Adventure Call

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Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>34261
Doktoro Esperanto

>>34261
Schlomo Shekelsteinbergwitz

>>34261
Dancing Rain

>>34298
Greetings Doktoro, are you ready to begin your quest?

>>34345
Jes, amiko. Komencu!

Hilarious Jorge

>>34352
...Alright, then.

You awake in Voldesads maze.

>There are exits to the North. South and East.

What would you like to do?

>>34388
FIND MAILBOX

File: Falconhoof shocked.jpg (11KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google] [Yandex] [Bing]

11KB, 480x360px

>>34406
I'm sorry traveler but there is no mailbox. The room is empty!

I'll repeat, there are exits to your North, SOuth and West. What would you like to do?

>>34426
Go south

>>34464
You reach


A DEAD END.

What would you like to do?

>>34486
Go West

Use A* to solve the maze.

>>34486
Punch the shit out of the dead end until it is no longer a dead end

>>34509
You head west and follow the walls of the maze and find...

A can of Barry's Red Cola lying on the ground, next to a large Hole. to the north the hallway continues.

What would you like to do?

>>34563
I'd like to drink A can of Barry's Red Cola.
Glug glug glug glug.

>>34578
You drink the nice refreshing and feel your energy increase ten fold. No drink can quench thirst like

BARRY'S RED COLA!

Suddenly, a hand sprouts from the hole and begins grasping around. It is thin and boney. What do you do traveler?

>>34623
Handshake

>>34623
Is there cola left over? Offer cola.

>>34629
How could you not drink every drop of that cherry flavor welling in that glorious cola?

>>34653
I dislike Barry's Red Cola. Jerry's Cream Cola is far superior.

>>34627
You attempt to grab the hand and give a nice firm handshake to establish friendship.

Your arm is ripped clean from your socket. You hear the crunching of bones before a deep horrifying voice screams, "Where's muh Barry's red cola, the greatest cola in the universe?"

>>34629
Sadly, there is no Cola left. In your moment of bliss. Mmhmm. I sure wish you shared some with me, traveler.

You are losing a lot of blood. What would you like to do now traveler?

May I remind you that the hallway continues further north.

Rolled 40 (1d73)

>>34684
I agree anon
btw, give it a handshake

>>34712
throw the can at it and run away

>>34712
Oh gosh, well that's just awful! Uh, can I call for help like on Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

>>34735
>>34733
It seems that the hand has cursed you. To escape, you must utter the magic words, "There's is no cola has good as Barry's" to get free.

Remember traveler you are losing a lot of blood!

>>34758
Barry's Cola tastes like fermented horse piss though...

>>34758
mutter there's is no cola has good as Barry's

>>34790
I'm sorry Doktora. It looks like you have lost too much blood and died. Don't worry, atleast your last meal was "Barry's Red Cola" the most refreshing drink on Earth.

Let's take another caller.

Greetings line 3, welcome to adventure call. What is your name traveler?

>>34837
Jamie

>>34866
Hello, Jamie. Before we begin, do you like Barry's red cola?

>>34881
Get Barry's red cola.

>>34900
No, Jamie I ment do you like it? The adventure hasn't started yet. But I'll take that as a yes.

You awake at a table in the seediest tavern in Kingsland. To your left is an elf to your right, is a bard. On the table is a knife and a glass.

What would you like to do?

>>34934
Get bard.

>>34934
Drink some Barry's Red Cola.

>>34978
i second this

>>34978
>>34982
You cannot get the bard and while i too enjoy the refreshing taste of Barry's red cola. There is none on site.

You can however talk to the bard.

>>35000
Use the knife to cut the bard into pocketable pieces.

>>35000
Glass bard.

Rolled 16 (1d20)

shit in bard's glass

>>35000
ask the elf to help you lift the bard and put him in your rucksack

>>35012
>>35036
>>35054
That's a bit gruesome... Are you sure Jamie? Wouldn't you prefer to ask him about the area? I'm sure he'd be happy to tell you how to get "THE BLACK RUBY OF CANTOOBY" or some other famous treasure.

There are no glasses within the bar.

>>35071
Glass bard.

Rolled 6 (1d20)

>>35071
talk to the manager about the glasses situation

then glass bard

>>34934
>On the table is a knife and a glass.
>>35071
>There are no glasses within the bar.
Ask everybody where the glass went, our new quest is to find the glass thief

>>35071
Attack bard with blade of grass.

>>35096
>>35109
>>35110
>>35114
Fuckin forgettin what I wrote.
You smash the glass onto the bards head and then cut him into little pieces using the knife which you put into your rucksack.

The elf watches and calls for the king's knights, what would you like to do now, traveler?

>>35195
Get bard.

>>35195
Rape elf

>>35195
Get bard. Ignore elf.

>>35206
>>35221
You have the bard in small meat chunks.

>>35220
Elves in this world have no holes for you to rape.

>>35234
Not even a mouth? How the fuck did he call the king's knights.

>>35234
Pocket the elf so we can figure out what to do with it later. You never know when one will come in handy.

>>35234
Ask tavern owner to cook bard.

>>35253
With it's el-fone.

>>35267
The tavern owner has pished himself. He's just not feeling up to it today.

>>35254
You grab the elf and it pleades with you to let it live. It will offer you one wish in return for it's freedom.

>>35308
I wish for the elf to have a hole on its person.

>>35308
go to fire
cook bard

>>35318
The elf gains a hole through it's hand and disappears since you let him go free.

>>35327
You begin to cook the bard but half way through the king's knights break down the door. "Did you kill this tavern's bard?" The leader badgers.

>>35376
Offer bard saute to Knights.

>>35376
say "no, you guys want some steak?" and offer them bard meat

>>35407
The knight sees a patch of hair still clinging to the bard meat and lobs your head off. You have died.

Thank you for watching adventure call. My name is Falconhoof and I'll see you next week.

>>35447
GG

>>35447
JOHNNY

I RISE FROM THE DEAD ASHES OF THE LAST PLAYER

FIND MAILBOX

>>35234
No hole to ingest food? rape!

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Kill Jestah

kill jestah

JUMP THE CHASM