>tfw you stare at your own reflection in the mirror for too long and have a panic attack
my depression suddenly lifted one day, but i'm still not happy. just not depressed. I'm really scared of it coming back. Now that I think about it, it feels like this same thing happens a lot. the whole depression coming back and ten lifting and whatnot. why can't it just go away forever.
Panic attacks are some of the most frightening and confusing things to regularly and somewhat randomly experience. The first four or five panic attacks I had i was legitimately convinced I was having a heart attack.
I sometimes wonder if /depression/ is just a forced meme created by normies so their shrinks can make hundreds of dollars per hour listening to robots create fiction at the end of which a magic pill is prescribed and the process repeated monthly.
I mean, 200 years ago the word was absent from all literature. How did it suddenly pop up and increase in popularity at such an astronomic rate? I smell a rat.
>>24339092
Did you used to run to ERs and sit in the waiting area just in case it really happened and you'd be in a safe place?
>>24339013
>be depressed
>all the years with it never had a suicidal thought
>well wouldn't say never but I always knew I wouldn't have the courage to do it
>ff to last week
>huge wave of deep depression washes over me
>sank pretty low
>think about suicide
>think about driving into oncoming traffic
>think about swallowing all the pills in my house and washing them with alcohol
>think about running away leaving everything behind
>probably the lowest I've felt
>the wave passed through eventually but can't help but be scared of its potential
>now scared that one day I'll get hit with an even darker wave and end up killing myself
I know I can't live long with this overwhelming sense of hopelessness but I'm so afraid of dying I don't know what to do
>>24339133
Yes I really did. I used to do it quite often actually.
>>24339164
Same here. Until one day I realized that it was all psychosomatic and I was worrying too much about something that was 99% imagination. Then I discovered stuff like caffeine and sugar is hidden inside food and started avoiding that junk and suddenly...pop! It was gone. Yeah it comes back once in a while but all I have to do is shoo it away with all the spells I made.
>>24339163
i keep plenty of sleeping pills around because sleeping is the best way to get through bad waves
you might end up chugging all of them though desu, probably shouldn't
>tfw gender dysphoria
>tfw panic attack every time I really look in the mirror
>>24339196
Wow our stories are so similar. I read a few books (hated the idea of seeing a doctor), and cut out caffeine entirely and suddenly it improved tenfold. It sounds weird but knowing that you arent dying and that your mind is just going haywire for basically no reason really helps deter attacks from even starting at all.
>>24339223
Yeah sleeping is good during those times I usually sleep pretty heavily but I don't think pills will help. Like you said having them around would be an all to easy temptation to just chug the entire bottle and want to never wake up.
Modern society offers too many choices and I'm shit at choosing. I feel overwhelmed every day by the sheer amount of options with pretty much anything.
I'm starting to think that my depression has been literal insanity the entire time. I am so lacking in human qualities. I have no desires, no goals for the future, never had a lover or lasting friendships, and I can't seem to find anything that I am passionate about.
I attend university, doing stuff I picked on a whim because I didn't know what else to do, I literally have nothing I am eager to achieve. Everything feels the same to me, everything about me feels broken and fake.
I'm not even sure if I'm actually a moral person, that maybe I'm just desperately trying to avert my attention away from the fact that morals are just invented concepts. I'm scared of the fact that I might as well kill someone at some point. I'm scared of knowing how close to a world of evil I actually am, how close all of us are.
I think I'm losing my mind. Some days just don't feel real, and I wish I could live inside my dreams forever. I yearn for the peace of death, yet as an earthly life form I also fear my eventual end.
>>24339053
You might have chronic depression with few major depressive episodes
Mine has been stable for a few years now. I'm very numb and struggly to enjoy anything but the major depressive phases have disappeared. I just try not to think about the future and it's alright
>>24339272
>Yeah I know. But then what used to make my mind spiral back into a pit of despair was the realization that there's a chance that the psychosomatia if that's even a word can actually kill you by making your heart race and your mind neg itself to death. A lot of people do die due to shock, however I think you and I are fighting the good fight within our minds and while our attacks might be sudden, they're no longer unexpected so we can keep fighting them and live.
One thing I also found was that dehydration aggravates the attacks like crazy. I used to heated water(no sugary stuff) to hydrate and warm myself and it helped a lot. Also breathing excercises.
>>24339605
unintended greentext
>step outside
>heart beats faster
>trouble breathing
>can't focus
>headache
>headache
>get paranoid about every passing car and pedestrian
>start whispering to myself
>begin to think people on the bus are spies
>they're all looking at me
>can't stop fidgeting with hands
>they know
>can't stop thinking about the bus crashing
>cute girl walks on the bus
>she is also a spy
>can't calm down
I'm really not sure what I have, but I'm pretty scared.
>>24339637
Yeah that's a three part mixture of panic, anxiety and reality you seem to have there anon. The trick is seperating it all accurately in order to deal with it if possible.
>chronic depression for months upon months
>life drags on and often feel like killing myself
>finally schedule an appointment at a free clinic (I'm poor)
>appointment is 3-4 months away
>that 3-4 months turns out to be the longest, shittiest, most depressing summer of my life
>went through 3 jobs in the span of 3 months
>finally supposed to go to the doctor tomorrow and get help
>been waiting so long I almost forgot
>tell my boss today I can't come to work tomorrow
>she says she's gonna have trouble replacing me for tomorrow and I should have let her known last week
>give in to pressure and tell her I'll just come to work
>it's my fault, after all. I had forever to tell her but I waited till the last moment
>today happens to be a pretty shit day as well. Almost had a breakdown at work
o-oh well. what's another few months of crippling blackness, self hatred, and suicidal thoughts?help
>>24339546
Same shit here. I only want a passion, something I love and will like to put myself in. Every single day I'm doing nothing reading chans and soon I'll go back working which will make it worse.
I basically realised that I'm dead at 17 and since then nothing has changed, I'm 21 who will be 22 in couple of months. I feel impossibility of transformation or improvement. Some people tell about changing or how you should never disregard a chance of becoming better, but for many years I knew and still know that this is will never happen, this is the end.
>>24339013
Oh shit.
Panic attacks!
>Wagecack for two years.
>Slowly overcoming the fear of going outside and making contact with others.
>Still, when my co-workers start making witty banter between them i feel anxious.
>The walls close on me, their laughs sound louder and louder.
>I rush to the bathroom or a hall before i get caught between them.
>Heavybreathing as i hear them talking about their weekends, their parties, the places they go, how much they drink...
I try, but maybe being alone is the only answer now.
>>24340120
I can see that you don't know what a full fledged panic attack is.
>>24339163
Get out in the sun naked in nature
>family basically got torn apart last few months
>gave up going off to college, starting a new life just so I can try and help family
>nothing helps, staying in small town/family problems is making depression worse
>feel worthless, and hopeless that i'll ever get to do anything because of my current conditions
>think about what it'd be like to kill myself just about everyday
Fuck family, I try and try but I don't know anymore /r9k/, I just don't know.
>>24339605
Different guy, but I've also had a few panic attacks. 'Shock' is a potentially fatal condition, but it is the shock that is due to trauma, such as blood loss or nervous system damage, that, if left untreated can be fatal. Shock can also be brought on by strong emotional outbursts such as fear, but that form of shock is temporary and usually doesn't require medical attention.
What eased my mind about the panic was that it's literally just irrational fear; and unless you have some sort of pre-existing heart condition, I don't think the panic will ever cause your heart to fail like some fragile hummingbird. Whenever one would happen I would just focus on breathing and that the fear would end soon.
>>24339605
>>24340652
The idea of dying from panic really only exists provided there is a pre-existing medical condition. After I started having them I was ordered an ekg and an echo for this reason. If your heart is relatively fine there basically no chance that you will actually die from it. Upper levels of tachycardia are still much higher than most rates during panic attacks.
Stress is going to slowly kill, not quickly. It'll also make me lose my hair and make my fingernails thin as paper.
>tfw you have big hips
>have severe body dysmorphia as a result
>can't leave the house until i put on clothes i think i look normal in
>will often spend over 2 hours trying on clothes until I feel I'm wearing something that looks acceptable on my body
>even when i do leave the house I feel like everyone's staring at me
>see big muscular chad wearing a tanktop
>tfw I'm wearing a hoodie pulled down tight to cover my ass
>tfw I know he must feel superior to me
>tfw I'm also a manlet
>tfw I often just don't leave my dorm because I feel like I have nothing to wear
>tfw I can't even go to the gym to get bigger shoulders because of embarrassment
>tfw been missing a fuckload of classes
>tfw I made like one friend but it's been so long since I've been to the same classes as him that he's probably forgotten I exist
>tfw when I do go to class I feel like the teacher and students are judging me for never being there
>tfw I'll probably have to drop out
>>24341087
holy SHIT are you me? I am objectively ugly tho so thats my excuse
