Hoodquest 2: Madea's Family Reunion
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Welcome back ta Hoodquest mufucka, finally wit its own thread instead of ridin' on
>>266815
"Seakwel will be your name my zombified nigga!" You exult proudly, yo black brothers and even Doc nod n smile at yo decision.
"Seakwel...Seak..wel...." Your zombie homie mutters to himself quietly before looking at you with undisguised glee and that feral grin he has always keeps on hand.
"That be a good name my dark brother," and he swings out his hand towards you like a bullet with that one two. You answer back wit a resounding SMACK, "I think we'z gon' do gud things togetha boyz."
With that settled, the four of yall bounce, leavin Doc's crib and jump into your pimped-out Honda Civic. As you sit in the driver's seat, a quietness lingers throughout the vehicle and you realize that the four of you have been presented with one of the rarest questions that any brother from the hood has ever been presented in their short, violent, and primarily pointless lives.
What da FUCK ya gon do now?
Steezy chirps up a suggestion first in an excited voice, "Ay yo, we can just pick up a TV to replace our old one for Blanka an' head back to tha crib and figure shit out later yo."
Jutsu follows up with a somber, more contemplative voice, "Or, we can go to my master's dojo and ask Sensei for advice and guidance."
Seakwel just groans out a few seconds after, "Really don't matta to me son, we'z can just raise hell on tha streets an' figure shit out from there son, word is bond son, son."
As Chromehound, the apparent leader of this motley crew of ultra-violent negro-fellows you know it is up to you to make a final decision. Cuz word like none of these niggas bout to make a decision feel me.
Please think carefully about this decision, not many niggas have ever gotten this far
>Head out to pick the TV in Blanka's memory
>Find Jutsu's Sensei for spiritual and nigral guidance
>Raise Hell like a fucking savage
>Somethin else, fuk u
>>276394
>Find Jutsu's Sensei for spiritual and nigral guidance
>>276394
>Find Jutsu's Sensei for spiritual and nigral guidance
>>276490
>>276766
Aight den.
Jutsu always beena shady typa nigga. Dude had crazy amountsa doorags and knives n shit. Nigga look like he be watchin naruto n shit all day, but this nigga tell u he got a sensei.
"We gosta get our shit on track, yerd. Les put the TV on the burner, find a nigga with a plan, and get some mafucking guidance. Yo Jutsu, where he at nigga?"
Jutsu just sits there all quiet n shit, meditatin'.
"I'll find my master."
He starts glowin with crazy energy b, mad fire pulsin from his veins word up. From the back seat of the whip, he simply points his hand down the street, openin his eyes. They're blank. Shit is like that movie the rang
"Nigga where you pointing. this some GPS typa shit."
He jus nods. Gatdamn
after bout another thirty minutes or some shit, he yells "HE IS HERE"
yall get out the car to find yoselves up in some bridge shit. more accurately, under some bridge shit. you'er under a bridge
Jutsu walks over to a graffiti and puts his hand on the wall
glowing runes and shit light up around his hands. the wall opens. Jutsu steps aside and waves yall through
shiet
inside is some fucking crazy temple shit, like some beautiful wood floring and shit. this niggas got a koi pond down here what the FUCK
"JUTSU, NIGGA THIS PLACE IS TIGHT"
the whole crew looks around and fucks with shit, getting a closer look at the stone interior.
all of a sudden the door behind yall closes. some nigga with an afro twice the size of any afro you ever seen before appears behind yall in a cloud of black smoke
he had a sword that blinded a nigga jus ta look at it shit was magical he greets justsu with a bow
the bow was so fuckin tight, like that shit in kungfu movies with that serious shit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xj5AcHcl9E
after they bowed, they smiled and hugged and shook hands like what's good hahah ayyyyyyy
the handshake lasted about 5 minutes total, featurin a mother fuckin song and shit. niggas b wilin out
"Jutsu Matsu Shinkawa Heihachi Junpei Shinwei Bay"
the whole crew listenin like THIS NIGGA GOT MORE NAMES?
"what brings you to my domain?"
"We are in dire need of guidance and I am l-"
he stopped talkin mid fuckin word, seein that his master focusin on some shit
"Who is this man?"
he say this with a startled face, some shit I see when a nigga begging for mercy from my raps, his hand outstretchin and shit towards Seakwel
Seakwel grunts.
"Ugghh?!?"
"Yes, ughh. Who are you?"
Seakwel croaks "Sea....kwel."
"Yeah, he's a fuckin zombie like youwouldntevenbelievemymanheregotchopn"
"Yo, slow the fuck down son."
Gotta knock his ass back to normal speed some times like shiet man fuck
"sorry, but yeah, dude here jsut died and came back thanks to doc"
The master strokes his beard and paces.
"Nah nah nah nah, this is fucked up nigga. he a vessel for some evil shit. I feel it. You can restore him, but this is dark magic."
>"How do we restore him, master?" - J
>"You can't be talkin bout our crew." - C
>Otha
>>276786
>"How do we restore him, master?" - J
>>276786
>How do we restore him
>>276786
Nigga is we fo real gon restore this nigga like a he sennytwo Cutlass o sum shit? Black don't crack but he a fuckin corpse all dead an stinkin n shit I mean dayum
>>276967
Dat's exactly what we gonna do. We take Blanka an' TV and hit up that big shot from that MTV show. I kno' shit's been over for a decade but he may know how to help a brotha.
So your nigga Jutsu be all like "Yo mastah, how we gunna restore a nigga? He already alive an shit"
And mastah is all like "First yall gotta hold this evil bitch nigga down because he finna wile out ya feel me." Yall look at this zombie nigga and he starts freakin the fuck out and almost gets away but your nigga Green Steezy jumps on him all quick like becuz he fast as fuck ya feel me. Seakwel starts thrashin and screamin like hes having a seizure. Anyway yall hold this nigga down and mastah closes his eyes, and sits down all crosslegged an shit, and starts concentratin all hard. And yo shit is cray tho because each of yall magicly start rappin these ill verses, and yall be singing about Blanka! Its dope as fuck so you recorded the whole thing so you can put it on your crew's up comin album ya dig
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fl2d0CdmRT0
Yall finish up and this weeb nigga starts chantin some weeb shit or whatever the fuck. Then Seakwel opens his mouth and his soul starts spewin out, it was green an shit that can't be healthy. You're all "Yo nigga brush yo fuckin teeth!" And like another soul came outta nowhere and this nigga looked like Blanka again! Mastah hit this fuckin gong and then your nigga woke up!
"Yo what da fug I had the craziest dream man. There were all these white bitches with wings and -- yo why the fuck you niggas touching me you gay or somethin? Fuck man" Since yall ain't like that yall got off a nigga and helped him stand up.
Mastah is all like "yo niggas, now you pissed off an evil spirit and that nigga is gonna try to fuck you u-" and then like somethin cuts this nigga off, and he starts flailin' around an shit. Then yall see Seakwel's spirit go into mastah's mouth and yall wuz all like oh shit a demon nigga just took over mastah.
"YOU MUHFUCKAHS ARE GONNA PAY, YOUR MASTAH IS DEAD NOW AND YOU DUMB NIGGAS AIN'T SMART ENOUGH TO DO ALL THAT WEEB SHIT HE JUST DID" Then like mastah Seakwel takes out his weeb knife and twirls it around all deft-like n shit, and his body starts glowing green.
Jutsu whispers to yall, sobbin an shit: "Mastah taught me enough weeb that I can destroy the demon, but I have to destroy the body to be able to do it... which means Mastah can never come back..." Then you was all "nigga in all those weeb swordfightin movies the student always kills the mastah this shit was bound to happen. Les just beat the mothafucka down so he stops movin and then you can do your thang"
"YOU NIGGAS THINK I'M DEAF? IMMA KILL JUTSU FIRST HAHAHA. COME AT ME NIGGAS" mastah Seakwel shouts. He waves his arms around and like the runes on the door behind yall start glowin and seal you inside. This zombie nigga takes a defensive stance and motions for yall to come toward him
>PREPARE FOR COMBAT NIGGAS
>Arrange your crew
>State how you want to attack a nigga (or if you want to try something other than combat; roll 1d100 for efficacy)
>roll 4d100 (Blanka, Green, Chrome (You), and Jutsu's combat effectiveness, in order)
Rolled 8, 97, 88, 66 = 259 (4d100)
>>285549
ayy kay > weeb swords
>>285553
yall niggas gonna get Blanka killed again
Bein' the leader and all you figure you better lead. without thinkin you toss Blanka his Uzi and shout "KILL THIS BITCH ASS NIGGA". Blanka is overly quick to fire, eager to kill this body snatchin nigga, and unloads the entire magazine on this green kung fu punk before the rest of yall can shoot. But then like all the fuckin bullets reflect off of him, some of them ricocheting and hitting Blanka in his leg and arm. This nigga is always gettin himself into shit. "Yo nigga this is why you're supposed ta be a melee specialist, got damn." Bitch nigga falls down and starts crying on the floor, blood flowin errywhere like he's some bitch on her period ya feel me. but he'll live this time if you get him to a doc soon. Some of the bullets bounce towards Green too, but he pulls off some matrix shit and dodges all of them, this nigga really knows how to get down.
Jutsu says, "Stop shooting! Bullets won't work on him! I need to counter his qi first!"
You don't speak weeb so yall be all like "English motherfucker do you speak it?"
Realizing his mistake he puts on his hood voice and rephrases, "Ayy niggas word is bond I need to lay the beatdown on this fucka myself before yall can shoot ya bullets. We all need to rush this nigga at the same time aight?" You and Green understand now, and in a flash ya nigga Green disarms Mastah and tosses the weeb sword to Jutsu. You and Green bullrush Mastah before he can react and easily pin the zombie nigga down on the floor. Jutsu somersaults through the air and snatches up the sword like some kinda fag hahaha. Anyway your weeb nigga runs up and channels his qi into the sword, which glows orange, and shanks the muhfucka in the chest. God damn this nigga is hard as fuck tho.
"NOOO!" Mastah shouts, leaping up in a flash and pushing past all yall with the strength of twenty niggas, heading for Blanka's Uzi. His green glow has faded away now. "I'm not finished yet!" He snatches the Uzi from Blanka's hands along with a spare magazine and reloads.
"His qi his weakened! We need to finish him off now!"
>Post ya actions
>Green has a glock, Chrome has an ayy kay, Jutsu has two weeb swords
>roll 3d100 (Green, Chrome (You), and Jutsu's combat effectiveness, in order))
>passing this shit off to the other nigga who should be back later, if he updates before me
Rolled 76, 7, 73 = 156 (3d100)
>>285784
Fuck this nigga up
Rolled 64, 31, 64 = 159 (3d100)
>>285784
Fuck, not Chrome!
>>289109
>>289124
>>285784
Only got one take...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MO1Tmr5S2BQ
Bout to light this nigga up yall feel me.
Pop a quick reload and let loose on this nigga, make him feel some real mufuckin heat in this bitch. you reload and feel a jam. "SHIT SON, MY AYKAY AIN'T FUCKIN LOCKIN"
The slider be jammed son, and that aint bout to stop green giant lookin ass nigga over here.
Green be fast as lightning yo, and right quick grabs a fuckin scroll from the scroll library n shit. shit is fuckin absolutely nuts, he just pulls this shit outta nowhere and reads it in a fuckin second total
"AIGHT DEN."
he announces this shit like he just uncovered some crazy fuckin secret he runs off somewhere deep inside this mofucking cavernous grotto lookin ass place
shit is mad crazy, he just fuckin gone hahah
Jutsu crosses his blades and his eyes turn white and start burnin.
"自業自得" he says
":見ぬが花 " poetically the mad nigga retorts
"悪因悪果 " poignantly and well said, jutsu.
Jutsu dashes up to this nigga like a straight up crazy fuckin movie and shit b. he ends up behind him, ankles and timbs steeped in the koi pond. mad nigga mastahs arm flies clean off
he SCREAM louder than anything you ever hear before. mad crazy. his socket starts spraying blood and showers the room, clouding the koi pond. damn
Green returns with a glock in one hand and a pot in the other, and he pops a cap in the ack of mastah nigga's skull
"一期一会"
Jutsu chops this nigga up to a barillion pieces.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGNO-Fc9OHM
green scoops some water from the waterfall grotto and some paper bagged ingredients and mixes them together, taking the barillion pieces as well.
in a flash he cooks this nigga down to a stew. it smells delicious but this is fucked up
"yo yo what the fuck this is fuckd up"
"we gotta destroy the body, c-dog."
he right.
he right.
"and this shit is sposed to give you magic powers, that's what it said on da scrols"
...
"SHIIIEEEEET." all three rest of yall niggas let out, even blanka with a cough of blood for good measure
"maybe it'll heal you too, green says, reversing his hat into a chef's hat."
>Roll 4d100 to see how dope yalls powers b, b. (Blanka, Chrome, Jutsu, Green)
Rolled 81, 60, 29, 56 = 226 (4d100)
>>289930
>aykay
>jammed
TF is dis? shit's wack yo. must be one o dem chink knock-offs
Rolled 4, 26, 27, 47 = 104 (4d100)
>>289930
Remember, flat is justice.
Rolled 84, 54, 90, 66 = 294 (4d100)
>>289930
fuck niggas yall rolls is horrible
Rolled 92, 80, 60, 69 = 301 (4d100)
>>289930
Sheeiiiiit we gon EAT MASSA?
>>289952
>>289971
>>290093
>>291458
green look at the camera, fuck yea u is this shit smelll delicious. shit smel so good even mufuckin jutsu dont got complaints. he got tears, but not complaints cuz this shit smell good
one x won they all step the fuck up and grab a miso soup-lookin ass bowl of massa-gumbo shit's still bubblin long after it cools, fuckin crazy feel me shun
blanka take da first swig and lets out some crazy loud burp (brrrap)
blanka flexes and grows a fuckin foot or to taller b shit is mad crazy he lets out this crazy roar n it pins all the fuckas in the place to the wall. good thang the pot was behind him shiiieeet
BLANKA BEEN BLESSED WITH SEISMIC BURAAAAAAAAP
u take a drink a gumbo and downs it real nigga style
u hear some cray shit
oh fuck is that a heartbeat nigga
shit it is
CHROME BEEN BLESSED WITH VITAL HURRIN
Jutsu feels the dragon flow through him and lets it out to show you his true power.
"I will show you my true power."
His swords both glow red hot and grow to the size of the whol fukin room b shit is nuts
they glow with this diamon like shit and it looks like they can cut thru anythang
he throws one at the wall at the far side of the room. a chunk of the wall come back to him n the sowrd with it. fuck dats heavy b
JUTSU BEEN BLESSED WITH RAGE AND REGRET ACT. SHIT.
Green look at alll yall and takes the last drops of his fire ass gumbo.
he feel som strange shit deep within him as he take his chug.
"bruuuuuuh"
as he say this, he look like he high as shit my nigga no tux hahaha
"yo nigga the fuck is goin on?"
you aks this as you hear a knock on da wall-door
jutsu opens it
its green
FUCK
GREEN BEEN BLESSED WITH THE QUICKNESS, DOG
-----
"shit now what we gon do"
"wanna jus move our shit in here? we aint got nowhere else to be about nigga" blanka suggested this, still tall as hell gotdamn
"we cud practice our powers or some shit. fuck up a bank or somethin ayyyyyyy"
green be wildin as fuck damn
"Let's learn about our powers by collecting scrolls. I know where my master hid his wisdom."
shit i onno what the fuck he jus say hahahah
>Blanka's idea
<Green's idea
vJutsu's dumb ass shit
^otha
>>293739
Do what Blanka say but see what shit this ol dead nigga got first n see if he got a fatty ass whip, that Civic sum bullshit boyee we can't be rollin in that
>>293739
"Yea, do what Blanka say but then we's gotta get a hold of Ol' Joe's property. We do it before his associates reorganize."
"..."
"Whut? I gots law and biz degrees."
>>293748
>that Civic sum bullshit boyee we can't be rollin in that
Pretty sure we wuz rollin' in a black-on-black Cadillac... Sheeiit, we dun fucked up. We jacked Doc's whip, our Esky is at his crib!
Waitin for mo input b, yerd
>>293748
>>293886
"AIGHT AIGHT we ain doin non of dat bulshit u jus say nigga, we bouta get buck wild n move the fuck in yo. Blanka, glad to have you back my nigga."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDkITbcWVls
you crank the fuk out cho stereo in yo average ass whip and get to steppin movin shit into this trippy weird ass fuckin grotto lookin ass place
shit son yall had a lot a shit up in yo ol crib yerd, so movin dis takes a hol goddam day it feels. shiiiiieeeeeeeet
night fallin n deep within yo shit u find some ol shoebox
u bring it over to the group with a smug smile
green, wit his QUICKNESS opens it up fastr den u cud even tell like damn
YOU HAVE RECIEVED DANK (AGED)
der some writin on da undaside. shit looks important, but is naptime b n u got da bomb shit right here right here
after sparkin up, u see some crazy shit happen 2 da floor
"yo, you guys feel that?"
"HAHAH YEAH, THIS SHIT FEEL GREAT"
"no blanka, you fuckin dumbass headass neckass"
wait a minute, a floor used ta be here
shiet
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
yall all SCREAMIN n shit FALLIN THROUGH DIS HERE BLACK HOLE
OH FUCK THE GROUND COMIN UP FAST AS HELL
OH SHIT BRACE FOR LANDIN NIGGAS DAMN
>roll 1d100
>don die
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>297904
Got dayum this sum fucked up shit yo
Rolled 45 (1d100)
>>297904
Don't be a bitch nigga, watchin' dose TV shows wit Morgan Freeman prepared ya'll fo whateva cray biz ya got yaselfs into, see?
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>297904
is this guna be like sum ninja turtles in time shit? shiiieeet
but like we niggas in time hahaha
