>tfw you remember who you used to be.
Don't remind me.im sorry
>happy
>well-groomed
>awkward but tried to be social
>friendly
>lots of hobbies I love
>start struggling with depression and self-hatred
>never happy
>shave beard twice a year, shave off my actual hair every couple months
>actively avoid talking to people
>weird
>don't enjoy anything but drinking and violently fucking hookers
>Find a picture of yourself from 5 years ago
>Look at yourself in the mirror
>Realize how horribly you've aged.
The isolation and loneliness has eaten me alive.
>>24627864
>>24627922
How old are you guys? 21 here.
>>24627988
>How old are you guys?
27
I failed around the age of 9 or 10. I can't remember it very well and I would have changed a lot anyway. I just wish it hadn't happened in the first place
>i will never be the happy, kind hearted person i was.
>>24627988
I turned 28 this year. Posted >>24627864
I've officially been fighting these thoughts for more than half my life. I look like Max Payne after he shaves his head in the third game.
>>24627743
then:
>anon's the best we've got!
>don't worry, anon can fix it!
>anon, you're a lifesaver!
>anon, you're a legend!
now:
>anon... what happened to you?
At least you guys have former selves which to regret no longer being.
>>24628078
Why would you want to feel regret?
>>24628059
>tfw really good at what you do
>tfw become so cycnical, mean, sarcastic, and jaded that new hires are scared of you and people who've been around the office longer just avoid you
>>24627743
Fit. Attracted women.
Not anymore.
>tfw you remember what it was like having friends
>tfw your high school years were in fact the best years of your life
>>24628111
there's nothing wrong with being avoided though. a little peace and quiet, no?
>>24628120
>Not anymore.
What went wrong?
>>24628022
>always liked the character of Max Payne
>drunk and pill abusing bad ass with a dark past
>always wanted to be like him
>mfw 5 years later Im Max except the bad ass part
>stupid
>reactionary
>offhanded racism
>hyper
>violent
>showy
>vindictive
>dramatic
Yeah nah, rest in pieces old me.
>>24628182
It depends on my mood, I guess. Some days I'm content alone but I have days where it really hurts being hated and all that. I know they'd fire me if they thought they didn't need me because I don't have any friends here anymore. Life turned me into an asshole.
>>24628201
I loved the first two games growing up and I wanted to be like Max, you know? Now I'm a fat bald guy with a drinking problem, so mission accomplished I guess.2 is the best, incidentally. Its main flaw is being too short.
>used to love reading, knew a ton of shit
>was always the smart kid
>even though I knew I was never going to be at the top of the social ladder, I at least had a niche to fit into
>people knew who I was, and some people even liked me and wanted to talk to me
>haven't read a real book that wasn't for schoolwork in 4 years
>not smart/knowledgeable at all compared to the people around me
>wallowing in my own mediocrity alone every night
>no ambition or hope at all
fuck
>26
I've been depressed for so long that I don't know life without it. I don't mean a few months or even a few years. I'm talking decades. At least 20 years of my life have been in depression. My mother told me stories of how I was as a toddler, I remember going to a child psychology center as my earliest memory, I was in and out of other doctors until I was 15 when I finally managed to hide it.
I remember who I was, and I haven't changed. What has changed is my willingness to try and pretend I was something better.
>>24628251
>tfw i'm on my way to being this
I was such a faggot in hs
I hate myself, didn't even realize how much an autist I was
I don't want to remember anymore senpai
You guys think people can change?
>tfw you remember yourself as a child with dreams and innocence
I remember. I was kind, happy and wanted to be everybody's friend. Then it happened. The fires burned down everything I had built. Devastated, I just sat in the ashes and cried, but then those around me picked me and helped me rebuild. Everything was back to the way it was, but nothing gold stays. The same fires came again and made sure to leave nothing standing. This time I was confident. I rebuilt it by myself. Not exactly the way it was, but usable. Once again the fires returned to do what they do. I just couldn't do it anymore. I called for help, but no one would listen. This was my third go around, I should be used to it they said.
So now I sit here in the ashes of what used to be. Defeated and rejected.This isn't about what you think it is
I just try to not think about it. Maybe I can power through this bad spell...of 8 years
>used to be the coolest kid and had tons of friends, everyone loved me
>everyone hit puberty and turned on me for being ugly
>>24628831
>>everyone hit puberty and turned on me for being ugly
>tfw you can't remember who you used to be
I remember specific points and places, but I can't remember what things were actually like. Was I happy or not? Everything's a blur.
It's 10pm and I'm finally dragging myself out of bed. Gonna walk to the Chinese place for some food and see where that takes me.
>>24628251
u me brah?
>always been shit
its better to have no expectations of yourself. the simplest of thing becomes an acheivement
>>24629960
been shit since before I was even a teenager
>tfw when I will never be what I could've become
5 years ago I was working overnights at Walmart and living in my mons basement overeating Burger king every morning for dinner/breakfast.
I'm never going back, familia
>>24628486
Some days it feels like my childhood in California was a dream. I moved when I was 12 to the midwest and been stuck here in the same rut for more than a decade.
It doesn't help that the block I used to live on was completely demolished and rebuilt so I could never go back. I miss the long days at the beach, getting some little casears with my dad, and playing snes all night.
>>24627743
Everything changes OP. It's not to say none of it is worth remembering, but it's not worth as much to others.
>>24628990
Where do you fucking live? New York city?
>>24630226
we couldnt have become anything. it was stacked against us from the start brobot
