You are a RECORDED FELON with a mysterious and yet extensive criminal past, consisting of a wide range of crimes including MONOCOLOR ARSON and MS PAINT GRAPHICS SEXUAL ASSAULT. The NATIONAL POLICE FORCE has placed you in this MAXIMUM SECURITY SOLITARY PRISON and it's your job to escape and claim vengeance.
Who will the name of our protagonist be?
>>30726
Joe
Michael
>>30726
Robust.
>>30726
Mohinder
Kurt Angle
>>30769
You are MOHINDER. You've been sentenced to prison for 200 YEARS, slightly above the average lifespan of a human in your world. You were allowed to keep FIVE ITEMS going in to prison.
What items did you pack?
>>30820
Obviously a nail file, the breakout "staple" of champions.
>>30820
A literal black hole singularity.
>>30820
Rope
A cellphone
A box of Cuban cigars
An onna hole
And that sword on the OP pic.
>>30820
A pumpkin.
>>30902
Within your backpack is a sharp NAIL FILE, just in case you happen upon an nails in need of filing.
>>30928
Also in your backpack is a sleek and modern CELLUAR PHONE. You almost didn't get this one in, but with advanced human rights regulations, SHITPOSTING is treated as an essential and fundamental need in society.
What other three items did you bring into prison?
>>30999
A ukulele
>>30959
Miraculously, an entire JACK-O-LANTERN can fit inside your backpack without reducing the overall weight of it whatsoever, Quantum fluxes make this item disappear in and out of existence, though, so don't count on it in times of need.
>>31031
A trusty BLACK HOLE rests in the back pocket of the backpack. You're not sure what it's supposed to do, but the person you bought it from used really big words so you feel you can depend on it in survival situations.
Rolled 11 (1d20)
>>30999
A universal key.
>>31085
You had happened to have a UNIVERSAL PRISON ESCAPE KEY, but it got sucked into the infinite void of the black hole. You recall having feeling stupid at leaving those two in the same pocket.
>>31143
Jump into the void and get your keys from Van Eiss
>>31143
We should shrug it off
>>30928
You also have a long metal SWORD, that you used multiple times in the process of committing crimes that got you in here in the first place, in your backpack. Kind of counterintuitive that they let you keep it, but you were never one to ask questions.
What are your CHARACTER TRAITS? Do you have FLAWS and WEAKNESSES?
>>31498
Our traits is that we are invulnerable and invincible and fucking ripped, but we are insecure about being invulnerable and invincible, as well as not being very smart, and we are quick to fall in love. We are weak to gravity.
>>31498
Good hair
>>31498
we got good bluff stats but are pretty gullible ourselves.
>>31539
You are FUCKING RIPPED and ripe with muscular strength, but our feet wobble at the mighty force of gravity.
>>31556
>>31630
In reality, because someone sarcastically complimented you on our arms, you are delusional and only think you are FUCKING RIPPED. You're gullible like that.
>>31702
Use your mighty strength to break through the walls of the prison! Freedom is just a punch away!
>>31543
Your hair was fabulous. Unfortunately, because it could've been used to inflict the STUN status on female guards, they had to cut it off. All that remains is a conveniently simple-to draw, bald head.
>>31702
Become immortal and be insecure.
>>31781
There aren't any windows in the prison, but there does happen to be a LOCKED DOOR with a glass see-through area. Attempting to use your MEDIOCRE PUNCHING SKILLS to break through it, you find that it is merely PUNCH RESISTANT IRON painted to look like glass.
>>32013
file down the doorframe
>>32013
Shitpost online about the door until it commits sudoku.
>>32013
Deploy your trusty black hole near the door frame.
>>32141
You open up your CELLUAR PHONE, which has been modified over the years for maximum shitposting efficiency. You feel like a good citizen for practicing your humanitarian rights, even in the most bleak of situations.
What APPLICATION do you open?
>>32385
Gre9gade
>>32385
Tumblr.
Post about how the door being painted to look like glass is cultural appropriation and it should kill itself.
>>32441
Seconded
Rolled 18 (1d20)
>>32385
Call the prison and say you are a pizza delivery guy that got stuck inside
>>32441
You open the TUMBLR application, and create a new blog post. A long-winded rant on the oppression carried out by closed doors, complete with flower unicode characters, ensues. You feel yourself physically sweating from the intensity of documenting the evil of locks.
>>32814
In a move of desperation the door flies open to stop our rant
>>32814
the SENTIENT DOOR seems to be offended from your comments. It's on the verge of tears, and shyly asks if you meant what you just wrote.
>>32814
Show the door the immense number of reblogs you received to prove that it is a shitlord.
>>32880
You have 1 REBLOG.
>>33161
Grab the key from the corner of the room.
>>33193
There doesn't seem to be any sort of key in that corner of the room. You shrug, wondering why you even searched there in the first place.
>>33319
>>33319
Eat corner of the room.
>>33328
check all corners in the room
>>33330
It took a while, but you managed to digest a single CORNER BRICK. It was delicious.
>>33442
Sleep off your meal, commence Player Two.
>>33419
You check all 4 corners of your prison cell, and yet no KEY is found.
>>33538
CHECK EVERY SURFACE AND SPACE WITHIN THE CELL
Throw the black hole at the wall
>>33538
Enter the black void/extraperspective rift.
>>33554
You look absolutely everywhere you can think of for some kind of KEY. Nothing, unfortunately.
>>33713
ITS ON YOUR HEAD
IF IT'S NOT ON MY HEAD I CHECK INSIDE MY ASSHOLE AND MOUTH
>>33628
You walk beyond the confines of your prison cell, and by sheer chance, happen upon a KEY. Good detective work!
>>33783
Flip perspective and explore. If not possible, then deploy black hole here, to make use of in the future.
>>33787
You do a flip, and wonder to yourself where that KEY you thought you just found went.
>>33867
its probably in your anus, better reach inside and get it.
>>33867
Walk around the cell past where the door blocking your way would be.
>>33958
You wonder if you even have an anus. Attempting to turn around your head and check wields no results.
dead board huh
>>34181
Start questioning if you are trapped anymore due to your existence in the black void/extraperspective rift.
>>34689
You begin to wonder how existing within the EXTRASPECTIVE RIFT works. You make a mental note that the area is "trippy as fuck".
>>34815
Keep drifting futher.
>>34815
A nausea kicks in, and you desperately feel the need to go back. But you walk further into the EXTRASPECTIVE RIFT until your original prison is but a speck of white engulfed by a sea of blackness.
>>35011
Put sea of darkness into your inventory
>>35011
You walk further until it's all only black. You cease to exist in any material connection to the real world.
>>35092
Use your cellphone's GPS to find your way back to the prison. Black hole the black rift or put into your inventory upon re-entering the prison.
>>35092
Does this mean we succeded in escaping? I mean, we technically escaped the bonds of reality. If not, ask black hole for guidance and divination like the wise sage he once was.
>>35119
You attempt to use your CELLUAR PHONE as a GPS, but an obscure error message pops up.
>>35305
Investigate the mysterious line throughout the black rift and how you turned black.
>>35135
Assuming the only connection to the EXTRASPECTIVE RIFT is your jail cell, then you'd either starve out here or go back to the cell, where you'd continue to be functionally trapped again.
>>35305
Ask black hole for guidance.
>>35374
you take the BLACK HOLE out of your backpack. It awaits your query, and/or whining about taking your UNIVERSAL KEY.
>>35533
Threaten the black hole with your sword until it tells you how to escape this endless void.
say google EXTRASPECTIVE RIFT
>>35574
You attempt to pose an ultimatum to the BLACK HOLE: Provide knowledge to you, or get stabbed. You seem to have forgotten the fact that black holes cannot get stabbed, however.
continuing this next sunday, probably, if there's interest
I know it's shit, but hence the title and it's my first quest
>>35909
Tell the black hole that if it doesn't listen to you, you'll do some crazy shit on its non-existant ass.
