HEROQUEST
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You awaken in a quaint room, walls white as your skin, with a door to the OUTSIDE WORLD waiting for you. As you it were, you happen to be a SUPERHERO, but you are one without a name and a power. Your job is to save humanity, possibly. It's entirely possible your backstory is derived of various other destructive concepts, which may or may not be the forces of good.
What is your name and powers?
>>6797
>name
hiro
>powers
SUCC
mindrape
killing myself without diying
>>6797
The power to sell anything to anyone
>Name
Macrovagina
>Powers
Each time you hit an enemy, two giants dices fall from the sky. If your dice number is higher than the enemy dice then the enemy dies instantly, else the enemy survives.
You are half-plant and can control radio waves to communicate.
>>6814
jewish power?
>>6814
This
I support our salesman lifestyle.
>>6797
Your name is not important. You powers are also not important.
You can make people high or drunk by singing
>>6814
I like this one.
Superhero name: The Moral Merchant
...what? You're good at selling stuff, not picking out names.
>>6814
This Hero salesman quest, able to sell shampoo to a skeleton.
>>6797
>NAME
Cory
>power
put people IN THE HOUSE
>>6862
Billy mays.
>>6862shekelberginsteim
>>6862
Shekel Seeker
Your name is HIRO MACROGINA. You are a PROFESSIONAL MERCHANT, with the ability to SELL ANYTHING TO ANYONE with your GIFT OF GOLD trait. Your superhero name is THE MORAL MERCHANT.
What will you do?
>>6814
The Champion of Israel, the Tyre Liar
>>6862
Super Schlomo
>>6904
Open the door
>>6904
Exit the room.
>>6904
Vibrate through the left wall
>>6904
Time to earn dem shekels
Let's open the door and see what's outside.
>>6904
Leave your house to go gather stones from the nearest road.
>>6904
find shekels first
OY GEVALT LET'S FIND SOME SHEKELS
>>6904
obviously sell the key to the door against access through it after having shared a firm handshake with the knob.
>>6904
Remember the stories from your mother about your granddad being gassed in a room much like this when he was 12
You attempt the open the door in a vain attempt to sell your products to random bypassers, but alas, it's locked. There are some eyeslits in the wall where you were standing, now in your VIEWPOINT EXISTENCE.
>>6964
LOOK THROUGH THOSE EYESLITS
>>6964
Locked in a room?
Ids liek anoda shoah
Cry out in Jewish anguish until someone responds
>>6964
SELL the eyeslits to the wall
>>6964
yell through the holes that you're selling friendship for a key.
>>6964
Look through one eyeslit.
SELL DOOR to nearby GHOST
You look through the eyeslits, revealing a hallway. There is a baby there, sitting next to an APARTMENT KEY, a TOY CLOCK, and an EMPTY LIPTON TEA BOTTLE.
>>7084
sell him your piss in the bottle against the key, tell him it's actual tea and that you have a tea brewer in here and that you're stuck.
if he doesn't talk try to bash the door in frustration.
>>7084
That's probably not our key.
>>7111
do you have a brighter idea on how to get a key that might be ours.
You pull your PEEING DEVICE from the other side of the wall, asking the baby to bring over the bottle for you to piss in. If you can piss in the bottle, it will count as a SELL-WORTHY MATERIAL.
Unfortunately, the baby does not understand English. You piss on the floor.
>>7117
Nah. But a better product to sell for the key is a sentence that rhymes or something that we don't have to lie about.
False advertising could be our undoing.
>>7084
Sell the key to the keyhole
>>7140
sell the baby his own diaper
>>7140
try to go through the wall like the kool-aid man, after all if there's slits in there it can't be that thick.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKdeZQWf6mA
You decide that this baby isn't going to be useful to you at all. You attempt a KOOL AID CRASH, successfully breaking open the door. However, this was enough to kill you.
>>7319
trade your life against the baby's life with god , after-all we're a good salesman
>>7319
Oh fuck, where do we go? The icy pits of Cocytus, the burning fire of Gehenna, the dread darkness of Sheol?
You are now in HEAVEN, much to your demise. A sweet old lady appears to have died at the same time you have.
>>7319
Come back to life
You successfully "broke open the door," but the door remained untouched and there's a hole in the wall instead.
So clearly by Nathan's Law of Nonsense, you should still be alive
>>7343
this Anon is unto something, Qm is either drunk or is tricking us, we're currently in a coma after the trauma, the saddest thing in all this is that we landed in our piss.
>>7353
Oh, if you look at the hallway, the door isn't even on the right side
The door you needed to unlock was in a parallel hallway, out of view by the wall opposite the baby
>>7342
Sell your clothing in exchange for revival
Back in REAL LIFE, an ERROR IN PERSPECTIVE has caused a SPLIT IN PARALLELS. The hallway has been successfully flipped, with the point of intersection being UNSTABLE TERRITORY.
You are now parallel Hiro.
>>7410
You can sell anyone anything
Sell the baby's lifeforce to deadHiro, and in exchange he unlocks the door for you
>>7426
it's parallel Hiro he probably as parallel to seller powers so he probably has buyer powers
>>7431
Wait if he's a reverse Hiro then the door is unlocked
>>7440
Perfectly logical, also the baby can talk, use the bottler tea trick to get the clock and rewind time.
With the RULES OF PARALLEL, you realize your door has been open the whole time. You enter the hallway.
You find a parallel baby, a parallel clock, a parallel key, and a parallel bottle of Lipton Tea. The FABRIC OF SPACETIME is close to instability slightly out of your VIEWPOINT EXISTENCE.
>>7568
rewind the clock to repair time, thus reviving hiro, but he should at least talk have the time to talk to that woman before
weaver?
>>7568
Investigate tiny door smaller than the baby. Or perhaps the large door far behind the baby. Whatever. Investigate the door.
>>7590
Nah, this isn't his art style
>>7568
put the baby in the room, and use the key to lock it in
drink tea, pee in baseHiro's tea, and then rewind the clock to revive him
>>7590tv
Perhaps turning this clock back in time will do the trick. You pick up the TOY CLOCK, using your MACROVISION to see its true form. Hm, this is going to be a lot more complicated than you original perceived.
>>7677
Turn one clock hand backwards and see the results
>>7677
Throw the clock into the UNSTABLE TERRITORY and use baseHiro's clock instead
>>7677
just give it to the baby he's a smoother operator for this.
You toss the clock into the UNSTABLE TERRITORY...
The fabric of reality has begun to fall apart. Parallel Hiro is extremely nervous about this happening.
>>8369
he doesn't seem nervous
>>8369
Throw the baby in the UNSTABLE TERRITORY
>>8369
Throw the key!
You throw the parallel baby into the UNSTABLE TERRITORY. This is a conceptually low quality idea!
You feel reality wrapping around your neck. The UNSTABLE TERRITORY beckons further.
>>8491
Take the key and jump in it.
>>8501
QUICK DRINK THE TEA
You know what you gotta do.
Hold your breath and brace for some unstable impact because you're jumping in.
This is it. Since the Parallel Lipton Tea is officially undrinkable, you go for the next smartest thing. You hold your breath, jump in, and...
Where the heck?
>>8627
oh shit, we've gone too deep
>>8627
Go into the shittiest thread, it'll need saving and only a real super hero like yourself can save it!
>>8627
OH SHIT I can feel the warp overtaking me.
otherworld corruption is surrounding us.
>>8641
>metaquesting quest that invade other quests
You've decided to enter a random area of this website, more commonly known as a "thread." Hoo boy, this one smells particularly stenchy. You can tell, since you are rocking that LUDICROUSLY SIZED SMELLING ENDOWMENT.
Meanwhile, it appears that the entirety of the PARALLEL REALITY has been destroyed. Due to the RULES OF PARALLEL, the original reality is just fine.
Wait, if Parallel hiro can now traverse threads can't he theoretically go into the original reality?
I demand Hiro finds this thread with his enhanced smelling ability and jump into the original reality.
>>8756
this
Continuing your searching for a good new home, you come across this thread. This place could definitely use a parallel superhero such as yourself!
You jump into the reality! This fellow here seems pretty nervous, as he shakes back and forth at a high velocity.
Who is this guy, anyway? He needs a name and some sort of superhero powers, from the looks of the text you saw before.
>>8823
He is Proto, with the power to change the past
>>8823
He will be Goy Wonder, he will always have a hundred dollar bill in his back pocket, no more, no less
>>8823
He is Spec with the power to phase through walls
>>8841
YES
>>8823
he's Echo he has the power to steal the power of the current hero of the thread.
Also which fucking Hiro do we have now, the original one that sells or the one that buys
Your name is PROTO the GOY WONDER. You have the ability to change the past to as far back your reality can go. You also have the ability of INFINITE WEALTH. You always have a hundred dollar bill in your back pocket, no more, no less. If it's taken out, a new one appears. If you put money in your pockets, it turns into dust.
What will you do? Or, what will Parallel Hiro do?
Or what will Hiro do? He's still in heaven, spending quality time with that sweet old woman.
>>8923
Hiro sells God Parallel Hiro in exchange for taking his place
God throws in the old lady as a bonus
Give him a tiger
>>8923
Proto change the past to revive Hiro, hiro's revival will not change the fact that Proto came into existence.And Hiro was not actually dead but in a coma after a head trauma due to OOOH YEAH-ing.
>>8923
The UNSTABLE TERRITORY is gone, so have Orih (parallel Hiro) what's down the hall
And take Goy Wonder with you
You are now Hiro again. You and the SWEET OLD LADY have approached GOD, with a proposition: sell the soul of Parallel Hiro to God, in exchange to swap places with God. Of course, with your powers, God accepts.
You are now the god of everything. What will you, a simple merchant with the power to do anything, do?
>>9158
Get Proto out of that fucking room
You summon your good friends. Since you are officially god, you own the soul of Parallel Hiro. You bring your good goy Proto with you, as well.
>>9158
Fondly regard crustacean
>>9288
Make a rocket and blast off to space in search of alien races to swindle
>>9288
Use your god powers to search for fiendish acts on EARTH. I mean you're a hero, right?
>>9288
a simple merchant who is now omnificent?
time to surround yourself in shekels
>>9288
Hold on. We swapped places with God. Where'd God go?
You finally surround yourself in shekels. YOU WIN!
REALITIES DESTROYED == 1
VILLAINS DESTROYED == 0
SHEKELS ACQUIRED == INFINITE
>>9383
Well that was fun.
bump from the depths of page 10
