O MY GOD, WHY DO I HAVE NO GIRL IM 57 YEARS OLD MAN BUT I NEVER HAD SEX. WHAT'S THE PROBLEM
we are most honored to be in your presence, grand wizard.
My unused blade is at your command my liege.
Damn, three more years time and you'll be able to transcend.
The mighty archmage
Oh great one, have you tried going to bars and clubs when you were in your 20s?
>>24593817
>57 YEARS OLD
>57
>YEARS
>FIFTY SEVEN
You have my axe
At your command, great one.
Fuck, be cool guys
>>24593817
Share your tale senpai.
>>24593817
kill yourself already you piece of shit. I bet you have completely losed your mind by now.
Teach me the weirding way oh mighty Kwisazt Haderach
Tell us your story, oh Master.
Have you ever fingered a girl? Why don't u ask to eat one out?
I thought they were only legends
>>24593949
SLAY HIM, SLAY HIM WHERE HE STANDS
CUT HIS TONGUE FROM HIS MOUTH
>>24593817
Can you cast Horror yet, OP?
It's a powerful spell indeed.
i was only 6 years old, when i wanted my first girl. Then I saw the first porn and i thought its weird. I grew up to 30 years i had a great job, I was already a milionaire but the fucking porn i saw maked me so bad. I want girl now coz masturbating isnot enough for me. And sperm dont taste very well.
>>24593988
For real though, why are Virginis wizards? Why do they acquire magic lmao
In your service, my lord.
>>24594042
Surpass the distraction they call the "Girlfriend" and you can focus on unravelling the true secrets of our mortal world.
Do you not see the transcendent being, still going strong and radiating pure fury even 57 years after his conception?
35 year old and a wizard, here.
We're down here with you in Hell. Now, I'll shamefully admit I hate deferring to a virgin older than myself on this board. And yet, I know when I'm in the presence of a superior. Bow in respect, never in slavery, just like Raistlin would've done.
Fun aside and everything, you see those caps our father has typed in? He's pissed off. He's angry. He's miserable.
All of us old virgins are. Now, I know late male virginity is something of a joke on here. And I get it. It's a monstrous, ludicrous thing. No one REALLY ends up like this, right?
To all those posters in their early 20s, rest assured, very, VERY, few people do. This will not be your reality. You will live as people live.
But for a very tiny number, like Father OP and myself, it is a nightmare you don't wake up from. It goes on and on.
It's funny, sure. You know how freaks and human monsters were considered funny, the jesters that amused the nobility in the court of kings? Well, they we're funny. I'll not contest that.
Sure, those monsters were miserable. But really, who cares about how a monster feels? They aren't real, after all. Not the way actual people are real. Their feelings are just shadows of real human feelings. Their hurts just a parody of a normal person's hurt.
And so monsters like Father OP and I will always be around to be a source of amusement. Freaks are far and few between. But we will always exist. The fun never has to end.
Isn't that a nice thought?
Post a picture of yourself, m'lord
My liege
>>24594099
call a hooker man
its me omg
I am at your command, grand wraith.
>>24593817
Gandalf the white has arrived! Share with us your wisdom oh great one!
>>24593817
Wizard status
Libera et impera
Acerbus et ingens
Augusta per angusta
I stand ready in your wisdom
A fucking baby boomer virgin. I never thought this was possible.
If you didn't make it, what hope do we have?
>>24594180
No.
Let me explain why. Now, I'll ask you to tolerate any typos. I am very, very drunk right now. Which is pretty much every moment of the day I'm not at work. I'll do my best, but I ask for some sympathy, please.
What the wizards and the apprentices and the wraiths want is sexual affection. Well, that's actually what all people want. The difference is that most people actually get it. Maybe not constantly. Maybe not with the women of their fantasies. But they experience it.
Allow me to elaborate. Sexual affection is sex with someone who actually wants you. You may not be their ideal (who, in this world, ever gets their ideal, after all). But you are someone they actually desire.
Now, a prostitute is not a source of sexual affection. You get that, right? In a sense, it's tantamount to using someone else to masturbate.
I get you're young. You don't understand the distinction. If you're not a virgin now, you never will. And if you are, you will understand the distinction once you reach my age.
Age and wisdom after all. There is some truth to that, believe it or not.
Most honorable! You grace us with your presence!
Posting in an epic gracing!
>>24593817
>57 YEARS OLD
>NEVER HAD SEX
The legends were true
Teach me master, how do I avoid whores?
>>24594099
Shit man, I lost my virginity in my 30's. Anything is possible.
And OP just fucked up and hit 5 instead of 2 on his numpad.
>>24594349
The archmage has spoken. Truer words have not been truer before!
>>24594349
>there are people autistic enough to believe the wizard meme
All i can do is destroy the house by saying, good by bitches. And i also destroyed few Gas stations of ISIS. Is that enough in my age?
>>24594398
Well...
Not anything.
You lost your virginity at a later age. You are one of the lucky ones.
But I want to ask you why you were a virgin in your thirties?
Now, I am a virgin in my thirties because now woman wants me (before I get another reply about hookers, please see >>24594349).
If one is a virgin at a late age because no woman wants him, then that will not change.
It's not a happy or pretty thought, of course. But reality is what it is.
Ah well, at least hard liquor will always be there for me.
I'll raise my sword for you, o king.
>>24594349
I understand what you're saying but look. I'm 20 years old, i paid multiple hookers otherwise i would have still been a virgin. And yes it's not a source of sexual affection, but some of them are what we call "GFE", aka "Girlfriend experience". That's these girls you need to find. Of course it won't be real, BUT the illusion is good. At this point it's better than nothing. What about that ?
>>24594458
The wizard thing is a joke, of course. I joke I like. It amuses me and gives me just a little bit of pleasure.
A wizard is a mythical, fantastic thing. Rare, a thing whose existence bucks credulity.
We old virgins are like that. Too strange to be true. Freaks, monsters, not magical. But there were both wizards and freaks that served in the court of the king.
>>24594503
I wish I could buy into that illusion. I'm not being condescending. I really wish I could. I desperately wish I could.
But I would always know it's a lie. And that knowledge would break my heart. For me, it would be worse than nothing.
Seeing beyond that veil of illusion. Maybe that's one of those wizard powers.
But I doubt it.
>>24594349
What's ur job? Do you like it? How much do u drink a day? Are u cute?
Is there someone, who would like to help me please? I dont have that much power to
conjure up the hooker..
>>24594633
As for my job, I am a humble civil servant. And sadly, I do not like it. I hate it with a passion. It provides an incredible amount of stress that is not proportional to my wages.
I drink a lot a day. Pretty much every moment I'm not working. I haven't gone a single day without drinking to excess in roughly a year.
Am I cute? Son, I am a 35 year old virgin. What do you think?
Allmighty wraith, the Elder Gods smile upon thee.
You have my bow
>>24594700
Idk I'm a femanon who likes older guys so I was just wondering. I thought u said 57?
>>24594750
Ah, no. I'm the 35 year old guy. I don't think OP (he's 57) has actually posted in this thread other than his original post. Maybe he's just fucking with us. Maybe he's gone and killed himself. Maybe both. Who knows? The world's a magical, mysterious place.
These threads are the only place I get to vent about this stuff, so I tend to infest them with my own brand of nonsense. But I have no one else to talk about this stuff with. It's far too shameful a topic to discuss with friends (well, the only friend I have left).
All hail the Robot, who provides a refuge for the lost and left behind.
>>24594390
>Teach me master, how do I avoid whores?
No, Apprentice. He's trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't have to.
>>24594346
Please respond.
If you failed in your pre-third-wave feminism era, are we without saving? I'm only 24, should I just give up all hope?who am I kidding, I know the answer to this.
>>24594458
This kind of experience (or lack thereof) could be enough to alter the pattern of their brains in funny ways.
Imagine what your life would be if you didn't see the light until you were already a man, by then it would be nothing to you but blinding.
>>24595571
I don't think I even like being touched anymore. Like handshakes etc
I haven't hugged anyone since like 2012. Sex is a completely foreign concept to me.
>>24593845
>>24593863
>>>>>>>>>>9gag
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>anywhere but here
>>24593817
its to late for you Anon
your 57 and a virgin
might as well commit to becoming a wizard
whats with the czechfaggotry? buzeranti
