i've got some good ones
>live with parents
>used to staying up till 3-4 AM
>parents hate this because they think its "adding to my depression when i lose sleep"
>whatever, never wake up at night anyway
>food cycle adjusts slowly, start making dinner at 1 AM every night
>one day my mother wakes up
>shit shit shit, not in the mood for the inevitable argument
>turn off all light, get as far away from kitchen as possible
>"what the hell are you doing anon?"
>can't think of anything, blurt out first thing that comes to mind
>"i've been secretly dating a girl online for all year and she just broke up with me"
>mother feels bad for me
>we spend like an hour discussing relationships
>all this time i have to ensure she doesn't look at the kitchen and spot my dinner
>she gets super sentimental, hugs me, says i at least managed to make a girl like me
>mfw
>year or so later
>making dinner again
>she hears me again
>fuck
>"umm..uh...i heard the cat crying, i think its stuck"
>she actually believes me
>we spend the next hour searching the entire house for the "lost stuck cat"
>i have to carefully guide her around the kitchen the whole time so she doesn't see my fucking sandwich with chips
>we find it sleeping in my room
>"oh haha...guess im just tired then"
When the robot arrives, quality green text will always follow.
RK9!
RK9!
>>24103674
>embarrassed of eating
Why, she knows you're a NEET in the kitchen. Kind of obvious you're snacking, but try to avoid immediately laying down after eating so late k?
Btw, OP...yer gonna need some better greentext. If you can't get close to the guy who dicked his dad down on a boat(at sea) then you aren't good enough yet. Can you match the man who guzzled cum to save his ass?!
These are greentext tales lad. Come with it man.
>>24103744
you don't understand, they get super pissed about it and throw whole speeches at me about how im putting myself at risk - and then i'd be lucky if she just kept it at that. i'm a wagey living with mommy, i have no power.
>>24103793
share the dad boat story pls
>>24103793
You're gonna like this one then
>be me around 22
>start dating white trash 19 year old
>my mother absolutely hates this girl
>Girl is hot and I'm beta so I dont break up with her
>one night I'm searching for apartments on craigslist, girlfriend staying over with me at parents
>says shes going to go get food from the kitchen
>ok whatever
>she leaves and not twenty minutes later, I hear the nastiest loudest fart ever
>suddenly I hear my mother screaming and cussing
>run to kitchen to see what the fuck happened
>my girlfriend accidentally farted on my mom who was in the kitchen with the lights off
>mom kicks girlfriend out
>They start arguing in the street outside my house, girlfriend calls my mom a bitch
>I go outside and start yelling as well, wondering what the fuck my mom was doing in the kitchen with the lights off
>its like 3am
>neighbors come outside, were all arguing in our pajamas, im in boxers
>mom finally yells "JUST LEAVE YOU FARTY FAT CUNT"
>mom cusses me out for like 3 hours back inside
>break up with girlfriend next day
>she eggs my house
>>24103674
>>we spend like an hour discussing relationships
How did you manage this if you've never been in one? What did you even say?
>>24103862
What are you whipping up exactly, spaghetti? Precook your stuff during the day and sneak it to your room at night.
My friend kinda did this too because his dad was a bipolar power freak and he worked at night to avoid him.
>>24103968
>"JUST LEAVE YOU FARTY FAT CUNT"
Oh man, years ago my brother had his GF living at me mums place, he had a psychotic episode due to drugs and when the cops came to remove them she attacked my mom in the basement.
After the cops got em out mum and the Puerto Rican queen were going at it again and mum called her that exact thing amongst other insults.
>>24104097
it's usually stuff i can eat cold
might actually try that
>>24104242
>attacked my mom in the basement
Jesus and I thought my ex was trashy. Hows your brother?
>>24104286
Not well, mum said he came by her house and was slow spoken and high.
She's an enabler so that incident has happened many times before.
>>24104267
Buy some stashable junk food too, smartfood popcorn, peanuts or m&ms.
Personally I stash thess white cheddar puff things from trader joes, delicious and no bad gains.
