TALK THREAD
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You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
Let's talk about:
Relationships, failed friendships, those that left, broken hearts, emotional scars, the feels
And whatever else you want to talk about
The older I get the harder it is to care about women, but the more I want to. A oneitis gives a focus of sorts to your life. Without her there's just nothing.
OP I think you intended to use this image.jpeg
>>29492420
How long has it been since you noticed this strange wave of feelings towards women? Is this recent? Or has it been more of steady roller-coaster, where the general rejection you have felt towards yourself, mirrored from your own view point, has increased the effects of this emotion?
Was there some significant point in the recent years that peaked this paradoxical feeling? Do you find yourself believing your lie, that they aren't worth the time, who are they to keep you up at night. But the thought that you need them in some way, as a man, overwhelms you, when you feel you have reached the other end of that emotional pole.
>>29492420
Just calm the fuck down, get out of the house, get drunk, start a fight, just do SOMETHING.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself, time will pass whether you're trying to be a winner or crying over some roastie
>>29492715
No god dammit, this man needs some help. Some direction. Someone to flash a light on a path he cannot see. If you have anything constructive to say, something he can ponder over, make some analysis, and reach a conclusion of his own, lay it on the table. Maybe some personal life experience when doubt over shadowed your thoughts and actions. If you don't, then get the fuck out of the way.
If he didn't need any real advice he wouldn't waste his type manifesting it into some text, hoping someone can throw him a life raft, because the current is picking up speed, and he is afraid to drown on on his own. And to me, that is the best thing he can do in a moment of weakness, instead of wallowing in a pit of his own sorrows, moving nowhere
>>29492340
I feel like I get too attatched to online relationships and when they go bad I get a heavy feeling in my chest and throat
I feel like I should just give up cause after that feeling ends its just more lonelyness and sadness but I the moments I have with others just make me happy
>>29492653
Well, the last time I cared for a woman was six years ago, so sometime around then I guess.
>Do you find yourself believing your lie, that they aren't worth the time
Not really. I remember how it felt to love, and I would like to feel that again. It made life feel less empty.
>>29492715
I'm quite capable of both feeling sorry for myself and getting on with my life.
>>29492871
You're getting your hopes too high with these online meetings. You have put them in this section in your mind that they will end parallel to that of a fantasy stories, where whatever you hold personally closest will manifest from this encounter. Whether that be a romantic relationship, an eternal friendship, or a bond that will withstand any downfalls you might have in your life.
Be more realistic with these things man, where the encounter should end when you don't feel like your getting enjoyment out of it. See them for what they are. A quick talk, some possible fun, and nothing else. Each talk should be aimed at your personal entertainment, and if they are entertained as well, good. It's not a priority. These online relationship are a junkie's best friend. Becasue in reality, they are a fast high, a quick salut to your existence, before they put their arm back down, turn, and keep walking.
Keep your chin up lad, it's not you, it's the way the internet it circuited. To expect to get something more, something real, is asking too much of the cosmos
>>29493002
so then I should give up, Im not in it for some high feeling of self enjoyment, I want something that lasts
sucks, I guess ill just start lurking tulpa and waifu threads to get that started up
I'm actually pretty asshurt about getting buttfucked as a kid.
Not in the literal sense, mind you. It's taken me too long to realize, but now I'm pretty much sexually incompatible and can't have intimate relationships due to sometimes vomiting from something as tame as a handjob.
Sex always leaves me disoriented and confused, like waking up and being hungover, or coming down from a marijuana high. It's beyond frustrating and today I've finally stopped using Craigslist.
I feel ashamed because I thought having more sex would stop these problems, and it only made it worse.
Oh well.
There's my blogpost.
>>29492981
This, last woman, was more than caring, right? There was a stronger connection than friendship, surpassing the feelings towards anyone else at that time.
>It made life feel less empty.
Of course it did man, that is an innate feeling we have as humans. It is an animistic part that will never detach from us. We are dammed to be attracted to whoever we see as potential breeding mates, keeping them as a priority in our list of achievements as the dominant species. Women have their same version, but we are the attackers.
But as a conscious being, you must stay strong. Stronger than you are now. You must better yourself as a person. Take care of yourself. Educate yourself, and become more fluent in speech. Take up some hobby. Start making male friends first, and ease your way into a social life. From there, women and relationships will make themselves much more available, and easier to approach. As it stand, a male on these threads, you have low opportunity. Start off by defining what things you like to do outside of your home, and practicing them. It doesn't have to be some drastic change of life style, or anything of the sort. Just something new, something closer to people. And naturally, those human feeling, more stable feelings, will come back
>>29493062
>ll just start lurking tulpa and waifu threads to get that started up
No for fuck's sake you stay away from that shit. Put yourself in a woman's shoes. No, put yourself in your ideal girl's shows. What would you want her man to have? What does she deserve. Wouldn't you want her to have the best, the strongest, the most reliable and caring man she could get? Wouldn't you want the best for her?
Then become that. Become what she deserves. Sitting on your ass all day, browsing text isin't going to lead to anything that will evolve you as a man. You need something with substance, something raw that will empower you to be better. Trying to find someone online that is your perfect girl is a failed task from the start.
Pick yourself up man. How do you think men got women in the 60's and 70's, when there was no internet. No global connector. They had to get themselves showered, groomed, and dressed, ready to take on the world. Confident but not cocky. Just aware of who they were and what they wanted.
Girl's love to have fun. You want a girl? Show her you know how to have a good time. And that start by you personally having some fun, with no one around. Then, start having some funj with some friends, guy friends. Then, girls will naturally see that you know what your doing, that you aren't a shut-in, and you know how to get out and relax. Then you can sit back and watch them migrate to your genitals.
I don't know you as an individual, but as a man, this usually helps, a lot. This worked for me, so I am a living vouch of these steps.
I hope you can muster some confidence and become better as a person.
Do you ever have that thing where someone's your best friend but you don't know if you'd even rank in the top three with them? Sucks.
>>29493153
What happened in your early stages of life that strung up this invisible line, nailed between two trees, that has you on the ground?
With some context, it will become clear what I'm dealing with here, and can give you my point of view on it. whether you decide to take any of that information will be souly up to you, but I will do my best to give you some feedback you can rattle your brain over, and hopefully, help your dilema in some way
>>29493349
I dont want to become someone SHE deserves, I want someone who deserves ME
Im no super athletic muscleman, but I have very deep thoughts and know how relationships work, I know how people interact with eachother and how people act
Im at least 6/10 and am confident in how I look
my issue is that the people I find to talk to arent up to my standards emotionally, they usually arent serious about relationships and just wanna have fun and I LOATH that
I deserve better because I think of sex as a low priority thing and if that is at the top of the list for someone I wouldnt consider being with them
Im not a true robot since I have two real friends and know how to have fun with them, im very charasmatic and know how to speak well, my issue is that im very judgmental and refuse to be with someone lower than me
>*tips fedora*
the reason most of my interactions are over then internet is because I attract girls who think im like them and not very serious when its the opposite
>>29493382
If she is your best friend you should ask them, as a joke. See their reaction, and whatever it is, laugh it off. Even if it is positive, make it a joke. Do not stress over it too much, but do study her patters of what you see she takes interest in.
Are you interested in your friend?
>>29493584
We tried dating twice, it just didn't work out. It's a lot more fun being friends.
I just have a hard time making new friends, so I tend to worry more than I know I should about how much I'm liked. It's always just been a problem. Wish I could stop worrying so much over what's basically always nothing.
>>29493527
I am dealing with an entirely different beast than what I had in mind.
You have a real notion then, of why you can not hold down these relationship, don't you? To be honest I don't know why you are looking for my help.
I had a parallel mentality to yours a while back, but I came to a realization that I believe you should stumble upon on your own. If I divulge in that life teaching, I would be taking a grievous action towards your future.
I hop[e you stumble upon that hidden treasure soon, and when you do reach it, you have the key on you, and didn't leave it on the boat, because from where I stand I can see it sinking.
>>29493827
I wasnt asking for help, this was a talk thread not an advice thread right?
I just wanted to share my sadness as a romanticly enclined pure lonely robot rather than a bitter self-hating desperate robot
Really liked a gril. We dated and it ended badlystill kinda think of her sometimes. Shes seems to be happy and is with someone now, im glad for her. Dont worry people get over things.
>>29492340
Should I go out by myself tonight? How do I talk to people at the bar randomly? Do I just sit there at the bar sipping a drink until an opportunity comes up?
>>29493803
>It's a lot more fun being friends.
Well my man, you have reached the best conclusion you could have. Pushing what feels most comfortable will only screw things up for the both of you. Pushing for more, being greedy, will only take what you currently have.
>I tend to worry more than I know I should about how much I'm liked.
We don't see ourselves as we see ourselves
We don't see ourselves as others see us
We see ourselves how we think others see us
Be careful. If you keep deciding your own acceptance based on what you think others might think of your decision, you will never reach inner personal happiness. Reaching that state of mind, where your personal self manifests itself in every action, every thought, is very difficult, since it is a path that must brake some branches that seem too thick to snap. But you must find what you love, what you crave, and form yourself from that information. Then, those who truly like what you portray will come forward, and you will see what real acceptance is.
Don't stress your feelings over this, you will become better. Make it a priority, and aim for the best for yourself always, This may seem somewhat selfish, but it is necessary, almost a survival state for yourself
>>29493891
You are right, at no point did you ask for my personal advice or any opinions from me. But it has become routine for me to respond to anyone who posts a reply to me directly.
>>29494025
>Should I go out by myself tonight?
Doing anything but what you are currently doing would be better. Get away from the screen, shut down the computer, turn off the lights. Take a shower, get dressed, and start the car. If you want some human connection, a real human connection, you have to spend more time in the outside world than on your chair. Browsing these pages should be a form of twisted hobby, not your daily routine.
>How do I talk to people at the bar randomly?
Don't think about it too much man. Start with a drink for yourself, to loosen yourself up a bit. Maybe a shot of tequila. After you wet your lips a bit, begin to pay attention to the surrounding crowd, and you will see the other lost sheep, that got too far from the heard, and are looking for a new pack, a new friend. Before you go up top them, think what you will say. Meditate for a moment from the library of words at your disposal, which would be the best mixture of friendliness, confidence and are still true to your person. Don't stress out, these people came out looking for some fun, other want an adventure, so as long as there is a path, everything should go fine.
Worst case scenario, you go home. No harm, no foul.
I'm scared dedicating my life to any woman cause last time I did with my ex she left me after 3 years to "be single". The girl I'm dating now is perfect in everyway but I'm scared of it happening again and we've almost been dating for a year. I'm just scared of how loyal she'll be in the future and if I should start commiting my life to her,
>>29494057
I know. It's not something I intend to do anything about, and I do my best not to seem clingy. With anyone, really.
I don't act much on how other people will think of what I do. That kind of decision making has left me with people who are okay with me in general. Not many people but better to just have a golden few than a scrap-metal horde, right?
I've always looked out for me first. It's just the nagging worries get to me when I'm not actively engaging people. Not hanging out with the crew or being at a party. I think I'm just an occasionally retarded extrovert. A bad combo.
I know, logically, that they wouldn't invite me to hang-outs and weekly game nights if they didn't like me. But having friends that don't treat me like shit is still a bit of a new thing.
Well my former oneitis posted this morning on normiebook that her betabux boyfriend proposed to her and she accepted. It's pathetic. He posts shit like "Im so lucky to have her!" And "she said yes! See? She does love me! :)"
Pissed me off so much I went to the gym and lifted heavier than usual.
>>29494961
>Not many people but better to just have a golden few than a scrap-metal horde, right?
You hit the nail on the head there man. When the opportunity to be with them for a while, being in each others presence, having fun and experiencing the peak of happiness is astounding.
>But having friends that don't treat me like shit is still a bit of a new thing.
Remember that you are a human, a person with thoughts, emotions, likes and dislikes. Give yourself credit lad, you must naturally be treated with respect. Don't ever deem yourself unworthy of other's respect.
You'll be fine man, you seem to be on a good path, but you also seem to be at the beginning, taking your first steps, familiarizing yourself with the pavement. Don't slow down, and do not try and run, you might trip over and hurt yourself. Take the wind as guidance, letting it guide the speed which you will be taking. There is no rush, take your time
>>29494813
>>29494753
>>29494258
We've noticed a troubling spike in poor quality threads, with easily identifiable commonalities among them. Have you? Consider these and begin filtering them out today.
Apologies to OP, just spreading the word.
>>29492340
The man in pic related is my idol. I consider him a martyr. He had the balls to spit back in society's face. A big middle finger to civilization on behalf of those who have no place in it
>>29495366
We seem to be standing on the same altitude, over looking the valley. I know you are on one of these mountain peaks, that scatter across the land, but I will never know which one, and it doesn't bother me. All I know is that you are there, and you see what I see.
Those who question the ethics and morals of the average man are the new generation of pilgrims, finding new lands that aren't reachable on foot. Of course, their simple existence and acts will anger the public, but if they didn't commit, what society calls, those atrocities, they would not be the men they became, their name would not be in cement, in the library's shelf, that no one dare enter.
However, for this same reason, each one of us, that stand on these mountain peaks, has his own definition of a god that walks among mortals, and this is no different in my case. Some of the men I dare to describe as heroes are Hunter S thompson, for his perfect mix of drug educed madness with individual expression and genius, and revolutionary way of writing. Russell Brand, for challenging the way we view addicts and how they should be treated, spear heading how own wave of activists to help those that have fallen to the grips of drugs, and GG Allin, because he was fucking insane, but he knew it and he was happy. There are a couple of others, Like Charlie Bronson, that I have great admiration. And likewise, I don't necessarily hold such esteem for them for what they did, but for what they became, what they were in society, and how that changes the way the normal man looks at the freaks
There was a girl in my friend group who I liked for a little while, but I was dating someone at the time. After the breakup, we started to hang out more and finally one night we met up and had sex.
She texted me a few days later telling me that she couldn't date right now due to the guilt she was feeling regarding my ex (her friend) and another guy in the group who liked her. I said that it was fine, but a few days later I talked to her telling her that I did like her a lot and wanted to try a future with her. She said she didn't know how she felt about me, and I found out later she started dating a good-looking friend of mine. I told her after I found out that I had no interest in being her friend and asked for space. We haven't talked for a month, and I still can't stop thinking about her. I keep telling myself that there's no way she still likes me and that any potential future we have is gone, but some part of me thinks that she might still have feelings for me. I'm embarrassed and angry at her, but I still want her and my friend to be happy.
tl;dr- how do you get over someone who was perfect for you and you actually had a chance with but fucked it up completely.
let go entirely. i dont think i'll ever tolerate much time around anyone. who here /misophonia/
>>29492340
zoop zoop
I always say I dont care about women, because I generally dont.
They still like me because of my gains and beard, and I use that to boost my ego, but I still dont date, feeling "above them".
Then this one girl comes along, cute, smart, flirty, like a 9/10, but the cute innocent kind, not the traditional "hot" kind.
I actually like her. I actually feel like I want a gf. She obviously likes me, always smiles at me, compliments my gains, talks about what im reading etc. I would think shes just being nice, but she only does this to me, and im not too autistic to know flirting when I see it.
Theres one problem though. I cant fucking ask her out, or reciprocate flirting.
I dont smile or talk much. I let others do the talking. Now that I have to im afraid I dont know how.
This whole time I thought of myself as some sort of chadbot that gets girls to like him but avoids them out of some volcel bullshit (it was really because I never cared) and now that I do care, I cant. Im not afraid of rejection, I have pretty much 100% chance of getting in, I just... cant.
Whats up with my brain lads?
This will be the first time I have unironically said..
>Tfw no gf.
>>29495646
You seem to be in that special bump on the road to loss in humanity that plagues many men. At this point do not go after her. She made her decision, and you must bear it. The feelings she has aren't her fault. She can only react to them. Keeps this in mind, and how you feel towards her, angered yet not wanting to part from her side. You too cannot guide your feelings, only experience them.
Addressing the real question, you must completely cut yourself off from her. Remove all preexisting footprints she has left. Continue with life, chin leveled to the horizon. Try to identify any personal flaws, and start working on them. The goal here is not to satisfy her and what she would like in her man, but to better yourself, to be a stronger person. Not in the literal sense, but mentally and emotionally, taking what is happening to you as an experience, that you can then apply later in life whenever it is needed
Well, this is just my personal opinion, You could do away with it if you son't deem is applicable whenever you like.
>>29495835
My god man you are so close to catching this fish it's unbelievable. You clearly took your time making your net, making sure all the fiber were tight, looking out at the right spot in the ocean to cast, waiting for clear skies to shadow you, and you cast your line perfectly. You feel the cast line pulling hard. So hard the boat starts to tip. But you at that moment is when you realized you never took the time to practice reeling in the catch.
You were in a mentality that your body would do the talking for you. That nothing else would need to be said as long as you took your shirt off and smiled. But in reality, that is not how humans interact.
Don't be a cock head. Be the man you are when you are alone. Be that which you really are. Talk about your interest and what your passions are. Then, naturally the path rises from oblivion, and all you must do is follow the road. There, you will slowly but inevitably come across the path that leads you to a wall. A huge wall, with text written across it, that reads that question you want to spill out.
It all comes naturally lad, just don't over think it and take off as many filters as you consciously can
FUCK OFF WITH YOUR FAILED NORMIE BULLSHIT. YOU FAGGOTS MAKE ME SICK. REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMOTHERFUCKINGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDIEBITCHESEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF NORMALFAGS NORMALFAGS FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFCCFFFFFFFFFFFF
>>29492340
I'm moving out on my own without a roommate for the first time tomorrow and honestly I'm scared shitless that I'm just gonna be a complete shut in and waste another year or two of my life, but what else is new?
First and only relationship I was in was with a guy over the internet that was part of my friend group.
We were together for about a year and he really got me to open up about being bi and stuff. Like I really feel I could completely be myself around him.
Recently broke it off because he cheated on me, he was always kinda too flirty with people and posted pictures of himself naked online. I really love him to death but couldn't handle the jealousy anymore and felt it would be for the best to break it off and try to get over it.
Past two weeks have been depressing as shit. I truly feel like I won't find another relationship like that because I don't open up to people much and women usually aren't into the shitposting/video game playing type. We were so close and now its gone, man.
>>29496244
So what confides a normie? what happens when a normie accesses the same part of the internet as you. In a way I understand your reaction. A chihuahua becomes nervous when it sees other creatures approach it's resting area, what it calls it's home, it's secluded hole that reeks of animal and puttered smells that only it has learned to cope with, and usually detour any other living creature from its path. And when a new creature does approach, it can do one of two things: yap as loud as it can, hoping to the creature becomes so annoyed it must leave. The alternative to this is that the small dog waits until the new creatures gets closer than any previous animal has, and then it proceeds to shit itself.
Keep contributing to society, I'm sure your electric anal beads won't spike your mom's electricity bill this month since they take more time to charge than your phone. But that's reasonable, since no one would ever bother to contact you in real life, wasting their time on a living bigot.
Go to bed, you have school tomorrow
My mom is a cokehead and I have absolutely no contact with my father. I have one half-brother who is a drug dealing thug, he just got out of jail. It was his first time in, he was there for about a week. I live with my grandfather. My mother came over and has been sort of floating around here for the past week. She got some coke that was actually meth and kind of had a crazy incident with that. She abandoned me when I was 7. Ever since then I've been a sad sack loser piece of shit.
It's crazy that 2 people, out of billions and billions, can have such an impact on someones life, just by not being there.
>>29496297
I am to understand that you have never lived alone in at any other time in your life.
When your literal life is at play, you will naturally take to hunting, feeling what you lack, and chasing it down. Whether that be getting a job, buying food, or having someone else move in with you, it all comes as an instinct to survive, and it will manifest when needed.
Don't worry too much lad, it might cause an uncomfortable mixture of nervousness and failure, but that is all in your head. If you are a smart being, you will see yourself taking the roads that lead to your survival.
>>29496399
Oh fuck off you piece of shit. Why would you approach the disease ridden, putrid smelling chihuahua in the first place? What's so enticing, so alluring about it? What is it about this place that makes normalfags think to themselves "hmm, I sure do love coming here. I'll come here everyday. It isn't like there are 100 other sites I could go to". This place is horrible, and reserved for the horrible. Why? Because we're used to it l, and it's what we're comfortable with. So take your stupid ass elsewhere.
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF
>>29496445
do you need a friend?
>>29495915
Thank you for the reply.
The difficulty with completely cutting myself off from her is that it's not possible because of my friend. I want to remain his friend, but odds are I'll be in her company sometime in the future because of this.
>>29496642
I have no friends, only acquaintances, aka means to score drugs.
>>29496689
you do drugs too after what you've seen it does to your mother?
Gross
>>29496366
I am glad that you reached this conclusion on your own. Not everyone has the self-value you have reached. You saw the toxicity it was causing you, simply by knowing him.
It's natural to feel the withdrawal you are now experiencing. It's a break in your emotional routine. But to some degree, even if it's at an unconscious level, you are aware that you will find another person to satisfy your cup, and probably run it over. But your emotional memory tells you otherwise. It knows the faces, places, and situations that lead to that happy place. That is, ad least, what it has learned from patterns.
I would love to divulge my opinions more on this but something just came up. I hope others can help any other beings here that need some advice and asistance from others.
Stay sane lads
>>29496579
Didn't even read it but I'm amazed you they teach actually English in asylums now. what a time to be alive.
>>29496646
I try to reply to every comment on my thread, if I didn't, why would I have made it. I don't make these for attention, but to share the knowledge I have purely from life experiences with those that seek it.
Stay strong my friend, you seem to have a pretty good grasp on reality, unlike other poor bastards. Do not fall victim to tricks and a failing will. You know whats right. In your heart you can feel it. What is meant to be for your better future, for your own well being.
>>29496700
Only psychedelics, in prepared/planned trip sessions. That said I've only done shrooms so far. I have smoked weed, but only in social situations.
That said I am a weak willed loser at the core, so It's inevitable that I break, surely.
>>29492340
I remember you from a few nights before. You're a good egg, anon.
It's weird. I'm again considering actually going to therapy and finally letting it all spill out for somebody, but I'll probably wind up not doing it again. Part of me thinks that it'd be selfish and pathetic and masturbatory of me to ask for any help when it's clear that I always wind up excelling without any help, another part of me is afraid that if anybody actually knew how fucked-up my head is I won't be able to get the job I want and help people, and another part of me just doesn't know how the fuck anybody would be able to help me anyway.
I feel guilty about how conceited it comes across when I actually examine the thought, but I'm frankly blown away by how strong I am to have come this far with the obstacles I've faced, with the handicaps I have, and without any help. I'm never sure if it's suicidally self-destructive of me to face it all alone or if it's arrogant or if it's just the only thing that works.
Sometimes I feel like I'm just faking it all, and then I wonder whether everybody else is truly as fine as they seem in comparison to me or if everybody else is faking it, too.
I don't know. My brain is a mess, I'm an emotional trainwreck, and I'm rambling again. But damn if I'm not good at learning and doing things.
I swear to God that it pisses me off whenever anybody assumes that I've led anywhere near a privileged life, though, and I only stop myself from flipping out because giving a fuck about pride and credit is just my ego talking.
Jesus fuck.
>>29496711
a-are you going to reply to me, hunter thompson-desu?
>>29496445
>>29496181
The most verbose "just be yourself" I've ever read.
>run out of meds, living in a different city so too much of a pain to refill them at a new doctors
>get sick and depressed
>spiraling down into drinking constantly, binging and purging, not being able to do assignments
>at this rate I'm going to fail out of uni
>been absent from classes since beginning of the month
>finally go to school doctor and tell them I NEED my meds
>have to go through back and forth bs with my original clinic
>doctors want to monitor me, try to get me to see a counselor
>I hate counselors
>I see them write down that my condition is "severe"
>I talk them out of committing me into a psych ward
>they give me a medical form that explains to professors I'm sick and I get another chance to hand in assignments I didn't do
>participation marks waved
>sending out same email to all profs
>send email to Dr. Shakespeare but address it to Dr. Hulan
I literally have to kill myself
>>29496894
Sorry for taking so long to respond my good lad, I just came back from an adrenaline binge. My heart is still trying to find a good wave length to settle on, somewhere to find it's peace. But experience tells me it will be a until I hit a fresh peace of pavement that smooths out the long road I'm on right now.
Now, onto the pressing matters that brought you here, onto the board of the diseased and twisted, asking for directions from the blind man.
>>29492340
op are you the guy that made out with the 14 year old or something like that
>>29496894
>another part of me is afraid that if anybody actually knew how fucked-up my head is I won't be able to get the job I want and help people
Do not put yourself in such a corner man. We are all depraved in our own way, contorted by the rails life has put in our upbringing. We find ourselves contorting around these jagged peaces of metal, in an attempt to survive. But the question, lathered in gold and gems, comes about in the eye of the hurricane, where we try and stand straight. There, it becomes transparent who can still uncurl their neck and limbs, and who are the poor souls that have adopted their position, out of a mix of constant stress and comfort, found from dodging the spikes and disease. If our minds and darkest thoughts were represented by an images, we would find ourselves wallowing in a sea of vomit, blood and tears. I would be found, at some time between midnight and 2:30, being dragged by street dogs by neck. Bleeding, but with no apparent skin tearing or open wounds.
>another part of me just doesn't know how the fuck anybody would be able to help me anyway
That's because no one else can help you. This in a disease that can't be cured, only treated. And the antidote lays inside you, dormant, waiting to be discovered. It makes itself most apparent when you begin to search inside yourself, trying to find truth. Not a happy truth, but the kind that comes in the rawest form imaginable. It's a training that might be never ending, but there are check points. Streches where you can stop, drop to you r knees, trying to catch your breath. Looking back over your shoulder, heaving, and can barley see where the starting line is. That is when the real test begins. When do you stop? Do you keep going, or let yourself be overwhelmed by fatigue and conformity.
I have reached the text limit. I will continue in a moment
>Bipolar depression
>Some days I'm ok, some days bad and and quite a couple of them in a pit of despair
>yesterday was one of those days
In those days, I feel like dogshit, I cry and grumpy. The worst part is that I try telling my family and with the exception of my mother, everyone is apathetic, which leads to shit like this:
>be THAT day
>Brother comes and asks me something
>attend him but I just really don't want to talk with anybody
>He notices and tells me off
>we quarrel a bit
>"Your such a dick, anon"
>I just explode
>"You don't understand, theres something wrong me"
>"Suuuuuure
>Some time later
>Shit happens again
>"You got problems anon"
>next day it's like nothing ever happened then it's rinse and repeat per verbatim
Its like a shitty ass groundhog day.
I can't even get angry as much anymore, I'm just so tired of it. So damn tired.
>>29498826
answer the question op
>>29498648
>>29496894
>I'm never sure if it's suicidally self-destructive of me to face it all alone or if it's arrogant or if it's just the only thing that works.
No, what you are experiencing is a clash of morality. Where you see yourself over achieving, but noticing and not having any previous knowledge of what the appropriate reaction to these circumstances should be. If memory isn't failing me, I believe I have a good idea what your case was like, and the situation you were in. And it is a case that is not like most others. You don't face the same challenges they do. Before you could fully conceive the world you were condemned to a role that shouldn't be thrown at anyone. But you fit the roll astoundingly, overachieving anyone's expectations, including your own.
To keep it brief, arrogance and suicidal self-destructive emotions should not be your reaction. The feeling of glory should shower over you, like dollar bills on a Miami stripper.
Try to indulge in the creation that you are, a prototype of what a real human should be, instead of the mangled pieces we are. Your emotional train is more than understandable. Someoone to talk to might be just what you need. It might be time to take some weight off that baggage you seem to have been carrying for some stations now, and you seem to be content with taking with you to your destination, and a little more farther. Take a breather man, you have earned it like no one else has.
It want to say it is good speaking with you again, and keeping up with your adventures, but this is not the best place for someone. The time you took writing and explain your current spot in life worries me, and I wish we spoke under different circumstance. However, it is good to speak with you
>>29496967
sorry man, I answer these question as they are posted. I also usually divert from posts that someone else replied too, feeling that they might have a more prepared response than me
>>29496399
I don't know the details of your upbringing, but from what yo have posted, you seem to have a quite the check to pay. What do you feel? Have you felt a tendency to get into this game your family seems to find no winner to? Or are you absolutely detached from them, trying to write your own passage
>>29497385
My responses are tailored to the individual I am responding to, as well as the natural flow that comes to mind as I type. I am not sure if this is a positive or negative dash towards me, however I am glad someone read it and, if found useful, might consider integrating into their lives.
>>29498648
Well I did, but please understand the circumstances I was under. When I meet her, she told me she was 14. When she asked me for my age, I responded truthfully and without shame. "I am 14 too".
This happened a long time ago however, and I am not baffled of your knowledge on my personal life.
>>29497569
Poor bastard. Respond to me from now util the thread is pruned if you want to talk
>>29498869
I was in the same black hole you seem to be warped into. It was the most stressful and emotionally exhausting part of my life. It was in a similar setting as well. At home, with a deranged lunatic, who was on her own roller coaster of emotions, fears and loathing towards all those being so putrid as to breathe the same air she did.
I do not know at what stage you are with coping with the unemotional lunatics that reside in the same abomination of home as yourself, but I hoe you reach the white noise phase pretty soon. Where you have accepted the terms and conditions you never signed or read, but have acquired a level of numbness.The frequency of insanity that allows you to cope with these retched entities. How much longer must you bear this existence for? Is there a time, somewhere on the horizon?
>>29492340
I want to get a smart gf with real thoughts, opinions, and interests. I know that's a lot to ask for a woman, but is a library a good place to find girls like this?
I'm not ugly, in fact a lot of women have said I'm very attractive. I just don't have very many friends or social skills and I have ass burgers.
I was referred here from the other thread.
I'm worried I'm never going to have a real, emotional relationship where someone loves me for who I am - not the effort I'm putting in or who I'm trying to be, but who I actually already am, if that makes sense.
And I'm not saying that I'm entitled to it, or I'm confused by why I don't have it. I know that when it comes to relationships, no one really deserves anything. I'm just saying that I'm worried I'll never have it.
It's not hypocritical for me to want it. There was a girl I knew who I really loved, and after I met her I actually get what a lot of people mean when they say the word 'love'. Even when she looked awful, even when she was pissed off, even when she was making stupid decisions, I still wanted her, and on those occasions when she actually paid attention to me and was nice to me it would make my week. In retrospect, I guess I just had Stage 4 Oneitis Syndrome. I wish that one day something like that would be reciprocated.
>>29499297
>the white noise phase
I think I'm starting to get there, it's either that or the video games talking.
>>29499450
It's a good place to start. Not sure if the ideal place, but better than any I can think of. You must understand that what you are asking for is for a professor. Women today will become content with sex and a walking ATM. Some of the smartest, philosophical, open minded women I have ever meet were at parties and the breeding grounds for junkies.
It's a hard place to pin down, but a library is good place to start. If you find no luck, approach your local college or university and find a job in the new student wing.
Best of luck lad
Me and a girl told each other we liked each other and we kept texting for three months and I noticed slowly she didn't like me over that time but I still liked texting her even though she didn't seem that much into it and she's the only girl I've felt good about but I didn't feel like starting a conversation so we haven't talked in a few days.it hurts but I wish the best for her
>>29499540
Did you do anything besides texting? Did you ever ask her out?
If not, do it!
>>29499508
>no one really deserves anything
It would seem that you don't value yourself enough man. You earn things in life, as well as the value to yourself to have a woman in your life. But that line is written by you.
What happened with this girl, was it the first true romance you had? How long ago was this?
>>29499450
>I'm not ugly, in fact a lot of women have said I'm very attractive
So i have no chance as i dont have neither personality neither looks?
>>29499563
Yeah multiple times and she replied ehh and one of her friends asked her if she liked me later on and said I was like a brother which made me die a little on the inside
>>29499613
You have a good point.
And the thing with this girl wasn't my first romance because I've never had any romance. We were just friends, and for awhile we were close, but it inevitably deteriorated. She's never gonna feel the same way about me that I feel about her. She's know I'm into her. For awhile it was just this unaddressed thing, and then eventually she started making jokes about it, which was just weird and tense and uncomfortable for me.
Eventually I realized I was just torturing myself, and I stopped talking to her. I deleted her from my contacts so that I won't drunkenly text her at any point.
The last time we talked was two weeks ago. We've known each other for two and a half years.
>>29499640
Ouch
I'm sorry man. That said, the fact that you even asked her out makes you a lot better than most people on r9k, who don't have the courage to do that sort of thing. And also saying "I wish the best for her" makes you a lot more mature than most people on r9k, me included
You'll eventually meet someone new. And I know that sounds like a cliche, but its true. We're only human. Our memories just aren't strong enough for us to stay stuck on any one girl forever, as long as we're meeting new people
Hope you're doing okay man
>>29499520
Then you are reaching the eye of the hurricane. The storm will still be around you, constantly making it's presence known. But it will be a strange kind of sanity, lost in the underbrush of inadequacy for a mortal to find himself in.
The upcoming times will test many facets of your morality, emotional stability, and stress receptors. At some point in this haze, the limits of your explosiveness and silent human degradation will be put to the test. You will not come out the same as you went in. You will take one of two form that are polar opposites of each other.
You will come out knowing much more about yourself. The limits, your flexibility, your wit, your stress, your breaking point, your weaknesses. And from these, you will know every inch, and come out educated by life experience.
Or the other.
A corpse of your former self will roam the paths you do not truly wish to take. Living in a constant state or nervousness, fear, and depression. Where everything is an aggravation towards you as a person. Where every action take towards you is a reminder of a failure.
Be in the correct head space for what is coming towards you. It's plummeting with intents too kill you, to destroy you as a what you stand. You must stand your ground and learn what life is really about.
My personal camwhore just gave birth and now her stomach and stuff is all fucked up with stretch marks.
At least she promised that next kid will be mine.
>inb4 cuck
I could care less desu.
I think she sent a pic that said "next kid is gonna be anon jr."
Br3h's the state of my penis after I saw that...
>>29499672
Thanks,I've hallucinated a few times that we were texting or I think I've never had something like that happen before and she's always on my mind but I've been working out and trying to change myself for the better because I get depressed easily
>>29499651
>but it inevitably deteriorated
Every relationship does. The only ones that withstand the test of time are those that grow from the same dirt. Where the same innate values and morals are created by the entities, not taught. The bondage there is of brotherhood, of an undying understanding of each other that can be communicated without words.
>I realized I was just torturing myself, and I stopped talking to her.
One of the tougher choices a man must make. However you were strong enough to act on this thought, and not shove it into the back of your mind, hoping it would disappear into unconsciousness. You did right removing her completely. Now you are a brand new man, and must venture forward a such.
I truly urge you to glance over some of the earlier replies I made to some of the poor bastards that are in a pit of emotions that they are not accountable for. They can only experience these pains and try to come out walking up straight.
>>29492340
My only friend doesn't care about me anymore and I keep trying to keep the friendship alive, but it just keeps ruining my mood and I end up hating myself even more
How do I accept that she doesn't like me anymore
>>29499773
I gotta go to sleep, but I'll look back at those responses in the morning
Thanks for this thread OP
It really helped
>>29496445
>My mom is a cokehead
She'll probably let you fuck her for a few bucks or grams
Oy girl to ever make me feel truly loved as not only an individual but as a social and extensively connective creature died nearly two years ago. Her personality and demeanor were so interestingly alike to mine with little speckles of contrast thrown in the mix. She was not only the last and only person that I have loved but also the last person to have stimulated my curiosity and made me feel like improving myself for the sake of discovery in which that is mutually human.
Schizophrenic flare ups frequently bring her into my perception and she is mostly either angry and berating, asking and pleading as to why I didnt save her, or at the worst times simply propped upon my bed or elsewhere watching me with that dull and pitying look that makes me realize that whatever afflicts me is too real and somber for even the likes of a haunting memory to console.
I feel as though my love died with her and that I cannot bring myself to even imagine anything worthwhile with any other woman much less initiate the first steps in doing so.
>>29499782
>How do I accept that she doesn't like me anymore
>it just keeps ruining my mood and I end up hating myself even more
You are trying to avoid the obvious. You are clearly concious of this. You stopped being happy some time ago, but you are living a lie you fathomed. That this girl will in somway bring back a happines you once experienced. That staying around her for long enough will make this fame burst back up. But you can see this fire pit, and it no longer has flames, no heat, no light. But you keep spinning your hot-dog above it, as if hovering it for long enough will make the flames come back.
You know this man. But I think it was time someone told you. I hope this is the last wake up call you need.
>>29499795
I'm always around man. Glad to be of some help. For some reason they don't prune these threads. I believe they are archived. So you can take your time on reading the interchange of experience
>>29499862
She is the only friend I have
What do I do without any friends
>>29499883
What is your current vocation? What are you doing in your life? Goals? Dreams? Jobs?
What has the horizon promised you?
>>29499922
Nice trip dubs
I am in theory a student, but for half a year I have been in and out of a few mental hospitals
My next stay starts at the 4th of July and will last a few more months
I don't have any dreams or goals
>>29499948
Condemned before the jury has taken it's seats. You poor soul.
Not wishing to draw parallels here, I was cornered into my first rehabilitation center last year. Wasn't the best human treatment. Then again, Mexico isn't know for having law abiding residents. I was there, on vacation, when they caught me. Not the best trip I've had. Not the last trip of that caliber I had either
That was my latest internship. While in my junior year of high school, I was sent to a military boarding school, for being too much to handle for those that had the indecency to be around me. I was deemed out of place, and spent the next twelve months living in a shoes box.
Grab onto your groin, and don't let go until you get out. Try to hold your breath before they dunk you under water. And know that when they let you go, you burst from the waves, taking in the deepest breath you have in your life.
Once you are out, it is time to hit those bars, clubs, bowling allies, or whatever you truly like. In those places that you feel the most comfortable, you will meet those unexpected being that will be your friends. They will accept you for who you truly are. And there is nothing homier than finding your heard.
>>29499849
>watching me with that dull and pitying look that makes me realize that whatever afflicts me is too real and somber for even the likes of a haunting memory to console.
Do you feel like failure has consumed you? The state you are living in is too far fetched to redeem back into a normal life?
>I feel as though my love died with her
Has you felt this strongly since her passing? Has this emotion been on a plane that were drops altitude? Never have you come close has anyone made you feel what she endowed on you?
Your souls seems to be attached to her, where she represented hope in your life. She was tending the light at the end of the tunnel. But now, that light is flickering, being hushed by the violent wind of isolation.
What about friends, colleges, family? Where do they stand in your life?
My friend wants me to drugs with him after I do a piss test. What will leave my system in 30 days?
marijuana would cut it too close since I'm overweight and don't do much
>>29500461
Only weed stays in the system for ages
Coke, meth, benzos, etc. stay for a week max
t. chemistry student
>>29500461
What I am about to recommend is from only substances I have tried. I don't want to condone any of them, altho I never regret the joy they bring me
cocaine is good for parties, activities with others, ego booster not always a good thing but very enjoyable mentality while in the moment and after.
LSD does not show up in conventional urine tests. Only in hair tests as well as spinal fluid extraction that is then tested. Fast the day before you drop acid and don't eat anything prior to taking it. Don't worry about hunger, you won't want to eat while you are tripping. Heightens the intensity.
MDMA is the drug it is known to be, very lively, usually ends with introspective mind set, can be mind opening for some, party drug for junkies
shrooms are, what I like to call, the party cousin of LSD. Less introspective, usually more visually stimulating. Can end in vomiting
DMT is a firework high. It might be the most intense thing you experience, ad least in this list. It will take around 15 min maximum. If you do choose to take DMT, send god my regards. Ask him how Hunter is doing
>>29500574
I already have experience with those drugs.
>>29500496
Probably going to get high on meth then relax with benzos then
>>29492340
Fear & Loathing bro! Glad to see ya. Nothing to add at the moment. Just want to say I love these threads.
Carry on gents
> go to summerfest
> girl I know falls for me hard
> I'm not interested because her face is 5/10
> she is thicc
> 1 year later, I'm dtf
> she isn't too attached to some other guy, he was just a placekeeper
Comfy feel I guess, knowing that I have a sidehoe. But she's all I got, actually, so not really a sidehoe.
>>29500590
Well there is nothing more to say.
>I want you togo to the moon younge man, and I'll meet you amongst the stars
>>29500592
Glad to hear from you man. I hope your sanity hasn't plummeted since we last talked.
I hope you don't need anything for some time. As long as you keep your passion aflame, you hopefully won't need anything from me. I'm here for the poor deprived souls, lost amongst the wilderness of promised oblivion.
Stay sane lad
>>29500611
Must be a good feeling, to rope a once lost cause to now be at your side. Hope it goes as well as it should
>3 years in on meds for depression and anxiety
>numb
>can barely feel anything anymore
>i dont react emotionally to anything anymore
>i get the impression i feel sad the whole time but i have no idea how i actually feel because i'm completely fuck from the meds
>anytime i feel like i'm reacting emotionally to something it just dies off and i have no idea how the thing that just happened made me feel like
i want to get off the meds or something but i got really hooked onto them, it's like i'm addicted to being numb now and i'm scared i might fall back into my old shit state of mind if i go off of them. it happened once when the psychiatrist put me off of them for 2 months and that was the worst period of time i had since i started taking them.
Ok r9k, this thread is my tampon now.
One of my friends in high school, Anthony, got me expelled, told everyone I was a pedophile, and is the reason I went from the normal teenager I was in 2011 to the robot I am now.
He knows what he did, and he knows I still exist, and his smug faggot face is embedded into my mind. I have been chadding up. I can do fifty push ups, which was my only excercize, and I can punch things pretty hard now, enough to make noticeable dents in metal doors.
I'm gonna drive to his house and kick his fucking ass. How should I do it?
>>29494154
You might have not helped OP but you have me thinking about what you said. I'm gonna have to screenshot your posts, thank you friend.
this qt european just broke up with me today, im british where else will i find such a sweet deal
I feel like my life isn't really real
I feel like my consciousness is dying and another is being born anew every second without "me" knowing that i just died etc etc
I try my best to not think about it but it's killing me inside
>>29500713
Ill take it and run mhm
I really must not let myself get close to female colleagues at work.
I know they think nothing off me, that I am just a toy to them, a brotherly helpful fatass that makes them laugh sometimes, but I get so close to embarrassing myself by almost asking them out and fantasising over them
I just want to shut it off, but eventually I get talking and interacting, and I fool myself into thinking there is chemistry there. Every. Single. Time.
I'm eccentric, I'm neurotic. I'm quite ironically a little narcissistic as well. People are drawn to me because I can't help but stand out and make jokes all the time.
But I do that because, well it IS fun, but also it's just a coping mechanism for the shitty life I live.
I just wish I could be 100% happy alone. Not, say, 65% with a nagging doubt.
>>29492340
This isn't /soc/.
Fuck off.
You normalfags have ruined this board.
>>29500905
>>29500905
Addiction is a serious illness, that can end in an overwhelming spiral that cosumes your life.
Fear of experiencing emotions is a real fear that not many experience in their life time. A reaching point, whether it be chemically or because life has edged you too far, you begon too lose that part of you that feels as a human should. I struggled with chemical dependancy not too long ago, and the mental state of withdrawl is emotionally draining.
Try and seek help from a professional and tell them what is going on before it is too late. It will be very difficult to confront that drain from the depletment of the narcotics, but you must have it. Dig in your heals and get ready for the jungle
>>29500982
>>29501141
>>29502189
>>29501273
OP here
I am no longer at my desk. I will respond these when I am free if the thread is still open. Copy you post, and keep it somewhere. Some time from now I will open a new thead, the next chapter in the LETS TALK threads.
Stay sane men
>>29492340
what are you a middle school girl OP
I have had my gallbladder removed so if i eat anything fatty, it all comes out diarrhea-like.
Today i ate something pretty fatty. I was cycling home when I got the biggest fucking urge to poop. I had to cycle harder to make it back home since there was no toilet near me.
Shit, the poop was already hitting my underwear. I get to an underpass (just so no car passing by would see me) and just decided to offload my poop there. The poop explosion created a mountain of shit there. I decided to split immediately without taking a pic. I wonder if the rain has already washed it away, but I hate to be the guy who comes by mount shityama
>>29503331
What an interesting approach to a general debate over crucial problems that pester the poor retched souls that wander these boards. Those who have the forward thinking to approach an anonymous board and express their live's distress, seeking help, or someone who can relate to them, dmes them chikdish. Those that here have seen their damnation and want release, but are conflicted on how to resolve their issues are somehow bellow you.
Yes, that is the secret to my life experience. I am a 13 year old old child who was recently rejected by Tommy in homeroom, so I started making these threads out of self pitty
Any books you recommend that would help for learning how to put thoughts and feelings into words?
>>29504057
>>29504057
Most classical book are candidates.
Frankenstein, Dantes Inferno, books of this calaber.
I also enjoyed Hells Angels by Hunster S thompson and Fear and loathing. Audiobooks are available on youtube for Fear and loathing.
There are other great one that dive into personal expression thru emotions, but those are the one I know off the top of my head
I want to get married and then never care about women ever again-just the woman in my life. Like diving in freezing cold water to find a beautiful pearl, and then never go swimming in that ocean because it fucking sucks.
>>29500077
Nice trip dubs again
>Once you are out, it is time to hit those bars, clubs, bowling allies, or whatever you truly like. In those places that you feel the most comfortable, you will meet those unexpected being that will be your friends. They will accept you for who you truly are. And there is nothing homier than finding your heard.
That sounds a lot like
>just be yourself
I don't really have any hobbies or like stuff, because I have been depressed since I am 14
I wouldn't feel like I belong
I must express my surprise, as I looked upon the catalog and saw the thread, seemingly more alive than expected. Still kicking, gasping for air. Now, its my time to try and light a flare for some of the blind souls, lost in their own dark hell of compromise and emotions
>>29500982
>this thread is my tampon now
are you ok man? Are you in pain? Was the surgeon stoned when he did your sex change? You poor bastard.
>How should I do it?
Your story remind me that of the true rocky. Where he di not fight for money and what he conceived as righteous, but instead more common occurrence. A man, looking for revenge, and making himself the weapon to carry out his deeds. Are you mentally prepared to push this man into the cement, repainting the floor red with those fluid that seconds ago laid within him?
If you are truly ready to do this, make him remember your knuckles as much as your face. Once you are there, you can not stop. You must let the forces of rage take you to your foreseen destiny. Everything you have been training for, sweating, heaving, and pushing is about to give its fruits. And its up to you how you harvest them.
If your going to be in trouble, make it for something worth while. Don't get arrested for stealing cookies. Go for the big prize. Always. And once you have victory at your finger tips, don't hesitate to snatch it out of the air, olding it tight and feeling succes vibrate thru you.
Make this an experience you will both never forget. Show him what you have evolved into. Show him what he made you do. Show him that they day he said those things he was writing his death wish.
Its up to you now. Will you do it?
>>29500991
Always glad to be of some kind of assistance to someone. Anything I can give, I will.
My apple tree has grown too large for me. Apples are falling off and rotting. Why should I not give those fruits to the starving? I lose nothing, and I never know if that apple could save their life, or ad least prolong their inevitable death for a few more hours.
>>29501273
Is this notion of a continuous cycle of the unconscious taking a hold of your conscious existence? What situations seem surreal? Where does it hold the most power, where the situation seems so strange, that the feeling of a new you begins?
Give me a story here, something I can wrap my head around.
>>29502189
Well man you are stuck living with the constant leach of life we were born with, sucking our confidence out, while its own existence makes us check on our selves and what we are doing. Some were able scrape it off. Others, like yourself, were annoyed, but never did too much to make it leave. There are others, who dress up their leaches, pretending they like them. I showered mine with gasoline and set it a flame.
Now this parasite has you sucked out most of your ego. However it coulden't get to your character, to your personality. Some poor souls have let the leach suck for too long, and their own humanity is being drained, being left with bits of a person, who then attempt to live as normal humans. We all know someone like that, as you do too.
Use your personality with friends, and stop looking at these women as something higher than you. Next time you are in their same space, greet them politely, and continue. Don't acknowledge them as who they are, but just as another human being. I assume you see what road I'm taking here.
>But I do that because, well it IS fun
Of course it is a coping mechanism, and your consciousness of it leads me to believe you aren't the average guinnie-pig of a man.
The only other comment I need to make goes as follows.
Be healthier. In any way. If you are seeing that you are at a size that compromise you as a person, its time to do something about it. You must, for your own decency. I'm not nagging you because I am sure you are a man that can make his own decisions. Just don't let your apperance affect your confidence. And if you cannot, then get to a size that allows you to come out more confidently.
>>29502205
So we are proclamined outcasts by the man with no voice. For what reasn? What attrocity have we commited?
I started making these threads with an idea in mind. Amongst the wallowing beast, the ones forged by life's putrid circumstances, there needs to be a breath of fresh air. A hole where they can rest for a moment. Where they can regroup their thoughts. Those things that don't surface because of the constant barrage of inhumanity that they see. The loss of human contact. The inexistent passion they feel from others. At some point, they will start to wither. Adn they will be fine with it. Do you understand that? Can you conceive what that means?
You probably cannot, but that might be for the better.
This is a cave in the fallout of human society, that is all. A place to start thinking and rationalizing real life situacions that hold these men and women back. And you have a problem with that. With the natural feeling of evolving
>Ask for a form at DMV
>Person says I need a parent or guardian's signature
>I'm 23
>Awkward 'You're going to love it when you're 40, haha'
I thought my new glasses made me look a bit more mature, too. Should have known it, like all attempts to dress more my age, just makes me look like a kid trying to look mature.
There's nothing to be done for it save continuing to avoid things only teens would wear, it just gets old. I think a big reason I don't get many people expressing interest or responding to my attempts at flirting is because I look like a 15-16 year old. If I were short I could probably pass for a middle school kid.
>left every friend I ever knew because every single "friendship" devolved into a never-ending mission to get me laid
Hold me bros, why do people always feel like they have to fix you? Don't they know this stupid bullshit never ends well? Leave me alone. Tuck me in, let me die.
>>29508298
How are you physically built? Are you scrawny? Are you fat? This might be impacting your general appearance, and condemning you to look even more childish.
>>29508523
I've been lifting and taking krav maga for a few years(the studio was in walking distance so I figured why not), but I look slender unless I'm actively flexing. My body is weird like that.
My whole family is like this, really. No matter the age they look like they're one to three decades younger. Hopefully I'll go grey early and quickly like they tend to. The only thing keeping my dad, uncle, and aunts from looking like they're in their late thirties at 60+ is their grey hair. Or maybe I could just opt out of bathing in virgin's blood if that's what they do when they get older.
I know I really will enjoy it when I'm much older, but right now I think all I can really do at this point is continue to always have an ID on me at all times. And possibly try my luck dating online with photos taken in lighting that makes my physical age a bit ambiguous in my favor.
>>29508521
Everyone is living in a constant state of existence where every decision they make is believed to be the best. They can't live knowing they messed up. They must believe that they always took the best path given the circumstances they were given. And so they must form an opinion on how you should be making decisions. And any deviation from what they would do is wrong.
Screw them. You are an individual who is enough of a man to make his own decisions and can make his own boundaries. And if you haven't, its time to start
>>29508750
>try my luck dating online with photos taken in lighting that makes my physical age a bit ambiguous in my favor.
Ok lad, just be careful. I don't want to see you on Oprah, telling your storie that ended with Rohypnol and tape.
It's just a matter of time. Try not to get too stressed out.
>>29508921
I like to think and talk about online dating, but I'm really too paranoid. I like to keep my tangible online presence as little as possible. Look, look, look as hard as you can, you can't see me, I'm the paranoiaman.
Besides, I'm pretty content as long as I have my friends and family. I'd just like a partner who doesn't just treat me like a friend they kiss sometimes. I rarely actively pursue anybody, anyway. Always figured you can't rush that sort of thing. And I'm also a bit of a sperg. The only person who's caught my eye recently is a barista but I don't want to make her uncomfortable in a setting where she can't really tell me to knock it off.
should i try to fuck my ex?
I wish I was fucking dead
Everything is shit, my family are all in a state of dissaray since my little sister has had fucking Leukaemia twice since 2009. Found out my dad has been on anti-depressants for christ knows's how long and kept it from us. I failed college because I've been so depressed lately that I haven't had the will to even go to class and work makes me want to scream. I hate the way I look, I hate how nobody quite understands, I hate how my own mother told me to "man up and deal with it" lately. Everything is fucking awful and I don't see it getting better any time soon.
Who here /utterlyresentful/
>>29508750
All of my family is built so incredibly lean. when my Dad was in the Air Force he was 6'3" with a 28 waist, and he was stout enough to get Honors in basic training.
>>29509184
whoever it is you gotta stop this, seriously it's terrible
>>29492340
I got friendzoned by a girl i like at work. It hurts pretty bad cus i work with her 3 days a week behind a tiny ass counter. She recently got a boyfriend but has already started complaining to him about me and I just can't do it. Also at one point she was like "It's hard to find someone with this early schedule we have"(we work 4 am to noon) as I'm sitting there in my head like "WE'RE ON THE SAME SCHEDULE AND GET ALONG SOOOO WEEELLLLL"
Blah i need a new job.
>>29509184
>Always figured you can't rush that sort of thing
I'm glad you see this, the way true feelings aren't tied to time, but to raw feelings. They take holf of that which you cannot control. And those lost creatures, who believe that they can, are forever doomed to walk chained to a boulder. They keep tugging at it, hopping it gives way. But it never moves. It sits there, mocking them, as their efforts give way to defeat.
>I don't want to make her uncomfortable
Very good of you to see the situation she is in, where is is already forced to have the smile of a clown at all hours. Leave the poor woman alone, and if she is interested in you, she will do what women do best. Toy with your own grasp of control, making you question that which you believe to know.
I'll green text this
>first time on r9k in exactly one year as of today
>robot from 15-20
>random robot told me to join the U.S. Navy instead of killing myself
>a one last shot at life before an hero
>joined
>literally forced in 24/7 chill/sleepover communication with other people so my social skills improved
>2 months straight of straight shit in bootcamp with 80 other people
>they got me in shape and even showed me how to fold clothes
>graduated
>feelskindagood
>went to Navy school for the CTN job
>school is filled with nerdy people like me
>lost virginity due to lack of competition
>built confidence in myself
>independent from my mom and bought a motorcycle
>learned job skills that will land me a 6 figure job when I get out
>get assigned to shitty command(work place)
>out to sea for 80% each month
>drinking the other 20%
>10 month deployment in the middle east next year
Still dead inside. Not sure what to do now. Might join Devgru (Seal Team support) and see if I can get myself killed.
Just had to vent somewhere. I don't really have people to talk to and Internet is scarce at sea.
>>29509626
Be careful lad, you stepping into a mine field. You would be a lucky bastard if you can walk out of there with all your limbs still attached.
Whats the story here? Give me some context
>>29509786
Damn.
Who else here /beanpole/
>>29509870
?
>>29509942
I normally just take life as it comes at me.
I just say 'Hi', normally she initiates smalltalk.
I really try not to make retail folks' lives any harder. I remember the day I felt a stab of true fear of another human being in a situation that stemmed over Simpsons comics when I was in retail. All I had felt toward others was nervousness or dread. But Simpsons taught me fear.
there's this super hot married milf I work with who tells me she's going through "troubles at home"
How can I possibly fuck her?
>>29509725
od damn man calm down. I understand you opening the water pipes and letting the dam break. If there is anywhere to do that, it is here.
What is this depression about? How everything in your life seems to have manifested in order to destroy any possible future you could have made?
Your little sister has a disease, and a serious one. Your family didn't react they way they did on purpose. They are human after all. Flawed beings that are condemned to experiencing emotions, but incapable of bending them to their favor.
Your father did what he thought was best. He keep what he deem inappropriate for you to know about him. A mix of shame and confusion, that slowly cornered him into a state of silence. He found safty there, ducking him head everytime he saw movement, trying to go unnoticed. Why do you think he did that? Look at how you reacted. You can't blame the man for trying to deal with it in the best manner he thought possible. A man with depression, dealing with that luggage alone.
I can open this post right down the middle, and start picking at the organs, seeing what nerve moves what muscle, but I'm going to say what I believe to be objectives you can conquer now, in your life.
>I hate the way I look
For gods sake man, what is stopping you from changing what you look like? What reaches do you want your body to be in that the current one disgusts you? You know what must be done to reach the body you want. Wanting to get out of your comfort zone is a matter that you need to get over. If you don't pull yourself out from there, you will never make any progress. Looking at life with melancholic eyes will resolve nothing. It will only set you back. It will tie you to a boulder, and you will not be able to move it, unless you cut the chain.
>I hate how my own mother told me to "man up and deal with it" lately
So what do you expect her to do? Watch you solidify into a failure? What kind of mother would do that?
>>29492340
BAT COUNTRY
>>29509870
Have you nothing more constructive to say? At all? Your brain mustered all its thinking power to make some sort of comment and that is what shat out?
I guess I now I understand your feeling towards the other post>whoever it is you gotta stop this, seriously it's terrible
I'm still having a lot of trouble trying to get over the fact that I lost my virginity to someone who cheated on me before and after without letting me know that there was anything wrong. I hate that I trusted someone so fully when he had been a liar this entire time. It makes me feel like I don't know people and that I will never know or understand them fully. It's making me realize that I can't really date anyone else because the one that I trusted the most continuously lied and I was so blind I never saw it.
>>29509872
This insane bitch doesn't need more attention. Focus on your work, on your thoughts, on the day, but not on her. If she tries to address you, respond politely and to the point and continue. If she beggins to insist that you have an attitute towards her, look her in the eyes and explain you are working and have no need to more than efficient with her. If she makes a scene or continues to pester you, hold onto your groin and tell her to fuck off
You don't need a new job. Don't make her the center of attention at work, for yourself or anyone else. There must be other things to keep you occupied at work. Find something, just don't let it be her.
You will be fine lad
>>29509970
A man has been forged from what once was fetus of doubt. What a story my man. Wherever the road takes you, confidence shall endow them as you arrive. Good luck lad, and hope for whatever your best outcome should be
>>29510377
Stop what?
Didn't mean to offend, if I did.
>>29510086
>I really try not to make retail folks' lives any harder
Your a good lad. My past has the displeasure of holding the records that show all different locations, staff, and rabbis that I had to work under. And once your on the other side of that cashregister, there is a feeling of understanding, huilt, and compassion that run up your body, trying to not have the man work anymore than he already has to. Knowing that even if you give him no trouble at all, someone else will cause him to mark that day with the frustration and anger he so wishes he could explode into, but instead quietly overwhelming him inside.
>>29510251
We can't stop here
Do you think 4chan has changed you, be it for better or worse? Or do you think you'd always be the way you are, just to a different degree?
>I look kinda normal, can pretend I have social skills because I'm a good actor
>but I'm a narcisstic.jpg robot
>It's easy for me to fall in love but it never lasts because I see their bad sides too easily
>Was with a girl for three years, didn't love her for last two. She broke up with me (finally) and I don't even care. Had three emotional affairs during the relationship (but I stopped care)
>I just know I'm too selfish to love anyone so I won't probably feel that
>So I go to uni to do something, but it sucks, I can't concentrate so I have depressions from that and I don't know why I have such a bad luck in this last thing that keeps me going. It's like almost everytime.
>literally nothing is working out because i'm a hidden robot who is addicted to pc games
>thinking about killing myself or go completely psychotic because nothing brings me joy anymore or isn't working out. Was thinking about antidepressants because I can't stand being in my head or go anywhere.
Idk why i'm even writing this i just need to get it out of my head because that's probably the only problem in my life
>>29492340
I'm frustrated that whenever I act like myself I seem to alienate people, but whenever I try to act professional people seem to think I'm fake. My reaction to all that is to ignore everyone and get on with work for a few weeks, and then people seem to think I'm a depressed loner.
People are a lot of things, and deep down everyone wants to express everything about themselves. I'd like to be able to express my sadness more often, as well as my awkwardness and social anxiety.
>>29498869
it's good you even told your family i couldn't. Maybe you should go to see a doctor. I feel ya, I screamed at my brother yesterday when he had a silly note. Which was overreacting, but sometimes these days make you so done.
>>29509725
Don't blame your dad, he's dealing with your sister's illness and tried to look strong. Maybe it has some genetic reason so you could talk to him. Your mother won't understand if she never suffered the depression, she just thinks you're being weak. But remember, depression is a change of chemicals in your body (it can be triggered by trauma/stress etc.) so it's a disease and she should understand that.
>>29509725
Your dad isn't obligated to tell you if he's on meds. That can be a cause of personal shame for people because of the stigma against mental illness. I understand if you want to have been able to help somehow, but sometimes you just need to let people deal with shit on their own terms.
My family is always full of sick and dying people, so it's just a normal thing for me. Dunno what to say about that.
Maybe your mother is being extra harsh on you as a way of taking out her frustration. Your sister is ill. Sick family is an incredible stress, but one people tend to bottle up because they can't express it without feeling judged or like an asshole. Your sister has a serious condition, your mother can't take out frustration on her. Same with your father now, but because of his depression. My own mother would disproportionately yell at me all the time. I wasn't ill, I was there, I was an acceptable target. I still resent her a bit for it, but we've moved past that.
Sometimes you have to just put aside yourself and push yourself to function for others. Go to school, don't show sadness or anger to your parents too much. They have enough on their shoulders. Talk to your doctor about meds, if need be. ADD meds and antianxiety pills helped me adjust my energy. That's how I dealt with it. Not the best way, but it is what it was.
If it makes you feel better, nobody told me my dad had cancer many years ago. I only found out when my mom took me to a doctor because of me being a mess and mentioned to the doctor that my dad had cancer. The look on the doctor's face when I said 'Wait, what' to my dad having cancer. Kind of funny now, that 'oh shit' look.
>>29510958
>whenever I act like myself I seem to alienate people
You might be expressing your love and hate too hard. It might not seem like it since you are throwing the jabs, but they are receiving all the force, so they are forced to retreat. When the window appears, when the time is right to chip in your opinion, do it calmly, as if they were the fifty first to ask. The tone will shift into a state where speed is non existent. This is amusing the idea that you do this and are unaware of it, which is quit common among those that aren't listened too very often.
>I'd like to be able to express my sadness more often, as well as my awkwardness and social anxiety.
You should lad, and there is no better place than here. But humans are wired to be repulsed from that which is the norm. Only other freaks find the twisted and strange as an exotic fruit, whose fantastic nectar should be treasured by all for being so unique. But normal men find that wich doesn't fall into it's intended category as deformed, as a mishap that must be corrected. Awkwardness along with anxiety in public is in there eyes a fault, and there fore should never be brought up. It should be pushed under the water line, waiting for the bubbles to stop rising.
But as humans, we have these feelings that we cannot control. When yu do have the need to speak with someone, to have some dialog, come find me. I'm always around
Stay sane man
Hey /r9k/, like most of you I hate my life and I honestly don't really know why. I graduated college with a 3.97 GPA and am trying to get into graduate school. I'm currently applying to Johns Hopkins but out of fucking nowhere Harvard's dean contacted me. Harvard's fucking dean personally contacted me and asked me to apply to their fucking program. I let her know that I was interested but have been ignoring the rest of her emails. I don't feel like I'm smart enough or good enough to even apply to their university.
I'm 26 years old and I live with my mom. I don't have a job and just sleep most of the day away. I don't have any friends and just spend most of my time alone. I used to want a girlfriend but now I just see women as parasites and am ultimately happy alone, but my hormones make me want to go out and get laid. It's quite the conundrum.
>>29501273
If your curious to pursue this realization youve had, i would check out theravada buddhism. They say thst there is no soul, no self. No ego, the I identity that which we identify and claim to be us. There is only mind moments, and once one arises, it soon ceases to exist, only to be replaced by a new mind moment; and the ever arising mind moments make up our experience, leading us to believe our selves as real, individual beings with a continuous flow of consciousness, but at is not the truth of this world.
You may have had a breakthrough, sprung forth from some realization youve had. Perhaps introspection and analysis has lead you to this realization. If you really are experiencing these perceived deaths and renewals of yourself, not on a superficial level but intimate one, i would suggest looking deeper into it. You may discover something new and interesting that would calm your fears and turn them i to keen interest for exploration.
i should've posted this here.
>>29511821
Because I'm a stupid fictionkin fag and suffer of maladaptive dreaming (besides depressions, school stuff, relationships failed) and I just can't live without that but my life can't ever work out when I'm like this. I haven't told anyone and I feel embarassed and it's not really something you will go to doctor.
>>29511727
So what compels you more, at this hour? When you lay in bed, and there are no lights, what regret overcomes your thoughts?
i love grocery stores
i love food
i just love how all of it has its own taste, smell, and colors and how they all grow and are alive and have cells, it's really a lovely and wholesome process that makes me happy to think about, especially when i feel shitty. i still feel shitty, but just a little less
>>29511941
So what stops you from becoming the man you want to be? The comfort you have found? Don't be a dog that has made itself a warm spot on the mattress and refuses to move because commodity has grasped its power and won't return it. Get up and become what you want to me man. Dig yourself out of the ditch because no one is coming to the rescue. You decide when to start truly living.
>>29492340
>playing vidya with friend
>having good time
>"oh, actually I don't have time for another, I'm going to the movies"
>tfw no friends besides online friends
>tfw they've all outgrown me
>>29512131
well, i think you have fallen back enough. Why don't you start running, picking up the pace, and reaching them? And once your next to them, flip them the middle finger and keep going.
What emotions are holding you back? Attempt to manifest your emotions into words
>>29511995
What kind of grocery stores do you like best?
It's his birthday today. That obviously hurts a ton. To know he isn't spending it with me, but his new partner instead. That it could have been me, if I hadn't fucked up. But I did and I have to accept that.
His new partner's also making the most of the chance to flaunt their relationship. Right now, just endless pictures of the two of them together, in various ways. It's like being taunted, when really it's just testament of their love for each other. How happy and perfect they are together. Showing everyone they can that they're happily in love.
I'll never have a place in his heart again. I'll never be with him again. I messed up, I have to let go. I have to move on. When I thought I was numbing slightly, they started it again and the pain hit hard. To avoid that pain, I have to completely leave somewhere I had been before his partner started going there. Hell, before HE started going there. I have no other way to avoid this constant pain.
Everyone just looks at him and his partner, they see the perfect couple. They forgot when we were a couple. They forgot anything I ever did for anyone else. Of course, I'm forgettable. A stepping stone is what I feared I would be, and it turns out that I fucked up so much I became exactly that.
I got accused once of turning my back on him and quitting something ahead of him. He actually quit on me. I also did the same thing people praise him for twice in the time it took him. But I'm forgotten by the community, and fored to watch them
>>29512131
I have started going to the gym. I want to learn some sort of trade, but I don't know where to start.
Despair because I'm in debt for a useless degree I let myself get bullied into taking and i've lost 4 years+ of my life while everyone else is just going along smoothly.
Anger at my mother for doing this to me and myself, for being so weak as to not stand up for myself.
>>29512566
what a grotesque state you are in. Like a trapped zoo animal, watching behind glass, unable to reach that which you most desire. A place so tantalizingly close you can see it, practically smell it, but no matter how hard to try and smash that piece of glass, all you will find is agony, tormented by what once was promised to you.
My dearest lost soul, shrouded in sorrow, I implore you to trust me. We may be lost in the thickest of forests, but there is a path out of here. We know it's there, and we both know the pain we will have to suffer to get out. We can see the thorns, still covered in another's blood, still dripping with pieces of them. The air is cold, and it seems that if we don't move, we might freeze were we stand. But we will get out, onto the wide meadow, where the sun shines strongest. Were flowers roam as far as the ye can see. And there, we will find the peace, the freedom we have been searching for. The promised land. But now, as we stand here, we are lost. I don't want you to take the first step, but you must. If you don't, we will both die here.
>>29498630
>Now, onto the pressing matters that brought you here, onto the board of the diseased and twisted, asking for directions from the blind man.
You're a fucking poet, man.
Back in 7 and 8 grade I remember that everyone in my class didn't talk to me or even get near to me, I cannot recall any good reason for this to happen, didn't really care actually, always had a few friends so it was fine (pardon my grammar if it's bad, I'm hispanic)
>>29512823
>Like a trapped zoo animal, watching behind glass, unable to reach that which you most desire. A place so tantalizingly close you can see it, practically smell it, but no matter how hard to try and smash that piece of glass, all you will find is agony, tormented by what once was promised to you.
This is exactly it. This is exactly the feeling. Made worse by the fact I essentially trapped myself in the zoo. What I want out of reach only because I messed up. All blame on me, I'm the reason I'm in this state.
I know I'm forced to move on. I'm forced to walk away from everything, even the community I enjoyed being a part of before all of this. I'm forced to cut off everyone and everything to do with it to get away from that pain. I'm forced to move on and get over it.
Haha, truly. Truly I'm an idiot. This is a situation that only came about because I ended a relationship, then never fixed it. Now with too much time passing, he's out of reach, and I am no longer comfortable in the community I was once fond of. In a way, I think I have more reason to hate myself now. It not only cost me who I wanted, it cost me the place I was so comfortable and fond of.
I don't like any of this. Who knows how long it's going to take me to move on from him? Who knows how long it's going to take to deal with the pain in my heart? Who knows how long it'll take to replace that community as somewhere I was fond of?
I just keep gaining reasons to hate myself.
>>29512752
I messed up and meant to reply correctly this is an original comment.
>>29512327
>>29512827
thank you. I try my best to express the current state we find ourselves in. If the situation changes at anytime, and we ascend from the fiery seventh ring we are slaved too, I will make the appropriate edit.
>>29512551
really big ones, like pathmark with big fruit sections and lobsters in tanks
I wanted to share a story, but just starting to type it up was fucking draining. And I've posted it in it's entirety before, so I'm not going to do that.
tl;dr: got ripped off by a girl buying drugs, meet her a year later in the psych ward (go through a whole process of realizing we met before), start talking a lot, got relatively close (considering the situation), I developed an emotional attachment, and she appreciated things I did at least a little, she finds out she has HIV, I managed to comfort her a bit, she hugs me sobbing and tells me I'm a good person, and she was the first person to actually make me feel that way.
>>29512975
>I have started going to the gym
Good man. Bringing forward the feeling of progress, and the idea of bettering one's self
>I want to learn some sort of trade
The kind where you sell products you made, from ideas you birthed? Or more commercial, were you await for boats to come into the pier with shipments of future wealth?
>a useless degree I let myself get bullied into taking
philosophy? what could be so utterly useless that having done nothing at all would have been beneficial?
>Anger at my mother
I take it is for the usual reasons. Repression of real identity. Being shoved onto a track you don't want to run on. Never ending stage of bigotry.
>myself, for being so weak as to not stand up for myself.
You have reached a point many men avoid. Realization of ones actions. The next defining step is a big one, maybe bigger than the one you have claimed. Will you act upon it? What measures are you taking to not be a scrawny child, pushed down by the sense of failure, or alienation from commodity.
>>29512906
you're grammar's fine bro
>>29512928
>he's out of reach
>he
GET THE FUCK OUT AND DON'T COME BACK
>>29513248
>philosophy
>useless
you better shut the fuck up before you get smacked the fuck up
So I just found out I have mild autism spectrum disorder. The way the shrink explained it, my emotions are not the same as normal peoples.
Pain, or just general stimulus, emotional or physical, does not exactly bother me in quite the same physical sense normal people feel it. Not only that, but I don't really have the same need for social interaction with other people. I'm just in my own world I guess.
And this makes me feel strange. Really strange. It makes me feel less human, like I'm something that can never really fit into this madhouse world. It explains quite a bit though, as my childhood was kind of horrible the more I think about it. Never communicated with my father past my first month on earth, he totally left. Mother left around age 7, and only saw her coke-whore ass every other month. Lot's of motherless Christmas's and birthdays in my formative years.
The strongest connection a human can have, the mother-child connection, and it was totally separated in me as I was befogging to enter puberty. Is it really a surprise I'm so fucked up? Not to me.
I took 16 grams of shrooms a week or so ago. It was my first time, too. What kind of person does 16 grams their first time? I wasn't scared. And let me tell you, I ascended, or maybe descended, to a level I can't even comprehend, let alone describe to someone who hasn't been there. I was god, but that's not accurate, because everything was god, and I was everything. It was an ego-death experience, if I had to put some exact label on it.
I'm not sure of how I go forward from here. I suppose I just have to exert all my willpower, to become something greater than I am today, and find a path in life where I can be maybe not happy, but, where I have an Identity. A idea of who I am, and being comfortable in who I am.
I just needed to release some inner tensions and thoughts on you, see what the oracle has to say about my twisted mind.
>>29513417
>befogging to enter puberty
Beggining. Didn't even know befogging was a word.
>>29512928
>I'm forced to walk away from everything, even the community I enjoyed being a part of before all of this
That is not true. You have options here. They both will drain you emotionally, even physically, but the options lay before you. Your most powerful polar emotions will clash like they never have. Anger and frustration will pin down raw love, and spit in its mouth. There, love can stay with its community, letting it stride thru the grime of the past, and live with those it wants. Or anger and frustration, overwhelming all other senses and dragging you out of your home.
>>29513321
Please do not tell me that was your major
>>29492871
I used to be obsessed with having online relationships, it led to my own demise (statutory rape) but ever since that I stopped drinking and being as sexual as I was, took a few years off as a break. I slowly disconnected myself from my online friends, until I had none. All my social media just involved people who went to the same school as me. It didn't stop me from browsing the internet, but I refused to make online friends. I made tons of new irl friends and eventually got a boyfriend. Once we turned 18 i was ready for sex and I've regained everything I've lost. The internet is pretty great, and theres some great people in the world, but nothing beats hanging out irl all the time. It's less stress, and seeing someone and talking to them physically is a lot better than a screen (at least in my opinion).
I hope things go better for you. I just wanted to share my "success" storyy lol
>>29513486
I can't stay within the community without my self-hatred constantly growing along with the pain thanks to constantly seeing them. I'm certain of this. To be able to move on and get over this, I need to leave the community I was a part of before they were. It's sad, and I'll hold that against myself, too, but at least I won't have to watch the impossible wish right there in front of me every day.
I just wish I could know in advance just how long it'll take for me to move on, how long it'll take for me to replace this community in my heart with another. For the pain of not being with him to vanish.
I don't wish to rebound. Though would it be a rebound since I ended it 6 months ago? I don't know, but the pain and self-loathing are still fresh. Yet I want to believe I can experience true love in the future. At the same time, regretting that I can't have that vision with him.
>>29513557
noi flunked out
>>29513248
I want to work with my hands. I was thinking of welding, but apparently there's a good deal of math involved and I'm a complete retard with math.
It's behavioral studies, was originally psychology. I had a breakdown in the middle of my fourth year and they had me switch my major to BS and I zombied through all that.
the thing with any of these BS/psych degrees is that you basically need a masters to do anything at all, and I can't go through that. So my options are limited and there's literal armies of people more qualified than me to get what little scraps are within my reach.
>>29513702
Don't lie to yourself, fantasizing a clone community out there, somewhere, awaiting you. There is not. We are dammed with emotional memory. We connect faces and places with a general feeling. It is only natural that the association of love is bridged to him and the memories you crafted. But love it a raw element. A slot. It can be interchanged, but we do not believe this. We see it as a lie. As a farce towards our intellect and knowledge of life. But it is true. And you will not find another community. But you will find an equivalent, that fill you with the same ecstasy of acceptance caring.
Time will heal you. It always does. Time has a strange way of working with people. Time will start throwing a life raft at you, trying to save you from the current of pain and sorrow. Its up to you to start swimming to shore, reaching for that raft. You can't stop swimming. Ever. You must keep going. Or you will drown.
>>29513835
>>29513975
are you the same entity? Have you spit into two beings?
This fog is getting very thick for me too see thru, let alone breath in. The constant fumes that are provoked by decrepit creatures edging ever so closer to insanity are nauseating and inviting. Its all becoming a haze of confusion. The constant barrage of bastardization filtered by the innocent afflicts me in ways that I had not anticipated.
I am so fucking starved fro experience that I can't spend a single night alone without getting drunk or some other form of fucked up.
I just feel like my life is so boring. When I know that people I know are out partying, indulging in some psychoactive is the only way to get rid of the feeling that I'm missing out or that my life is dull.
Pyschonautics is my refuge.
>>29514552
Why don't you go out? Why wallow in the same cesspool that is your current existence when you are aware enough of your situation? What barriers have you seen too tall to climb over? What is greater than you too stop your forward movement?
>>29514797
Well, I went to college and got a girlfriend, a much more extroverted person than I am.
Our relationship is in flux at the moment. Its complicated. Needless to say I don't really go out with her.
I would spend so much time with her and her friends because I was so bad at meeting people on my own, I never thought much of it.
Now that the lifeline is cut, I'm stuck in this town with no one.
I have gone out alone, but more often than not I find myself aimlessly wandering until I encounter a group thats too shady for me to stick around. I've given myself a speech similar to yours many times, and have run out into the night alone many a time.
In short, most of the time, wallowing is all that can be done. And honestly, its only unbearable when I don't have my party supplies. Though I am sure that will change.
>>29514882
>I was so bad at meeting people on my own
Where is the flaw here? Does the conversation always seem to lead to a dead end, where no one is saying anything? Or is the problem arrising much farther back, when approaching them?
>>29514964
This is where it may become hard to explain.
I simply don't seem to connect with many people. If I apply myself, conversation is not a major issue, and nether is an approach.
Usually, I simply am bad at really getting to know people. I am bad at connecting with others on a deeper than superficial level. It is wrong to expect such connections in an early relationship with someone else, but it simply hasn't happened after two years of new classes, new semesters, etc. etc.
I haven't made enough of a friendship with anyone I know near me so that I am comfortable calling them my friend.
My standards are likely too high. I just like to like people, but I really have to like them first.
>>29514882
>a girlfriend, a much more extroverted person than I am
enjoy your heartbreak
not tryna be a dick, i'm just here to tell you the truth
you can call me whatever you wantgod is nice
>>29515127
>entp in a nutshell
>>29515127
The issue flourishes when a real connection is made, and small talk no longer fills time.
>I just like to like people, but I really have to like them first.
Time should show who they really are. As humans we are more alike that we are lead to perceive. Time is on your side, so there is no rush to make those you meet as unworthy. Some may come off as very superficial, clones of one another. Like trying give personalities to every pig in a farm. But if you do not, you will remain in the state you find yourself at this moment for much longer than you thought was possible
>>29515369
most pigs are smarter than most people
I need help
Basically, posted here a few days ago asking for advice whether to ask out this girl I liked at school before it was over
Everyone said just do it
well
I fucked up
didn't do it
fuck
have or on facebook though
what do
>>29515623
give me the story lad. did you corner yourself? what happened man?
>>29515623
nigga you still here?
make sure you don't stalk her fb, that'll do more damage to you in the long run
>wasting all this time
>never ever getting it back
fugg nigga I should've jacked off instead
I enjoy these threads.
