What was the best sexual experience you ever had?
last night. my hand.
baitus maximus
EVery now and then, masturbation actually feels pleasant instead of the chore that it is.
So that I guess.
>>24627295
I don't get it.
>i-L trick doesn't work blox
>>24627295
With my woman. I licked her arse and all. Was something else.
>be with one of only two friends
>Say "You realize we've been friends for almost 7 years?"
>gets genuinely happy smile
>lean in for a kiss
>get kiss
>say how much I appreciate that we're friends and that I want more
>surprised when we go back to my house and end up fugging
>tfw now have nice /fit/ bf with a perfect boipussy
Guess being /fit/ and straight is all a meme.
>>24627395
fucking goofy faggot
I suckarood my friendos peepee and swallowed his cum. It was great. He "straight" now though and doesn't want it anymore :( this was like 3 years ago
>>24627295
thats the same girl though
sometimes if I massaged my sister she would let me play with her ass. One day she let me play her cunt
>>24627375
>>24627489
It's about doggy style you fuckinh virgins.
>>24627508
did you ever fugg?
>>24627461
Feels good, angry man.
One time I had the house to myself so I spent the entire day edging and then just let loose after about 6 hours.
I was like that one picture of the poorly drawn 90s cartoon show (where everyone is made of cut-up paper), where the dad is all like "whoa" and covered in semen.
My mom and dad got home about 45 minutes after, which gave me ample time to clean myself/my floor up and close all of my tabs.
>>24627527
>he isn't a virgin
get off my board, normo
>>24627295
none, its all been shit drunken sex i can barely remember.
the most turned on ive been was when i was exchanging snapchats a girl i met on omegle and kept on skype for 2 years and stopped talking to recently because i wanted to meet her and she didnt want to meet me. it took her about a year and a half to finally open up to sending that kinda thing so it was hot as fuck.
lol. pathetic as fuck i know.
>>24627566
This isn't your fucking safe space. You're worse than niggers, fags, and feminists demanding fucking safe spaces on god damn college campus. Get ass fucked sideways fucking faggot.
3 winters ago my best friend came over and gave me the most sensual and loving blowjob I've ever had while we sat in the warm glow of the family Christmas tree.
I kinda miss him.
>>24627295
Face fucked my gf while she was really horny and really into it.
I was squeezing her breast while she deepthroated my dick, when I was about to finish I grabbed her head and held her down, cummed so much, and then she swallowed.
Squeezing her breasts will usually cause pain, but when I'm fucking her she seems to get pleasure from, and the fact that I was able to get that reaction from her when she was blowing me was awesome.
>15 years old
>extreme recluse during highschool
>got put into an alternative highschool because i didn't give a fuck about anything
>still didn't care
>scene chick starts to become attached to me
>wants to hang out with me
>tell her no because i want to play wow
>one day hear knock at my door
>look through eye hole on door
>its the girl and she brought a friend(girl)
>what the fuck how does she know where i live (apparently she called the school pretending to be my mom to get my address)
>quietly walk to bathroom and lay on floor
>being as quite as possible
>10 minutes later she won't fuck off
>finally cave in and open door
>tell her i was sleeping because i'm autism
>they brought me taco bell, not really hungry so feed it to my fat ass dog
>can't remember what happened but we're all in our underwear in my bed watching discovery channel
>get up to go through the bathroom
>girl follows me
>i sit on the couch and she sits next to me (left the other girl my room i guess lol)
>she pushes me on my back and gets on top of me
>her vagina is rubbing on my dick
>roll over on to my stomach because i don't know what i'm doing
>she's still grinding on me
>suddenly my mom starts to pull into driveway
>freak the fuck out
>yell at her to get off of me
>she runs to my room and scrambles to get dressed
>her friend does to
>mom comes in as they finish
>the girls bra is laying in the living room
>mom asks me wtf i was doing with 2 girls
>nothing
>they leave
>5 years later haven't touched another girl
>mfw i could have lost my virginity in a 3 some with 2 hot as fuck scene girls but am too autistic
>>24627628
This is my safe space and you're invading it. Your kind will never be welcome here, so get out.
getting a bj in the corner of a bar in bangkok while other people could watch
One time, I jerked off for 3 hours straight. My dick was sore for days.
>>24627675
Keep whining Gaylord fuckface. I will be here longer than you because you will inevitably fucking kill yourself because you can't take responsibility for your fucking problems and change. Alternatively, your own fucking parents will kick you out of your house so that you become fucking homeless and have to give homeless men fucking blowjobs so they don't kill you and steal your close. You think fucking high school was bad for you just you until you are on the fucking streets getting ass raped by AIDS infected homeless men.
>>24627789
Couldn't be bothered to read whatever it is you just wrote, but you sound like you're either a) 12 years old, or b) a legitimate retard. Seek help anon, for srs.
>>24627295
A week ago I managed to build a nice little harem in Artificial Academy 2, and fapped while playing through that.
>>24627674
>apparently she called the school pretending to be my mom to get my address
You really expect us to believe this? Like someone's going to say "Oh excuse me, can you remind me WHERE I FUCKING LIVE?" and the school are like sure ma'am here is your home address which for no apparent reason you do not know
>>24627859
i thought about this too but this might be possible but i'm too dumb to figure out the rest
>hey we're ???? could you say which adress we're registered on again?
>yea sure it's _____
>>24627831
I knew I won this argument before it started because you are too fragile to even argue to an anonymous shit like me on the Internet. I can't even imagine what it would be like for you in real life.
Just remember: I've felt the warmth and love of a woman. All you've felt is your cold, bony hand.
>Date a fat disgusting tumblr tier girl who smelled disgusting, had head lice, and who's apartment was full of bedbugs because it beat being alone forever
>Benefit was we had sex a lot and she was super into anything
>After a pregnancy scare she developed a desire to try anal
>Came in her ass without a condom while she begged for it
>Broke up with her because she was gross
>Been alone since
>She's had two other boyfriends since
>>24627674
>15 years old
>extreme recluse during highschool
>>wall of greentext
This is gonna be good
>>24627936
Protip:if you have to declare you've won an argument over the internet that generally meansyou probably didn't.
also i'm a schizoid autist and not a failed normalfag like yourself, so I couldn't possibly care less about the 'warmth of a woman'.
>>24627936
>Just remember: I've felt the warmth and love of a woman. All you've felt is your cold, bony hand.
Get the fuck off my board you cum drinking faggot ass licker
>hangin college campus over summer
>meet random girl who was in summer program
>hang out a lot over a few weekends
>she wants to play truth or dare over a game of pool
>ok whatev
>start off with stupid truth shit about sex
>i win the last game and get another dare
>blow me
>haha are you serious anon
>mfw
>she blows me a little
>she sucks at it
>ok lets fuck
>i hate using condoms i'm on birth control
>muhdick.jpg
>cum inside
>cum spills out on my couch
>fuck.fuk
>clean up
>shower
>send her to dorm
>go to catch train home monday morning
>miss it by 2 minutes
>doesnt matter had sex
That's all i got. It was really warm inside her.
>>24627859
that's what she told me
there's no way she could have asked anyone else because i had zero friends
>>24628011
>implying I'm a failed normie
Even if I was it would still be better than being a schizo autist. No matter how you perceive me I'm still better than you.
>>24628026
I don't fetishize ass licking or cum drinking nor do I participate in it, but okay boss. Good try.
>Go on a canoeing trip with a girl I met on the internet.
>Other canoes go ahead
>swimming, having a good time
>Kiss
>smash cut to her deepthroating me all the way
>so fucking good
>She slallows all my come
>she says "Thank you" as she finishes swallowing looking up at me
>keep canoeing
>have sex twice on the rocks in a beautiful giant rapids in the river
>Oh yeah she brought her retarded brother who talked about superman the whole time. but he was way down the river when we fucked.
>>24628096
You're on /r9k/, so ye, you're a failed normalfag. I'm also nowhere near as retarded as you, so I have that going for me.
also I'm a schizoid, not a schizo, there's a difference, but I guess expecting a low IQ plebian like yourself to know the difference was naive of me.
>>24627674
>roll over on to my stomach because i don't know what i'm doing
>>24627295
My 1st sexual experience was the best
I was 14, 10 years ago, my family had a pre-Christmas party, one of our neighbors had way too much to drink, she was a widow, an almost shut in, my family would take her to church, I picked up her groceries and cut her lawn, she had way too much booze, drunk off her ass, couldn't even stand,
my parents ask me to take her home and stay to make sure she was OK.
I had to carry her, she was pretty small, I got her home and put her on her bed, took off her shoes and she started pulling off her clothes, before I could leave she was nude, she lay down on the floor, fell really, and kept calling me by her husbands name, she grabbed my dick through my sweats and I was instant hard.
I looked at her, felt my dick and just went for it.
She sucked me we fucked, I came and got re-hard 4 times, I came so hard I thought I was having a heart attack.
She told me she loved me, and I put her to bed, and went home.
I felt so guilty I showered until my skin was raw.
I waited all morning for the police to come, for my Dad to beat the fuck out of me, nothing.
At church on Saturday, she got up to speak, we went to a storefront church, she talked about how her dead husband had returned to her before Christmas and had loved her, she cried and said heaven and g_d were real because he had shown her how wonderful heaven was, everyone praised g_d and we sang.
She told my mother she had prayed every night, since her husband had died, for him to spend one last night with her, she had waited years.
She was a totally changed, she went out, took trips, really lived, again.
She was 76 when I fucked her.
I jack off thinking about that night all the time, I have only dated women over 70 ever since.
It was the greatest fucking night of my life, nothing will ever be as good as it was that night.
I love the holidays.
>at ex's house at around noon
>convince her to fuck
>got no condoms
>tell her to let me just stick it in raw for a few pumps
>three pumps
>both look at each other realizing how badly we want to go on
>she's a prude and says for me to get condoms
>quickly run out there and drive to a very small market across the street
>ask if they have condoms
>no
>drive to cvs a minute away
>run in there with by hard dick tucked up in my waistband
>get them and run back to the front
>only one register is open and a nigger and a grandmother are in front of me in line
>nigger thinks cvs is the goddamn market and has a cart full of shit and starts bringing out coupons
>after close to 10 minutes of waiting in line, finally get it and take off back to her place
>she opens the door naked
>i run inside and strip my clothes off in an instant
>i lay down in the bed and she gets on top
>realize the anticipation and the wait had a magical effect
>the sex feels 10x better than it usually does
>it's intensely passionate
>don't last as long as I usually do but we both agreed it was the best we ever had
>>24627674
What the fuck
what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck
>>24628221
>implying it matters what disorder you say you have when it is self diagnosed
>>24627375
One looks nicer, the other feels nicer. Sticking your ass out like on the left might look better in porn, but the one on the right aligns it better with most penises. Most girls are front sensitive more than back, so the right feels better for her.
>>24628147
Faggot normie cum drinker ass fucking faggot fuck. GO TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS AND HAVE GAY SEX WITH CHAD NOBODY WANTS YOU HERE REEEEEEEEEEEE
>>24628392
>Low IQ retard still replying
kek, get the fuck off my board nigger. Maybe try out facebook, I hear they love reading blog posts about getting your peepee wet.
>>24627317
>>24627334
>>24627358
/thread
>yeah i have 3D sex too
>meet girl in frat basement
>she says she would really like it if she could see my dick
>autism so leave awkwardly
>text her week later asking wyd
>says she's studying
>offer her a study break
>20 minutes later banging in empty common room
>>24627295
Two of them are tied at first place
>meet qt goth ex-catholic-school girl in college
>have sex a bunch of times but I'm way drunk everytime it happens
>she tells me to come to her house after class and gives me her address
>look it up on a fucking paper map before I leave because this was before smartphones
>get lost in the suburbs
>it starts to rain
>no umbrella
>pissing rain all over
>mfw I'm just wandering the streets
>SOMEHOW get to her place
>ring doorbell
>she opens the door in a night robe
>"hey.... sorry I got lost a bit"
>"aaaaaw babe come in and let me dry you off"
>flashes me her puss
>almost trip and fall over taking my shoes off and following her to her room
>her parents or brother won't be home for hours
>she peels all the wet layers of clothes off of my while I warm my cool hands all over her body
>get to her goth bed in her goth room
>no one to hear in her house so she is SCREAMINNG "OOOOOOOHHHHHHH YESSSSSSSSS FUCK ME ANON FUUUUUUUCK MEEEEEEEEEEE UHHHHHHHH"
>18 yo recently-virgin me is just thinking like "oh okay I thought I was doing exactly just that but I guess I gotta step it up"
>"HAAAAARDEEEEEEEER ANOOOONNNNNN AAAAAAH HAAARRRDDDERRRR"
>her bed is about to collapse and I'm already trying to kill her pussy with my dick and I was sort of tired to begin with
>she grabs my ass
>oh
>a couple of her fingers get WAY too close to my asshole and I am not down with anything ass-related
>I let out a "AH!" and sort of jump forward, into her pelvic bone
>"OOOOHHHHHHHH YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS AAAAAAANNNOOONNNNNN"
>she grabs a hold of my ass even tighter now, her black fingernail just tapping onto my poor butthole
>"ughg OH OKAY"
>try to get my ass as far away from her fingers as possible but her body is in the way so at this I'm trying to break through her vagina and split her body in half with my dick just so I can move forward and run away and save my asshole from any further violation but with every thrust she's digging into my ass cheeks
>cont
>>24628462
How did you come to the conclusion that I'm a low iq neanderthal?
>>24627295
mutual groping with stacy in middle school
still khv
>>24628629
Your /b/ tier responses.
Spanking and rubbing crotchs with a 16 yo.
>>24628093
That's the cutest thing ever
>>24628659
>implying there is a difference between r9k and b
>>24627295
>Be me in my room
>Cousin is visiting us
>No one home
>Cousin is coming to my room by time to time and hitting on me
>I play it naive
>The 5th time I touched her back after she touched me
>We start kissing (she's good)
>Me sucking her tits
>We start getting naked
>I'm kind of massaging her
>She's turning me on by saying stuff like never mention the name of gf and such...
>Me realizing I don't want to do this because I wanna wait until marriage
>Me: I'm going out
>What anon, why?
>"I'm full", don't even know what I meant by that
>Me going to hangout with my buddies and not coming back until 5AM
>>24628737
You're absolutely correct. Thanks normalfags.
>>24628593
>creating a vicious cycle of me trying to get my ass away from her fingers but only resulting in them clutching tighter and about to break down my walls
>eventually just want this to end
>pin her pelvic bone down to her bed and engage thrusters
>jackhammer the tender-loving fuck out of her
>"UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAA ANON! ANON! ANON!"
>she sticks a finger in
>she starts to really scream
>I scream, and also cum, more out of shock than pleasure
>"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
>"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
>"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAA"
>"UUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH"
>she finally lets go of my ass
>I fall on top of her
>moment of silence as we're just breathing heavily on each other
>she grabs my face & kisses me
>"....that was the best sex I ever had!"
>"n...me too...."
didn't tell her to stay away from my ass after that but we mostly had sex with her on top I'll post story #2 in a second
>>24627641
some girls enjoy being submissive, think of it as how masochism provokes "pleasure" despite being entirely about pain
>>24628465
This is a good list
My best sexual experience is edging for about 2 hours while watching porn (I usually only fap with imagination). I came so hard it felt like my dick would never stop tingling.
>>24628255
>making old dustbags feel like they're teenagers again
good for you anon, plus you don't have to worry about getting them pregnant/aborted.
>>24627295
Having sex in the back seat of my G5 while high as fuck.
Good times
This may shock some of you but I've never had sex
>>24629050
you should give it a try senpai, it's quite nice
>>24629050
Shock who? normalfags?
>>24627295
The time I had sex with a girl in a dream. Woke up before dream nut.
>>24628255
Not sure if i can believe this
>>24629079
shit. i forgot it was that easy.
>>24628818
>"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
>"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
>"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAA"
>"UUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH"
Good dialogue anon.
Ambien sex.
I barely remember it, it was like a dream. I had to ask my gf if it actually happened the next day.
>>24627295
how do i get the type of girl on the left?
>>24629324
Tell your girl to arch her back and stick her ass out more. Just be aware this position is most likely less pleasurable to her as the right position aligns the penis and vagina better.
>>24628255
>She was 76 when i fucked her.
ew lol. I was envisioning a woman in her 40's maybe 50's. a milf.
>>24629365
>most likely less pleasurable to her
>implying this matters to me
>>24628818
>>24627295
>same girl
>bring her to my place
>can't really bang because of paper-thin walls and floors
>eat her out for hours
>my balls seriously hurt
>realize that it's late and that she has to be home soon-ish at least before tomorrow
>bring her to this isolated bus stop/underground passage that connects to a train station
>get there
>check the schedule
>JUST missed a bus
>this is the middle of winter so we stay inside the passage/shelter thing
>hhmmm what do we do to kill time should we talk about th-
>a few minutes later she's taken her panties off (wearing just a miniskirt) over her boots & everything and stuffed them in her purse and I'm taking my rock-hard dick out
>sit her up with her ass on the handrail of the stairs leading down
>slide it in
>she feels so fucking warm in contrast to the cold air around us and especially the cold metal of the handrail that my balls are rhythmically slapping against
>I'm leaning my hands against the glass panes and she's running her cold fingers under my shirt and over my stomach
>do this for I don't know how long
>"oooooohhh OH OOOH OOHHHHHHHHHHHH ANON FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK" eventually
>she came
>I'm almost there
>"give me a minute"
> "uugughgughugghguhgughggughhgugnon ANON THE BUS"
>she was facing backward towards the road and saw through the glass panes
>I pop my dick out, turn around and inadvertently point my dick at the road and the bus full of people
>oh shit oh fuck
>she gets up, kisses me on the cheek and squeezes my balls while whispering "good luck"
>runs out and get on the bus just as it was leaving
> like 7 people are walking towards here
>what the what the fuck do I do
>turn around so at least just my ass is facing them
>start to duck-walk down the stairs with my pants at my knees
>realize that there's a security camera pointed right at me
>turn around
>people are going to be there
>turn around again
>oh right the camera
>face the wall
>AT LEAST PUT YOUR PANTS ON
>immediately start cumming
>cont
>>24629401
Penis and vagina alignment also affects you. Just think about the angles bro.
>>24629419
More friction/stimulation for me in left position.
>>24629365
>caring about her pleasure
>not just ramming her as hard as possible to quickly get a nut off
>>24627295
No girl does pic #2 because its quite painful to hold your back up for long periods of time. Position #1 is just how you look relaxed in doggystyle while #2 would take serious effort to do during sex.
>>24629465
You like rubbing against the back wall awkwardly instead of sliding in deep effortlessly? That sounds terrible.
>all these people posting about sex
>on fucking /r9k/
No need to lie on anonymous image boards kiddos
>>24628255
>you CAN'T make that shit up!
>>24629481
>its quite painful to hold your back up for long periods of time
Source? I'm going to sit in that position for the next 5 minutes and I guarantee I can hold it comfortably.
>>24629486
Are you a virgin? You still slide in but the angle lets the top of your glans rub more firmly against her.
>>24629520
Do it with a 200 pound medicine ball rhythmically slamming into you, pulling your hair, and putting its fingers in your mouth
>>24629409
>I am cumming and cumming and jizz is exploding out of my dick and coating the walls and the stairs and I keep on cumming this shouldn't humanly possible how much cum is shooting out of me
>heard the door open and I'm only like 4 steps down, people are literally right behind me
>knees are buckling
>get a couple of jizz sprays out down the stairs (facing the camera) before getting my dick back in my boxers and my pants mostly on
>pretend to check my watch
>don't make eye contact
>people have my jizz on their boots now
>lean against the wall
>drag my body against it and walk out the other side of the tunnel
>step out into the cold winter night
>light a cigarette
>inhale
>feel my leftover jizz in my pants freezing over
>exhale
>worth it
>>24629529
I will admit that I do have a slightly upwards curved penis, but I'm just speaking from personal experience; sex is better for me when the penis and the vagina or anus are aligned in line.
>>24629520
The test would only work if someone is wildly slamming their cock into you and grazing your cervix. See how long you can stay in the human table position then.
I had a three some with a combined weight of 500 pounds.
One was a 3/10 asian girl, 200 pounds, other was 150 pound 5/10 Mexican.
I was the laughing stock of the whole dorm because the asian girl was a lot fatter looking than 200
>>24628255
That's beautiful. You did good, anon.
>>24628255
i want a porno made after this script
>>24628255
win/win situation
>>24629245
thanks, that is literally the sound we were making.
it was almost identical to that part in that Rejected cartoon.
https://youtu.be/PkrJB7Q0X3Q?t=158
2 minutes and roughly 40 seconds in
>>24627674
If you're gonna greentext at least put the effort to make it plausible
>>24629491
this isn't wizardchan, you can accidentally fall dick-first into someone's vagina without being Chad thundercock
>>24629763
This. Stupid luck can sometimes lead you into sex. Just being in the right place at the right time.
>tfw the only time i had sex was when a girl took advantage of me when i was on drugs and having an anxiety attack
it makes me sick to think about
>>24627295
Slut, and slut that browses 9fag?
>>24628255
Dear diary: Today I read a story what wasn't greentext. No complaints.
>>24628255
why did you censor the word God?
>>24629409
If it means anything to you, I fapped to your story.
>>24629982it means the world to me
>>24628255
>She was 76 when I fucked her
Oh my fucking god
>>24628696
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIxendoZ53U
Sex with my friends wife behind his back
>>24627559
...southpark.
>2006
>argue with stupid friends, need a pick me up
>send out text in my phone to 3 or 4 people
>tell the first responder to meet me at my house
>drive to secluded beach, 10 or 11pm
>walk and talk for 10 or so mins
>pitch black, no houses in sight. Waves crashing and eerie darkness.
>layout a blanket
>pull up skirt and tongue fuck her holes
>finger her wildly and suck her tongue
>plow dick into her for what feels like hours with only her moans and the moonlight around me
>>24629558
>>24627295
Bonus round, my worst sexual experience. I've posted this before in another thread or two
>different girl
>doing it doggy style, she's on her hands & knees on top of her bed and I'm at the edge of it, just giving her the business
>the whole thing is kind of a bummer because like I said I am not an ass man, either my own ass or other people's
>even if I were an ass man, can't really stare at her ass now because her cheeks are spread open and her asshole looks like pic related, can't even enjoy the sight of my dick going in & out of her pussy because her asshole is blocking the view
>mind is drifting and eyes are drifting around the room, staring at posters and whatever
>eventually stare at her shoulders because it's the naked part of her body that's as far away from her asshole as possible
>(get shoulder fetish as well)
>eventually she starts making muffled noises into her pillow and she's twerking her ass
>don't even notice, keep pumping away, I'm not even there anymore
>Eventually shesignals for me to stop and leans a bit forward, her ass still in the air
>pop my dick out, not even mad that I didn't cum
>"oh.... uh was it good for you b-"
>*BBBBBBRRRRRRRAAAAAAPPPLPLPTLLfizzplop*
>...
>..did she just fucking fart at me
>realize that queefs aren't just a meme
>tears are streaming down my face
>violently laughing quietly
>gf eventually turns around sees me
>she is totally angry, lectures me on not queef-shaming her and tells me to go home
>still hard the entire ride home, still laughing hysterically
>tfw my gf is the second type
Goddamn it makes me so insecure
>>24628255
this is so absurd I honestly believe it happened
I was eating out my girlfriend at the time and she accidentally peed in my mouth. She is now my wife.
I fingered a girl, she gave me a handjob. It sucked because I can give myself a better handjob than a girl.
My best "sexual" experience was just making out with my oneitis. I always knew she was a little bit crazy, so when I made out with her, she was sticking her tongue down my throat. Usually girls aren't into that sort of thing, but god damn. We were pretty much playing tonsil hockey.
A girl told me I looked sad and gave me a hug. She was warm.
>>24627295
Probably one of my first few times when I was still in high school. Sex was new enough to still feel magical and I was still naive enough to believe in true love and was completely certain that I would spend the rest of my life with my girlfriend.
It was very vanilla sex and I've done all sorts of debauched shit since but it's just hedonism, really. I'd trade it all for another one of those innocent nights.
>>24630435
Why famjam?
>>24627674
>roll over on to my stomach because i don't know what i'm doing
Top kek
>>24630273
>drinking with friend and his wife
>he passes out early
>heavy sleeper and in upstairs bedroom
>stay up with his wife
>she goes to the bathroom
>she leaves the door cracked
>shes clearly wasted and falls off toilet
>anon come help
>help her back onto toilet and she pisses right in front of me
>dick is like diamonds
>keep drinking acting like it didn't happen
>let's truth or dare
>truth
>ask her what's her deepest regret
>replies "married too soon"
>this is so gonna happen
>dares me get naked and run a lap around the inside of the house
>ok but you need to chase me
>if you catch me I stay naked all night
>if you don't you take your clothes off and stay naked all night
>while running I turn around and tackle her into the couch
>pull her shorts down and start eating her pussy
>anon this is wrong
>we can't do this
>ignore her
>she's moaning like crazy and wet as fuck
>tells me she wants it from behind
>bend her over the arm of the couch and pound her
>pull out right before I cum and shoot it on her asshole
>get a towel from the bathroom, anon
>I've got a better idea
>lick her asshole clean
>spit my own cum into her mouth and she swallows it
We kept the affair up for a year or so before I moved away.
Above all, getting a happy ending.
Sex is good, but that was something else.
I just lost my virginity about a month ago, and I've only had sex with my gf a few times since then, but I guess the best time was like this
>she was on her period (yeah, I know that doesn't sound like a good start)
>she sucks my dick and swallows my cum
>a few minutes later, we'Re lying in bed and she reaches behind for my dick
>starts stroking it with her fingertips until I get hard again
>"You want that?"
>"Uh huh."
>she grabs a towel and puts it under herself
>fuck her and cum in pussy no condor
>we make out in the shower afterwards
>>24629763
Yep. Every time I hooked up w/ a girl, it's bc I: a) was at the right place at the right time; b) someone explicitly told that her friend was interested; c) wasn't sober or drunk; and d) she was a 7.5+/10. Even when all of these conditions are met, I usually fuck things up by getting too anxious and leaving.
>>24628462 Ur such a cool dude
>be standing on bus
>driver breaks
>girl standing near me leans on me
>she says I'm sorry smiling
>I say no problem
>get out at next stop
>>24627295
Sitting on my couch, girl snuggled next to me, making out and playing with one of her big titties while she jerked me off.
There have been other times with better/more erotic build up, but the actual sex was always a let down. This was the best because it felt fucking amazing, and the girl was my oneitis for a LONG time.
>>24629118
Ive never dream nutted before. I always wake up moments before :(
>>24630860
I know that feel bro, my favourite sexual memory is also of non-intercourse.
>be at college party with my oneitis from highschool
>I know a bunch of people
>she barely knows anyone
>she spends all night with me
>get really drunk
>end up going back to my floor
>go to my room
>we snuggle for a bit
>kiss for a while
>she tells me that I can finger her if I want
>eat her out
>she gives me a quick handjob before leaving
She was a legit 9/10, absolutely gorgeous. Considering I've never been with anyone else who was over a 5/10, this was by far the best.
>>24627947
Don't feel bad, odds are the other guys she's dated were just as desperate as you were, and took her because she was easy, and she doesn't exactly sound stable in the first place.
this one time, a girl said hi to me. never saw her again
>>24628462
>schizoids
>getting this upset over anything
You're just autistic man, fuck off.
>>24627628
>>24627628
>>24627628
>>24627628
>>24627628
this desu. /r9k/ is tumblr for people who hate tumblr
you guys' demographics are pretty much identical in most ways
>>24629723
i'm not lying
where do you think you are?
pic related: me talking to her
>>24631665
judging by the texts i wanna say she's ugly as fuck desu senpai
pics?
>>24631665
which one is you? i dont really have a fancy phone so i dont know how to tell
>>24631697
i haven't talked to her since that text
she wasn't bad looking, and this was back during the scene kid era
here friend was 8/10 tho
also i don't have a facebook so I couldn't find her now
>>24631735
me on the right
Fucked my 9/10 16 y/o ex in every room of the house last saturday before I broke up w her later that night. Peed on her in the shower. Gave her 5-6 screaming orgasms where her whole body would shake and she'd go ragdoll afterwards. Miss her pretty badlu already.
>dear penthouse forum
>you'll never believe what happened
>be me wage slave at liquor store
>used to fuck drunk party girls trying to keep the party going after closing
>older Co worker (45/50 when I was 20) takes notice
>she lives within walking distance but started to ask for rides home
>after asking one night when she knew I had plans, she told me she'd make it worth my time.
> we pull up to her apt and she starts unzips my pants
>she pulled out my dick and gives me the sloppiest best bj of my entire life
>I cum faster than I ever have before, and I rarely cum from head.
>I didn't even have a chance to warn her, but she swallowed without missing a beat.
>she invites me in and after a drink or two we fuck like wild animals.
>I'm really trying to show off
>halfway through I'm hitting it from the back while her head was buried in a pillow moaning
>I notice the door was cracked open and someone watching
>I keep going while looking directly at the peeper and eventually explode while balls deep
>never say a thing about the watcher
>find out later it was her daughter that happened to be my age
>me and the milf fucked once or twice week for the rest of the time she worked there, and every time the daughter watched
>I even made an effort to fuck in positions so the mom didn't notice.
Honestly, the best experience I had, I didn't even cum. It also happened to be one of the few times I didn't have to worry about anyone coming home and ruining the mood.
>be friends with this 4/10 half white/half asian nerd girl
>most of our conversations were her complaining about her life, and me half-heartedly pretending I cared
>I put up with it because I too was a nerd, and didn't get much female attention
>for some reason she develops a crush on me
>I honestly didn't want to go along with it, but I figured it was better than nothing
>she took ME on a date or two
>eventually invites me to her apartment
>my brain says no, but my dick says yes
>I get there
>we chill on her bed, me spooning her while she takes care of something on WoW (she was a guild leader I think)
>watched a movie, made no real moves on her aside from having a poke fight. (sue me, it was the 00's)
>we finish the movie, she closes her laptop, and says we should get some sleep
>lights out, we start having another tickle fight
>finally I get the courage and pounce her, locking my lips with hers
>the kiss lasted what felt like an eternity, before turning into making out
>she bit my lip a few times, thinking my grunt of pain was one of pleasure
>we get naked
>her tits were seriously disappointing, they were puffies on a nearly flat chest. I still grabbed the hell out of them
>she's on top, grinding on me while making out
>I reach down to rub her clit
>MASSIVE bush
>she jerks back, and says she's gonna get a condom
>puts the condom on me, then her vagina
>felt oddly cool, but very wet
>she rides me HARD. Her bucking her hips made my man tits shake back and forth, which was kinda embarrassing
>since she's fairly chubby, she tires out and says we need to switch positions
>as we shuffle around, I lose my erection
>RIP boner, it never comes back that night
>we end up spooning again and fall asleep
>>24627295
This one time I had sex with my wife through a sheet (with a hole in it) in missionary position for the soul purpose of procreation.
>>24631752
>me on the right
>someone opens up to you and you laugh
wow youre an asshole then
>>24627559
>I was like that one picture of the poorly drawn 90s cartoon show (where everyone is made of cut-up paper)
Rofl are you fuking with me m8?
How old are you?
Outdoor blowjob in a treehouse near Neuschwanstein castle, came down her throat as some bikers passed by, they just raised a thumbs up in solidarity. shit was cash
>>24631847
>just b urself
>tfw yourself is a jaded asshole sociopath that can't form relationships with anyone
yes i know i am going to die alone but i came to this realization years ago and it doesn't bother me anymore
>>24628414
exactly! also queefs.
>25 on the cusp of 26, might have already been 26
>fiance leaves me
>fuck two of her best friends at the same time
you've never lived until you've had two girls licking your cock at the same time
>>24631998
That's OK, but I prefer one on the dick and one licking my nipples. Instacum for me.
>>24627295
>do doggy style
>instant butthole smell
Any other broa know this feel?
>>24627295
Having my dog lick my wee wee
>>24632129
the feel of fucking dirty unwashed whores? not really.
one time I burgaled a food van and spent the money paying extra to rough up street hookers
shit was cash, had this bitch on her knees outside an abandoned house on her knees suck my cock grabbed her ponytail and slapped the shit out of her and start forcing my cock down her throat
but she freaked and ran off with my cash
Went to Cambodia to meet a penpal, sex was obviously going to happen. She'd told me beforehand her friend was interested in joining in, but when I got there an older woman from the same neighborhood was also interested. It was monsoon season so we spent the first few days in my penpals place and I got to fuck the three of them a few times. Nothing really else to do otherwise and spending all day inside together. Not too proud of the whole situation since it was basically "Have a piece of the white guy tourist with money" and they weren't that attractive, but it was still the best part of the trip probably. Best single experience, from that time
>Laying in bed with an arm around two of them either side while the third slowly rode my dick, a broken conversation going on between us with my penpal attempting to translate back and forth, amid the blaring sound of Cambodian death metal from the radio of the minimart next door, audible over the torrential downpour outside
Comfiest I've ever felt.
>>24632129
iktfb, itkf al too well actually
see:
>>24630417
one time i came inside a roastie
7.5/10 but i don't know if i would do it again
>>24631837
With the lights off, right?
>>24630417
me and my gf laugh at her queefs because queefs are fucking funny
based queef gf
good anecdote tho
A qt Asian girl in high school rubbed her feet against my crotch in front of the teacher and he saw it and didn't do a thing
>>24629962
>church on saturday
>G-d
he's a kike anon
>>24627295
My old gf's mom. Sweetest blonde pussy ever.
>>24627295
This one time when I masterbated, my jizz flew past my shoulder and onto my wall, a good 4-5 ft no joke. One of the best orgasms of my life.
>>24634211
one time i was out drinking with a dude i used to be friends with and his blonde bimbo 8/10 gf and some other people. normal night of hanging out and bar hopping and all that gay shit. he left us (we were like 5 people) to go look for his car to pick us up, and out of nowhere his gf asks me for a foot massage. so she puts her feet on my lap and i massaged them until he arrived. she was on the passenger's seat and i was sitting in the back, but she sat in a position so that her feet could reach my lap. so i kept massaging them getting her all horny. went to get food then and he left us alone again, this time in the car, and she ended up rubbing her foot all over my crotch. it felt amazing and i had never been into feet until that day.
>start drinking early one Friday
>friend tells me he's coming on campus with his "wingwoman"
>he offers to buy a pitcher of beer if we meet up
>well it would be impolite of me to refuse, wouldnt it
>meet friend, first thing I notice about his companion is that she's frosty and has no bra
>thusitcommences.jpg
>keep drinking, talking, learn she's a hardcore partier (drugs, raves, etc)
>I leave to friend's birthday party, they leave to other party
>eventually meet them at other party
>go to get beer, girl takes me by the hand towards the bar
>beer makes contact with mouth
>black out
>come to, there's a tongue in my mouth
>well hello there mr. tongue piercing
>"anon that's not the only place I have a piercing"
>houston, we have liftoff
>sloppily make out and make way back to my room while I fondle her tits, ass, and clit
>get to room, turn to play music, turn back, she has no clothes on
>moment of truth
>alright anon time to shine you're losing your virginity tonight
>penis isn't having any of it, pulls a quick "i don't think so tim"
>tell her it ain't happening
>she blows the condom up and throws it at me playfully, gets dressed, escort her to where friend was
>friend ends up fucking her
The sight of her straddling me with my limp dick in her hand will never leave my mind. Good times.
>>bifag here, used to watch porn with a buddy ever since I was 14 till our early 20s. After college jobs etc we don't hang out but once a week.
>>finally come to terms that I really want to do anything sexual with this guy
>>friend is a total robot virgin. Not a bad looking guy, just hurt himself when he was a kid and has major issues getting an erection and therefore becomes robot with limited female interaction
>>first girl I bring over we're both lying on his bed in just our pants after kissing and fingerbanging her, and she goes to get our pants off and he wont do it. She pulls mine off and jerks me while I'm begging him to get his cock out and meanwhile I cum
>>2nd girl I bring over is an asian cutie, He wont go into bedroom with the both of us. I get the asian girl to suck me off and make her go out to the living room naked. She does and they start making out, I get my cock out and he goes back to the bedroom with her and locks door. She tells me he cries telling her about non working dick
>>3rd girl finally have long convo with him about it not mattering and just to get naked with me and girl sometime and do what you can its no big deal. Bring over a chubby and he finger bangs her while she sucks me off 3 times. Best orgasms I ever had, the best one was when he was staring at me cumming on her tits and said oh fuck yeah. Ask him later if he's down to do anything with me, he says no.
>>no I'm engaged to a dope chick who is hot and he hangs out with us all the time, havent told my girl about all that but am about to and maybe set something up. Told him about this idea and he said please dont.
>>I lurk here trying to get inside of the robot mindset so I can get his cock in my mouth. Only cock in my life I want to suck and frot with so so bad.
>>24627295
a 10-15 minute chat with my crush back in elementary school. i would spend all my life breaking my back in a coal mine just to feel the happiness i felt back then.
she then became my oneitis for a long time. i can still see the pretty girl i fell in love with looking back at images of her.
a threesome with my gf and 18 yo dutch teen in tent on camp by the lake
it was my birthday present
>>24635477
Wow, that is fucked.
If you've ever had a sexual experience involving another human being you aren't a robot. You need to leave this board and jump into traffic.
>>24631782
If this is true, why are you here?
>>24631932
I know exactly what you mean, anon.
Chances are I'll never establish any lasting relationships with members of the opposite sex.
>>24635699
how so? My friend has told me he's given up on being with a girl because he can't really fuck, he told me all he can do is rub his penis gently until he cums. Why not have my girl do it for him. Of course the first few times I'll keep the bi stuff out of it. However after a few times I'll get my girl to rub our dicks together, and then hopefully progress into me sucking him off. She's 100% down for me and my desires. I've told her about watching porn with him and it seemed to turn her on. I make bi gay jokes around her and she never has said anything negative. I think its a good plan and he'll get to experience an orgasm with a woman and his best friend.
I had sex with an actually insane schizophrenic nymphomaniac girl having a bad episode. My only sexual experience but it was the best experience of my life. I fell in love with her, but that was a bad move.
>>24635477
You're weird, anon. Leave that poor guy alone.
>>24635844
I'm too far down the rabbit hole with this fantasy. After 3 semi threesomes, and having this desire to do anything sexual with him where I get to see him cum, and more importantly feel him cum against any part of me, I'm in it all the way.
I'll continue to lurk here getting inside the robot mindset to get him to finally open up and have a threesome with me and my girl. It's happened 3 times kinda enough, the next time his cock is coming out and its going to cum...its destiny.
Poppers, weed and anal
My friend played with my dick at a sleepover while he thought I was asleep once.
I just let it happen because I wanted someone, anyone to touch me at that point.
>>24627295
All women should be the left one. They're the right one if it hurts, or if it's not comfortable. And unless you have a 10" dick, it's not going to hurt her if she's adequately aroused. If she's the right, she's either autismo or not adequately aroused.
>>24627559
How do you not know southpark?
>>24636257
The left position is only done just to please men visually. Nothing to do with a woman being aroused.
>>24636257
Most of that is true but right is the evolutionary position for breeding. It's partially better for conception.
>>24636073
I'm 95% certain an ex-roommate jacked me off one night. He's gay as fuck, so he would have known how to do it properly.
I feel conflicted.
>>24630417
worth it
this is original enough faggot mods?
Banging a gorlshile while going knob on a bum bum wrestling mat in Cornshire, Corsica.
It's was like 3 in the morning.
I've seen titties in person.
Th-... That's it
Watching POV porn
>>24628255
Shit son that was a heartwarming story. I hope it's real.
>>24636725
I feel your pain my negrodamus.
My only sexual experience kinda involves
incest
cp
rape
i aint posting that shit here.
Wasn't even the time when I had sex, it was when I full on made out with a girl in front of the girl that just turned me down a couple days ago, I'd never felt so alpha in my life.
>be 16
>take home (aka my bedroom) girl from friends party
>plastered on cheap alcohol my friends parents bought us, she's somewhat sober
>tight frame, nice tits (dat 15 year old body)
>she's 100% submissive, lets me do what ever I want
>fuck her all night bareback
>next day
>put on a burnt DVD of AVP
>sit on edge of bed
>command her to take off all of her cloths and get on her knees
>I tie her hands together behind her back with an RJ12 cable
>unzip my fly, dick is DIAMONDS at this point
>position her between my legs
>she starts sucking my cock like it dispenses money
>perfect tongue action, never any teeth, clearly had extensive practice
>swallows entire load and then gets mad at me for coming "so soon" after an hour
>spend the rest of weekend having my balls drained dry by this literal semen demon
Never saw her again after that weekend. I still fap to this memory, especially since I'm married now and my wife doesn't like giving oral sex (but has NO complaints about receiving). It's bullshit. If you find a girl like this, don't let go.
>>24628465
straight porn is so fucking boring, i dont know how you guys even get hard anymore
>>24637148
Not a single thing in your post happened, including having a wife
>>24627295
Night I lost my virginity
Best woman I've ever known
No other sexual encounter has been anywhere near as good
The closest physical contact I have ever had with a girl was when my friend's drunk girlfriend hugged me at a party because her sister was at my sister's birthday party
>>24628255
this is dehumanize yourself and face to bloodshed tier holy kek
busting a huge load into a girls mouth. plus she swallowed too. felt really good.
When a dicklet tranny sucked my dick and when a friend of mine swallowed it.
I dont enjoy sex as much as get ing a bj because i cum too fast, i am trying to solve it though.
>>24638774
That's because neither happened.
>>24628255
Was thinking this was pretty hot until
>She was 76 when I fucked her.
Either way, you gave a woman a religious experience with your dick.
>>24627936
Fuck off normie shit, nobody wants you here
