This paper makes me want to throw up its giving me so much anxiety right now. Doesn't help that I don't feel very well. How are you all doing tonight?
>>24320364
I've been on prozac for at least 8 months now. I've been feeling very lonely lately
>want to sleep
>can't sleep
that is my entire life
>>24320458
How is it making you feel? Is it why you feel lonely?
Hey skelly, how are you doing on your paper so far?
I'm 5 pages into my Soviet Russia paper, its gonna be a late night. Only 5 more to go for Wednesday.
>>24320475
Whats preventing you from sleeping?
>>24320490
I'm in a better place than I was. I don't know why I'm feeling down right now though
>>24320511
Im doing corrections. Just looking at all the marks on the paper makes me sick.
I've discovered that I have an innate aptitude at public speaking now that my anxiety is cured.
>>24320534
If I practice I'm a fantastic public speaker. It doesn't really make me nervous surprisingly
>>24320524
Well thats good. How long have you been feeling down for?
>Third week of Lexapro
>Finally starting to work
>Feel a lot better in general, care less about the things that make me feel badly, don't actively hate myself for the first time in eleven years
>Still a bit sad but not on the brink of tears on a near daily basis anymore
My penis is regaining its sensitivity, too, so I can fap again, when I feel like it weeklymy libido is still nearly nonexistent but I don't mind it
>tfw things are okay for once
>>24320547
About a week now. Just in a slump I guess.
>>24320560
Cute pic, keep going anon! Sounds like its getting better for you
>>24320561
I've been there before. Earlier last month I was like that for a week or two. Its pretty awful
>>24320533
At least your done writing, I'm sure you'll do fine. How long is it?
>>24320547
Honestly I think natural introverts make the best orators. As a vague rule they develop insights that normies tend not to. Besides, speaking to a crowd is far different from speaking to an individual imo; it's much easier to forget yourself in the process, or at least it is for me.
>>24320604
Twenty two pages and bound to get longer. I forgot to write an arguement in because I'm a idiot and I have to add one. Luckily it won't be too hard but it freaks me out so bad
>>24320617
Pretty much. I feel like my person to person skills have degenerated a bit, especially with strangers (i just don't like talking to them), but its easy for me to just stand up and speak
>>24320588
>Sounds like its getting better for you
My mood is. I'm still tired and unmotivated, but at least my mood's better. I'm really glad about that.
>>24320644
Holy fuck 22 pages? Jesus what's it on?
Anyway, the fact that you're worrying this much about means that you'll do well on it. It shows that you care about the quality of your output.
>>24320515
i have ocd-induced insomnia
but i also mean that i want to sleep during the day, and i can't because i slept during the night
>>24320676
Thats pretty much the place to start though. Attitude/mood comes first
>>24320747
The popes of Avignon, which is going to turn into the Wealth of Avignon Popes. And no it just means I'll put it off till its due. I wanna turn it in tomorrow, maybe she'll be able to look at it one more time before its completely due. I hope its good though. I worked hard on it
>>24320364
I have completely dropped out of life.
>>24320784
:( I'm not sure what to do there, sorry man. Have you talked to a doctor about it? Or a therapist?
>>24320794
In what way?
>>24320788
I don't think I've ever finished a paper more than one day before its due date. Good job skelly.
>>24320788
>>Thats pretty much the place to start though. Attitude/mood comes first
Are you implying that typically improves first, or that it's ideal?
I'm really tired, sorry.
>>24320807
>In what way?
I'm technically still at college but I hit my breaking point and since then I've done almost no work. There's just nothing left.
>going on 1 month of taking Wellbutrin
>thought I was getting better
>exercising a lot more
>studying more
>talking with people more
>wake up today at 4 am
>instant and constant feeling of looming dread
>suicidal thoughts have returned and are way more intense than before
>got an anxiety attack while doing my laundry with no noticeable trigger
>feel a constant urge to need to be outside and exercise
>usually running makes me feel better but today after my run I was holding back tears and fighting off intrusive thoughts
This has never happened since I started taking the meds. Is this normal? Tell me this is normal.
>>24320807
yeah i have and the insomnia is getting a bit better
but that means i'm less tired during the day, making it harder for me to fall asleep then
>>24320364tfw posted this in another thread...wrong thread perhaps
I'm dropping out of college
I can't take it anymore, nobody supports me in what I do. It's always an issue with money as if I was never worth it in the first place. I have no one to turn to, sure I can speak about it on the internet all I want, but my voice is still silenced. I want to voice it out loud but I can only do so in my head to keep myself off the streets. I'm going to get a job and work until I can afford college on my own, but that isn't even the point.
Why don't people love us? Why are some of us born to be miserable and hated at the same time. Why couldn't I be normal and live a normal life. Why does my mother's kitchen renovation cost more than my fucking tuition?
I wish I was dead, I have always been made to feel like gutter trash all my life and everyone has turned their backs on me. I lie to become something of value, but in the end I am nothing. I may be able to suppress my emotions, but when I am truly alone I must let out the tears which represent pieces of me, falling to black.
Don't you ever wish someone would just come whisk you away and say they'd support you through thick or thin? I always wish that. I don't ask for much, I don't need much, all I ever wanted was a bit of kindness and openness for discussion, but it has never been granted, and I don't think it ever will.
I am a broken human being. I am a robot.
>>24320926
anon, if you have steam I would enjoy chatting with you.
What your going through I could only begin to imagine, but I know it must be horrible and if you need some comfort every once in a while I would love to be able to chat.
I won a competition and still feel dead inside. I thought that if I proved to everyone that I was the best at something, I would feel better about myself, but I don't. What does it take to become whole again?
>>24320882
Bothish
>>24320885
What happened?
>>24320888
Let your doctor know. WEllbutrin increases anxiety like crazy. I have to take additional medicine with it or i panic
>>24320889
:( good luck anon, wish you the best
>>24320926
I am so sorry you do not have anyone to support you. I'm sorry your family is awful. I'm sorry you're so alone. Its not your fault, it really isn't. One day you will find someone who will be there for you, be everything for you.
You have value, please don't convince yourself otherwise. You don't need to lie to have it.
If you ever want to talk please let me know. I wish I could do anything for you. I often take for granted the support net I have around me, but after reading this I don't think I will ever again
>>24321201
What was the competition? How long have you been feeling like that?
>Finished last bottle of JD
>Have at best 30 to last until friday
>Done no college assignments for today
>Depression quickly coming back
On the good side i found two of those smaller bottles which are good for about two drinks each
I am intoxicated and playing New Vegas. It's pretty fuckin' great. I'm about to run up in this hotel and fuck up a bunch of no-good, dirty, rotten, connivin', jive-ass turkeys.
>>24321494
How often do you drink? Do you feel like its necessary for you?
>>24321508
I will probably go back to playing it because my computer cant run Fallout 4. Its been a long time since I've played it anyways
>>24321545
>How often do you drink?
As much as i possibly can
>Do you feel like its necessary for you?
To be able to ignore my constant thoughts of suicide and self-hatred ? Yes
>>24321589
Have you ever been on prescribed medicines? They might do you more good to be honest.
>tfw constantly trying to get to the next day
>tfw the next day is always shit
>tfw no happiness ever
I'm not really sure how anything could possibly be enjoyable. If I look back on the last year or so of my life I can't remember any moments where I wasn't stressed, anxious or depressed.
>>24321672
Are you getting professional help at all?
>>24321771
I don't really have any money for that but I have been thinking about it
>>24321654
Yes from about April to June I was on them and then stopped taking them and was fine up until a few weeks ago but everything has just turned to shit. Being on meds made me realise how shit people really are to me no matter how hard i try i'll always be a skinny ugly fuck with no motivation or abilities to move out of a shitty min wage job
>>24321789
Community counselling is on a sliding scale of income, thats what I'm in. Its been good so far
>>24321808
People are shit, but that doesn't mean you are destined to fail. Trying hard means you can escape shitty minimum wage jobs, that you can do more than that.
>>24321873
I can't leave the job i currently have due to being in college my availability is 5pm or after each week day and I'm pretty sure the only reason i haven't lost this job is because they are understaffed. So im pretty much stuck there for another 2 years while i progressively learn to hate myself and everyone. I'll be surprised if im still here when im 20
>>24322039
You're 18 then? Life isn't going to be shitty like that forever. Could you get an on campus job? Those are nowhere near as soul sucking.
>>24321508
>eeyore(TM) is still alive
This gives me a small amount of hope
>Yesterday
>Make the decision to go on hiatus indefinitely from society and my social life
>Try to hang out with my close friends before midnight
>Cousin hits me up asking to hang out
>We're really close
>on the way to his house he tells me he's been kind of depressed lately and wants to take a break from people for a while
>Offers to buy some booze, say fuck it sure
>After the liquor store he tells me his gf cheated on him
>First time I've ever seen him cry
>He was the one person who ever gave me inspiration to keep strong through anything
>Broke my fucking heart
>Didn't sleep that night
>Still going, only fueled by the booze he bought me last night
I can't die, because he'll really be alone
But I really, really want to die
>>24322151
19. I mean surprised im still here as in surprised ill still be alive. But still, no campus jobs and possibly might need to stick on at it through uni if i manage to start my personal statement before december
>>24321396
What meds do you take with Wellbutrin? I take an antihistamine for insomnia and a beta blocker for immediate anxiety.
>>24322248
Damn, thats really hard man :( He knows he can rely on you. Definitely be with him more often, he needs the support. Have you ever told him how you're feeling?
>>24322290
Keep at it I suppose. And find a different job as soon as possible.
>>24322400
Busporine. It makes me dizzy a bit but gosh it helps a ton.
Has anyone here tried Turmeric/curcumin for depression? I've been mildly to moderately depressed for 13 years and I've never wanted to take pharmaceuticals. Tried niacin a while back and it seemed to help a little but couldn't deal with the flushes.
>>24322481
I told him that I was going through a bit of a rough patch, but I was purposely vague. I didn't want to make it harder for him.
>>24322555
I have not. I know nothing about this to be honest
>>24322616
It might be easier for the both of you if you're open. More able to relate to one another, and for support
>>24322744
I told him if he ever needs to talk to me, I'm always available.
Now I'm just desperately waiting for him to contact me.
It might be a couple of weeks until then.
>>24322481
The thing is though i don't even want a job. I'm not mentally strong enough to hold down a job and college its one or the other but fuck if i say to my parents that i cant do it i'll feel worse than i already do
>>24322844
Why wait for him to contact you? Contacting him might be a good idea
>>24322853
Would your parents be disappointed in you if you did one or the other?
took this today, its funny ive been depressed for about 2-3 months. something made me upset earlier but this makes me feel semi numb and just mellow almost feel stupid. Ive been thinking of ending it every day, I usually get caught up in my schoolwork or work related shit.
>>24322874
I'd be more disappointed in myself if i couldn't do both. I dont even talk to them though. Past three days i've left my room maybe four or five times and spoke to them once or twice. I might get another appointment with my GP if i still feel like this next week but im out of alcohol now and im up for college in 4 hours. Hope you get on with your paper well
>>24322874
Too soon.
I know how he is, and it's that combined with how I am.
We both want space from everyone.
It's just that I want to make sure he's alright.
I'm ugly, disabled, and a literal autist. I'm depressed as hell and have given up on medication because it doesn't work for me. My GPA is going to fall below a 3.0 this semester and I'll lose my scholarship. If I manage to make it to next year and graduate, I will have a useless degree from a midtier school with no work history or connections.
so yeah, you could say things aren't going great.
>>24320364
gf almost broke up with me, but it's fine now
Medication is working really well. Don't really feel depressed anymore.
>>24320364
whenever I see this post I always feel the same. Lonely, depressed, and wanting to die. Also Im always out of weed and bored out of my mind. I haven't smoked since thursday but its felt like weeks. I don't know how long I can keep up like this. I have one friend but Im convincing myself we will drift off, I don't even know why he wants to hang out with me anymore. I tearing up writting this but fuck it, I always stop myself from crying even if Im alone. sometimes I want to die so badly
>>24322949
Do you know what they think about that?
>>24322976
I see. That makes sense
>>24323014
Have you tried therapy? Maybe that would be better for you than meds. And you do only have one more year. Keep going on anon
>>24323085
Thats good, sorry about the GF thing. Whyd she almost break up with you?
>>24323210
Have you ever talked to someone about your depression? Like a therapist or something?
I'm just giving up on college. Everyday I understand less and less of what is going on around me. As someone who used to always be at the top of all my classes, it makes me want to kill myself.
>becoming emotionally numb
>literally unable to feel empathy for myself or others
>no drive to do anything
>constantly spacing out for hours
>making money but no interest in spending it
how do I wake up? I just want feel something other than Grim acceptance that nothing interesting will affect me tomorrow
all I can think about is at the end of every day there's just more of the same
Plus winter is coming and it'll be cold as fuck so I won't even want to leave my bed
>>24323236
I have never talked to someone about my depression. I want to talk to my friend about it but I just feel like it'll seem made up or fake or something. whenever I think of this I think of a this quote "The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are things you get ashamed of, because words make them smaller. When they were in your head they were limitless; but when they come out they seem to be no bigger than normal things. But that's not all. The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried; they are clues that could guide your enemies to a prize they would love to steal. It's hard and painful for you to talk about these things...and then people just look at you strangely. They haven't understood what you've said at all, or why you almost cried while you were saying it." -Stephen King Its just that I never bring it up. I always feel tired. I didn't go to sleep till 3 and i went to bed at 12. Im starting to get a poor appetite and to make things worse I'm very poor so very little food. I want to do nothing now but at the same time want to do something. I also feel like Im isolating myself but kind of realizing its always been like this. >>24323210
>about to shower
>power goes out
>it's been 2 hours
>still up to 2 more possibly
>posting from phone
kill me
>>24320364
I feel about the same. I'm drowning in school work overdue and I'm in work for another hour. Kill me please.
>>24323427
Do drugs. Really strong drugs. You'll feel okay when you're high. Sure, that ends. But it's a break. It's some respite. It's better than nothing. Just accept the vices.
>>24323319
Maybe you're in the wrong field of study?
>>24323427
Therapy/meds could be a start. Thats what I did
>>24323507
I like that quote. I really like stephen king. I think it is important to say what you feel, to get it out there. Find someone who can emphasize with you
>>24323620
is that you irl
>>24323687
What all do you have to do?
>>24323773
Makes some people feel way worse. Not really good advice
>>24323860
yeah i also really like stephen king, his books and the adaptions of them in movies are really good too. Stand by me is my favorite movie and The Shawshank redemption is my second favorite.
>>24323620
>just came on that quick after my post
I can finally shower and sleep
Have a good night, cripdepg
I'm not gonna make it. All I can do now is prepare for homelessness.
>>24323904
Never read those ones to be honest.
>>24324030
nnqt
>>24324164
Why not?
IK you tards don't like rap music but kevin gates saved my life with his rap and i reccomend anyone to try listening to him, he also helps me cope when I can listen to music.
>>24324236
Never heard of him. How exactly did his music affect you?
>>24323860
Most of a semester's worth of precalc homework, an overdue lab report, and a worksheet for Chem by tomorrow. You know. Nothing major. Especially since I have a precalc exam tomorrow, too.
>>24324217
there both in the same book, 4 stories in one. Different seasons is the name.
>>24324260
His music just connected to me like no others and related to me in every way of my life
i woke up feeling not too shitty today after drinking a fifth last night. then i got that vague gut rot feeling all day. i didn't drink today at all.
i had to go into public and felt really dissociated like i was in a movie and all the colors were really bright and everything felt made out of plastic.
the basic things i need to do to stay alive are seeming like so much work. i just want to curl up and play some video games and read and not have anyone bother me. i'm finally able to enjoy playing games again.
i'm also unfortunately enjoying food again, i can't stop snacking and i am gaining weight. i gotta stop this shit.
>>24324217
>Why not?
I can't bring myself to get out of bed, do my work, be punctual, or anything else required of a functional adult. I just can't do it.
Anyone else discover there is no purpose or meaning to living and have trouble having the energy or want to do anything and constantly consider suicide because why the fuck not? I wish I was religious so I could have some sort of meaning.
>>24324353
Jeeze, can you get an extension?
>>24324462
What changed to allow you to enjoy things again?
>>24324860
Why can't you do it?
>>24325696
It happened to me for like two or three weeks. I kind of pulled myself out of it by guilting myself out of moping.
And yeah I think about killing myself a lot, over stuff like bad grades and other silly things
>>24325971
A few weeks? Fuck, it's been months for me.
Does skipping class make me a bad person/student?
I plan on skipping my first two tomorrow and this is the happiest thing I've had to look forward to since the last time I skipped. This will put me at 8 total classes skipped this semester.
>>24326026
What year are you in?
First year I went to all my lectures like a scrub
Second year I started skipping here and there because fuck 9ams
Now it's third year and fuck lectures, I'll just learn everything off the slides
>>24325995
Any reason it started?
>>24326026
Not a bad person, and not necessary a bad student. Don't do it too often though.
>>24325971
>Why can't you do it?
I don't know. I feel so dead on the dead on the inside, and I honestly hate everything I'm expected to do at the moment.
>>24326065
3rd year as well. My classes post slides online. These classes also meet at 8 and then 9:30. I woke up at noon and since I drive to school, I normally get up at 6am.
At the end of the day, I feel guilty since this is all just a bunch of excuses.
>>24326115
What are you expected to do? Also have you been to a doctor? Your lack of energy might be due to some sort of disease/imbalance. It's happened before. That or its just depression.
>>24326157
>8am classes
Fuuuucj that blows. Also how far away are you from your school?
>>24326185
15 miles, but my parking lot is far away from any of my classes, so I have to add time on to catch shuttles.
I feel like I'll never stand a chance at getting anybody to ever trust me and I'm pretty sure all of my friends will leave me again and secretly hate me and it's all my fault again and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Hey skelly. I have to wake up up in 5 hours but i am drunk and i havent slept. I think if i sleep i will miss work...i missed work yesterday for the same reason
what should i do
>>24326185
I've been meaning to get some blood work done. I don't know when I'll be able to do it.
Who here feels like they are just killing time and waiting to die? I've been on wellbutrin for 2 weeks now. I've been fluctuating between dread and apathy which is slightly better than being suicidal, but will I ever be okay? I honestly can't do this for another 50 years. My life is okay, I'm just broken.
I want to go to a therapist but I'm afraid theyll just tell me to eat healthy and exercise and not put me om drugs
>>24326518
I realized recently that I'm really just waiting for my parents to die so I can kill myself. I have no chance of success or even making it by in life.
>>24326518
It's hard not to fell the same way. All that gives life meaning has been chased out of my life.
>>24326593
Tell them you are going to kill yourself. That's how I got my drugs.
>>24326657
That's me too. My dad made me promise not to kill myself before he dies. I don't even think success will make me happy, some people are just born wrong.
>>24326593
Just go to a psychiatrist. They'll prescribe things pretty quickly.
>>24326747
>I don't even think success will make me happy, some people are just born wrong.
I have a different metric for success than everyone else I know. I have no desire to be wealthy.
>>24326698
I think I'm just too self absorbed and anally retentive to enjoy life. Also I think I'm experiencing really bad anhedonia right now.
Good luck with finding meaning again.
>>24326784
I wasn't necessarily referring to wealth either. Success for me would be never having to interact with people, reading all day, and collecting things.
>>24326518
I'm trying to give myself a reason to go on living before my parents die.
>>24326848
I just want to be full knowledgeable in something that interests me.
>>24326871
I've been trying to do the same. The only things I can think of are wanting to read Hegel and see a live opera.
dunno man, for some reason I just feel like shit all the time. my life isn't even all that bad, I live with my dad and his gf and I spend most of my time alone and stuck in vidja, but I feel like uh... well I guess sometimes it feels like I'm not even here. no one ever seems to go out of their way to talk to me, not even most of my friends, or even if they do it's just to play vidja and not actually to talk to me. it feels like only one person in the world would notice if I went offline completely forever. it's not a great feeling, but even so I shouldn't feel as bad as I do. I have a nice home, food, parents who give a shit, a few friends, vidja to distract me, I don't even go to school anymore. I'm even sleeping lately, which is somewhat rare for me. I'm going back to counseling soon, I hope it can help me in some way.
I just want to feel happy.
>>24327076
I feel you, I was pretty much living the same life till money issues forced me to get a job. I hope you feel happiness again.
>>24327114
you have absolutely no idea how much it means to me to hear that from someone. thank you so much.
>>24327126
You're welcome, glad I could add something positive to someones life. Goodnight everyone.
