die
>want to run away/disappear
>no car
>nowhere to go
>stays in bed all day because nothing is worth anything
>>24678021
I only have a week left. And I think I have a B in it (he hasn't posted grades), so I might as well see it to the end. I also need a language for my degree anyway
>>24676805
I failed out of college due to depression
I wish I would have moved back in with my parents and stayed a few years longer, instead I chose to be independent and it ruined my life bc I hated myself so much I made shit choices
You can still turn it around
>>24676603
Feeling like shit as usual. This semester ends on the 10th and I have so much to do without the will or time to do it.
Just take your meds, fuck.
I don't care if I have to use them the rest of my life, I ain't returning to that shithole, better death.
>>24678072
Shit, thats rough. Whens the abortion?
>>24678097
You can do it anon, you could pass with a C.
>>24678141
What all do you have to do?
>>24678163
Pardon? I do take my meds. But yeah its pretty good advice right here
>>24677057
I used to smoke weed a lot and I'd have a shit ton of panic attacks, but I didn't notice at first because I always get panic attacks. Weed made my terrible anxiety get worse
>>24678190
A few days away.
I've been trying to mentally prepare, keep having dreams about the baby, wake up a lot with my hands on my stomach. I've been so ill though it would honestly be a relief, feels like I've had the stomach flu for a month and a half. I want it to be all over but I know this will cripple me emotionally.
There's just no way I could afford it, I can barely support myself as is.
Thank you for caring. :)
>tfw drunk and don't care about anything
feels good man
i don't even remember why i was so sad i just know that i'll sober up and be sad again eventually
>>24678224
Yeah, I'm pretty sure it makes mine worse too. I dont plan on doing it again
>>24678266
I'm so sorry this has to happen, its a very difficult situation to be in. I wish you the best, and I hope everything goes smoothly for you.
And no problem, I care about everyone desu
>>24678267
How often do you drink?
>>24678308
I appreciate it. I hope things get better for you Skeleton <3 . Take care of yourself!
>>24676603
I think I have S.A.D too.
It's almost 4am and I still haven't gone to bed yet.
>>24678356
I'm trying, after this semester ends it should get better. ANd you too!
>>24678267
I love alcohol. It's like forgetting you're complete trash because your brain can't handle the void and the beer at the same time.
But the hangovers...
>>24678267
Fucking this
I spend the day sober and do my minimal chores like going shopping for groceries or smokes and whatnot, I feel miserable for most of that time.
Then the nights roll in and i get fucking shitfaced by myself, it suddenly makes me not care about shit
>>24678308
I don't get wasted too often. Like once every week since turning 16 but I wouldn't say that's too terrible. That's pretty standard for a lot of people I know in the UK
I thought I had a problem at one point but my liver isn't failing me or anything yet so it can't be too terrible
>>24678402
Once a week isn't too bad (I think)
>>24678376
Probably a good idea to go to bed soon. What have you been doing all night?
>>24676788
Empty. Hopeless. Meaningless. Etc.
>>24676603
I've been feeling worse than usual lately. Feeling like I'm falling behind schedule with school stuff, and now I've got some terrible, awful girl stuff going on the past few days.
>>24678611
What girl stuff is going on?
>>24678190
Oh. The usual. A report, a lab report, 3 weeks of overdue precalc homework, current and upcoming precalc homework, 2 upcoming lab reports, normal Chem homework, and a 40hr/week job that is fucking everything up.
>>24676788
you never will, you can try to sympathise with someone else about it but everyones too different.
you can use the words that describe it but they only are boxes to tick for the doctor so he gives you the right medication.
Your experience is entirely subjective and unique and there is no possible way to understand what another person is feeling, the brain gets pretty close but its always biased to your own personal experience. You experiences are all that your mind can compare anything to, they make you and they make your perception of reality.
if you feel sad you are probably sad, getting someone else to describe how sad they feel isnt going to change the fact you feel it. You need to take a leap of faith to describe your feelings.
I'm just alone. I didn't do anything all day today. I went to Target for awhile and forgot why I did so I bought some food. Plus I've been hungry as shit all damn day and it's annoying me.
I work tomorrow morning though... I hate my job and look forward to it at the same time. I like the people that work in the morning.... but then I go home at 4 pm and it's back into my depressive haze....
>>24676603
Hey skelly, today was bretty good. Btw random question, why do you post here instead of wizchan? I can tell by the thread title you at least know if it. I sometimes question that myself. Over there people can't go on and on about women, and I like that a lot.
>>24676603
been thinking about killing myself daily for a couple of weeks now
hopeless, no sort of motivation for anything in life
I'm not actively suicidal, but if I somehow ended up with a gun in my hand or on a really high floor in a really high building, I would be tempted to do it
>>24678940
a hobby is a good way to distract yourself for a bit, its not a fix but itll gain your interest in something.
maybe just start learning about something that interests you.
sorry if youve heard this all before but i believe its a breddy good idea even if you dont feel sad.
>>24679025
i know that feel
i just sort of figured that there really was no reason to me being around anymore and that i would probably just end it if i was out of it enough and had a way to die quickly
>>24678755
Jesus christ thats so much
>>24678940
What did you buy? And what do you do for a job? Also could you hang out with the people you work with after work?
>>24678950
I don't really fit in with the wizardchan crowd, not that I fit in too well here. I have sexual experience and I don't think women are literally Hitler. Plus I think this place could use more help.
>>24679025
Sometimes when I'm driving I think about running my car into the other lane and hope I die. I used to think about it a lot when I was in high school.
I been drinking heavily again.
My family wants me to go to treatment for the third time.
I haven't talked to them since last week I think?
But I been in my apartment since Saturday. (Its Tuesday)
Haven't left once.
>>24678626
I want to say it's stupid and I should get over it, but it's really eating away at me.
So I go to community college. I'm doing pretty well for myself, getting high marks and all that good shit. My friends and I found this room on campus where we could leave some TV's and gamecubes, and we started hanging out there playing Smash Bros. After a few weeks, we start getting a bunch more people hanging out there every day. Great times, good people. Then, there's this one girl who tagged along with her friend, and she's just got this air about her. I'm trying to explain what makes me think she's so great, but maybe I'm just tired.
Anyway, a bunch of people there get a really bad first impression of her: She's a bit off (Bipolar, played WoW since she was really young), so she has this kind of dumb-random-girl persona that we've all seen a billion times before. A while later, we're talking, and she tells me about how she used to cut herself. I'm abso-fucking-lutely flattered that she felt comfortable opening up to me like that, and I empathize with her, telling her about how I used to do it too.
So I'm smitten with her, but I have this terrible thought in the back of my head that I shouldn't be in a relationship with her. What if I regret it, try to end things with her, and she goes into some fit of depression, starts doing drugs, cuts more, or (god fucking forbid) starts having suicidal thoughts?
That's not the end of it, but I'll cut it here just to get messages flowing between us. Fuck, this has been brooding on my chest for a while now.
>>24679033
Yeah I have a few hobbies I'm just too tired to do a lot of them lately for some reason.
Maybe it's the weather and shit. I know for sure I hate going shooting in the cold and I hate indoor ranges. And I just haven't been able to write or draw shit for the last month.
I had some decent fun in the summer going gocarting and shooting but I also usually went with my friend and I recently disowned him cause I got sick of the shitty shit he does.
>>24679073
I just got some veggies, and those meatless chicken patties and some anti mud butt medication for my mom.
I'm just a server at a steak n shake. I kind of slightly have a crush on somewhere there but I'm pretty sure they're taken, and I've just been so out of the game and just know I'm too depressed plus annoying to be in a relationship with that there's no point. I'll just dump him after like a month.
I'm kind of afraid to though, when I worked as an EMT I hung out with people all the time there and everything got weird cause they were all drunks and fucked each other and it kind of drove me out of that place, and I'm always afraid that'll happen again.
>>24679073
Yeah I feel you. I'm not really a good match for either as well.
R9k: women hate, have to interact with people who think anything of Eliot Rodgers, 75% bait literally, and edgelords.
Wizchan: negative, pretend everyone is convinced women are succubi (though they dont go on about it like R9k, can't talk about anything positive.
>>24679107
man that does suck, atleast you get to shoot, commie Australia is shit but your right it is probably just the weather but thatll leave eventually as well.
have a good day at work anon.
>>24679198
I hate the days that look warm outside too, then you go out and it's freezing. And then it's dark at like 6 pm.....
I almost wish it would just snow again cayee at least it's pretty
>>24679107
what guns do you own anon.
>>24677916
What is pathfinder all about?
>>24679258
2 AR15s, a SCCY cpx-1, CZ82, AK47, a mosin nagant and a takedown ruger 10/22
>>24679104
Go for it anyways, honestly it might be a bad idea but its not going to kill you. Its college, she might be over most of it now. I'd do it desu
>>24679157
What the heck is mud butt
And I can understand the relationship thing, especially being to depressed to be in one.
>>24679184
I wish there was a more positive place to talk about issues, but IDK any to be honest.
>>24679290
Um, thats a tough question. Its mostly combat rules + roleplaying
Does anybody else have chest pain and trouble breathing when they wake up? I feel like I never get enough rest which contributes to my depression. Sometimes I even have to get out of bed multiple times in the middle of the night because I can't breathe. I already got checked for sleep apnea but the tests came back negative. I'm not overweight either.
>>24679343
thats sum good shit.
>>24679396
Diarrhea lol
But yeah, it's annoying cause I'm lonely right now. But after being a relationship for a month I'll be bitching about not having any alone time, then dump the guy, and do this shit all over and over and over.
It's not like I even have anything to bring to a relationship anyway, I mean shit I work as a server at a crappy burger joint and have been at the same community college for almost 4 years now
>>24676603
Not going to memetext this because it'll take too long but basically I met this really cool eurofag in XC my freshman year of highschool and I'm pretty sure he uped and killed himself.
He was cool though and that's why I'm sad.
>>24679436
I usually carry the CZ. I've been trying to switch over to the SCCY though.
Bigger bullet
/shrug
>>24679467
OIC
I too am lonely and get the same way, but its really frustrating because the guy I like is still in love with his ex and that feels shitty.
>>24679484
:(
Always sucks when a friend kills themselves
>>24679542
I keep thinking of really trying again though.
But eh. The last guy I really liked was like 2 years ago that I met off OKC. It turned out we both were /k/fags and the next day we went on a shooting date, but he wanted to try to make shit work with his ex again so we parted ways.
Probably was a translation for "eh you're ugly I don't want to see you anymore"
But even then it's a good point, like I said I offer nothing to the table almost.
>>24679073
Yea. That's the usual response.
>>24679396
I would be going for it, but this brings us to part 2!
So I might have waited too long and talked to too few people, because I think somebody else already beat me to the punch... She's been pretty friendly with this other guy. If it were anyone else, I wouldn't mind so much, but this is a guy I work with. Also, it doesn't help that he's like four years older than she is. That adds to the frustration of the situation.
I just feel like he just has no business trying to be with her in the first place. She's so much younger than him, and it looks like he's pretending to be someone he's not while he's around her. The whole thing just rubs me the wrong way. What really gets to me is when he continues to talk about other girls. Maybe that's just a product of him trying to keep the whole thing on the down-low, but idk.
I'm no stranger to missing out on girls' attention because I was too scared to make the first move. That's how it went with pretty much every other girl I tried to get close to in highschool. It's just never hit this close to home with the other guy being someone I consider a friend, and I have to see almost every day.
Sometimes I wish I was just asexual, but I'm so afraid to brand myself like it means something to me and regret it later when I fall for some other girl later on down the line.
>>24679658
Go for it. And you have you to bring to the table. You don't have to be amazing to do something with someone.
>>24679673
Good luck anon, you're better than I am
>>24679690
Still go for it, he doesn't have a monopoly on her. What are the ages here?
>>24676603
My friend started cutting herself again.
She was the only support I had to help me stop myself.
Everyone's falling apart it seems.
I'm sleeping so much and so intermittently/inconsistently that I have no idea what day or time it is anymore.
And I started popping pills again.
>>24679396
W-wanna play? How's character creation?
>>24679730
>everyones falling apart
You got that right.
Why did she start cutting again?
Also is the sleep issue from depression?
>>24679751
Yeah, I'd be up for it. Um, its okay, kind of tough even if you know what you're doing but its not so bad
>>24679787
I don't know why she did, she didn't even tell me personally. I found out by snooping through her blog. I'm assuming she reached a breaking point.
The oversleeping/lack thereof is a combination of depression and physical exhaustion.
I'm not eating as much as I used to, but apparently dangerously so.
I would smoke weed since it's the only thing that helps me eat, but I'm broke and dry.
>>24679715
I am better than no one. Sorry.
>>24679895
It goes without saying you need to eat more. And have you tried contacting this friend?
>>24679896
You're employed and in college. You're better than a fuck ton of people.
>>24679715
I'm 19, she just turned 18, he's 22
I'm so god damned non-confrontational it hurts sometimes. I tried to talk to her about it today, but I couldn't find a way to get her away from the group without being too conspicuous.
That's another thought: I'm scared to admit my feelings for her for fear of how other people will react to it. Is she going to be a negative influence on my life? Should I just keep doing my single thing and wait until I transfer to a university to start dating?
I've just put so much hope and optimism into thinking that this one would be different, that maybe I could finally muster the courage to tell someone how I feel about them.
====PAST STORY====
I almost did it once, back in highschool. But in the end I couldn't bring myself to say it. I said "Forget it," and she said I need to be honest with how I feel and fuck I'm getting choked up over it now. I walked away from her that day. She ended up with the guy she had a crush on her whole four years in highschool, and she celebrates the day she broke up with him later. I wish I could've been there for her instead. Maybe...
====END PAST STORY====
>>24679787
Y-yay!.I'm for it
>>24679953
No. I'm honestly afraid to.
She's very sensitive and "reactive", if you know what I mean.
If I say the wrong thing I might make things worse for her.
>>24679953
Anyone can go to community college. Anyone can get picked from a temp agency. My status is not uncommon.
Having trouble maintaining my sleep schedule and getting my work done. Feel like a disgusting slob no matter what, I run 30 miles per week and I'm in good shape with low bf but I still feel like a fat blob.
I miss my ex and her endless supply of compliments. It annoyed me at the time because I'm shit at taking compliments (thanks low self-esteem) but now I have no one to counter the terrible things I think about myself. I am obsessed with my looks to a comical degree and spend all day worrying about them and checking myself in the mirror every 5 minutes to see if I'm any less ugly and sometimes I think I look okay or even handsome but then 5 minutes later I'm back to square one. I honestly think it might be some form of OCD or something. All I know is I can't do this for much longer, I literally will not ever be able to have a functional life if something doesn't change.
>>24676694
Get some vitamin D. Lack of it has been shown to darken your mood. It wont fix it obviously but it will help a ton.
>>24680019
You have to not care about what others might think. It's really important. You also can't care that you might look a bit silly. Could you text her and ask if she wants to see a movie or something sometime?
>>24680282
Contact info?
>>24680292
Ah, I see. Have you talked to her at all?
>>24680554
But not everyone does. You are not the worst person in the world.
>>24680655
You might actually have some form of narcissistic ocd. I'm no doctor, but you might want to see a professional about it
>>24680708
I wanna get a sun lamp. Those are cool
my family is the only reason I won't do it
>>24681026
People in certain countries actually have to sit in front of certain lamps to get enough vitamin D. Its called Seasonal Depression I think. While it won't make your depression go away, it will make the winter months suck a lot less. You can also get a vitamin D prescription.
>>24676788
You feel sad and empty and constantly at war with yourself.
You want nothing more than to die.
You think about jumping every time you see the train go by.
You can't get out of bed.
You feel that choking up feeling like you're going to cry, at completely random times.
When you're feeling relatively okay, everything comes crashing back down in an instant without anything to cause it.
Minute little stressors make you cry, or shut you down entirely.
You can't focus on what might be causing the pain.
You don't remember ever being happy.
There is constant sadness, and you can't do anything about it.
You're literally always sad. (Not mandatory, many people are manic depressives and have serious highs, and serious lows).
If it's anything like that, you're probably depressed.
>>24681242
I might get a prescription, and I might keep it all year round. I don't get out much in the summer either.
>>24681026
I would bet those people that don't at least appreciate what they have. It's not my position that makes me a terrible person, but rather my self contempt and hatred. It's so hard to put it into words.
>>24681391
I got one and it made a huge difference. Winter wasn't as bad. I dunno if you remember me, but I was in the last thread. The xanax anon. I can update you on what happened since then, cuz boy did a lot happen.
>>24678136
What kind of choices?
>>24681419
I completely understand what you mean.
>>24681435
Yes, fill me in. I might fall asleep before I read it but I will for sure read it in the morning.
Who's idea was it to use the skeleton from Death's Scream Bloody Gore album for these depression threads?
Just, out of all things.
No one actually seems cripplingly depressed ITT
>>24681487
Well, my mom has dealt with a lot of drug addicts as part of her job. I guess her and everyone else in my family saw a huge change in me. So while I was at therapy, she had my dad go through my stuff and they found all my xanax. After the massive shitstorm and me convincing her to not hospitalize me, we tried to get an appointment with a psychologist. It's impossible though. Every single one is booked full.
>>24681517
I saw someone make this thread a long time ago with the image, so ever since then I've used it when I made the threads. Its kinda iconic now.
>>24681559
Jesus, that's rough. What did they say? And when will you be able to see one?
>>24681596
Fair enough. Im just wondering why someone would pick an 80's Death metal album for a depression thread.
>>24681596
They were really worried that I was going to kill myself. I told them I wasn't, which is true, and that I just feel really fucked up in the head. The closest time I think I can see a child psychologist (inb4 underage b&) is fuckin February.
>>24681643
Jeeze. Hopefully they get an opening before then. I really hope things work out for you anon
>>24681626
Same to be honest. But I can't stop now.
>>24681705
Thanks Skelly. Im seeing the family doc tomorrow but I need someone with an extensive understanding of the human brain, not body.
>>24681487
If you understand, then I feel sorry for you.
>>24681747
They really don't know what illnesses I have. I've been diagnosed with GAD and depression but they (my family and therapist) think there's more. Only a psychologist can find out.
>>24681026
soniciscool3 is my skype
>>24681747
Don't we all :(
But if you ever need someone with an extensive understanding of the human body I'm here for you ;)I'm so sorry that was awful I'm so tired
>>24681881
Thanks I guess. My self image has slipped and pretty much died in a few months time.
>>24681884
Sonic isn't cool desu Mario is much cooler
>>24681936
I chuckled. It's the small things that make life good.
>>24681965
To add on to that, that's something my father has told me so many times through my life. Once it finally clicked, a lot of things made more sense and made me happier. It's a lesson we all could learn from, I think.
>>24681936
I've been dead for so long I don't know what it's like to be alive, and frankly I don't think I ever was. If you have any hope of climbing out, do it before your too deep for the rope to reach.
>Not even 7am yet
>Just finished my second beer
This is what stress does to you
I honestly think I'm addicted to porn. I fap 4 times a day and my dick literally has blisters on it.
>>24682244
I smoke/chew to deal with stress. Bad habits.
Well it's my 25th birthday, suppose to kill myself today but my brother won't let me out of his sight.
>crippling
>still can type
Not so crippling, uh?
>>24679417
Could be some kind of panic attack?
I remember a time where I couldn't lie down without being convinced I was about to have a heart attack as I would get all sweaty with sharp pains in my arms and chest.
>try to play vidya
>doing really poorly
>get really stressed out
>shit talking myself
>getting really angry
>quit after 20 minutes
I don't get it.
Sometimes I'm really fucking good, come out in the top spot.
Other times I'll do absolutely horridly like I've never played the game before.
>>24682532
What games anon?
I'M SLIPPING
>>24682573
Halo CE, specifically.
Really the only games I'm good at when I'm sad are Age of Empires II and Portal 2
>>24682532
This happens to me all the time, especially with LoL. I played for years (S1), and I'm still such a shitty player. Every time I feel like I might be getting good or confident, I will start to bomb miserably and feel worse.
It applies to really any game I've played though. I'm just shitty.
>>24682674
thats a good game anon, i feel you but the reason probably is just the sometimes you have bad games, shit happens, going on tilt is a problem and can be solved by changing your goals.
ei change it from top scoring to beating a specific player that is around your score.
how big is the player base these days?
>>24682686
iktf
Sometimes it makes me feel really bad for other people.
I have one close friend who tries to get me to play vidya with him and his friends all the time, but I never want to play. And unless it's an AoE or Civ V night, I'm not very good and I feel like I can't really connect with his group.
>>24682707
It's still such a great game after 15 years of playing. Halo 1 and 2 are the height of the series.
Usually there aren't more than 900-1000 players online at a time. Quite a few dedicated servers still kicking, especially mod servers.
>>24682750
i might jump back in once i get my computer back, i played halo 2 at pax a few months ago at a 'vintage' game station.
It was weird it felt like it was released not that long ago.
im more of an RTS strategy man myself and none of my mates like them, its disappointing really im forced to play against bots to get my skill up because all the other players are way to fucking good.
>>24682803
>im forced to play against bots to get my skill up because all the other players are way to fucking good
Oh fuck yeah, man. It's ridiculous to me that people can play AoE and the like on max difficulty. I can get by pretty well on standard, and just enough on moderate, but some of these guys are retardly good at rts games.
>>24682750
I had to stop playing with my old friend group because I would constantly fuck up their games. Despite the countless hours of LoL (2600+ matches in one mode alone), I am so bad that if we lost, it was 100% my fault, and if we won, it wasn't because of me.
All games are like that. I'm just shitty at video games, yet I keep torturing myself by pretending I might get better. I haven't yet and I honestly question why I even bother anymore.
>>24682910
Its ok to be bad at games anon. Ive put 120 hours into Mount and Blade and I still suck ass.
>>24683405
My old friend like that.
You can say it's ok, but I am constantly reminded that its not. Thanks though.
>>24683503
Games are made to be fun, and you can't have fun if you berate yourself.
I was at the gym today and I was doing leg press. I can press 24, 45 plates, which makes me feel kind of bad ass. I was getting another plate when this guy yells at me, "I'm gonna use that get it from somewhere else". I didn't say anything and did. I felt kinda shitty but not bad.
Later my workout buddy is trying to introduce me to this girl. Naturally, my head is down and I just smile when I'm supposed to. Well during our conversation, the same guy interrupts us and hugs the girl and walks away. At that moment, I felt really small. That I was nothing.
I've kinda just accepted that I'm a beta now. Probably be better if I didn't have a girlfriend, more than likely would just make her life miserable as well.
Sat there for one hour yesterday listening to a normie I confided in (stupid I know but I was desperate to talk to someone) tell me how I can't truly be depressed.
Reeeeeee'd in silence.
Why are normies so quick to tell you that what you are feeling isn't legitimate and you just need to "be yourself". I mean, I even self injure and all he said was that I should go for a run and see more people. I think the guy tried to reach out because he said I could call him any time but I'm torn between thinking he's nice and wanting to rip his eyes out from his socket.
>>24676603
I don't even know what I am doing still alive, I hate all my hobbies, I am unemployed, I've been stuck in the same college for four years now without any significant progress having been made, I have never been in a romantic relationship and every week or two I suffer from disassociate episodes. I keep having to abuse drugs to feel motivation towards life. Its about time I man up and put an end to this sad charade.
>>24683869
the thing is, the gym is a place where people are trying to prove themselves better, its not a fair environment to judge or be judged on.
What happened still sucks but the gym is full of egotistical assholes who would jerk off to the thought of them humiliating someone.
I dunno if that helps but its just my completely professional two cents.
The GF things is a whole other matter though. Dont dwell to much on that thought.
>>24683821
What they're made to be and what they are are infrequently aligned. I try to have fun, but it doesn't turn out that way.
>>24684943
Maybe you just play the game(s) with the wrong mindset? I know when I play Medieval 2, a RTS, if I play aggressively I always get decimated. However, if I defend and dig in, I often win.
