Well, what would it be?
shutdown computer
>>24512026
Don't reddit
ur gaydesudesudesudesudesu
>>24512026
Avoid Brandon.
>>24512026
No TF2
Business Major
AVOID
KAELIN
kill yourself now faggot before things get even worse because they will always get worse and even the good moments are only there to set you up for a fall
>>24512026
Do drugs
Think less
>>24512120
I think that's a little more than two words.
act as yourself
Buy Bitcoin
>>24512176
I didn't listen to rules when I was younger either.
>>24512193
b urself! :D
Get /fit/
>No Fap.
Text added to make my post unique.
>You will never be able to place your current mind in your 5 year old self
Kill me
>>24512026
EECS major
become the supreme gentleman before Elliot can
>>24512195
thisssss, my internet friend told me about it and I didn't listen :/ he made a few grand
>>24512237
>killing yourself will not New Game+ your life in a parallel universe/dimension
Just kek my shit up, onii-san.
>>24512237
can you fucking imagine how bad that would be. Imagine being this bright student jumping grades just to end up out of high school at 6 or 7 just to sit on an old ass computer waiting for 4chan to exist or ending up killing yourself at 10. Hell you couldn't even get a qt due to your age. Fuck that.
ignore college, be an asshole and knock up a few chicks.
try harderdesu roboto
Study math.
>>24512026
smoke dank or no reggie
More liquor.
>>24512301
>Know a lot of things
>Know how to avoid being awkward as fuck
>Anything you are even slightly good by adult standards at you will be exceptional as a child
>Can steal ideas for things that haven't come out yet
>You will be the first one out of the gate when it comes to girls while every other guy still avoids them
>You will always be the mature kid
>Your parents, teachers, and the parents of other kids will admire you and like you because you know how to talk to adults
>You can skip vidya and other stuff because you've already experienced it and are good at it leaving time for getting /fit/
lube upyour comment was unoriginal
>>24512026
It would be two sequences of characters
Line 1: Date
Line 2: Winning lottery numbers for that date
>tfw when you don't understand when everyone is posting all this useless shit that
It would have to be specifically in the spring of 2010...
"No breakup"
To my freshly weeaboo self in 2003:
Learn Japanese.
date maria
>tfw rejected her twice because I was too scared and then she never looked back
short PRAN
Avoid warcraft
Think moreI didn't even think about this, a spontaneous voice in my head chimed in as soon as I read the topic
Kill yourself now before it gets worse
These people won't matter 5 years from now and you'll forget most of them anyway.
Your brother is gonna get shot.
Stop fucking procrastinating and study now.
WATCH EVANGELION
>>24512026
kil lurselfmyman
bloxfambloxtbhbloxsmh
Die early.
draw lots
Get haircut.
Bang Cassidy.
self facial
Don't Truant
>>24512391
Fuck I wanna go back so bad
You're awesome.
>>24512026
ignore Stephanie
Prepare for an eternity of suffering, disappointment, loneliness and constant trouble.
You must fight and keep going. Also, smack anyone who dare to threaten you. You must go beyond life.
Off self.
>>24512026
buy apple
come out
Being closeted fucked me up good.
>>24512237
This desu, just give the cunt winning lottery numbers and the date
Attempting's futility.
stop talking
It's Useless
Do the exact opposite of what you've been doing.
Don't get depression like I did. Also when they try to bully you just fuck their shit up, they are little pussys and will back away if you actually were to fight them. I learned that far to late.
>>24513400
Oh wait didn't read the two word thing. It would ether be "fight back" or "kill yourself".
"Invest everything on google"
>>24512026
Be Yourself
not an original post
Leave your house at 17 and get a job. Let others burn.
Move along
>>24513070
Suicide is almost as good, and that is always there for us.
Stop watching porn or stop watching interracial porn
"No uni"
if I listen to it then I'd be ok
"No 4chan"
>>24512026
Stay Sober.
My life would be perfect if I had.
>>24512026
That girl you like, that allie girl, don't avoid her, better yourself, if you want, go after one of her friends but not her forget her. she's not for you. practice guitar more and make sure you pass your fucking English and science classes so you don't have to deal with that shit for another year. trust me you fucking little shit. DO IT
Fuck Karina
I'll know what I meant by this when it happened.
"be nicer"
die immediately
>>24512026
Don't fall in love with a boy who says he's straight
>>24512026
Nothing matters
>>24512301
Personally I wouldn't give a shit. I'd purposely stay in the grades i was in before.
I had so many chances to get with girls when I was younger but I essentially came out the womb a betabitchboy.
1st grade a girl chased me around the classroom trying to kiss me because it was both our birthdays.
>>24513813
Fuck, 2 words my bad
>love dad
chill cuhh
>>24513840
hug dad
>final answer
>>24512026
Suicide now
>>24513281
Nice but
>Buy bitcoin
Treat her better
Go play some football and talk and make eye contact to the popular girl that is sitting next to you in science class instead of acting like a scared beta.
PARENTS DEVORCE
Friends Die
>>24512026
Mim dies and it makes you want to kill yourself even more, but you actually should cause then id either be dead too or at least an alternate universe would spawn from it
But yeah mom dies and your life easily becomes 100% worst
>>24514194
Tfw i misspelled stuff
Well guess whos gonna an hero
you wouldnt of got caught if you raped her
Hang yourselfis it original now?
>>24512026
mount eerie
Take chances
Kill yourself
It won't "get better". You won't discover your inner talent. You're actually going to find out you're untalented at everything useful. You won't succeed at art ; you won't succeed at math. They'll be times in your near future where you'll want to kill yourself. Don't rely on false hope. Kill yourself, please. It gets so bad, so so bad.
Ripoff Infiniminer
Fuck Monica, Viridiana, Angie and Ginger, they all want your dick. Stay in school and don't take that sabbatical.
LIFT WEIGHTS
alternatively
EAT LESS
I'm sending two letters, because fuck you.
FUCK BITCHES
GET MONEY
u ADD
>>24512026
Get laid
BUY BITCOINS
>>24512026
"the game"
haha get it? i'm such a troll to my younger self XD
kill yourself as fast as you fucking can.
-me
play sports
Dont talk to her.
Don't bother
People backstab
Either of the two would have a good outcome.
fag lol
>>24512026
The key to the handcuffs are always in dad's back right pocket.
git gud
fucking comment system
>>24515157
how the hell was that one not taken
Work harder.
Reciprocate interestsMaybe I wouldn't be so pathetic after pussy diving in high school
kill yourself faggot
also bet all your money no the 2007 giants winning the superbowl
>>24512026Browse Reddit.
Be motivated
>>24512082
Fuck you too Ryan!
fellate needham
>>24512026
fight back
Study as hard as you can. Find your own hobbies.
.
Ceep crippin
games<books
Dad dies
Would be nice to know from a young age so it doesn't hurt as much.
I would try to give a hint to something that would happen in the future that would have been impossible to foretell.
I would later come to realize that I am the chosen one for receiving a note from the future
>>24512082
That Brandon always was up to no good.
>>24512237
That's what your dad is supposed to do for you. When you're a little piddler waddling around kindergarten not knowing your head from your ass, you're supposed to tell him about your day and the things you didn't get.
And then he tells you how to do it right, because he lived it so he knows what's up.
That's what dads are for.
>>24517998
>>24512082
>tfw name is Brandon
Fuck you, people avoid me enough already
>>24512026
Women are scum, ignore them
It'd be better if I'd known from an early age
Learn finance.
>fucking student loans
Do not trust her, leave that pile of shit
Gets worse.
>>24512026
kill bill
Learn bass
>>24518017
>dad left when I was 2
>mom is an sjw who just kind of left me to do what i wanted
welp
Leave her.
>>24517909
awh, anon <3
>>24512026
Avoid escapism
Quit dota
>>24512026
You're Chad
>>24512026
>Fuck whitney
>Don't marry
>Lisa lies
One of those tbqh, kin
>>24512026
Pursue STEM
>>24512026
Not Broken
>>24512026
>lose weight
lose weight you fucking fat fuck
>>24512026
2015-11-25.
2-20-23-26-45-48.
That's all I need.
>>24518454
Lottery win or some shit, kin?
>>24512026
socialise harder
>>24518454
good one
Act sooner
invest google
Don't move
>>24513980
This is true for me, but I wouldn't ruin it for my younger self.
RejectMichi
>>24512026
Keep swimming
shower faggot
>>24512026
you are a faggot
desu senpai kawaii
great.
Avoid Fer
02032012 rebeca
close computer
talk carmen
stop avoiding
forget silk
literally any of these would be better than the lotto numbers. Im alrady wealthy and i know that my life would be the same shit but with even more money to spend in noone and nothing.
Embrace death.
>>24512026
Euromillions draw
17/11/2015
06 - 07 - 23 - 37 - 38 10 - 11
2012 world war three begins
Don't trust the Jews
>>24512085
I've also wasted my life on itF A M
>>24512026
>A note
I would have a fucking novel written for my 15 year old self.
All I can think of is "Ignore Laura" or "Aloof Laura"
Brandon is a fucking asshole. Don't trust the prick.
faaking cut ur hair u cunt and stop trying to hit on girl u like
Dweez Nuts.
Don't give a fuck.
>>24513853
Grinn
You're not a genius you delusional faggot. DON'T ask to live with your father.
>>24512026
Do yourself a favor and kill yourself, its not going to get any better and you will never manage this life.
>>24512026
Dear me,
you may have noticed that Christine is looking at you sometimes. Well, contrary to your believe she's not trying to fuck you over, she's just trying to fuck you. Say hi to her, she's already willing to go for you. It might change you ways, you don't want to become the guy writing this.
Best regards,
You aka Me.
>>24512026
Disregard arbitrary rules
Be strong
Kill yourself after you turn 20 because there is seriously nothing left for you past that age.
>>24522277
You go all day all night.
are you a meth addict or something?
Not trying to be rude, I'm genuinely curious.
>>24512026
Stop eating
transgender's okay
>>24522299
Too depressed. Either sleep 16 hours at a time or stay up for days. It doesn't even matter anymore. Wish I had enough money to support a drug habit, lel.
>>24522277
>>24522299
>>24522333
>>24522344
You're all freaks of nature.
>>24512237
You wouldn't be able to enjoy the innocence of youth tho
>>24522344
it's not
You have been muted for 2 seconds, because your comment was not original.
>>24522374
Right. Well.
It's a goddawful era to be a twenty-something.
I was never happy until I hit the thirty mark.
>>24522540
I genuinely hope I'm dead before I hit the 30 mark. This is a downward trajectory.
>>24522517
true but i'll lie to myself to get me out of denial sooner. denial was much worse.
>>24518468
socialise better
>>24522564
You say that now, and I suppose I can understand why.
I'm guessing you're around 25-ish?
[b]YOU ARE DOOMED[/b]
>>24522647
I can't see it getting better. Maybe if I was a man, yeah, it would probably kick ass being thirty and well educated and out of debt. But as astraightwoman, every year is just filled with more despair and loneliness. Never even had a chance.
>>24522277
>had nice experiences before the age of 20
Kill yourself normie
Kill God
>>24522708
how used up are you? have you slept around? if so what's your problem? surely you can find some bluepilled kek to settle down with.
if not, what's your problem? as you reach an age where you settle down it'd just make you more desirable comparative to the slags around you
>>24522761
This post makes zero sense.
You're saying:
1. the only thing that matters is if you've slept around.
2. if you've slept around, you'll be fine.
3. if you've not slept around, you'll be fine.
>>24522761
>how used up are you?
I was in one long term relationship.
>if so what's your problem?
I'm ugly and old.
>surely you can find some bluepilled kek to settle down with.
Believe it or not, men like this don't exist. Losing the genetic lottery and hitting the wall means that I will be the one who either resigns to a life of being a cuCk or being alone.
>as you reach an age where you settle down it'd just make you more desirable comparative to the slags around you
Nah, the only thing men desire is 10/10 teenagers or insanely attractive women. Every other woman is just a cuCk.
![Bitcoin-1-chart[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/2gyenFD.jpg "Bitcoin-1-chart[1].jpg")
>>24512026
If this was more than a few years back:
BUY BITCOINS
>>24522056
>in two words
>>24522814
>Nah, the only thing men desire is 10/10 teenagers or insanely attractive women. Every other woman is just a cuCk.
men desire the best they can get. there are plenty of men in your age bracket that will realise they can't get better than you.
>>24522863
Everyone always desires something a bit better than what they can get.
The exception is what we call insane.
>>24522863
Doesn't matter if they can't get better. They will resent me for not being what they want and cuCk me. What's the point? I'd rather live alone than be a cuCk.
destroy computer
>>24522887
Have you tried becoming aroused by c ucking instead?
b urself =))
also fuck robot
>>24512026
"Tranny NOW!"
>>24522708
>Women hit the wall after 30
These meme isn't as true as you think, mystery. There IS some factual basis, but I see women who buck the trend everyday.
I've dated women pushing 50, because they had nice personalities, good jobs, and took care of themselves. No word of a lie. It's only downhill if you give up on self-improvement, growth, and personal fufillment. That's probably not much help to you in your current mindstate though.
You say some pretty funny shit at times. Tell me, are you educated? or at least have employable skills? Lots of people don't, and that's cool. Not judging, just curious.
fuck bitches
>>24512026
lift, faggot
>>24522876
that's only women. women are the restricting factor on a human population's breeding capacity ergo have a higher intrinsic value as individuals (10% of the women could not replace the breeding capacity of 90% if the latter perished). men are expendable.
so women are innately meant to be selective and go for the best they can get while men are meant to fuck anything they can get regardless because anything is better than nothing, and nothing is what they get if they set their standards too high.
so it's insane for a man to want what he can't get.
>>24522887
this is bullshit. the bottom line is if you don't bag someone who's seriously above average attractive, he wouldn't be able to kek you even if he wanted to.
>>24522924
it's more true than you think. delaying childbearing so late (for women mostly but even for fathers) is a major contributor to how fucked up we are becoming.
>>24522911
Doesn't work. Only for degenerates.
>>24522924
>These meme isn't as true as you think, mystery
You're right. We hit the wall at 19.
>I've dated women pushing 50, because they had nice personalities, good jobs, and took care of themselves.
And probably cuCked them with teenagers while treating them like you were doing them a favour.
>Tell me, are you educated? or at least have employable skills?
Yes, yes. What is the point? What is the point in making money and not being in debt and having a good job if I'm destined to be alone because I'm ugly and old? Money and careers are things men and attractive, lucky women can find solace in. What is the point in all of that for me if I'm just going to live a life of intense isolation or cuCkoldry?
>>24522981
>this is bullshit. the bottom line is if you don't bag someone who's seriously above average attractive, he wouldn't be able to kek you even if he wanted to.
TOP. KEK. My only relationship was with someone far less attractive than me and far lower than me in every single tier (charisma, career path, etc.) and I was still brutally cuCked. Men want teenage girls, and teenage girls are stupid-easy to get. I don't know if the chicken came first or the egg, but getting cuCked as a 20+ yo woman is inevitable.
>>24512026
Invest in Bitcoin. Sell when it hits about $1050, they crash soon after that.
>>24522986
oh mystery. and here i was thinking haysack was the only self obsessed histrionic bitch here.
>>24522986
>Doesn't work. Only for degenerates.
Last time I saw you, you said you wanted "semen in your anus".
All a matter of degree or what?
>>24518032
You deserve it. There has never been a Brandon who wasn't a piece of shit.
>>24523068
I want a man who will deposit semen in my anus and then not go on to cuCk me with some 13 year old bitch he meets over the internet Is that so much to ask for? Apparently so. At this point my options are:
>a) Pay a man to pretend to be my bf and pretend I'm touchable
>b) Date a developmentally delayed paraplegic retard who isn't capable of cuCking me
Great options. Malebots don't know true suffering.
Murder them.
>>24523116
you're a stupid fucking bitch, if you whine this much with your partners no wonder they want to kekold you, they're probably tired of your insecure bullshit
>>24523017
>TOP. KEK. My only relationship was with someone far less attractive than me and far lower than me in every single tier (charisma, career path, etc.)
Considering how convinced you are you're extremely unattractive and will die soon, he must have died of ass cancer in 2012.
>>24523116
>I want a man who will deposit semen in my anus and then not go on to cuCk me with some 13 year old bitch he meets over the internet Is that so much to ask for?
The question was, is it degenerate? And it seems to me it is.
>>24522986
>You're right. We hit the wall at 19
Everybody hits a wall somewhere.
>And probably cuCked them with teenagers while treating them like you were doing them a favour.
Not sure where this is coming from. I've 34 and have never keked a woman before in my life. You're just being a brat and trying to get a rise out of me, I think. lol.
>Yes, yes. What is the point?
Whats the point of anything? to keep going and see what happens. I can't date someone who has no professional or technical skills, that's all.
>>24523166
>with your partners
>your partners
>partners
What part of U N D A T E A B L E do you not understand? Wish I was male so maybe I'd have it on easymode.
>>24523184
I'm so confused as to what you are talking about.
>>24523190
I am a brat but this:
>to keep going and see what happens
is bullshit.
There is no future here. I live for my dog and the next episode of Fargo at this point. If I was at least 5'4" or something I would've transitioned into a male long ago, but nah. Stuck as an ugly beta woman until my dog passes.
>>24523191
suck my dickwhere do you live? maybe you could actually go on a show like the undateables. classic channel 4 freak show.
>>24523227
>I'm so confused as to what you are talking about.
That's the degenerate state of mind.
>>24523191
>is female (probably actually just a tranny)
>claims to be undateable
K
>>24512026
Women are scum and never expect them to understand male things.
>>24523227
>There is no future here.
Not on r9k, no.
>I live for my dog and the next episode of Fargo at this point.
You say that like its a bad thing
>If I was at least 5'4" or something I would've transitioned into a male long ago, but nah.
Ok, so you're gay. From what I gathered you were straight.
>Stuck as an ugly beta woman until my dog passes.
I can't tell if you're being serious or not, I don't know you...
But I'm detecting a bit of satire here.
>>24523487
I'm straight. I'm serious. It's okay though, I have my dog.
>>24523646
I sent you a picture of him.
>>24523760
>actually using that e-mail instead of just dropping a pic of your shitty dog in this thread
HAHA, you are pathetic
>>24523760
Got it. He's qt
>>24523782
>Mfw I'm seeing part of the reason why mystery is so standoffish all the time.
>>24523782
>dropping a picture of my innocent pure pupper for a bunch of evil nasties to perv on
no thx
get fit
hopefully I would get the hint
"Big Fatty"
>>24512026
stop being a lazy shit
at least go out and try, and even if it doesn't work out, at least you won't live with the pain of regret
Idk man. theres nothing you could have really done to not become a loser so just do what youre doing and youll be pretty ok. also be nice to mum.
bless ya
>>24512026
Start drawing
listen to vocaloids
>>24523922
>the pain of regret
every day is suffering
Don't ever speak to Mahdiana, you'll only get worse.
>>24512026
>ctrl +f "kill yourself"
>12 results
nice
>>24524147
>kill yourself
>"you have been muted for 2 seconds"
nice
>>24512133
How has that phrase not been used until now?
>>24512082
My name is Brandon lol
Get A's
>>24512026
no weed
gets worse
tbqh
>>24512026
>give up
I could save myself a lot of trouble.
>>24512237
This is actually what I kind of believe when I eventually die. When reborn and at the age of puberty, you get your old knowledge back.
>>24512026
Don't procrastinate.
no mmos
>>24512237
>Imagine being this bright student jumping grades just to end up out of high school at 6 or 7 just to sit on an old ass computer waiting for 4chan to exist or ending up killing yourself at 10
>tfw this was me
I was 5 years ahead so not as far but when you do that you have no real friends. People are nice to you when you are around but they will never hang out with you outside of class. The kids my age didn't like me either because I got special treatment.
People thought they were doing me a favor but all they did was just fuck my life up. Being ahead in school doesn't give you any advantage in life. Sure you might be capable of more than others in some respects, but that means nothing.
>>24512026
rose budbloxerini
LISTEN TO HER AND TRY TO BE A BETTER PERSON WITH HER, YOU DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING YOU ASSHOLE SACK OF SHIT, SHE'S RIGHT, SHE WILL TEACH YOU, DON'T BE BITTER ABOUT LEARNING NEW THINGS, YOU'RE GONNA REGRET THE PAIN THAT COMES WITH BEING A CLOSED-MINDED PIECE OF DOG SHIT
>>24512026
allahu albar
>>24524821
>DON'T BE BITTER ABOUT LEARNING NEW THINGS, YOU'RE GONNA REGRET THE PAIN THAT COMES WITH BEING A CLOSED-MINDED PIECE OF DOG SHIT
I know this feeling
My younger self had no trouble with it
It's the current me who does
Family first
>>24512026
BUY BUTTCOIN
>DO IT
(thought about commiting suicide at age 15)
gamble responsibly
Beware dyslexia
No prostitutes
>>24523115
I can agree with this statement 100%
>>24512026
stop eating so much you fuck
>>24512026
Tech school
