I'm exhausted edition. Need to work on a paper but man I'm beat so I'm postin ghere instead. How are you all doing?
>>24295348
fuck off college normie
>>24295373
you too friendo
>want to post something
>want to go shit and shower too but don't want to miss replies
wat do
>>24295408
The replies will be there when you get back
As bad as you are. I need to do my thesis but I'm a lazy piece of shit.
>>24295438
Same and it sucks. Whats your thesis on and whens it due?
>>24295408
>not having a laptop
FUCKING LOSER
>>24295502
>shitting and showering with your laptop
>>24295348
Lying in bed, browsing 4chins on muh iPad. Mentally preparing my self for another workweek tomorrow.
>inb4 applefag
>inb4 wagekek
Bump for one of the few good threads on r9k
Thanks Skelly
>>24295502
Cant afford a laptop rn and it bites
>>24295517
What do you do for a living?
>>24295537
no problem friendo
>>24295515
dood i poop all the time with my laptop.
sometimes i end up just sitting on the toilet with shit in it watching random shit for half an hour
and once i read a book in the shower but then it fell apart. true story
>>24295502
I honestly thought you dies Ashley
>>24295348
Sup skelly, it's the anon who still hasn't finished his work research project, even though I take home the work everyday. It's past its due date by an entire month and my supervisor will be asking for it this week. I'm burning out bad and it's beginning to show.
>Sucky part is that I may be laid off next year Jan so that's another bout of reasons not to finish it.
I also have an exam that's on the 2nd of Dec and haven't studied, since I wanted to make a good impression in work with that project.
>I'm considering staying home tomorrow and working on it
>only a week until thanksgiving week
>>24295576
Drafting. Draw blueprints. Used to do drafting/graphics/web/it but recently switched jobs.
>>24295348
anyone else like Death?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEn9EPsBy_M
>>24295348
Didn't think I could pull it off, but I didn't climb out of bed until about 5pm today. Feels suicidal man. Also, fuck you normie fag reeeeee.
>>24295502
>not having a legitimate, non-shit gaming laptop
I laugh in your general direction
>>24295618
That's disgusting shit nigga. Your shit gets cold in your ass. You have to wipe wile shit is still warm.
>sick as fuck
>think i have the flu
>have to blow my nose literally every minute
>already went through 4 rolls of toilet paper
>missed 2 days of uni because of this shit
>tfw i'll have to make up all the work i missed
fucking kill me
Hahahahahahahaha how the fuck is depression real hahahaha nigga stop being sad nigga start smiling.
it's that easy.
Man I feel that. I have a 10 page paper due Wednesday and I only have 2 pages. Fuck I have such a stress headache and I can't focus.send help
>>24296024
How much do you have left? And yeah if you can stay home
>>24296042
Im so excited/stressed about it
>>24296072
Oh sounds neat. Drafting always sounds so prestigious, historically at least
>>24296079
Were you asleep the whole time or just lying in bed?
>>24296124
Same desu, its the worst. I've been through several tissue boxes already
>>24296126
Tyler the Creator is meme rap and extremely entry level.
>>24296151
Whats it on?
Anyone else hate their brain? I hate it a lot. I hate my desires. I hate my thoughts. I hate my feelings. Ugh.
>>24296185
How World War 1 served as a catalyst for the downfall of the tasrist regime in Russia
>>24296252
I hate my body for reacting the way it does to anxietyalso horrible body image
>>24296267
Oh nice. What are the guidelines for the paper?
>>24296185
It's at the end, but its the most important part of the project. I have to introduce the 3 products, list their specs and compare their unctions and features. It's supposed to be easy but I think I'm cursed or something.
Even though I'm supposed to be working on it in work as a internship project due the the department being always busy it's hard to concentrate and get work done.
>another night toiling away at it begins
It's starting to feel like winter. The air is cool and crisp. Christmas decorations are going up all over town and we're about to put the tree up in my house. It all reminds me quite a bit of my ex, since we met shortly before the holiday season. Honestly we didn't do much together because we were still getting to know each other. I think our Christmas was just dinner at an Italian place and exchanging gifts. Overall I've been doing really well and I have accepted the fact that our relationship was heavily flawed, but it still really sucks not having her around for the holiday season. Winter just feels like it was designed specifically for couples. Cuddling up with our dog next to the fireplace, watching Christmas movies, looking like dorks together in our bulky winter clothes. It would have been fantastic I think.
>>24296287
Yeah I've got a shitty body image too. To be honest, I have fucked it up with years of video gaming and sitting down so god damned much. Thankfully I'm making progress in fixing these problems, but you know... I'm always constantly grinding at things with litle to no payout. It's soul sucking as fuck.
Dunno, I guess it's fine, although I would say I have more of a "mild" depression. I sleep alot, even on the days.
Losing more and more contact with friends with each day that goes. I have no job, but can't really say that I look that hard for a job either. I probably should though, a job would be good for me. I just dont know what type av job, it would preferably be something with that doesnt involve too many people. Maybe as a personal assisent, dunno.
Yeah I'm fine just thinking about killing myself
>>24296287
Just has to be 10-12 pages, and I need at least 6 academic sources. So far I have 8 and have notes on 5 of them, so that's alright I guess. It's just formulating my ideas on paper is so hard because of brain fuzz.
Don't feel like doing anything so I'm here.
I'm thinking of getting the fuck out of r9k. It's filled with normies and shitposters.
Staying here just makes me feel even worse, sad and angry.
I should really leave this place for my own good.
>>24296309
Just keep at it, its really all you can do
>>24296312
Winter is great and terrible at the same time for me. Its a very stable season which I enjoy but at the same time its cold and dark all the time. I really enjoy natural lights
>>24296350
Same here, I've only been losing weight because ive cut my meals in like half
>>24296379
Go for it! If its good for you start applying
>>24296388
Whys that?
>>24296405
Yeah I understand. Good luck anon
>>24296460
r9k is absolute garbage i'm only here for depression threads and shitposting in gay threads
>>24295348
I've been procrastinating a lot in uni this semester due to depression and have forgotten my pills sometimes but I somehow have an A in everything after checking the online grade reports even though I got a D on one test because I fell asleep and thought I was failing Calc III so I was contemplating suicide until I checked the reports. I've also had to ask for a lot of extensions.
Was a NEET until last year so if I flunk out again I really will kill myself to save my family having to live with another failure like my older, autistic brother.
>>24296535
why do i feel like I recognize your name?what's your email/steam?
>>24296551
You're doing better than you thought you were, keep going man. How much more do you have left to do?
>>24295408
Shit in the shower to save time.
>>24296535
Thanks man,I'll soldier on any tips for preventing burn outs?
>>24295348
Planning suicide, too stupid to pass classes/ was sick. Depression is crushing my soul.
>>24296654
Breaks like every page if you really need them, otherwise power through like 3 ish pages or so at a time. Pretty much the best advice is to work on it early and then do small bits at a time.
Make sure to get up as well block your favorite websites log off of irc ect
>>24296736
You sought out any help anon?
>>24296775
o-okay then ;__;
>>24296535
I haven't gone to school for over 5 weeks. I have no motivation at all even though I really wanna get into this college.. I know I'm going to fail.
Every day is the same, I wake up, get on my computer, play games and watch tv series. I have no friends at all irl and I have social phobia and aspergers so there is no point in even trying to get one.
I just wanna end it all, overdose on my prescription drugs and cut an artery in my arm
>>24295408
>not auto-updating threads
>>24296843
You might want to take a break from school then. Maybe a semester off to get your mentals in check. Have you thought about therapy or meds?
>>24295348
Just waiting honestly. Saving money to pay for my funeral costs once I have saved enough i'm going to an hero.
>>24296919
Why anon? Whats brought you to this?
I'm wallowing in self pity after just telling my ex internet girlfriend and love of my life to "go away". I've come to the realization I will never know physical love and will die alone. I'm so lonely but I'm too depressed to get my life back on track and do anything about it. I wanna end it after Christmas.
>>24297001
Why did you push her away?
>>24296616
Two years. Two years of actuarial science program. Calc III has been making me feel as if I'm going insane, though. I've never felt more like an autistic savant. But, I like this feeling since I come out the other side with so much mathematical knowledge. I just wish I didn't fucking wait until the last calculated minute to do my two weeks worth of assignments in two days.
When I was NEET I always imagined I could buckle down and get some technical work, like working as a high voltage lineman, but then my back went to absolute shit, requiring surgery at the ripe old age of 23.
So, I either succeed at uni this time, become a wizard that lives at home like my brother before me, or die. These are the only three futures I can see.
skelly does it bother you that people on this board say depression isnt real and were all just being fags
>>24297017
Because she was being a provocative cunt and I'm so depressed right now that I can't calm my temper. She left me for some chad and made me so depressed I ruined my left, then she comes back and acts like a fucking tease.
>>24296075
One of the best. Used to love searching for death metal in high school
>>24296966
been a NEET for awhile. Lost the only family member that I had anything in common with the rest just ignore me. Was abused as a kid and just so god damn tired man. Forcing yourself to get up and be normal for 5 years has just worn me out.Have never been to therapy before, but thats because i have serious trust issues so if I went I would probably not say a single word.
>>24297018
Two more years isn't bad, and we're already halfway through this schoolyear.
Sorry about your back man, that really blows
>>24297037
Nah, its low effort trolling at best to get under peoples skin. Its too silly to be effective
>>24297120
Well thats fair I suppose. Have you gotten any help for your depression? Or talked to anyone about it?
>>24297197
i tried to ignore how tired i was in middleschool and highschool but eventually i just burned out completely. i dont care for anything but being able to sleep as much as i want to. if it means being homeless then id gladly take it over working
>>24297197
Thats all very understandable. You actually should try therapy though, even with your severe trust issues. Just to see if it helps at all. Or maybe meds? with meds you don't have to talk to anyone
>just came back from "Post Modern Jukebox"
>normalfag jazz/swing band
>all the songs are covers of pop
>90% of the songs are about how they can't get someone back or being slutty
>people clap after every song
Why do I even bother with this shit. I try to like something and it just makes me feel worse.
>>24297253
love is the only interesting thing to normalfags. try listening to something with real soul, like Leadbelly
>>24296878
I've been in therapy since I was like 10 and I'm already taking meds.
>>24297245
I thought you had to talk to a therapist for meds?
>>24297227
No matter how much you sleep it never goes away. it just gets worse. It annoys me and pisses me off at the same time.
>>24297202
It's super shitty. It's one of the main things fueling my suicidal thoughts, besides the irrational suicidal thoughts I've had since I was twelve, and the intrusive thoughts that give me anxiety that get worse and worse as the years go on. I haven't really had time to exercise like I should with this semester's workload so the back is even worse than it should be. I also don't take any pain killers because I'm worried that I'll become addicted.
>>24297253
Just googled that. Its literally all covers. Cover bands are so 2009ish
>>24297345
Lead Belly is pretty much the master of soul.
>>24297355
Is it helping much?
>>24297388
You could talk to your GP about it
>>24297416
Take like, the non opiate painkillers. They're not as good but they can help and wont make you an addict.
>>24297227
Damn, I was exactly the same way. I thought I was such a clever little shit by hiding my depression until I got to uni and had a mental breakdown.
>>24297499
Well, I take OTCs like ibuprofen and smoke dank nugs once or twice a week.
>>24297499
>You could talk to your GP about it
Last time I went to a doctors office was 7 years ago. I don't think I have insurance anymore honestly.
>>24295348
Me too. I've been doing this for about 3 weeks now, and its a over a week late. I think I'm finally coming out of a depression cycle, so I should be able to actually get it done.
However, I'm still in a slight panic. There is a very real possibility that I will be leaving my full-time job for school, and I'm terrified. I want to put effort into school, but I'm worried that I won't be able to pay my bills over time. My workload is going to go through the roof next semester, and I'm already struggling because I lack time. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I feel like no matter what I do, it's the wrong decision.
>>24297202
I saw a doctor and I'm supposed to refer myself to the CBT team at my local clinic again as I missed my first appointment last time. I'm prescribed pills but I don't take them.
>>24296872
yea but I can't check the thread when I'm showering silly
news just in: I finished my shit and shower
I've been outside once this week for about 10 minutes.
I'm so fucking depressed, I just want to kill myself. I sleep for 14 hours or more at a time. Sometimes I go to bed in the dark and wake up in the dark.
My GP gave me Mirtazapine 15mg pills. I tried one and felt fucking awful. Gave me hallucinations, weird dreams and when I got up in the night I felt horrible nausea and dizzyness, thought I was going to throw up and pass out at the same time.
I hate living with my parents and being so fucking lonely.
Seriously just fucking end it all now lads.
>>24297499
Not much, but my mom asked me if I wanted to take a higher dose of my antidepressants and i think that it might help just a little bit. I just want the sadness to go away, I can't remember the last time I actually enjoyed living life.
>>24297608
I'd check if I were you
>>24297627
Could you have someone else help you with the bills? Family perhaps?
>>24297727
Why don't you take them?
>>24297920
Ask for different meds if they made you feel so awful
>>24297977
Go for it. What are you on?
I've already posted it once but I'm posting it again
>dayz origins mod updated after a year of waiting and 6+ months of nipple teasing
>favorite server ded
>friend quit because it's really hard now
>old group from 2 years ago won't respond and probably wouldn't want to play anyways
>still want to play
>nobody to play with
>can't enjoy games alone
i have no idea why I even enjoy this mod in particular and it's the only dayz mod I've ever really been interesting for any decent length of time
>>24298075
>Ask for different meds if they made you feel so awful
Before that I took Sertraline. They didn't help either, they just made me really tired and more depressed.
I've gone off the idea of anti-depressants. Therapy is probably the way, but there's always a long waiting list unless I'm willing to pay for it.
>>24298075
Very unlikely. My parents recently had ton file for bankruptcy. I can't even move back non with them because they live out of county and my tuition would literally double.
>>24298092
>dayz
I have tried to play this so many times and fall flat on my face everytime. I've killed myself probably 10 times. I can not for the life of me figure out how to play.
>>24296829
I've been diagnosed with acute chronic depression by both the school psychiatrist and my long term (12 years) psychologist. I've tried to commit suicide twice, both in high school. I've been on three different SSRIs, currently taking 80 mg of Fluoxetine with 40 mg of hydroxizine and 300mg of Bupropeon.
>>24298174
>killing yourself
pretty common actually, just try to not do anything that you don't think you could do standing straight up
my real problem in that game is a lack of caution desu, I always have a "i can get more if I do" attitude so I run in like a madman with an "I'm the bait" mentality and usually get shot
>>24298075
I'm on Sertraline 50 mg (SSRIs)
>>24298174
Very steep learning curve on an engine so bad that it's only competitor is gamebyro. I would be down to play the game more if it wasn't optimized like shit. I should be able to get 60fps easily on a game that came out like 5 years ago and wasn't graphically demanding in the first place.
>>24298092
Not really big on Dayz or else I would offer to play with you. I've been there though, a community just kinda falls apart
>>24298143
Its worth the wait.
>>24298154
I see I see. Could you get a campus job? Help pay for college that way?
>>24298183
Oh wow, I'm really sorry anon :(
I really wish you the best
>>24298265
Never been on it
>>24298307
the surprising part about it is my garbage computer can actually run it fairly well, 30-40fps in byelov all the time. I can't run Skyrim at anything higher than 20-30 fps ever on lowest settings 800x600.
It's really weird. Maybe it's just Originsmod's optimization, my game runs like garbage on the default map and mod, 15 fps tops mostly
>>24298075
>I'd check if I were you
And if I do have insurance? How do I go about asking for antidepressants without letting them know i'm depressed? again serious trust issues. I don't tell anything to anybody unless it is something they absolutely need to know.
>>24298523
I'm honestly not sure. You probably would have to ask them. I mean they are your doctor, they won't go brag about their patient that asked for SSRI's
Everything is just getting worse. Hope is lost. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA why do some people get to live?
>>24298075
They don't help, they just have negative effects and I feel my depression is purely situational.
>>24298370
>Campus job
I am already tutoring a few hours a week, So I guess it'll help. There's not much else because it's a community college.
>>24298383
Weird. My computer is pretty decent. I can max vanilla skyrim with a stable 60, but can't seem to get above 30-40 in dayz. The mod actually ran better for me than the standalone.
>>24298611
Im under the belief that everyone gets to live. Now that doesn't mean I don't wish some people wouldn't but I'm not divine, I cant just make them not
>>24298688
What situations?
>>24298756
The standalone actually runs pretty well for me, usually about 20-30fps and it doesn't drop super hard in dense forests, which is pretty good.
>>24298574
I will have to look into that. Thanks for answering my questions.
>>24298940
Yeah, no problem, anytime
Absolutely miserable. I think that my 2-3 close friends fucking hate me now and want nothing to do with me. I got drunk with two of them last night and got sick as shit(hyperventilating and throwing up), and I just feel guilty for doing that.
I want change in my life but I'm scared to make that change.
>>24299942
Why would they hate you? What do you want to change about your life?
>>24300051
Well I found out my one friend came back from college for a weekend and didn't contact any of us. My drunk self assumed he probably didn't want to talk to us or hang out at all. We haven't been keeping up sure, but it's just odd to me that we spent a lot of time with each other and he wouldn't even say what's up when he's back in town. Besides that, I've been cutting back on my pot smoking and I feel displaced from those friends that smoke a lot.
What do I want to change about my life? I want to move and make new friends, but I'm so used to living my shitty life now that it feels like a pipe dream.
>>24300294
Also I'm unsure if I should go back to therapy or not. I guess it could only do good.
>>24300294
>>24300382
Might have just drifted away. It happens. And it does really blow.
Where would you go? If you did leave?
>>24300442
Yeah I guess so. Weird how I can be talking to him, smoking with him and having a fun time with him less than three months ago, to him having no interest in talking to me. Any advice on how to deal with that? Should I talk to him or say fuck it and not bother? He'll be back for Thanksgiving/Winter probably.
I think I could live with some family in Washington state if I wanted to move. I loved Seattle when I visited as a kid.
>>24300724
Three months? Wow, that is a bit weird to be honest. Maybe you should contact him? Maybe he was busy?
>>24295348
I have to lose my sobriety to remove the flat affect, to be able to feel anything, and even then, I can only feel extremes.Those extremes tend to primarily be negative, accumulating any built-up and hidden suicidal desires into one charged outburst, but it's either that or nothing at all.
>>24300752
I've been thinking that I should, but idk what to say to him. I have this problem when it comes to contacting people and expressing myself. I don't want to get into a shitty situation where I'm imposing on him because I feel upset. Don't think I can handle that.
>>24300794
Do you do drugs to get rid of your flatness often?
>>24301028
Weed when I can, sure. It's the only helpful drug with no drawbacks that I can get access to. Alcohol is a poor substitute.
I just lied to my friend about being motivated and cheerful
he's getting sick of depressed me so I guess I'm pretending from now on
fuck my life.
>seasonal work is about to start
>still havent found an IT job yet
>this close to just going back to UPS for another winter because the job market around is fucking crap and really eating at my soul
Fucking job listings piss me off IT support does not require a fucking 4 year degree. I have two years of exp and am being turned down because i dont have a degree. Then interviews are all shitty aswell
>interview with hr
>"you seem like a good fit ill schedule you to come talk to our head of IT"
>come in for second interview
>"So anon you didnt finish college huh?"
>"You say your last job laid off the department and outsourced?"
>"Yeah ive never dont college myself and its looks like you got experience so thats good let me jot down your number again and we will have an answer by the end of the week"
>next monday
>get a email sent to me that they decided to move forward with a different candidate
>tier 1 position that is drastically underpaying at that
Just shoot me already
>>24300794
>>24301116
Could you get a weed license? If yo ulive in one of those states
>>24301237
Its probably not the best thing to lie to them. Has he said anything about you being depressed?
>>24301248
Its really unfortunate how a degree is almost the minimum now. Fucking sucks for those who cant go.
>>24301291
yes, he's said he's tired of me being like this all the time. I don't want to lose another friend because I had one cut me out because I was "too down."
>Work at a doughnut shop
>Work nights with bro stoner manager
>New girl starts working there
>18, qt as fuck
>Starts getting rides home from the other dude
>She tells me at work that she likes him and that he texted her about how he likes her but they can't date because of work
>Every night shift is now me working up front while they go in the back to talk or hover around each other
>Was happy at this job but now I'm just third wheeled for 8 hours a day
>>24301291
but if you have a degree and try for entry level positions you either got years of experience barring you from getting the job or you are seen as overqualified and likely to leave the job for better opportunities.
Alot of said jobs can be trained inhouse and the retention rate of employees would skyrocket. But companies only really care about saving as many pennies as possible.
played chess again, felt some enjoyment, then made stupid blunders and went on tilt, making me lose more and more until I was enraged
I can't enjoy anything
>>24301339
what's making you so down all the time? what can you change about your life easily?
>>24301369
get a change of schedule? i've been in a similar situation as yours and it fucking blows
>>24301397
competing in things is awful when youre unstable
i almost broke my hand over poker once
now im too lazy to compete in anything at all so i dont get mad
>>24301291
I live nowhere near a medically-legal state. I believe I've said before that the South is very backwards and primitive in their beliefs. Plus we're primarily controlled by rich and corrupt politicians who possess little-to-no scientific knowledge.
>>24301444
Fucking poker too, it's the worst
>>24301415
The place is staffed too low to accommodate that kind of change. The manager and I are super cool with each other and talk about awesome shit a lot too, but ever since this new girl started and he's won I've been put on the back burner.
And it doesn't help that my attempts and being better friends with her myself keep falling flat. My problem is that I wait too long before making any type of attempt at being anything more than a coworker. By the time I get the courage/reason to ask for someones phone number they've already been talking with everyone else for weeks.
>>24301339
Wow how supportive of him
He seems kinda like an ass desu
>>24301369
Can you complain to the manager or something? That's pretty unprofessional. Also
>18
>in love
Heh
>>24301381
Absolutely. Capitalism will grind us all up friend.
>>24301397
Why does it make you so mad to make mistakes?
>>24301444
When I play competitivemagic the gatheringI take the anticipation of loss harder than the loss. I shake and go cold if things are heating up
I'm such a loser Jesus
>>24301452
How deep south?
>>24301544
I respect actual mistakes where I incorrectly assessed the game, but when it's something like throwing a piece it fucking infuriates me
>>24301544
>Can you complain to the manager or something?
Nah I wouldn't do that. It's fed more by jealousy that he won and I wouldn't want him to get in any sort of trouble for it. I have no idea what the extent of their relationship is at this point. They do stuff like go out to eat before he drops her off but I have no idea if they're actually dating or are avoiding that specifically for work reasons
>>24301544
Balls deep in the Bible Belt.
>>24301584
There's always competitive wargaming
>>24301729
way too expensive
>>24301762
Used to work at Privateer. Only way I was able to afford it
>>24301806
Oh man PP makes some good shit. Too bad most of my Warmachine shit was stolen
>>24301601
Gotcha. I can understand that. Maybe find out id you get the chance.
>>24301700
:(
I'm glad I'm on the edge in Missouri, if I had to be anywhere southernish
