>moved from TX to FL to be with BF of 9 months
>3 years later
>isolated, nothing but me, him, his friend and his gf, despite ALL my best efforts to get him to branch out and reconnect
>he now has a "new" friend
>a "lesbian"
>he talks about breaking up for the first time in our entire relationship twice in the last 2 months
tell me every single reason why I'm being ridiculous right now, I really need to know. give me your worst.
>i know its insecurity
>i know im being irrational
>what else you got?
>>24417384
Uhhhhh need more info
>>24417384
its one thing if hes trying to work it out.
its another if hes texting her the ENTIRE time you're on "date night" with him.
Yeah from the info youve given us you should have never followed him that far. Get out now while you can before he breaks it off with u
>>24417384
Hey OP, since it's:
>2016-1
and I'm not trying to be a bigot here by assuming, could you tell me if you're a girl or a dude?
Inb4: no grills on the internet
The whole, bf thing could either mean boyfriend or best friend, and, yeah.
>>24417411
>>24417400
check'd.
more info:
>am epileptic
>possibly have PTSD, everyone has a fucking opinion these days
>bi polar, according to whoever prescribes the anti-epileptics
I get that I'm a handful. He's been stable this entire time, he got depressed for a few months and I tried to pull him out of it but he just doesn't talk to me. About anything. I've tried so hard, and tonight was supposed to be special. Not like ANNIVERSARY special but...
date night special.
>being a total asshole about this, i know.
Then- all of a sudden before a GIGANTIC move to Colorado- new friends, new attitude, new special friend thats "lesbian" but begging him for alone time during FB convos....
like what was I expecting, for him to completely isolate and have no friends?
but at the same time--
...how much has he been sharing with her but not with me? This is completely ridiculous isn't it? one of you tell me I'm being ridiculous. I know it.
>am female
>hes male
>>24417556
>This is completely ridiculous isn't it? one of you tell me I'm being ridiculous. I know it.
>give me your worst.
Honestly you sound crazy.
Are you punching above your weight?
Did you get fatter or uglier/he got better looking?
Are you really boring to talk to?
Are you good in bed?
These are the sorts of things which will make a guy go off you around the 3 year mark.
>>24417384
almost no women are actually lesbians, most of them are bisexuals who had a bad experience with a man and stopped dating them out of spite.
and if he is talking about breaking up, it means he wants you to initiate it because he already feels too guilty (probably from all the cheating).
sounds like you are getting keked, but that's what happens when you play the normie game tbqh SEMPAI.
>>24417658
>we smoke a lot so munchies a lot
>so i gained weight
>so i started working out, but obviously that takes time to show results
>i left for two weeks to go home to sort my medical shit out (do NOT ever move to Florida, no matter what you do)
>he almost breaks up with me when im out there
>i come back and try to patch things up the best i can but i cant pull his face out of his goddamn phone long enough to hold a conversation
>boring? im not sure. after 3 years, youve heard all the stories and all the similes, you get the gist is what I mean.
>i hear that i am amazing, never had complaints in that department.
i see what you mean. im just..trying to piece this all together. taking it one day at a time is the worst advice anyone has ever given me, because the bigger picture is what you're trying to paint and if you dont have the colors necessary, its doomed from the start. you just havent noticed yet because its still sketchmarks and ink blots.
>>24417384
make a move on the lesbian.
>>24417733
is it crazy? its only been what, few weeks maybe?
isnt that an over-reaction?
is ANY of this an over-reaction?
>>24417770
What happens when its a best friend he used to have in high school? What happens if I end up being THAT girlfriend, the one that ...basically wasted his time by being a bitch nonstop for 3 years?
>i have no friends to talk to this about
>is it jealousy from that?
>>24417715
After 3 years you should be out making memories together, you should be learning new things together like wine tasting, you should be climbing mountains and riding jetskis together.
its just that-
from EVERYTHING I've ever heard from every man I've ever met- they never talk to a female they're not interested in fucking. Female "friends" don't exist, so I've been told.
>>24417853
If we could afford it, I would. I'm paying for all of this off of disability backpay right now. He had a job for a time, we both have ambitions for the future, that's just where we're at right now. If I wanted to spring for that shit, I could. But given this context, would you want to?
>>24417873
Not true, but the only way a m/f friendship works is if neither wants to fuck the other. If at any point they wanted to, or had romantic feelings for them then it wont work.
>>24417949
How could anyone possibly discern that from the outside looking in?
This is just insecurity, right? All of this sounds retarded.....?
>>24417384
Damn senpai it's hard to follow your thought processes. Your shit just jumps all over.
I have no idea where your relationshit is going though. From what little info I have it seems like it's going nowhere. He's kinda doing his own thing and you're just there or whatever. Maybe it's the same on your side too. You both seem just going along for the ride, because neither person has anywhere else to go.
>>24417873
This is just your possessiveness talking. For men chicks end up either on the fuck list, or the do-not-fuck list. If your boyfriend is a decent dude, then the gf goes on the former, everyone else goes on the latter. You should know how he is by now. It's been three years.
>>24418099
if neither person has anywhere to go, could they both have an idea of where they want to end up "together"?
I know how he is. You're right. He's a good guy, he just thinks that he's some kind of monster and I just don't see it. He's loyal as hell, but that can work against you if he's already made up his mind to try to....be MORE intimate with someone else than he would be with you...
>>24418194
Honestly, he just sounds like the kind of dude who wants to keep his problems to himself. I doubt he's being emotionally intimate with some dyke going by your description of him. He probably shares nothing with no one.
You can probably try to get him to open up, but if your mental state is as you say (the BPD struggle is real; I've experienced it) then he's probably doing his best to be the "stable" part in the relationship. It might be best to just let him keep his role.
>>24418303
So I AM being irrational then? All of this is just...bad chemical imbalances? I went off my meds for a month, I get how challenging that can be...
I can't trust my emotions, I never could. I don't know what I feel, I don't know who I am, I don't know who I'm asking him to commit to, and he doesnt know as much as I do.
Scared, I guess. That's what it is. Terrified that I'm fucking it up without even realizing it. Private as he always has been and still is, somehow its a shock now and I just don't get it.
He can't tell me what exactly is wrong with "us", which just makes me feel even shittier because it might possibly mean that its something he can't bring himself to admit to.
But how far do the chemicals go, and how far does the damage extend? summed up, it paints a clear enough picture but somehow he doesn't see it that way. He wants to be with me, while simultaneously "branching out" and reconnecting with people he talks to more than me. RIGHT before a BIG move, a move I've been putting my ENTIRE life on pause for, a move that could change the way we are, change everything...
perhaps there is too much context to be able to express here. maybe I am "crazy". I just don't know anymore. Panic attacks, night terrors, I get it. It's all too much to deal with if you werent expecting a handful to begin with but-
whatever. I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Imagine all the vets and all the starving guys out there-- then check this thread.
You just make sure you're always getting better as a person and if he absolutely must leave you, you won't be in a completely shitty place. But you should feel secure about what you have to offer. If you try harder than he does, you'll have leverage in the relationship. If he doesn't keep up with you, then you either relax knowing that he's grateful for your company, or you move on to somebody better.
>>24418559
I don't think its irrational to expect your partner to express himself. It might be that he's just tired of saying the same shit over and over again. It's also been 4 years...that's an awfully long time for a relationshit these days.
>>24418559
if he's a private person and you talk like you type you're probably annoying the shit out of him
>>24418559
Shit man, just be straight with him then. You tell him you feel a little left out lately. That's it. Just that small part of your thoughts.
If he's a good a guy as you say then he'll treat what you say seriously.
Also as long as you take the meds you aren't crazy. I've seen people with BPD suddenly stop the meds, and that is true crazy. Enough to ruin lifelong relationships for good. I'm a vet recovering from PTSD and I had a gf with BPD who stopped her meds. That was probably not the best setup. But there has to be some sort of stability, and that's your bf's role. Just trust in him and let him handle it.
Have you ASKED him about any of this? Why he talks to her? If he's cheated? His response might shed some light
>>24418616
how do people make it 50 years then? whats their secret?
>>24418633
check'd and probably. thanks.
>>24418764
I have been "straight", at least enough as I can get right now. Everything is up in the air, it has been for our entire relationship. As soon as I moved out here, I realized how shitty this place is and how horrible the doctors are. Neither of us planned for that. I've talked to him as many times as one can, but after a while he just feels guilty. That's all. Guilt and maybe-- defeat? He throws his hands up like "FINE I dont know what you want from me" which of course makes me ask myself what I was even expecting from the conversation in the first place. How DO couples make it to 50+ years? I thought it was trust, or talking, or laughing every day, some shit like that. We do ALL of that and somehow this is still happening. I take meds, they don't fit. I've tried ALL of them, and my neurologists make it seem like I'm on my LAST option aside from brain surgery. What is crazy? I get that a month of someone bi polar II, mad to sad, for an entire month, is taxing. But is it really enough to force someone to rethink the last 3 years of their life? Again there is too much context but it's just...
summed up, its not looking good for me is it?
>>24418786
I have, and all I get is "I don't know, I wish I knew, I just dont think that etc etc" Vague dodgings of what seems to be a truth no one has the balls to say outloud.
A lot of words but you still don't seem to make any detailed sense of what the actual situation that you are upset about is...
Anyone would go crazy and want some other social contact if your partner has no-one else to talk to but you and keeps overpower blabing on to you every moment you spend with them.
You should get something or someone else to focus on and maybe he'll start to pay more attention to you when he can cool off around you. Isn't this the classical housewife situation that drove men to beat their women, having them sit around the house for a whole day without adult interaction loading their blabing whining and nagging tanks to full and unloading on to their husbands with emotional pressure for hours the moment they come home tired from a full day of working and interacting with strangers.
