Why do people actually believe the things I say? It's gotten to the point where I just make stuff up at work. I casually refer to viruses as "sophisticated military grade russian dankware" and people nod their heads at me like they know what I am talking about.
When I'm having a bad day I like to blow things way out of proportion.
>Some woman brings in her computer for a virus
>Some fucking stupid weather app bullshit
"I don't know ma'am, this looks pretty generic, I don't see any reason to wo-"
....
"Ma'am, do you have any reason to believe someone might have it out for you? Any ex boyfriends, co workers, anything like that?"
>windows+R
>cmd
>netstat
>point to list of IP addresses with ESTABLISHED next to it
"My god, they're INSIDE!"
>close laptop
>go to phone, pretend to dial boss
"Yeah, boss? We got a problem... It's Sypher, he's in our network again."
"I don't know how he got past our IDS, I told you we patched that dankware variant lastweek!! Look, there's no time, we gotta pull the plug before he gets to the mainframe."
>pretend to recompose myself
>smile and say "Everything is gonna be just fine, we'll get this cleaned up for you, should be done by the end of the day."
That sounds entertaining. Brings some excitement into everyday drudgery even if it's artificial.
No one likes IT
All those networks that drive our economy and global communication networks?
The guys who work overtime just so you can stream porn in 1080p at the click of a button?
FUCK THOSE GUYS.
>>24090548
They believe because they don't know shit. Also post more this is hilarious.
>>24090548
you have charisma
you could be a Chad if you wanted to
>>24090548
Oh shit the hacker known as 4chan is here
>>24090725
I respect It workers, please don't take away my porn
>dankware
kekd famtbh
>>24090828
>use linux
>computer illiterate
wat
>>24090902
Mint and Jewbutttube don't count. And I think the Linux fag was fucking with the bitch
>>24090733
There once was a mom who brought in her sons laptop for viruses, obviously from porn. First thing I notice is he loves sims 3, he's got all the DLC too. All the icons take up half his desktop.
>Notice a folder, it's full of sims screenshots
>The kid likes to make girl sims and dress them up likes models
>He likes to pretend his sims are in america's next top model
>He's go spreadsheets of stats on each sim
>He's got rankings
>Promo videos
>Multiple seasons of this shit
>He's been doing this for a while
>He's got fake cover girl ads where he models the sims
I thought okay, weird... but maybe he just really wants to be a fashion designer.
>followyourdreams.jpg
>notice another folder, it's full of furry porn.
>open web browser
>bookmarks, not even hidden, all gay furry porn
When you work with clients you learn really quickly to not snoop. It's either really boring or really fucked up... but I had to keep going.
>Notice another folder inside furry porn folder
>It's his sims
He liked to wall them off and trap them so they couldn't get to the bathroom. This folder is full of the same sims just pissing and shitting themselves on the floor.
Starting to get weird.
>find a CP folder
The kid is 14, I didn't know what to do.
>Pretend like nothing ever happened
>clean viruses
>hand computer back to mommy with a smile.
>>24090902
But she's such a nerd :PPP
>>24090964
topkek, the worst I've had was an elementary school teacher into lesbian porn.
>>24090964
Should have left him a note telling him how to use truecrypt
>>24090548
>It's Sypher, he's in out network again
this is really fucking funny, please post more
>"ah jeez it's that autistic guy again"
>fuck he's making up built shit stories again. Fuck just shut up.
>I'll just nod my head until he leaves
>>24090548
>>sophisticated military grade russian dankware
Thats going on the song name list
>>24090964
>furry gay porn
>CP folder
post moar
>>24091109
I have so many stories.
I once got a call to a business client. I get his WiFi working and connect his printer. He starts asking me about Duckduckgo and how he is trying to be more "secure"
I start telling him about incognito mode in chrome and how he should just use that.
>install it for him and transfer his bookmarks from IE to make it easier.
>He's worried about his bookmarks
> start telling him how to use bookmarks in chrome
>click one as an example
>it's backpages, full of bookmarks on prostitutes.
>He knows I saw.
>I quickly click away
>pretend nothing happened
>we shake hands and never see each other again.
>>24090548
>dankware
Holy shit you are a God among men
Please share more of these with us.
>>24091254
The hell? Fuck off, reddit.
>>24091254
We have "OSHA compliance days" where we just take all the computers with sensitive business data and destroy the HDDs in the most violent ways possible.
We keep a pickaxe in the office to smash computers.
Pic related.
>>24091467
I'm having a hard time believing that one, but if it's true kudos to you man.
>>24091511
Yeah right isn't that from that movie office space?
they probably just don't feel like calling you out for lying a lot of the time.
>>24091511
We have literally no oversight at the office. It's a fucking mad house. Our last guy got fired because he came in so fucked up on xanax.
He started rocking back and forth signing "I'm not the one whose so far away when I feel the snake bite into my veeeeiinns!!"
He was so fucked up we told him to go home. He smashed his car into the side of our building he was so fucked up trying to drive home... we still let him drive
We had a slew of interns, the first of which was a girl. We got all excited. Turns out she is spergy as fuck. The first thing she says to me is on a smoke break.
>"Yeah, I didn't start smoking til I got raped."
Pic related, it's my buddy wearing a hotdog suit on the job because fuck it.
>>24091703
your workplace sounds like heaven
Which type of porn do you find on which type pr persons PC?
>>24091703
>>"Yeah, I didn't start smoking til I got raped."
topkek, reminds me of my school, days passed playing poker instead of studying
>>24091703
Sounds too good to be true desu, but if it's real, you are one lucky fucker
>>24090855
kek
The Spanish and the Portuguese revolted with British support. The Peninsular War, noted for its brutal guerrilla warfare, lasted six years and culminated in an Allied victory. Fighting also erupted in Central Europe, as the Austrians launched another attack against the French in 1809. Napoleon defeated them at the Battle of Wagram, dissolving the Fifth Coalition formed against France. By 1811, Napoleon ruled over 70 million people across an empire that had domination in Europe, which had not witnessed this level of political consolidation since the days of the Roman Empire.[13] He maintained his strategic status through a series of alliances and family appointments. He created a new aristocracy in France while allowing the return of nobles who had been forced into exile by the Revolution.
>>24090548
you's a hacker
>>24091766
okay so some of you guys aren't believing me but I am totally 100% telling the truth. That's why I love my job so much, it's total fucking mayhem, never a dull moment.
Once a customer brought in his computer. I had to sign into his e-mail to recover some shit.
>notice some weird e-mails from a guy
>it's him and another dude arranging a fuck
>I read e-mails exchanged over a couple months
>gayfagrelationship.jpg
>mfw he sends an e-mail with his pictures of his wedding photos
>mfw he breaks it off with his twink bf to marry some girl
How would you feel if you were a woman and a anon sent you evidence that your husband is a closet fag?
I've never told anyone these stories....jesus, the amount of blackmail I have on people is insane. IT man, no other career like it.
>>24091703
>click on pic
>notice fat woman and naked guy in pic on lower left hand corner
>Something Potter.jpeg?
> Wtf was the client looking at?
>>24092001
Fix my laptop yeah? It freezes after like 10 minutes of having it on
>>24091703
the fuck is going on on that monitor there?
>>24092075
have you tried turning it off and back on
>>24091703
How often did you find CP?
>>24092134
I've only found legit CP once. With that 14 yo kid.
>>24092118
Yeah I turn it back on and it does the same shit
>>24092176
What's the creepiest thing you found that wasn't CP or that kid's autistic idol shit?
>>24092176
More stories please, laughing my ass off
I'm on my way to an IT career as well, hope I get a job like you do
>>24091703
It's like a wacky tech guy sitcom could be made out of the stories from your office.
>>24092231
Why do you hope to get a job working in a repair shop? Fuck, most big name repair centers will probably say you're "too experienced" if you try to get a job with them while having a degree.
>>24092231
I gotta be afk a while, you're gonna have to bump the thread to keep it alive for a couple hours while I do IRL stuff. sry senpai.
I got more stories though, some involve horse porn and money laundering. I also do work for some police departments an wew lands... the stories.
>>24092189
probably either bad ram or overheating issues
>>24091247
I kind of feel bad for these guys, they probably get so confused and ashamed
ITT: op on drugs and telling lies to everyone
You guys know that they know you're bullshitting them right? They just nod politely and are too nice to call you out on your condescending, autistic ass.
>>24092426
Fuck you nerd, this is no shit I kid you not real.
>mfw my life is so fucking surreal even 4chan won't believe me
>>24092293
What I meant was to get as fun a job as OP, don't care if it's IT service or cleaning toilets
>>24090725
IT workers are cunts who memed themselves and think they're clever when they're just passive agressive pricks.
>>24090828
Donno if times new roman is clever or she's retarded
Bless you OP
>>24091254
This is some serious reddit shit. Only post if you're a robot
>>24092623
This
>I'm smart just lazy XD
They're also almost always redditors.
>>24090984
This angers me beyond belief
>>24092001
stories like this are part of the reason I got into IT
>>24090964
>find a CP folder
>The kid is 14
Why are you surprised? It's only natural for boys to be interested in girls their age. Unless you found anything younger than 10, of course. Now that's weird.
>>24092786
Have some more senpai
>>24093505
That one was a kek my friend
>>24093811
They are all kek worthy desu
