Wait, shit.
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- Reading: Wait, shit.
You didn't mean to do that.
Fuck.
>>9420
MAke it look like a suicide
SEE IF THAT NIGGA'S OKAY
Accidentally the whole thing.
>>9438
How are you going to convince anyone that someone stabbed themselves eight times, first in the face?
>>9490
YOU MADE SURE HE'S VERY NOT OKAY GOD DAMN IT
>>9500
You have already accidentallied your entire life at this moment. What else can you accidentally?
>>9511
Accidentally the whole body. In the oven.
>>9511
Toss that nigga's body out da window
>>9511
Attempt to put the window on the floor, stand him on the window.
>>9511
I think I've got this figured out.
DON'T stay calm.
>>9519
this
Rolled 485469 (1d1000000)
>>9511
Fate smiles upon us! We're in Afghanistan and a U.S. army guy.
>>9554I swear to God if you fucking did that
>>9542
YOU'RE VERY ON TOP OF THAT RIGHT NOW, THANKS.
>>9519
The WHOLE body? You're not a butcher, but you know damn well that's not how you they cook a cow. That's probably not how they cook person, either.
>>9530
That is such a horrible idea right now you might just fucking do it.
>>9535
>>9568
Alternatively, move the oven and place body under the hole.
Who is this chump anyway?
>>9568
Just throw the body out the window idiot.
>>9568
Drain his blood with a vacuum cleaner and then think about what you've done.
Burn the house down and make it look like an accident
>>9568
We need to hide the evidence. Look for a flame or some chemicals so you can burn off your fingerprints
>>9614
JUST
>>9614
Wait a second that window is fake it has no handles
Rolled 316138 (1d1000000)
>>9614
EAT. THE. BODY.
>>9614
Oh.
This is new.
>>9641
I knew it was fake, cut the cord with the knife.
>>9641
We Problem Sleuth now
>>9641
Unplug window.
>>9641
Unplug window, put the body on top of it.
Rolled 683576 (1d1000000)
>>9641
I still say we devour the body. And I will continue rolling 1d1000000.
>>9641
Go back to making it look like a suicide.
Draw a bunch of cult shit on the walls and put his body in a giant pentagram. write a suicide note about ascending to satans side
>>9641
Put some salami on his face and take pictures.
>>9578
He was a guy you knew. Came with you to play vidya. He got here in your car. Possibly the same way he'll leave, but probably not in the same seat.
>>9664
>>9670
You unplug the window, rather than cutting it. You wouldn't want to screw things up even more by turning off the outside.
>>9670
Raw? Good way to get rid of the meat, you suppose, but how do you get rid of the bones?
>>9687
You do not have supplies to draw cult shit on the walls.
>>9694
You think you'll refrain from taking pictures, but you should be finding humor in the situation so you don't break down crying.
You're not sure if it's helping.
>>9420
just chop him up and make him into stu
>>9795
All of a sudden Pororo the little penguin knocks down the twin towers.
>>9795
You have to chop him in small pieces. Corpses are easier to handle that way.
Fucking noobs.
>>9795
>Raw?
I assume that line was to me.
It's simple, we strip down all the flesh, have a bountiful meal, then clean the bones and hawk it as a "realistic murder victim skeleton."
Rolled 970505 (1d1000000)
>>9860
Whoops.
>>9814
>>9684
>>9860
>>9856
You begin to chop him up in preparation to cook him. It's the strangest feeling in the world to hold your friend in bits and pieces, but you got to do it. You don't have any food in the house just yet, so you'll have to leave to get some.
While carving him up, you decide to turn on the news. Get your mind off things for a while.
>>9844
... At least you won't be on the headlines.
Rolled 173403 (1d1000000)
>>9919
Grand. Also, post 10K is fast approaching.
We switch to cartoons for some mindless enjoyment while we finish the job, fast forward to a bowl of gore and a bowl of bones+skull.
>>9919
Make sure nobody enters your house while you're out and don't act strange.
>>9919
Bodies are best with ginger and parsnip
>>9919
Noticing that the television upsets you, you pick it up and throw it across the room, having it land on your friends body ruining your dinner.
>>9919
suck his dick to see if he reacts
>>9919
And get a occult and resurrect him
>>9919
rei>asuka
>>9926
You finish carving him up, leaving the pile of bones in the corner, having no clue what to do with them just yet. All the meat's on the counter, waiting for you to handle it.
>>9955
You're pretty sure butchers tenderize their meat but not in any way like that.
>>9952
You quite like your television. Nice cozy spot. Could be bigger, though.
>>9939
Oh, don't worry, no one breaks into your house.
>>9978
All of a sudden Pororo comes in and tears the ceiling off the roof
Rolled 366754 (1d1000000)
>>9988
Good. Now then, boil the flesh into a nice stew.
>>9988
You're outside now. You need to buy cooking stuff, but you could also do other things while you're at it.
>>10017
Get some pepper and red wine. It goes wonderfully with human meat.
Buy butter
>>10017
Hoax another victim
>>10031
This is VERY important
>>10017
pick up some fresh horsedick from the local chinese market.
>>10024
>>10031
>>10139
You're not sure where you're pulling these ideas that some things taste good with human flesh but you trust them. Not sure if you should. You don't particularly care at the moment. You just need to get rid of that guy. You weren't sure what pepper you needed exactly so you got red pepper, green pepper, and the not-salt pepper.
>>10032
You're not a serial murderer! Honest! But that girl at the register is a qt3.14. What do you say to her?
>>10214
"M'dam"
Then pick up the potted cactus and eggplant and slap yourself with them to show youre not a threat.
>>10214
I'm having a friend for dinner at my place. Care to join me?
>>10218
Rerill
>>10226
She blinks blankly at you. "That's a rather crass way to invite a girl over to eat out your friend."
>>10234
What are you even trying to do?
>>10255
Rape her
>>10255
"Well, I'm just a crass kind of guy."
While winking repeatedly.
>>10255
Shit, she knows. Run as fast as you canbut don't forget your groceries and to leave her your number
>>10255
She has blue hair. Unnatural Coloration is a warning sign, abort abort. conclude our transaction and GTFO!
>>10255
"Eat this friend."
Then unzip your dick.
>>10255
What a crass accusation from a filthy minded harlot such as yourself. I merely wanted your company at my dinner table, though not anymore.
I'll be on tomorrow, I'm tired as shit.
>>10255
poo on her
>>14664
This
>>10383
You should totally kill the girl. You need a dessert I swear it is a good idea.
>>10383
Night OP
Holy shit, this board is magically
>>1
>>9641
>that shirt
