>a year ago
>fapping to futa as usual
>i got caught fapping before once.
>mom says she will be going to the market
>fapping continues
>i hear a noise from stairs.
>mom opens door.
>what in the fuck.jpg
>"anon! what are you- does that lady have a penis?"
>that is the exact fucking thing she said.
>i have to come up with some bullshit to explain that im not gay (religious + homophobic parents.)
>"what mom? i thought girls had penises too!"
>"that is not how it works son! look it up on your computer!
>whew, that one was close.
>dead silence for 2 minutes.
>"also wow, she has a bigger one than your father!"
>slams the door and leaves
>i still remember it to this fucking day.
>be me
>meet a girl online
>not in love with her, not so cute and kinda annoying
>is a great friend anyway
>often text her
>our relashionship is something like long-term chad bros who go to gym everyday since 5 years together and can insult each other without minding
>one day, my cousin find the messages she ( the girl ) sent to me
in my family i am the permavirgin nerd so it was surprising to see that i'm talking to a girl in a friendly way
>had to pretend that's a girl from college
>said we are "about to conclude"
>to this day, my family still think that girl-from-college is my gf or something like that
>sometimes they talk about it
>try to change subject everytime
i don't want them to find out that the only girl i talk to is a girl i don't know IRL
>>24521891
thats pretty sad actually
>>24521954
it is
but i also have IRL friends, so at the end of the day my life doesn't suck that much
it's juste a secret i keep to let my mother think she'll be a grandmother one day
>>24522024
mm, it is not that hard as you think to have kids.
I have LOADS but one that struck me was one a friend told me, he lies a lot to make up for his lack of ambition and success especially to women.
Anyway
he's been lying to his parents that he has had a retail job for over a year, then this girl is around his house one day, he says he has to go to "a work meeting" while he actually heads off to the job center. He also stole music from youtube and claimed it was his, at the age on 22 that's a pretty gay ass thing to do
>>24521580
Wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahaaha you fag tell more stories I know you have more it didn't end there.
>>24521580
Actually some girls do have a penis. I would recommend looking more into the difference between sex and gender.
>>24521580
>be me, live in Krautland
>drive a car licensed and insured in Poland for about 3 years now
>consantly getting pulled over by the police for "routine-checks"
>realize that police are all a bunch of pigs who have it out for poor and downtrodden migrants
>allways enjoy the shit I tell those policemen
Sometimes I pretend to not understand very well, despite my german ID and being born in germany.
Sometimes I tell them my grandma just died and I inherited the car but didn't come around to change the plates.
Allmost got arrest for playing dumb once. Geting out of my car and looking surprised that I have polish plates.
Fucking pigs mate. Doing drugs you really lose all respect for those fucks. I do fear the day they will allow gps-tracking of cars though, since right now they can't prove that my car is more than half-a-year in Krautistan and not in Polandski. Pigs in german fear honest work though, so they probably wouldn't even try.
>>24521580
>"also wow, she has a bigger one than your father!"
Platinum kek, thank's OP.
>>24522386
No dude.. No.. They are shemales and it's beyond repulsive.
>>24521580
>a year ago
Either you're 11 years old or your mom thought you were retarded enough to believe that you don't know the female anatomy at a grown age. Sad either way.
>>24522386
>>>/tumblr/
Faggot
>>24522478
also fact, none of this was made up bullshit
i really wish it was.
>>24522451
This has the potential to create funny situations
>>24521580
The stupidest lie I ever told was that I could do anything I put my mind to
>>24522509
>>24522575
4chan is an 18+ site familia...
>>24522715
this guy right here senpai desu baka
>>24522715
What? Man you're pathetic. Go back to Tumblr please you tool k bye.
I told a girl that soldiers are professionally trained in knitting.
When they are deployed and the weather is cold, they can knit balaclavas and mittens to keep themselves warm.
>she believed every word
>>24522797
but i believe army medics are trained to knit bandages and such...
your usual stacy
>>24521891
Man, I'm in a similar situation. Except I tell the girl I love her when I really don't. Just faking it since I have no one else in my life and I'd probably die alone otherwise. Unfortunately she's in love with me, and it's awkward since I barely reciprocate the feelings.We even had sex a few times.
You're lucky you're not forcing yourself into a relationship like I am.
>>24522864
oh well. just remember it will get better soon.
>>24522451
pls kill yourself you anarchy cunt
>>24522386
nope
Girl = ugly reeking axe wound
Boys = Beatiful suckable Dick
>>24522783
>Proving his point 2bh
>>24523010
Uhm.. ok then..
>>24522864
hey at least you had sex and someone loves you
