hey
how are you holding up?
I'm going to be ok I think.
What about you opie?
>>24659767
>how are you holding up?
not good
Can't really say I'm holding up at all.
the only reason I haven't killed myself is because it would make my only friend sad and kill himself, but the only reason he hasn't killed himself is because it would make me sad and kill myself
I keep on marching.
Today was rough
but now I'm with you anon, and you're always there for me
>>24659860
That's quite the conundrum.
I'm really fucking depressed and people are sick of hearing about it. But I'm so desperate I'll talk about it to anyone who seems remotely interested
Shit to be honest family
At least I can still enjoy anime enough to escape for a few hours a day, I guess
Alright, honestly.
I'm content. Just worried it won't last long.
>>24659894
I am mildly interested
at least im not dead
>>24659878
not really
that's what suiceide packts are for
>>24659894
I am EXTREMELY moderately interested
There is a 1/10 chance I will give you a (you)
1/3 with dubs
>>24659894
I feel the same way. It hurts to see that my posts so often go ignored.
What's on your mind?
>>24659982 >>24660008
i'm a bpd to begin with
add in dad dying - he was sick with brain cancer for 3 years - and me being the only one who wasn't at home when he went
plus one of my best friends dying when i was still back at home spending time with senpai after funeral
decide "pull yourself together, everyone's hurting, be strong for them" go back to school and work try to act like everything's normal
it's too much, i'm still fucking hurting but i don't abuse alcohol now for some reason and so im having a hard time dealing with life because alcohol was my crutch for so long
>tfw you could "life" better when you were an alcoholic
>>24659767
I'm alright, but I would like to get something off my chest:
My coworkers think I'm not a virgin and that I actually know what I'm talking about when it comes to girls. I have not once denied being a virgin (a kissless, handholdless one at that) to them, but they all seem to think that I'm joking.
I am at a total loss as to how things turned out this way. Is the idea of someone in their 20s being a virgin really so unthinkable to normal people?
>>24659767
killing myself soon lad, the ringing and headaches are too much. in the planning stages, think i'll jump off a building or hang myself in the park.
fuck you mum! fuck the government too
>>24660054
oh and now because you're freaking the fuck out about everything it's impacting your relationship with your boyfriend (the friend of mine who died was his best friend btw) because you keep him up at night with your crying and he has to go to wagekek construction job early every day
As per usual, I am worried about my friend (that I happen to have a crush on) and her poor health.
All in all I'd say I'm fine; I'm just not happy.
>>24660057
Have you gone to a doctor? You sound like you could use some help.
>>24660067
>>24660054
well I hope you're gay, but even if femanon thats pretty shitty anon. good luck
I'm hoping I get killed in a car crash on the way to work tomorrow or I just die tonight.
95% sure I'm going to fail calculus this semester which sucks cuz I need to pass in order to get into comp sci program. I've already taken all the non-program cs classes so idk what's going to happen if I fail
I've been a NEET for a decade. I'm almost 25 and been a NEET since 15.
I'm... totally out of it. I stopped caring about myself a while back, I still attempt to 'self-improve' by learning and eating properly.
It's certainly better than what I've been doing previously. Which was me eating poorly and never going outside.
The anti-depressants I've took for about a year have had a positive effect on me, less anxiety and more confidence.
I think I'm better now.
>>24660159
halie?
>>24660145
Hey me too.
I'll pray that some horrible miracle happens to the two of us before I sleep.
>>24660159
I know that feel, I'm terrible at math and I'm taking this course for a fourth time. If I fail it, I just might kill myself, or join the army.
>>24660159
fuck off normie filth
bloxium
Bad, OP. Finished uni to go into a job I hate (RN on a psych ward). My co-workers are all very bitchy, middle-aged women - I have a decent reputation at work and tend to dodge their cuntish attitudes but just their constant bickering with one another gets me down.
Honestly considering just quitting and surviving for like a year on a decent amount of savings I have. Have numerous friends I went to school with and are living the NEET lifestyle with minimal regrets at age 23/24.
>>24660145
I feel the same. I'm begging for death, but I'm too much of a pussy to kill myself.
>>24660159
Then I'd try to pull it off if you're really intent on studying CS.
>>24660251
Why don't you just fuck them? Lighten the mood at your work with your cock.
>>24660270
You live in some fantasy world.
Not him, but I wouldn't want to fuck middle aged women.
>>24660304
I prefer to think of myself as an optimist.
OP here,
there's something nice about reading your stories, anons. Please do continue. It helps me put my own shit into context, in a way.
I'll likely share my own story later ITT, but I'd rather not attention whore and detract from the thread, so I'll do it in a separate post
stay strong bros
>>24660323
So, do you want the whole kit and kaboodle or just a snippet?
well, seeing as im here and only visit about twice or three times a year, really bad.
i had probably the worst day of this whole autumn and to top it off i (feel like) i got ganged up on in a online group chat i joined a couple months ago.
im working nights 7 days a week for the holiday season so i wont be able to see my one consistent joy as much...
i dont know man. i feel like ive got something wrong with me but i dont know what and am too scared to find out
fuck now im sad AND angry. ill share this pickmeup with you guys
>>24660347
share as much as you like. The act of writing out a story in its entirety helps me sort out my own thoughts on occasion, so when I post shit here I tend to type it all out, then trim it down a bit, else it gets too /soc/-y and personal blog-y.
I should keep a journal
>>24660373
Well
>wondering why I'm still alive despite nearly dying three times
>constantly feeling numb to everything
>starting to hate my gf
>starting to dislike going outside and going to class nowadays
>feeling ashamed and guilty of myself
>can't sleep either
I want it to end but I don't want to bring it about with my own hand. It's made me reckless and uncaring about myself.
>>24660403
>>24660365 here, I understand your situation although its not as intense. I am significantly more willing than others to experiment with weird drugs and im very reckless on my bicycle. sometimes i tell myself that its better that i die of some tragic accident than by killing myself.
>>24660421
Oddly enough, I don't want to do drugs or anything of that sort. Just drinking is fine with me.
I share that way of thinking too, I'd rather die in some accident than kill myself so at least people wouldn't see me as the coward I am.
They probably already see right through me though, so why bother hiding it?
>Have a group of people that consider me a friend
>I'm still an outsider since I'm naturally quiet and they've all known eachother for years
>Get a kiss on the cheek straight up from a woman who I haven't seen in a month or so
>Unable to communicate properly which leads her to ending up with at least talking to some random guy and I don't know what happened after.
>Be getting comments from everyone that I'm a keeper/great at my job
>Contract expiring and I have to reapply against people with far more experience
A LOT OF MIXED FEELINGS SENPAI.
Not good
My long distance girlfriend isn't physically attracted to me anymore.
Tomorrow is my 25th birthday, I'm going to kill myself.
>>24660442
I wish I could drink, I smoke too much weed and am too small. Just about anything past 4 drinks will make me puke and anything over 1 might make me feel like ass, except for beer.
However, a near-death (or serious injury) experience will never fail to make me to be at least a bit pleased to be alive.
>>24660483
>>I'm still an outsider since I'm naturally quiet
this is my situation in just about every friend group ive been in, shit sucks man. What makes it worse is that in the few that I'm more open and talkative, I get significant praise over some of my social mannerisms.
>>24660508
end it now before it gets worse, please.
by the way, here's a bingo card i filled out recently.
>tfw don't belong with normies or robots
i feel like ive been carried in life by my few normal friends. now that my friendships have waned, my life has gone to shit.
>known girl for three years
>she was crazy about me for the first few months
>>we work together in the summer, and she'd tag along with me just about anywhere I went
>didn't try shit because I cared about my job and had been intimidated with threat of termination if I did
>years go by, and I learn that was bullshit, and begin to accept and reciprocate my own feelings
>now she's lacking interest, although she's still single afaik
for a lot of years, I though unrequited love was the worst feeling in the world.
Even worse is the regret from love you failed to return.;_;
>>24660544
woops, forgot to mark "had a girl say she loves you"
still not a single bingo.
>>24660571
Can you post the template?
I wanna give it a go
>>24660578
here you gowait do spoiler tags work here why does it let me use the shortcut
>>24660544
>this is my situation in just about every friend group ive been in, shit sucks man. What makes it worse is that in the few that I'm more open and talkative, I get significant praise over some of my social mannerisms.
I think it doesn't help that these friends are the most normal fucking people you'll ever meet. Successful with everything they do they all have confidence backed by results.
>I wish I could drink
>anything over 1 might make me feel like ass, except for beer.
Stick to half nips and beer. I love a drink (moderately) but if you can't handle it (or any drug) never force yourself for others and know your limits.
I'd much much rather chill with someone who nurses a single drink all night than some fuck who thinks they need to get blind.
>>24660590
Here goes~Spoilers do indeed work my friend
>>24660624
>she said ily but you never based the turkey?
Didn't get Bingo.
>>24660590
i really dislike my current situation in life.
>>24660715
but do you like these dubs?
>>24660657
It's a bit of a situation that I'm getting sick of, and which is kind of why I'm starting to hate her.Okay, starting to dislike her/the situation we're in
>we're both relatively young 20/19
>lives with her parents still
>stepdad is a bipolar asshole who does all kinds of crazy shit
>buys antiques to try to sell them at the local flea market
>went Black Friday shopping to buy stuff and turn around to make a profit
>as far as I know he hasn't made a single dollar
>constantly gets into arguments with the wife and my gf
>gf is terrified of him and doesn't try to stand up for herself or anything
>stepdad doesn't even know we're dating and she's scared of what'll happen if he finds out
Anyway
>gf and I have been secretly dating for about three years
>because of this I can't really do dating or couple-y things with her
>she's super paranoid about her stepdad finding out
>inb4 just sneak around
>she's scared of that and her stepdad is really strict/crazy
>he drove to his wife's work once to yell at some guy who was her co-worker because he was worried he was getting cheated on
>caused her a lot of embarrassment
>he did get keked like three times though hue
I digress (again)
>can't really do couple-y things with gf
>can't take her out or spend an afternoon shooting the shit
>can only see her while we're at Uni
I really really like this girl though, she's pure and faithful.Nothing like the roasties or sluts you hear about on r9k. But sometimes she really annoys me and I'd hate to admit it but I feel like I'm wasting my youth spending time with someone I can't fucking go out with.
lollolololol
>>24659767
fuck. almost made it.
>>24660724
neither you or i got dubs.
Maybe this time?
>>24659767
I feel soulless tbqh
>>24660753
>can make conversation easily
tell me your secrets
>>24660600
i just dont drink, really. especially after my last fiasco--drank three hard root beers and spewed all over a parking lot because of dat sugar
>>24660537
Farewell, anon. Be well.
Pretty bad. Considering running away and joining the seperatists in Ukraine. I wont die alone at last
>>24660537
happy birthday f@m
>>24660590
i wish i was as normal as this made me look but 85% of this is shit anyone who isnt a total sperg can manage
xdgsbdrbdtrrbq tj rtj jj yjs jjsjst j
I wish I had the balls to kill myself. See you in hell.
>>24660801
not even a robot but that makes you sound normie as fuck
>just bee urself
>>24660537
gg wp anon, make the normies suffer
>>24660537
Hope you reconsider, anon.
>>24660571
you did get bing you fucking muppet. do you know know about the 'postage stamp' bing shithead
>>24660590
eh
I'm depressed but would prefer not to do many of these things.
>>24659767
I'm sick of it all. I'm sick of being ugly, sick of not having any friends. I'm so autistic I can't even carry a conversation. I stay in my house all day not because i'm lazy, but because the thought of social interaction terrifies me, even going to the store is a trial. I will never have a girlfriend, I will never be successful, I will never be loved or admired. I'm just an irrelevant background character in someone else's story. I don't matter.
I want to go back to early high school and not ditch all of my friends but at the same time I know that there was a reason for isolating myself.
I still imagine myself talking to them and hanging out and all that jazz. For a few months I would walk about 5 miles to a park we went to a handful of times and just sit down at the benches or on a swing and look around while just remembering the same memories again and again. I would always hope that they would come walking out from around the corner to come join me, but there was no chance of that because apparently the two of them do not like each other any more and it was like 3 in the morning when I would do that anyways.
Even if they did come I don't think any good would come out of it. It is obvious by my constant fantasies of being involved in interactions with people that I can't really mesh with anyone now and so I have just fallen back into my mind where I can make anyone say anything and just prop myself up with feel good garbage.
I hope these thoughts will fade as I get older. I read posts from people who just sit in an unthinking stupor while staring at their walls and can't help but feel a little envious. No matter how I construct something in my mind I cannot muster cognitive dissonance strong enough to block out the thought "wow you're a pathetic fag". Not having to worry about any of it anymore would be nice.
Haha. It's really fucking stupid. I will open my window at night and stare out of it, almost expecting my friends to walk by just like they were in eighth grade and we could go out on an adventure or something. Maybe I should get into anime.
As a side note, this was going to be posted in thread about being stuck in the past a few days ago but it 404d too quickly. Damn. I hope it is not too long and faggy, I just pasted it all into a text document and didn't look at it again.
>>24660844
>tfw no one showed up to save any of us
childish cartoons, life doesn't have a happy ending
>>24660054
>>24660067
That's pretty rough, anon. I'm sorry. It sounds like you have a good family and boyfriend, though. Try to stay sober though, abusing alcohol as an emotional crutch isn't healthy --- I've been there before.
>>24660055
*shrugs* just go with it man
>>24660159
Try getting a tutor if they're available on your campus. That's helped me.
>>24660251
Working with nurses will do that to you.
>>24660692
Just learn how to small talk and you win!
>>24660319
I like you.
>>24660537
Why?
>>24660773
>can make conversation easily
>tell me your secrets
Here you go, faggot:
http://andrewelsass.com/anatomy-of-a-conversation-part-3/
It's what I've been doing for years when trying to get to know people better. Take a genuine interest in what they have to say, and continue the conversation by using key words or phrases they say to move onto the next topic.
>>24660779
Go on...
>>24660995
Whats your first name? I will make a character with your name in the book I am writing.
>>24660859
id say kill yourself but i think old age will do it for you much quicker
My body is going to look like melted plastic after losing weight.
Every day I worry about being alone and that I'll never get to experience love.
It's a pretty shit feeling.
>>24661047
I'm tired of existing, I don't want to be happy nor do I want a girlfriend, I just want to stop being.
>>24661054
It's James. Thanks, man.
not all hope is lost
r... r... right?
>>24661074
>My body is going to look like melted plastic after losing weight
Maybe, but there's only one way to find out senpai. If thats whats stopping you, you're only going to get fatter
>>24661047
>>24661047
Seperatist anon here. There is not much else to it, its my way of killing myself. Also you seem normie af
>>24661102
James. Okay.
What do you want your last name to be?
Im thinking of making you head of my fictional military.
>>24661171
Tortellini
>>24659767
Anyone in Sydney? I want to try weed but where can I buy?
>>24660999
You have a beautiful spirit, Anon.
May it never be tarnished.
>>24661109
Oh, it's not stopping me. I've never been a normal weight and I just really want to see what my face looks like without the fat since I've been told I have a nice face. I've already lost 117 lbs this year, but I still need to lose another 80-100 lbs.
what happens when it all felt empty and ended up breaking down, spiraling out of control and falling into isolation for the past two years. havent been intimate or functioned properly since. even when i had it, it felt wrong and now going back seems impossible
something to think about i guess
>>24661207
Thats whats up, good for you anon. I'm surrounded by fatties who constantly bitch about their weight, but never do anything about it. My cousin, who also happens to be my best friends, refuses to change his habits but still finds the time to worry about getting diabetes. He's even openly said that he won't change until he's forced to change. Willpower is hard to come by I guessIs it true its easier to lose weight if you weigh more?
>>24661180
Haha okay. In a few years, google that name and try to find my book.
Been going through an emotional loop because I cannot gauge if this girl is into me or not. Hoping she would want to share life with me, and possibly lose my virginity.
>>24661278
Same here. She gave me a cup of coffee and didn't charge me for it when I visited her at her work. Of course, that's just the kind of thing one does to be polite, right? But then, is it really worth the risk of getting in trouble just to be friendly to someone like me? So I'm sitting here analyzing the shit out of that coffee. It was pretty good coffee, though.
>>24659767
The doctor can't prescribe me nit-depressants because I am a semi frequent user of MDMA which is now the only thing that makes me feel good enough to not wasn't to be dead, I need to take 2 weeks off it before I can be given anti depressants and I don't know if I will last that long tbqh I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
>>24661315
to be honest, it could easily just be a friendly gesture especially if you're a polite regular. people in food service really value the customers that dont treat them like shit.
is there any other background
>>24660999
>trips of retrospection
If you're going to try to indulge yourself in a hobby, don't do something gay like anime. Play an instrument or exercise or something.
>>24661054
>>24661171
>>24661256
You seem like a good person. Good luck with the novel.
>>24661103
You don't have to ever lose hope senpai. I love you.
>>24661120
Dude if that's what you wanna do, fight the good fight then. The bingo board makes me seem normie, but I can really relate to a lot of you faggots on here.
>>24661090
You could have a serious hormonal imbalance that's fucking your brain up. Instead of offing yourself, make an effort to go see a psychiatrist (a licensed MD, not a psychologist) to see if there is anything you can do to help with these feelings. In the meantime, try basic meditation using tutorials off youtube to try to clear your mind. And if you feel like you are about to actually an hero, please call a suicide hotline or reach out to somebody you know.
>>24661207
Keep at it bruh, stick to your goals. If you take it slowly with the weight loss, the excess skin won't be as much of an issue.
>>24661233
The more you weigh, the more calories you have to take in to maintain that weight.
If there are any other depressed anons lurking itt, just know even though we don't know each other, there's someone that cares.
>>24661315
It is hard to gauge to be honest because so much goes into it. How much they smile, how often they try to engage you in conversation, and if they are giving you things.
I have had a girl make me lunch two or three times, always said hi first when ever she passed me, enjoyed talking to me, and wanted to go out to the Queen Mary in October, and let a friend give me her number. After all of that I said I was attracted to her and she stops everything for me, doesn't even talk to me.
Now this girl invited me to sit by her during lunch and was giving me food when I was just passing by, somehow knew my name even though I never told her, and is the one initiating saying hi to me along with saying my name. She seems to ask a lot of questions about me as well. Though I have no clue if I should go for it or not. Everything in my body says yes because god damn it is as if she is waving landing flags, but on the other hand maybe she is just being REALLY friendly like the previous girl.
I'm doing good, I think, but I've been reconsidering a few things and its kind of tormenting me.
I've been in some on and off relationship with this girl online for a few months and I fucked it up a week ago and we ended up breaking up, it was all because of me. Luckily she took me back a few days ago and I've fixed everything that was wrong with the relationship and I can see myself spending my life with her and she feels the same way, so that's pretty amazing and it makes me really happy
but I've been reconsidering what I want to do later on, I've been working on a networking certification for a while now and I used to really like it but I've lost interest in it a bit, I even failed the test a month back, I got 70/100 when I needed 80/100. I can only blame myself because I stopped studying half way through because I can't find the motivation. I've invested a lot of time in this career path and I already spent a lot of time and effort on it, but I really don't know if this is what I really want to do, I used to think that it was awesome but now I find it somewhat boring so I'm scared that I'm doing all of this for nothing
I used to go to college and dropped out because I didn't like what I was doing and now that I'm losing interest in what I'm doing now it makes me really scared, I'm going to try to stick with it because I don't know how my parents will react if I give up on this too, I just want some job that I can do from home so I don't have to go out often, I want something I can do at home to support me and my girlfriend, why is that so hard for me to do?
Sorry for the rant and the repetitiveness of this post but I really felt like I needed to let it out
>>24661336
That was the first time I'd gone there.
We met when she came to visit a coworker of mine at our job. He gives her stuff for free too, so that's why I'm assuming it's all about formalities. He swears she likes me and has told me on many occasions that I should ask her out. He's even offered to give me her number before (I stupidly turned him down on that, thinking that I could get it myself, which I haven't). He talks to her more than I do, so I'm inclined to believe he's telling the truth, or rather, that he genuinely believes she likes me.
>>24661369
>After all of that I said I was attracted to her and she stops everything for me, doesn't even talk to me.
That's what I'm afraid of the most.
Some girls are just really friendly. Those are the ones that can get anyone to open up to them, the downside being that they're not just nice to you.
Honestly, I think you should go for it. If you never try, then she'll never date you, which is essentially the same outcome as trying and being rejected. Even the consequence of losing a friend isn't that big of a deal. After all, you eventually met this girl after being turned down by the first one, right? So it's entirely possible, even likely, that you'll meet another and receive the chance to try again.
>>24661233
That's a real shame that he's only willing to change if something which might be irreversible happens. It has to be tough for you to watch your best bud do that to himself and say depressing junk like that.
Yeah. The bigger you are, the more calories your body will burn doing anything. A normal sized person and an overweight one could do the exact same exercise, but the overweight person will end up burning more calories since they're working hard with all the blubber. At the start, they lose a ton of weight because their diet consists mostly of carbs, sugar and salt, which makes them retain a lot of water. I cut my calories so low from whatever it used to be that the amount lost each week was pretty crazy. I think it was like 5 lbs each week until I calmed down a bit.
>>24661363
Thanks, Anon. I'm going to try taking things a bit slower now. I know I'll at least have it bad in a few areas like my upper arms, but hopefully I at least won't have a floppy stomach.
had the crushing realisation that i only get asked to hang out if i offer some kind of service and that most of my friends arent actually interested in whats happening in my life today : )
>>24659767
I want to be many things and do many things, and be remembered for those things, but, no matter how much time or resolve I grind from my feeble body, there always seems to be someone better than me or ahead of me. I don't want to be thirty years old and still kicking around different things which I somewhat exceed at but never get noticed for; I just wanna find my place, then become a titan in that discipline that's recognised by others.
I sometimes feel like the world just isn't enough for me. And even when I try quell my greed, I just want to do more and more and better and better.
>>24659767
I have a thing for this girl and I think it's vice versa. She wants us to meet irl, but i'm too much of a pussy to go through with it.
>>24661407
I am going to eventually try it, but my hope for it is kind of low at this point. Thankfully gossip rarely ever spreads about me since I try to keep things on the down low so if I get shot down it would be almost like nothing happened.
