Snek Court
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You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
Snek court is now in session
lol
>>24576141
fuk off m8 i didn't steal da dubs yah wanker
>>24576222
nice recurring numerical digits :)
>>24576222
you stole mah trips nigger, i speak you guilty
Snakes are the niggers of the reptile world desu
>>24576380
Permission to treat the witness as hostile your honor?
>>24576141
sssuper
>>24576222
those trips dont think the same kiddo, your going to the correctional
This is a great thread.
>>24576141
"Yo ona muh babies momma Tanquinsha already got all da chil support"
SSSSILENCE
Good evening My Lord Snek,
I am Pepe F. appearing for the plaintiff, the People of America, and my learned friend Wojak F. appears representing his own defense. Today we are set to discuss docket #A091040, The People versus Wojak. The People hereby allege that the defendant committed the offence of being a virgin in the year 2015, one count, on or about the date of November 26th, 2015. I believe no preliminary matters are in need of discussion, and that my learned friend has nothing to discuss at this time as pertaining to procedure, and so I would like to jump straight into the prosecution's case. As such, I would like to call the prosecution's first witness, Ms. Feelerina.
>>24576397
>muh #sneklivesmatter
Stop defending biting thugs who contribute nothing to nature for half the year
yr outta yr jurisdiction esforees
>>24576528
>Snek J.
Good, good. Mr. Wojak, is that correct?
>Wojak
Yes, my Lord.
>Snek J.
Thank you. Alright, Ms. Feelerina may take the stand.
>Madam clerk
Would you like to swear or affirm?
>Ms. Feelerina
Swear, please.
>Madam clerk
Please state and spell your full name, starting with your first name.
>Ms. Feelerina
My name is Stacy Feelerina, spelt s-t-a-c-y, last name, f-e-e-l-e-r-i-n-a
>Madam clerk
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
>Ms. Feelerina
Yes I do.
>Madam Clerk
Thank you.
>Snek J.
Thank you. Mr. Pepe, you may begin
>Pepe F.
Thank you my Lord. Ms. Feelerina, where were you at 20:00 hours on November 26th, 2015?
>Ms. Feelerina
I was at my home
>Pepe F.
What were you doing at home?
>Ms. Feelerina
I was having a party with some friends
>Pepe F.
Do you recall the names of those friends?
>Ms. Feelerina
Yes, there was Stacy Thundersnatch, Stacey Thundercrotch, Roastie Toastiecrotch, and Chad Thundercock
>Pepe F.
Was there anyone else in attendance?
>Ms. Feelerina
Yes, this weird guy called Wojak showed up 20 minutes before the party started and asked if he could have some orange juice
>Pepe F.
Did this Wojak character state why he came?
>Ms. Feelerina
He said he heard about a party and was invited by Stacey Thundersnatch
>Pepe F.
Did Stacey Thundersnatch tell you if he was invited?
>Mr. Wojak
Objection, my lord, that would be hearsay evidence. The prosecution should call Ms. Thundersnatch if they wish to put that fact on the evidentiary record.
>Snek J.
Thank you, Mr. Wojak, sustained. Mr. Pepe, please change your line of questioning
>Pepe F.
Very good my lord, my apologies. So, Ms. Feelerina, please describe what happened after Wojak showed up.
>Ms. Feelerina
Well, he just kinda waited there and slowly drank his orange juice. I felt bad for him so I didn't tell him to leave. Eventually, Stacey, Stacy, Roastie, and Chad all showed up and we started playing flip cup
What is your position on whether sea sneks are real sneks or not?
>>24576735
>Snek J.
My apologies, what is "flip cup"?
>Ms. Feelerina
Oh its just this game that normies play where you like flip cups and drink before flipping the cups and then you drink also if you can't flip the cups.
>Snek J.
I see. Thank you. Please continue, Mr. Pepe
>Pepe F.
Thank you, my lord. Please continue, Ms. Feelerina
>Ms. Feelerina
Right, so anyways, we play this. And that Wojak guy slowly moves into the doorway nearby the flip cup table, and kinda leans on in but with half his body hidden. Like he's kinda hiding but observing. And then he pulls out his phone, which was like, some old flip phone, and starts pretending to hit buttons. I don't think he sent any messages. But like he just wants to act casual or something. Anyways, we finish flip cup and I get a little drunk. And Chad takes both the Staceys upstairs so he can show them a surprise or something.
>Pepe F.
Alright, and where was Roastie at the time?
>Ms. Feelerina
She was making some toast in the kitchen
>Pepe F.
Alright, and where was Wojak after Chad left with the others?
>Ms. Feelerina
He was like inching closer and closer to me, and then he asked me if I thought it was cold outside because he forgot his jacket. And I said I didn't know. So he asked me if I wanted to dance. And I really really didn't because he's like 5'6" but I said, fine, kinda out of pity, you know? And then he took off his pants, and I freaked out. And he was like "can you dance in my pants perchance because I've never been romanced". And I was like what the fuck are you talking about. Anyways that loser was a beta virgin and I immediately called Chad, who like, protected me in self-defence and beat the shit out of the loser. And then I called the police.
