Right now, I can't tell if I'm at my highest or lowest point. Maybe I'm both? Chime in, come talk, whatever. Reflect
>48 hrs into a modafinil binge, 24 hours until break from uni
>Losing my shit because I got molested by a dude at my school, and now that I'm bringing a case against him he's spreading rumors and breaking confidentiality.
>No idea if he'll be suspended, let go, or if he'll weasel some way to get me punished.
>I can barely string a coherent thought together but a professor asked me if he could use an excerpt from an email I don't remember writing in order to help his students who are struggling in that class. My stimmed out panicked ramblings are now a teaching tool?
>Honestly not sure if I'm failing Chinese or acing it. Class is weird as fuck and there are no assignments.
>Got a new haircut, I feel alternately really hip and like it's this weird new edgy thing which isn't me at all
>Either going to win at life or get completely fucked. No idea. And it's mostly out of my hands rn.
>>24489656
How is any of that introspective?
>>24489656
Kill yourself my man. Nobody likes you.
>>24489745
How would you know? I have my moments. And I lack the constitution for suicide.
>>24489656
nice calabi yau manifold
deep introspection to speak the truth family member
>>24489656
nice blog post
>kill yourself
>getting molested
Kill your self, and do it fast
I used to be a fat fuck neet.
I lost a bunch of weight, and plan to lose more, at least until I can join the military so as to escape the ghetto.
The most depressing thing about losing weight, though, has been realizing:
No matter how much weight I lose, or how much muscle I put on, no matter how good I get at faking charisma, no matter how big my dick is (7 inches)...
I'll never be a normie.
In retrospect, I guess I always expected there to just be some moment where I would regain all the confidence, social skills, extroversion, and "game"(success with women in this context) that growing up a fat fuck with shitty abusive parents had deprived me of.
But nope. I may look halfway-normal sized now. I might be able to make small talk about the weather or other stupid bullshit with coworkers. I'm even able to talk to girls I work with, because my autistic mind has set up a barrier between Work Anon and Real Anon.
And, I'm afraid, that no matter how hard I try to >make it brah, Real Anon will always be that scared, abused little (well, emotionally. physically FUCKHUEG) child who just wants to be left alone, because the first 20 years of his life showed him time and time again that people are terrible.
This is my first post on here since getting a job last year and trying to start getting /fit/, and this realization has really been fucking my shit up.
I just.
I just don't know any more, brehs. Whats the point of trying to succeed when I'll always be terrified of females? Why even try and be social if my upbringing and possible genetics (Mother is BPD and Im starting to think i might be too) have left me distrusting people at best, thinking they hate me/are out to get me at worst?
Nice social experiment OP. Try not to be so obvious next time bud.
>>24489656
Posts same story from 2 different viewpoints. Bro you're transparent as fuck, get your social experiments off my board.
