The Hobo: The Quest for Stuff
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It's a new day. You stand atop a cliff in the middle of a forest staring at the horizon. Some time ago you were robbed by a roaming band of bandits and you were knocked out cold during the crisis by an unseen blow to the back of your head. Or at least that's what you think happened. When you woke up you found yourself in the middle of nowhere with only a dirty rag to cover yourself with.
What will you do?
jerk off then take a nap
>examine my surroundings, and get a better idea of where I actually am.
>>81238
This
climb the tree
>>81238
>>81249
You climb up the tree to get a better vantage point. From afar you can see a mountain side cave, a watering hole, a dirt road and a bone yard.
>>81271
take a piss and go to the dirt road
>>81274
You relieve your bladder under the tree and went on your way towards the dirt road.
Roll a 1d3:
1: Nothing happens. You reach the dirt road.
2: A wild animal ambushes you!
3: You find a stick long and sturdy enough to use as a staff.
Rolled 3 (1d3)
>>81349
Scream faggot and go back to bed.
>>81349
After getting staf.... suddenly wolves
>>81366
Staff* fuck
>>81366
Why would you want bad things happen to our hobo.
Bad anon, bad.
>>81381
I wanna battle
>>81356
>>81366
You admire the staff and its future potentials for your journey ahead.
Unbeknownst to you, you are about to get ambushed by a pack of wolves!
Roll a 1d6:
1-3: You did not notice them in time and get injured!
4-5: You notice them in time and managed to dodge their surprise attack!
6: You notice them in time and even manage to hit one of them with your staff!
Rolled 5 (1d6)
>>81413
Fucking wolves.
We probably haven't eaten anything in months, go murder someone with actual meat on their bones.
>>81413
After the timely dodge retreat up the tree
>>81427
>>81443
After dodging them you quickly bolted towards the nearest tree and climbed up as high as you can.
What now?
Rolled 6 (1d20)
>>81453
Quite the predicament.
Grab one of the branches and try to distract them by throwing it far away.
>>81455
You pulled a branch off the tree and threw it as far as you can. One of the wolves looked at the direction of the wooden projectile. The other two are still barking and snarling at you.
What now?
>>81538
Fucking wolves.
Let's just wait for a bit, maybe a bear comes and kills them.
>>81538
Plunging attack, we DaS3 now
>>81571
I don't think we can do much with a wooden stick.
>>81579
Not with that attitude
>>81538
Taunt the wolves by pissing on them and bide your time till they get
>>81571
Roll a 3d20. (1 roll per wolf)
1-10 is a miss.
11-19 is a stun.
20 is a death blow.
Rolled 2, 9, 9 = 20 (3d10)
>>81659
Rolled 3, 3, 20 = 26 (3d20)
>>81659
Smear their blood on my naked body.
>>81670
Fucking hell
>>81670
It's 3d20 retard
>>81674
Oops, guess my shit roll doesn't count then. Thanks dude
>>81590
Rolling for taking a piss.
Again
Rolled 4, 11, 11 = 26 (3d20)
>>81659
I leave for a second and you guys are getting mauled by wolves.
>>81274
Alternatively, piss on the dirt road.
>>81671
Your plunging attack has crushed one of the wolves' skull to bloody pieces!
There's still two, conscious, wolves left.
What do you do?
Rolled 19, 9 = 28 (2d20)
>>81763
Club them
Have to go somewhere. Be back later. In a few hours or more probably.
is this thread dead already?
>>81779
Your blow has sent the second wolf flying into the air like a rag doll! It won't be waking from that any time soon.
Unfortunately you missed the other wolf by a few inches and it took the opportunity to bite your leg!
The last wolf now has its jaws locked into your leg, tugging at you in an attempt to topple you over causing you great pain. You now have to quickly resolve this crisis before you bleed out!
Roll a 1d3:
1: You can't shake the wolf off and you fall unconscious from blood loss.
2: You manage to wrench your legs off its mouth but at the cost of an even greater injury.
3: You desperately hit the wolf's head with your staff several times until it dies.
>>91954
Sorry about that. I came back and found out that my IP address was banned for some reason. I had to wait for hours before I can post anything again.
>>92337
Oh, looks like I have a new ID code now. I'm still the OP from before by the way.
>>92337
Fuck the anon who thought it would be fun idea to fight wolves
Rolled 1 (1d3)
>>92337
>>92461
Is that game over then?
>>92461
You've lost too much blood. You fall on your back with a thud as your consciousness begins to fade. As the wolf begins to devour your leg your closing eyes gets a blurry glimpse of something hitting the wolf followed by someone kicking it off of your leg but before you can see who your mysterious rescuer is your vision disappears and you finally fall unconscious.
Who is this person?
Roll a 1d20. Poster with the highest roll gets to decide the mysterious rescuer's identity.
Rolled 7 (1d20)
>>92640
Half elf orc who finds human delicious
Rolled 13 (1d20)
proper roll this time
it's a fairy
>>92640
Oh fuck it's a goblin covered in mayonnaise
Rolled 7 (1d20)
>>92663
Blonde naked fairy with huge dick
Rolled 17 (1d20)
>>92640
It's PewDiePie
>>92667
You forgot to roll the dice.
Rolled 4 (1d20)
>>92640
A very attractive female
>>92672
You awoke to find yourself on a proper bed inside a cozy looking room. You can hear muffled screams from the other side of the wall.
What do you do?
Rolled 9 (1d20)
>>92982
this is just a dream, wake back up in the forest
Rolled 14 (1d20)
>>92982
You're really hungry.
Scavenge around for some food.
>>93047
Suddenly you became aware that you haven't eaten anything today. Your mind goes back to the wolves you've killed and how they would've tasted like. You decided to find a way to satiate your hunger right now by scrounging around the room for anything edible.
You can still hear the muffled screaming from the other side of the room. This time in a foreign language you don't recognize.
Roll a d20:
1-5: Nothing.
6-10: Common household pests.
11-15: Rotten expired leftovers.
16-20: Relatively okay stale leftovers.
Rolled 5 (1d20)
>>93163
Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub.
Rolled 10 (1d20)
>>93163
>>93199
>>93216
At first you found only clumps of dust bunnies but eventually you've manage to gather up a sizable haul of every known household pests that you can think of and more. You also wonder why a tidy and well kept room such as this has a ton of creepy crawlies hiding behind its nooks and crannies. You hunted down rats, cockroaches, termites, ants, spiders, pill bugs and a lot more. You hunted them all down until you can't find any of them left in the room.
You then sat down on the bed and began eating your haul in large handfuls. You ate them all raw. You squeeze some of them like grapefruits and sucked on their juicy insides. You continue chowing down until there's nothing left but a few rat tails and some bug legs here and there.
Your breath's probably gonna stink like a rotting corpse for several days but it doesn't matter to you since you've finally satisfied your hunger!
You hear the man from the other side of the room laughing and screaming again. You wonder why he hasn't heard you yet while you were bug hunting all this time.
Now that you're satisfied and full, what's your next course of action?
>>93433
Investigate the noise. Find a weapon just in case
>>93433
Search room for any other items, especially clothes
>>93433
It's too hot inside!
How about stripping and have a nice cold bath.
>>93492
this
>>93492
>>93719
You decide to prepare yourself first before confronting the strange man.
You took a good look at your surroundings. It's a typical bedroom. There's a closet, a chest, a wall mirror, a dresser and a nightstand here. Near the foot of the bed you're on is the door that would most likely lead to the screaming man. Oh and looks like your staff is also here. Looks like it was cleaned and removed of all the blood and wolf bits just like you.
You took your trusty staff with you.
Now for a long awaited change in attire. You've been wearing this rag for who knows how long!
Choose what hat (optional), upper, lower and footwear you'll be wearing. Roll a d20. Highest roll wins.
>>93908
You took a mental note to take a bath the next time the opportunity arises.
Rolled 15 (1d20)
>>94371
Nothing
Rolled 13 (1d20)
>>94379
Break some holes into the chest and wear it as clothes.We mimics now.
Rolled 7 (1d20)
>>94371
Playboy bunny costume
Rolled 5 (1d20)
>>94371
take his dildo and tape to forehead
>>94371
We don't know what will happen next, best to be prepared for anything.
we will need
Charisma, strength, intelligence and durability.
Hat - Fedora this gives Charisma and intelligence we can charm our way out of difficult situations.
Strength - Hawkman cosplay obvious reasons
Strength & Charm - Lolita skirt I've seen enough anime to know that this type of outfit makes you strong
Japanese one legged sandals extra long so it takes a long time before they are all warn down.
Maybe something like this?
Rolled 17 (1d20)
>>94881
Forgot the roll
Rolled 14 (1d20)
This minus the gun, holster, and suitcase.
Rolled 4 (1d20)
>>94371
Bike / retard helmet
Leather jacket
Camo pants (lots of pockets!)
Steeltoed boots
Optional kneepads and utility belt
>>94881
>>94890
You took several pieces of clothing that you find interesting and tried them all on. You went to the mirror and looked at your new attire. You feel strong, smart and charming all at the same time with these things on. Whether you have actually gotten stronger, smarter or more charming remains to be seen. The combination looks a bit "mismatched" but it doesn't matter because you now have fresh new clothes on.
What will you do next?
>>101418
Make as much noise as possible to ruin his stream
>>101418
Jump to the window and run away
>>101418
Go outside and find a limb and sharpen it something sharp found in the room and turn it into a spear.
>>101418
Go to the noise. You messed around enough
>>101418
Bravely investigate the screams, entering each room swinging staff & making noises like a kung-fu master.
If someone is screaming it might be dangerous, doing this no one will want to mess with us. If no danger just politely laugh it off.
>>101459
>>101488
>>101502
You exit the bedroom shouting every stereotypical martial art noises that you can think of while you spin or swing your staff all Kung Fu master-like in an attempt to look intimidating. You're really getting way into it. You're in the zone now.
You continue doing this on each room that you came across until...
Roll a 1d3. Majority wins.
1 ...you managed to stop yourself.
2 ...you hit something by accident.
3 ...you hit someone by accident.
Rolled 1 (1d3)
>>101638
Rollin
Rolled 3 (1d3)
>>101638
>>101638
dice1d3
>>101701
you put it in options you silly billy
Rolled 1 (1d3)
>>101638
Rolled 3 (1d3)
Rolled 1 (1d3)
>>101638
>>101650
>>101715
>>101874
Just as you are about to hit something you managed to regained your composure and stopped your swing in time.
The sudden appearance of a high velocity stick suddenly stopping near his face startled him into frenzied screams and foreign cursing, knocking himself off of his chair.
The man looked shocked and confused for a brief moment until he realizes who you are. He stood up and introduces himself as "Piu the Pi". He says that he found you being mauled by a wolf in the forest and rescued you. He then carried you to town and paid the town doctor to patch you up in his guest room. The local clinic was currently full at the time, mostly injured town guards and hired adventurers.
"Now if you'll excuse me..."
He fixes his chair, readjusts his earmuffs and proceed and talk to an ornate mirror on his desk. He then turns to look at you...
"Oh and by the way! You can keep that. Looks fabulous on you!"
You could swear you heard him snicker as he turns his head back to his work afterwards. You're not really sure if it's directed at you or at the mirror.
What now?
>>102569
Join in on his let's play
>>102569
Leave and go explore the town he mentioned.
>>102569
See your surroundings and look for anything of value, if found see if you can steal it without being seen, the man is focused on his work
>>102600
I'm for this, not really interested in pewds.
>>102569
Kill him.
Tip your fedora as you thank him for saving you, explain his house might now be missing a few rats and insects then head to town.
>>102600
>>102646
>>105805
You decide that it's about time that you leave. You ask him where the nearest exit is. As you speak to him his eyes begin to water and his face turns into an expression of utter disgust. He pinches his nose and points you towards the front door. As you tip your fedora at him and walk towards the door he shouts at you from the other end of the hallway:
"You might wanna wash your mouth with something strong first before you talk to the locals!"
He tosses you a bottle of mouthwash.
____________
You opened the door and find yourself in a town. You walked towards the nearest sign post for directions. The sign reads:
Market District
Town Hall
Town Center
Adventurer's Guild Office
Guard Barracks
Bathhouse
Temple of Fortune
Clinic
Main Gate
>>105824
Wash our mouths first with the mouthwash, then head to the Town Center and see if any quests have been posted on the message board.
>>105824
Go back and rub your bare stanky asshole on his mouth for judging you.
>>105824
mouthwash then market
>>105824
Assume the bottle is some kind of alcohol drink a little.
First need some money go to the temple for a blessing then to town center for some busking.
>>105838
>>105858
>>105867
You take a sip of that mouthwash Piu gave you. It's sweet, cool and minty. Suddenly your mouth and throat begins to burn like hell!
You fall to your knees, furiously coughing up black chunks everywhere. Soon the burning sensation gradually subsides leaving behind a feeling of freshness inside your mouth and a lot of small black goop around your vicinity.
You took a whiff of your own breath. It doesn't smell like a rotting corpse anymore. Guess that did the job.
>>106351
To the ssosrnss hlld. Were getting a single a job
>>105867
You followed the sign's direction and eventually found yourself inside the Temple of Fortune.
Inside there's a statue of a woman holding a multi-sided dice made of gold. Each face has a unique symbol carved into it.
A priestess stands besides the statue. She greets you with a bow and a welcoming smile.
"Pray to our goddess of Fortune and you shall receive! Since it's your first time here she will permit you to pray for a material boon for free."
What item will you ask from the Goddess of Fortune?
Roll a d20. Highest roll wins. If no one rolls a 15+ then you just get a bag of coins.
Rolled 19 (1d20)
>>106958
A guitar to busk with
>>106990
And charisma to go with it
>>106990
You pray to the statue for a guitar. After some time of praying, light gradually emanates from the golden dice. It slowly rises up a few inches from the statue's hands and begins to spin. It abruptly stops and one of its symbols begins to flicker at an increasing rate until it shoots out a beam of light. It seems to be "drawing" something in the air. The drawing soon loses its luminosity revealing an ornate guitar! With the process complete the golden dice returns to the statue's hands and goes dim.
"You may ask from the goddess another material blessing once you have acquired a Fortune Stone. It is given as a reward by the Adventurer's Guild, the temple and the mayor for good service to the town and the goddess."
You take the sacred instrument with you and thanked the goddess for the blessing.
What's your next course of action?
Dice+1d20
Use the guitar to try and earn some cash for epic loot.
Play the Guitar we earned, and try to used it make some money, and win the hearts of the people.
>>109479
SHRED HARD with the newly acquired guitar.
With a blessed guitar of busking in hand you are confident that you can play the instrument like a pro and perform some epic busking at the town center.
Roll a d12. Majority vote wins. Rolling a perfect 12 is an automatic win.
1: No one was impressed with your performance. Well, at least you got a button.
2-11: You got something for your busking. Coins earned = sum total of all the rolls for this event - 1
12: You unlock the sacred guitar's true potential!
>>110550
Here goes!
Common money!
Rolled 12 (1d12)
>>110550
>tfw no one actually rolls
I swear if this is a shit roll
>>110643
Oh shit, true potential I guess?
>>110643
Sweet
>>110643
As you play the holy guitar with surprisingly exceptional skill the townsfolk begin to gather around you to listen to your heavenly tune. More and more come to watch your performance until there's a large crowd surrounding you.
A ray of light hits where you stand. Angels descend from the light to accompany your performance. First an angelic drummer plays then a bassist. Soon you're leading an entire orchestra of musical angels who are perfectly synchronized with your music. No matter how much you deviate the angels always seem to find a way to smoothly transition the performance to the next pattern. You then finish off the improvised concert with an awesome guitar solo act followed by an electric power slide. Breathing and sweating heavily you raised a fist in the air and shouted a battle cry of triumph. The crowd goes wild!
With the performance over. The angels return to the heavens taking their instruments with them. Your guitar dims. Dimmer than usual. Looks like you've used up all of its divine powers and is nothing more than a fancy looking guitar now. You wonder if this is just a one time deal or it can be recharged somehow.
The townspeople happily donated 1000 gold coins to you.
Now that that's over, what's next for you?
>>110848
Go to the market and go to the EXPERTS section of the armoury. Since you got so much gold, surely you can afford high tier equipment?
Get someone to teach us how to fight then to the adventurer's guild to recruit others.
I want to teach this roaming band of bandits a lesson
>Some time ago you were robbed by a roaming band of bandits and you were knocked out cold during the crisis
