When was the time that you died on the inside? (or the exact date if you remember)
>circa late Fall 2012 A.D
Early November 2011.
I don't know where the last four years have gone.
>Also around 2012
Was hitting the gym, living healthy, last time I tried. Didn't work out with qt. Remember how I came back, got out of the train. Then saw a McDonalds there and ate a McRib. Why even try? Since then it's all a downward spiral.
2012
Had a little revival last year that lasted a few months before petering out
I'm not dead yet
But I'm definitely dying
How can the world take so much from you in such little time?
This state of existence boggles me to my bones
I don't like it
I don't like it at all
>>24131228
Fall 2012 here as well
Why does 2012 seem to be such a bad year for rowboats?
>>24131228
August 18, 2014 at around 5pm.
I will never be the same and my life is forever on a different course now.
>>24131410
>>24131228
>>24131380
>>24131370
>2012
was there some cosmic event that doomed us all?
2012 maybe earlier, when I had no friends and was sad all the time. it's been like that ever since.
>9 years old ish? I realized my father's drinking would get worse and worse, he would never be the same man that cared about me as a dad should and I knew the abuse would get worse until I'd have to call the cops.
>>24131429
Ron Paul didn't get elected.
>>24131228
Late 2008 - early 2009. It wasn't a certain day, more like shit happening over a period of time.
I can't believe it's been almost 7 fucking years.
>>24131729
Time flies when life is shit
Weird because in the present moment it drifts by so slowly
But then before you know it it's been years and nothing's changed or happened
It's like our perception of time is geared specifically to fuck us
>>24131228
sometime between November 2012 and January 2013. I cried myself to sleep at 4 am practically every night. I don't cry anymore, but my zest for life has never returned.
>>24131765
Don't get me wrong, I've had some alright periods in all those years, but I always return to this state of wishing to just die in my sleep.
>>24131814
what made you cry?
retailwagekek here, so every day that i go to work
back in college again because of it. every day i'm at work literally is the biggest motivator for a procrastinator like me to get this degree. i literally do not understand how my fellow coworkers are not tired of the stupidity, rudeness, gross shit, etc that goes on daily.
i was actually glad to go back to part time for return to college, even with less $. the biggest thing is the general feel like you're just running in circles at the bottom of a pit or swimming to the metaphorical shore but never seeming to get closer to it.
college class days are literally a "break" from work to me. less daily stress, at least for now
/semirant
November 2005
10 years ago today
That was when my dad died. Went through the usual stages of grief and the "healing" process but I've never been the same. I still can't get close to people. I still don't know how to be a man. I'm running out of reasons to live and I don't know how much longer I can take it.
November 2009 was the beginning of the end. Turned down by a girl I was in love with. Kept trying to get her back until summer 2010, when her shooting me down again finally stuck. I tried various forms of self improvement, saw her again in november 2011 but she was dating someone by then. Maybe that's what did it, I don't know. I'd been drinking heavily since at least 2011. That progressively alienated my best friend through the coming years. Met a girl through 4chan and we dated for a year, all the while progressively losing my sense of place in the world. She was so broken that it broke me too. I later started dating someone I really clicked with in 2013, it went south in about 9 months and I spent a year still dating her but not even wanting to anymore, in a deep depression. Again all the while not even feeling like I was living in the real world. Everything seemed fake, not worth it, not real, not authentic. Stopped making any effort for anything basically, even things like typing a response on 4chan. I moderated my drinking in March 2015, I've started finding some joy in life again. I've reconciled somewhat with my friend.
tl;dr: a breakup with a girl, plus a whole bunch of intervening life stuff broke me down to the point where I didn't even feel like life was "real" anymore, but I'm getting better.
September 19th 2014. Will never forget the feeling.
December 23, 2014.
Now I need only keep this mask on until I find a way to lay waste this world.
It started in 2008 and kept getting worse
By 2010 I had given up on everything
I decided to die in the summer of 2011
Everything after that is just fog
Everything after this is just fog
Somewhere around 2011, when I started browsing /b/.
Give or take 2006. It wasn't triggered by any specific event, but it was around that time when I realized that I'm simply too socially inept to be friends with anyone and began to seclude myself as much as I could. Sure, I had been universally shunned since elementary school, but it was around age 14 when I really got the message. I would never be one of peers. No matter how much I wanted to belong somewhere, I'd always be the outsider. And so I took up that role.
Loneliness didn't break me though. What really took its toll on me was seeing my peers form relationships. I was missing out and I damn well knew it. I knew I'd always be unwanted, though, so that gave me a certain sense of closure.
By my senior year of high school though, I stopped caring entirely. Whether it was a result of some sort of narcissistic coping mechanism I don't know, but I really didn't give a shit. Throughout the school year I was invisible and I loved every minute of it. At the end I skipped the graduation ceremony and got my diploma from the faculty at a later day, I didn't go to the prom, I didn't even get drunk alone to "celebrate" my graduation. All I did was walk away.
I'm 23 years old now and haven't changed a bit. I still steer clear of social interaction whenever possible and I'm content with that, or so I tell myself. I still feel empty, like a part of me that was once there is now missing. Like I'm not fully human. I don't know how to explain it exactly.
>>24132164
post story
>>24131228
The knife went in June 2003. It twisted later that October. Most of you fags were probably still shitting in diapers then. I've been dead as long as you've been alive.
This thread is getting too sad
god damn why do I come here
>>24132548
Life in general is sad and meaningless.
July 2009.
How is 2009 six years ago? ;_;
>>24131228
november 6th, 2014
i should have just stayed home and played video games but I was a dumbass. the one day I decide to deviate from the norm, I get completely fucked
>>24131228
Somewhere 2013, May I believe.
tried to kill myself on 02/24/15
woke up in the ICU. Was pissed for many days, but went to rehab and i am very glad i am alive now.
2013 I guess
I literally do not feel emotion anymore
>>24132629
Soon to be seven, anon :/
>>24132755
Greentext us an inspirational story, my fellow robot.
>>24132806
iktfb
pic related is me
2010 december 7
I've been off and on depressed for literally as long as I can remember, but about three years ago is when I realized I will always be too much of a pussy to kill myself and that I don't even have the option to escape. Just stuck in an endless slow grind, waiting until I hopefully fuck things up enough that I have literally no choices other than suicide.
>die
>be reborn the instant after
It was amazing. Happened winter 2013.
>>24132921
>i r drugs r cool
basically this hbt maf
>>24132836
>worked hard for 3 years touring in band
>foot in the door, close to becoming very successful
>get arrested for a fluke occurrence, felony coke possession
>band breaks up
>need something to fill the void
>crippling heroin addiction
>blew over $200,000. Kurt Cobain tier user
>at one point it occurred to me that if i did not quit and blew through savings, i'd an hero
>was never able to quit on my own, blew through savings.
lost gf of 4 years because i became a degenerate with no sex drive
>lost house
>be 02/23/15, decide i am going to score one last bag of ron and take a shit ton of benzos and barbiturates with a big shot
>get pulled over for reckless driving, no insurance en route. car gets towed
>take it as a sign that i just need to an hero, nothing is going right
>many other problems
>call friend to pick me up
>can't get the dope, but get high with him and takes me to the place where my pills are stashed
cont
>>24132446
You sound like me, friend. It got to the point as an upperclassman in high school that I realized that all that mattered were my grades and that my parent's shitty marriage would literally fall apart were I to falter in that respect.
They had some autistic idea that grades directly translated to real world success and held it over me like a passive aggressive threat. Their lives were so fucked that they couldn't see why mine was so unhealthy and barren.
Even though I got into a 4 year uni, I was so burned out that I didn't make a single good decision about my future for two semesters even though I continued to get good grades out of reflex (albeit in worthless classes). By that point, I realized I was already making the best of a royally fucked situation. Nearly two years after taking my worthless degree, I still feel like I'm making the best of a failed situation.
Cant really even imagine what it feels like to set goals and achieve them and feel proud of the result. Feels bad, tbf.
>>24132969
but I wasnt doing drugs
>>24131228
January 2007
Somewhere in july 2012, after spending about 3 painfull years in hospitals and isolated at home home, I broke. I literally turned in a robot after that, doing the same thing everyday, nothing changes, nothing happens.
>get to place, and just lay down and go to sleep
>wake up dope sick because barely took enough to get high previous night
>write a soulless note while smoking what i thought would be my last cig and drinking a soda
>go back to room and take out pills.
>erase all texts and calls from my phone
>began taking handfulls of pills
>take them all until my bottle of water runs out.
>dopesick, so no energy or fucks given to get up and get more water to continue swallowing pills
>decide i've taken a lethal dose anyway
>lay down and wait for a rush to hit me
>play Pink Floyd - Goodbye Blue Sky and John Frusciante - Surrogate People while i await.
>remember looking at patterns on the bedsheet.
>my last memory
>awake in ICU with nurses and doctors and my grandmother staring at me. confusion.exe
cont
Mid 07, maybe a little earlier. I used to be happy before, I don't know what happened.
>be depressed
>get better
>develop muscle-memory reflex to avoid being depressed
>depressing things happen and I automatically go through mental and physical exercises to return to normal
>life is decent
>>24133122
Yes contre please
>>24133200
what exactly are you talking about friendbot, plz share secrets 2 success
>have to explain a few things to grandmother
>eventually she leaves and i'm alone, severely withdrawing
IV's in my hands, the only veins left to insert them. extremely painful. can't move because of iv's, can't toss or turn to aleve my discomfort
>fucked.png
>just want to die, and there is a girl a few rooms over that i can hear. learn she has brain cancer and is going to die.
>feel like the world's biggest dirtbag because i am so pissed that i woke up, and all she wants to do is live
>cold turkey in ICU bed for 3 days and nights with no sleep
could barely get out of bed to shit through a screen in the portable toilet seat several times.
>need surgery for an abscess in my arm
>huge ordeal to do this while withdrawing but do it and save my arm
>get out of ICU and have to go to a place for detox and mental issues because i tried to an hero
cont
>>24133200
If you could share your wisdom I would be grateful.
>>24133018
What is this turbonormie story?
>>24133330
Anon thinks that shooting junk and dealing with the consequences is grounds for robot-dom. I pass no judgement on what another man calls his personal hell, though.
>2003
>13 years old
>moved in with dad and step mom
>first 2 months all goood
>mid school year step mom goes psycho
>emotionally abuses me when dads not around
>dad finds out
>does nothing and tells me to try and get along
>my cat ran outside and never came back
>all alone
>no friends
>after school i hide in my room and cry myself to sleep everyday
>one day i finally broke and developed possible personality disorders
>step mom completely loses it, throws my homework on the ground and screaming tells me to gtfo
>vision goes blurry and feel weak
>come to and i am on the other side of town in the snow
>my dad comes outa nowhere
>we go back
>realize he chose her over me
>move to my grandmas and lived here ever since
I was never the same and now i have anxiety and avoid others and i live with a brother from my psycho step mom who is in jail now. I can't look at him without feeling immense hate. all i see is her and he's a living walking reminder she ruined my life
>go through the detox program, 6 days. so 9 days total so far clean, longest by far i'd gone since picking up the demon
>get out, decide to go to an inpatient rehab program. do almost 30 days before released
>meet girl while there, get out and meet up with her (she was released a few days before me)
>end up fucking after hanging out a few times. feltgoodman.jpg
>nice rebound
>end up going to jail for missing a court date while in rehab
>she leaves me while in jail
>learn this when i get out of jail
>feel somewhat ok with it all because i was looking at 5+ years but slipped through the legal cracks
>things are looking up and continue to as long as i stay clean
>eventually d/l Tinder and start banging whores. this is what i needed to get over my ex of 4 years completely
>delete her number and block it. proud of myself for moving on
>mid sept meet a gir from China that has only been in the states for 1 year. Very nurturing and we grow close immediately
>in a relationship with her now and working 40+ hours a week, have an apt, have insurance on my car, renewed registration. get off felony diversion probation on 12/07/15 where the coke charge will be expunged off my record
>constantly feeling like i am in the bonus round of life because i so narrowly escaped death
>every day, more and more my feelings and my soul returns to me, and i get enjoyment out of the little things in life. often times feel as though everyday is Christmas.
>it's been a nice autumn, and just sitting outside in the sun while smoking and listening to the wind gusting through the leaves and watching the branches sway and smelling the air is enough for me to smile.
>i also think of how i could easily be sitting in prison, and it makes everything ok.
>i survived addiction, and am nearly 9 months clean
>very glad i woke up in the ICU and everything panned out the way that it did
i know it's not an inspiring story, but that's what happened. thanks for encouraging me to share, because that's the 1st
>>24133472
The moral of this story is that if you create arbitrary obstacles for yourself to overcome in life, your brain will make chemicals that make you feel like your self-imposed accomplishments amount to a sense of purpose and value.
Love life t-b-h f-a-mbots
>>24133472
I wish you hadn't woken up so that I wouldn't have had to read that story.
>>24133253
>>24133225
Find someone who's worse off than you and compare them to yourself so you feel better. Find that asshole who just has everything going wrong in his life and its his own fault, and think about how much better off you are than him.
Then set some lofty goals and reconcile yourself with the fact that you won't reach them and that's okay. Think of the archer who shoots above the target so he can hit what he was aiming for. Try and get an A+ and accept that a B- is perfectly acceptable as well.
Now tell yourself that progress is progress and that you should be proud of whatever you accomplished.
Now think that anything is possible because you accomplished something instead of nothing. Let this inspire you to try again at improving yourself.
Step 1: Get perspective
Step 2: Aim high
Step 3: Accept failure with dignity
Step 4: Be proud of yourself
Step 5: Try again
>>24133472
Thanks for sharing, anon. I've never done hard drugs or faced incarceration, but I have survived some other kinds of dark times. If a guy like you can get ahead, maybe I can to.
Anyone else not remember their high school or middle schools that well?
I can't remember what I did and there wasn't any trauma. I remember almost nothing and I'm only 20
>>24131228
I slowly died over time, complete death set in in 2010 - 2011
Holy shit OP, me too. November 2012.
>>24133562
I prefer my own five step system t-b-h:
Step 1: Desire nothing
Step 2: Accomplish nothing
Step 3: Become more depressed from lack of accomplishment
Step 4: Become more apathetic from depression
Step 5: Desire even less of anything other than an inevitable death
Worked pretty well for me so far f-a-m
>>24131228
same
late 2012
>>24133640
Desire to not be depressed then?
>>24133668
Accomplishment levels stay the same :^( :^(
>>24133680
But you desired X and accomplished X. That's a prodigious accomplishment. Just change X to Y.
>>24133640
>>24133562
Step 1: Get real high
Step 2: Get perspective
Step 3: Accept failure with dignity
Step 4: Be proud of yourself
Step 5: Start something
>>24133768
If that helps.
The trick is to not see things as complete successes or complete failures. A complete success doesn't leave any room for improvement while a complete failure is discouraging and doesn't do justice to your efforts.
Around,May or june 2012, the day was going really well up until that point
Summer 2013
I fell in love with a girl I met on hollidays, she loved me too. Damm she was so gorgeous. After 2 weeks we went back home. She lives 900 km away from my home. I cried oh god I cried so much. I saw her again in 2014 but everything was different. That broken me up I've never been the same again
>August 2010 some hope is lost
>October 2012 all hope is gone
>May 24 2015 beating a dead horse at this point
>November 7 2015 ready to die
>Everything got wrong in the summer of 2008 when I changed town
>Every year after I thought everything would sort itself out
>Didn't try/was unlucky/made bad decisions
>Just realized I wasted my youth and that I am years behind everybody else
24 dec 2014
huh you guys serious? 2012 for me as well. Thats the year my oneitis keked me with the guy i considered to be my only friend. Since then I felt like I cant possibly connect to people
>message girl from mumbai on interpals
>get along great for a week or so
>asks me to send her a pic of myself
>do it for some reason
>she blocks me
Last week
>>24132124
Aren't you a bit overdramatic m8?
hint: YES
when my parents threw me in a psych ward for being an unsociable 15 year old NEET maybe in 2009
im still an unsociable NEET
>>24131228
It's been so long I don't even remember
probably around 2010
2012, right after my first semester of college. I knew college was going to be absolute hell, and it was.
This year has been the worst though. Thank god it's almost over.
~2013-2014
Had that existential crisis that every 21 year old gets
did the world end in 2012 or am I being royally trolled?
2013-14
Why everything after 12 is almost completely shit
>>24135933
I wish I could just not feel like I do, but that's not how it works.
Yesterday 1:24pm. Do I not qualify?
11th of april 2012.
"It was evening. I came back from school. I was 16. High school second year. Marched to my room quickly as always. I was never in good relations to my family. They are not nice people. Went to the PC asap to escape reality."
This is a longer story. Link below. Im not a born english speaker so take that into account.
Basically...
Abusive family worked hard on me failing life.
Society worked hard on me failing on any sort of relationships.
Incompetent duty upholders worked hard on me having to do everything on my own and causing me to realize things i should not.
http://pastebin.com/GUBZWDNt
>>24131228
>>circa late Fall 2012 A.D
same tbqh
>>24131228
2012, early 2013
was 2012 a shitty year for everyone? it really felt like the end of the world
>>24131228
I don't know if I'm alive or dead inside. I feel more dead, but I don't remember when I died.
>>24138071
>was 2012 a shitty year for everyone?
It was a pretty good year for me.
>>24131228
I think /r9k/ died in the end of 2012.
The first time I browsed this board and realized r9k is never wrong
>Majority of women are trash
>If you are ugly you will be walked over
>No one will ever love you, anyone who tells you differently is just trying to make you feel better because your sadness makes them feel awkward
Somewhere in late 2009 anxiety hit my like a bus and I was already beta before
>>24131228
November 2012. Found out that my gf was cheating on me with someone I couldn't compete with. Developed extreme trust issues and now I hardly ever even leave my room.
>Summer 2014
>talk to an older qt, very nice and worked at the same place
>was athletic and had nice curly hair
>graduated in May so she finds a job closer to her home
>leaves and then later gets pregnant
>mfw
Its not even the worst part. I was destroyed that summer and then Fall semester started
>Qt sits next to me on the first day of class
>insantly like her
>we talk throughout the whole semester
>just me and her
>do all the shit guy/girl friends do
>walk to class together, she saves a seat for me every time, scoots in next to me, jokingly takes pics, shit talk together
>ppl think we are dating
>semester ends and I never asked her for her number
>saw her like 4 times throughout the whole Spring 2015 semester
>now she acts like she doesnt know me
M8s I really give up on girls, she took my mind off the first one but then destroyed me as well. And that wasnt even the whole thing. I was happy throughout that time and I even started working out and doing good in class. Now Im just here, feeling empty.
>>24138280
>spend a whole semester with a qt
REEEEEEE btw
>doesnt get her number
I know I wouldnt have the guts to ask a girl for her number out of nowhere but a WHOLE SEMESTER? Nigga thats like 3-4 months how do you atleast not ask her near the end?
this very day, the realisation that i will never get a gf.
>>24138395
Its harder than you think man. I thought the same thing, I actually even invited her somewhere and she got my number to tell me if she wanted to go, but she didnt text me at all. I was gonna save it as soon as she texted me but she never did. What makes it worse is that it was in October so we were half way done and she still talked to me after
>>24138500
>Its harder than you think man
Iktf
I'd say christmas of 2011, so pretty much 2012.
>>24133472
...so it does get better....
You just gotta make it better.
Fall of 2006
January 23, 2013. I think it was a Saturday, all the bullshit, the sadness and loneliness that had been building up inside of me for the past couple of years just collapsed and I think that's the first time I honestly considered suicide
>tfw my mom died when I was 12 years old
>become depressed, lethargic, jaded, etc.
>told that I'm cold, rude, arrogant, by remaining family
>don't make any new friends because of my loner mentality
>unable to enjoy anything, taunted by the meaninglessness of existence
>9 years later, I still haven't really gotten over it
>>24138500
Me too anon. Sometimes I feel like all this will push me to the dark side
>>24131228
>I don't know where the last four years have gone.
all a haze
