>tfw at its worst you can't even put into words how much you hate yourself
>>24364129
>tfw you try to describe it and end up hating yourself even more
>tfw you try to get help and it fails
>fw you feel like a whiny little bitch
>>24364444
>tfw all you do is whine
>tfw you know there are plenty of people who feel worse than you do or who have a worse hand and hate yourself even more for it
>tfw you're getting help but antidepressants aren't helping much
>>24364444
I know the feeling. Every time I try to rationalize it, I hate myself even more. I am at a weird equilibrium where part want to kill myself, and the other part wants to watch me suffer.
>>24364529
>tfw the anti depressants make you feel weird
>tfw end up doing nothing all day
>tfw you hate yourself even more
>you don't wanna whine anymore so you tell no one
a vicious cycle it is
>>24364606
same. drives me insane. i've had psychotic attacks bc of it.
>not even kidding
>>24364611
>tfw feel like you should shut the fuck up and stop being a bitch but you can't
>tfw you make stupid threads on /r9k/ just to vent
My antidepressants only make me feel weird in the mornings and sometime if I wake up in the middle of the night. The only thing they're doing to me now is killing my cock.
>Three weeks in
It's not going to get better, will it?
>>24364667
>two months is here
no.
your sex drive will disappear btw...
poof. gone.
Hating yourself is a miserable hell. It's like being married to someone you can't divorce. Who terrorizes you every minute of every fucking day. And you can't do shit about it.
>>24364704
I have very little desire to fap and don't maintain erections for longer than a few minutes if I'm not stroking it. I do it once a week now.
>>24364712
>tfw half don't even want it to go away
>tfw know you should suffer for being so awful
>>24364730
yeah... i haven't fapped in a while now. no fap november is being a breeze.
>>24364712
i've just accepted this awful marriage. besides hating myself, i'm either in despair or numb.
>>24364641
One of my earliest memories is going to one of those kid psychologist centers. I was in and out of psychologist and psychiatrist offices until I was about 15 or 16 when I learned to hide it. I only ever had 2 friends that in retrospect I treated like shit but we're shitty themselves.
I can't imagine anyone liking me, especially women, because I can't fathom liking myself. They're either just trying to make fun of me, or will inevitably be hurt by me in some way. I can't be with someone who makes those kind of poor decisions.
>>24364129
Start by stop being a fucking weeb. That will help a lot me thinks.
>>24364851
How long did it take for your libido to die completely?
>>24365004
iktf... but some part of me thinks that it's better to be fucked up than to have everything come easy to you, and taking things for granted i guess.
that's probably why no one can help me get out of this - i don't try to get out of it.
i should though....
You do realize posting threads on /r9k/ does nothing to help you right?
If only you put in as much effort into fixing your life then shit posting about "muh bad depression" and "muh anti-depressants ain't wurkin" on a site where no one could give less of a fuck about your faceless, degenerate feelings then maybe, just maybe. You could get out of the pit you've dug yourself.
>>24365113
maybe 3 weeks or a month for the will to fap go away.
>>24365162
Well, what exactly would you suggest I do? What would help?
>>24365186
What are you on? Lexapro here. I don't know if it'll be any different.
All of my other side effects have gone away, except the occasional morning nausea and decreased libido.
>>24365188
>>24365162
>inb4 kill yourself
it doesn't work. already tried.
>>24365209
>stablon
>xanax
i'm never fully awake desu
>>24365124
Yea... I've be depressed for so long, it's a part of me at my very core. I don't know it's like to be happy, only know what I'm not.
>>24365337
also latuda, for psychotic episodes
that's the worst one
>>24365376
Same here. There are moments when I think I am happy but then I think about it and I realise I just am not sad.
Not being sad is so rare though that it triggers a thought about my shitty future and I am immediately sad again.
>>24365188
First of all, stop lamenting about your life. Its a vicious cycle that'll never end.
You cut yourself off at the kneecaps by thinking you'll never succeed, so instead of dropping off back into your fucking pit and shit posting on /r9k/ some more to feel better about yourself. Persist. Nothing'll ever come if you're a lilly-livered gecko.
You have to believe you can become the bee's knees before you are the bee's knees.
There is plenty of help out there for people in your position, god knows how much money the government pumps in to help you poor bastards out of the sink.
Remember, there are ways out. You're just not capitalizing them, so its your fault and you can't whine if you're still in the pit.
>>24365572
You haven't told me anything specifically.
>Persist
I've tried to get good at SOMETHING several times throughout my life, guess what? I'm still garbage at everything. Which in turn makes me hate myself more.
>You have to believe you can become the bee's knees before you are the bee's knees.
No matter how hard I try, I legitimately can't believe I'm anything more than a mound of crap. I haven't been able to ever since I was a little kid. It's not so simple as suddenly deciding to change my mindset.
>>24365435
I try to think about the future, but the only one that doesn't make me want to cry is the one where I'm not in it.
I'm tired of being tired. I just want to sleep and never wake up.
>>24365659
this desu. ppl say
>you have do be in the right mindset to recover
what if there's nothing to recover from? nowhere to go?
what if the mindset ppl want you to be in does not compute in the state you're in?
it's not that easy dude, never that simple...
>>24365732
I would have killed myself a long time ago but my parents would probably die from grief. I can't do that to them.
>>24364129
We should meet up and hang out so we can talk about how much we hate our selves.
>>24366059
Do you have Steam? It's rare for me to speak to someone who hates themselves quite as much as me.
>>24366096
can i add you guys too?
>>24366096
>>24366140
Sorry guys, don't have steam. Just Skype andfacebook, which I only use to talk to one person.also, don't I need games to chat or add people? I remember steam doing something like that which made me leave because I thought it was bullshit and unfair.
>>24365956
Yea. That. They would try to blame themselves, but there is no one to blame. I have been dead for as long as I can remember, but life hasn't caught up yet.
>>24365742
This, too. I tried the whole better mindset routine, and I was the closest if ever been to actually killing myself. I wish I had.
>>24366096
Yes. I have two because I was tired of seeing old friends, so I made a new one to be alone properly. Same reason I stopped playingLoL
I wish to die in my sleep.
>>24366363
who doesn't desu?
>>24366432
People that don't hate themselves?
>>24366490
hmmm
you got a point
>>24364129
about 10% I would say
>>24366524
How many Mado pictures do you have senpai?
>>24366582
too many... over 3gb.
>>24364129
Normally I just shitpost here, but this thread I get.
>antidepressants
if you want pills that make your penis stop working there's a strictly superior alternative you know
>>24366636
That sure is a lot.
>>24366636
are you autistic?
sincere question
>>24366701
no. f you want a diagnosis, here
>overlapping bpd and aspd
feelsbadman.jpeg
>>24366689
I recognize those hands... Carpe Diem
>>24366729
are you evil?
>>24366689
I hate pills. They make me gag just by looking at them. I get shivers just by the mere thought of them. Is there such a thing as a phobia of pills? Like does it have a name?
>>24366752
great question...
>>24366785
you can tell us....you're in good company...
>>24366785
I don't think you're evil.You're not good either.
>>24366818
i wouldn't say evil, but i'm really cruel sometimes, even when i don't want to.and i oscillate really quickly between that state and being in a deep pit of despair.
differs mostly from vanilla aspd in the way that i cope with stuff, i choose not to take it out on other people as much as i do on myself, thus suicidal tendencies.
why do i know so much about this?? i chose to take psychology......
>>24366871
i know.
>suicidal for months
>spend one night cuddling with a girl
>a month passes without any suicidal thoughts
How can females have this much power over men, it's absurd
>>24367072
I once felt like that. Not anymore, but I think it's better this way. Wouldn't want her to spend her time on me or associate with someone like me.
>>24367072
I'm 26, and I can't imagine being with a girl at all. Why would they want to be with me?
>>24367476
bc you got teh penis
>>24367503
>posting Lewds of Mado
You're so fucked up, anon.Saved anyway.
>>24367503
Irrelevant. They can get any penis they want.
>>24367575
>not having lewds of mado
where do you think you are?
>>24364129
Please stop, I'm already in this sprial and I need a way out
>>24367669
If we're heading down that road, then I guess I'll post what I have as well.
>>24367744
Where you're going, there is no way out.
>>24367803
U sure? In our age of medical advancements there's nothing for us?
>>24367803
>>24367744
welcome to the dream world, where every door leads to a nightmare.
>>24366490
I dont hate myself and want to die in my sleep tbqfh familia. Life simply isnt worth it and theres no point in beating myself over shit I had no control over.
>>24367877
At least we have eathother, r-right?
...there's no positive outcome is there
>>24367952
no, there is not
>>24368034
Where is that gif from btw? Also curious about these pics on the thread. I know nothing about the animes.
Guess that group chat or something mentioned eariler won't happen :/
>>24368118
>anime
i kek'd
it's from a surreal rpg game called yume nikki and don't get me started on this game....
>>24367072
Same, I made up after a fight with my oneitis yesterday and I felt good. Too bad the depression is back. Doesn't help that she has a new bf as well...
>>24367861
Pills don't help and they're gross.
>>24367877
But in my sleep, I am happy. Most of the time, and then I wake up.
>>24367947
Maybe if you think about it hard enough, it'll eventually happen. I'm trying to make it happen by thinking really hard about it. No such luck but I'll keep trying.
>>24368034
>that sweet release of death as she hit the ground
>>24368118
It's from the game, Yume Nikki. You plays as a girl who lucid dreams about trippy shit. Game ends with her supposedly killing herself by falling.
>>24368153
Oi ive heard about it but haven't played. I probably should shouldn't I? My computers broke tho so I can't. Making me more depressed that I can't play my vidya
>>24368199
yeah u should.
>>24368199
You should play when you get the chance. It's free so you don't have to worry about money. There's also a light novel and a manga but that isn't so great.
>tfw you're gonna wake up tomorrow
why is life so full of disappointments?
>>24368233
>>24368297
Aight, at the very least it'll kill time
>>24368440
I had a chance to die and instead I decided to give counselling and medical assistance a shot. I probably shouldn't have. Im still gonna be a disappointment to myself and others
>>24368519
at least you might be helping people anon. that matters.
