Post Appocalyptic Adventure Thing, part 8
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Oh shit nigger, you're a Wasteland Paladin in some Generic Post Apocalyptic Wasteland. Your mission is to protect the innocents, purge the heretics, kill the evil mutants, yadda yadda all that stuff.
But currently you're just loitering around the Paladin HQ, what do you do?
Roll 1d10, highest roll in a minute since the first reply gets picked.
Previous threads:
http://pastebin.com/sR3G3F2A
https://www.mediafire.com/folder/ici3zlnn9ytyy/ADVENTURES
>>216282
Punch self in face
Punch self in face
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>216282
punch self in face
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>216291
now to reclaim our stolen goods
meaning our sons.
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>216291
find other people to punch in face
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>216291
Each question mark on your armor represents a special random power or skill but once activated is used up forever.
>>216296
Suddenly, another paladin walks by
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>216301
Punch him in the face and steal his jew armor
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>216301
give him a hug
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>216301
ask for spare nose
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>216314
now steal his helmet and gain jew powers
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>216314
inflitrate the jews
>>216318
"Fuck off goyim! My powers or not for the likes of you!"
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>216324
Convert to Judaism then steal it because you're a dirty jew
oy vey
>>216325
At which point you are punche din the face by your own dad
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>216330
start calling dad a dirty goyim
wear your kippah too
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>216330
your block shoulder pops up a fire flower
>>216333
IT's a flower on fire
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>216341
touch it gain fire power
>>216345
"You don't even have one" Dad says as he beats you
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>216349
Jesus tells Dad to fuck off
Jesus is a jew too after all
>>216352
"Ey bro you should stop that"
"Nah"
"Well I tried"
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>216356
fuck you jesus
just take the wheel
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>216356
to clear your name purge all the jews
>>216358
"Alright sure. Bye"
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>216361
You get so beat up that you die
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>216364
it lands on snake eyes, you get killed by your own father
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>216364
Hey dad my son's are gay bots now what should I do?
>>216365
It lands on snake eyes while dad calls you a retard for thinking he would kill you
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>216371
say we're a homosexual jew
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>216371
Call your dad a dirty anti-Semite.
>>216372
Dad then turns to anon and questions his strange obsession with wanting to be jewish
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>216375
Anon grows a hooked nose
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>216375
Plot happens
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>216375
call dad out on being an anti-semite
what a racist
>>216377
Suddenly, mutants attacked. Anon is killed during the commotion
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>216383
F
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>216383
the mutants are actually nazis
>>216380
you put it in the options there buddy.
>>216387
I know that now, please make fun of me if you want
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>216383
run in circles
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>216392
You are huge that means you have huge guts
>>216401
RIP AND TEAR
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>216401
Mutants actually quite intelligent, they kill humans for fun if they can't answer mathematical problems
>>216406
"So, anon. 'Suppose you walk past a barber's shop one day, and see a sign that says:
"Do you shave yourself?
If not, please come in and I'll shave you!
I shave anyone who does not shave himself,
and no one else".
So the question is: "Why is the barber such an asshole?"'
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>216410
But what about the barber?
Who shave the shaver?
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>216410
Just kill me already
>>216410
I... I dont know... Because he can't shave himself because that's inception?
>>216420
"dice+1d10" in the options field
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>216423
Suddenly vietnam level starts
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>216423
challenge them mathematical duel
>>216422
well fuck I've been putting roll like a fucking retard
>>216425
[It ain't me starts playing]
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>216436
suddenly shinji pops out and starts crying like the bitch he is
I swear to fuck if I copy and pasted this wrong fucking kill me
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>216436
[Sound of silence] starts playing you homo
>>216436
eat his horns
forcefully
>>216437
"That's pretty weeb, anon" commented Mutant
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>216447
>not being weeb
nerd
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>216447
*Unzips katana*
>>216449
>being weeb
"double nerd"
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>216456
Nip pong Ching chong I got a small ding dong
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>216456
RIP AND TEAR FOR MUH JAPANESE HONOR
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>216456
purge intensifies
>>216458
Roll 2d100 to see if you succeed or not, first number is the picking number, second is results
1-9: terrible failure
10-39: failure
40-89: success
90-100: great success
Rolled 47, 66 = 113 (2d100)
>>216463
DO IT
Rolled 91, 46 = 137 (2d100)
>>216463
nothing personnel
>>216466
"MAH INTERNAL ORGANS"
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>216467
Eat the mutant
>>216470
"YOU DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO COOK ME FIRST OR WAIT FOR ME TO DIE. YOU MONSTER"
>>216475
I WAS TRYING TO, OK
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>216475
Taste like chicken.
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>216479
Completely unsuspicious merchant passing by:
"You will be buying r480x, right?"
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>216479
You feel energized
Stroll through wasteland-nam and find your family
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>216479
check how that restaurant from awhile ago is going
>>216481
"Well?"
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>216485
...yes
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>216485
Buy it.
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>216485
I prefer consoles
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>216485
For 200 wasteland bucks you just have to get it
>>216487
"Good goy. It'll be a million dollars. NOw let me just take it from my merchant bag by turning around and leaving my back completely unprotected"
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>216494
Million? I saw on necrobot tv you were selling it for 200 what the fuck i'll cut you bitch
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>216494
smell a trap
>>216495
"200 plus 99800. But that last part was drowned out by the commercial jingle"
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>216499
smell a double trap
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>216499
Proceed to cutting this bitch
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>216499
hand over the cash from your sons college funds
>>216500
"What's a double trap?" asked a paladin
"When a girl turned out to be a boy but then was a girl all along but then turned out to actually be a boy" answered another
"The fuck are you talking about"
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>216507
Much dick muthafugga
>>216507
*Muh
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>216507
buy PS4 instead
>>216508
"what"
"much dicks, yes"
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>216512
meanwhile paladins still under attack of mutants
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>216512
Back to plot pls
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>216512
judo this jew
>>216513
Meanwhile, in a more plot-oriented part of HQ, the abttle rage son
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>216518
help them outby solving a puzzle
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>216518
Man, just kill the jew and take his stuff. DEUS VELT
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>216518
use the fire flower power up!
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>216518
Ignore them
You're part of the paladins for memes anyway
>>216519
Yes, you msut solve this puzzle and reveal the secret hidden within
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>216529
puzzle is too hard, burn it and the mutants, they ruined our concentration
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>216529
ask mutants to solve it
they love this stuff
also hats
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>216537
World explodes
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>216537
they keep coming
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>216537
Supernerd mutant arrives. His only weakness is solving his puzzle
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>216537
Eat their hearts for their courage.
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>216547
Mutant boss arrives
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>216547
necrobots TV sure loves old filler show
always nice to sit down and laugh after mutant scorging
>>216549
DUN DUN DUN
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>216554
compliment his pompadour-horn
then tear it off
>>216557
Attempting to ttear off horn. Roll 2d100 for results
1-9: terrible failure
10-69: failure
70-95: success
96-100: great success
Rolled 75, 31 = 106 (2d100)
>>216562
We got this palaniggers
Rolled 21, 64 = 85 (2d100)
>>216562
but did you compliment?
Rolled 42, 77 = 119 (2d100)
>>216562
Rolled 88, 88 = 176 (2d100)
>>216562
>>216568
>88.88
holy shit
>>216568
Checked
>>216569
what are the chances right
>>216563
Shit
>>216564
Yes, but that didn't help
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>216574
That was pretty rude of you
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>216574
turn back time and take this roll
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>216574
Chainsaw paladin steps in to slice it off
>>216577
Roll 2d100 to attempt to turn back time
1-97: failure
98-100: success
Rolled 24, 42 = 66 (2d100)
>>216580
i got this
Rolled 48, 76 = 124 (2d100)
>>216580
Rolled 70, 23 = 93 (2d100)
>>216580
Rolled 8, 35 = 43 (2d100)
>>216580
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>216587
Pope steps in go fight him
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>216587
Welp time travel sucks, and it's all boss mutants fault, he's grounded!
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>216587
blame jews
>>216588
"Greetings, abomination, what has brought you to this holy place?"
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>216593
He gives a kind, yet stern reply
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>216593
we bossmutant now
"to get holy horn"
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>216593
Mutant worships Allah and is here to destroy the paladins.
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>216593
My neverending quest for mathematics..
>>216594
"A kind, yet stern reply"
"I see"
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>216602
The Pope gives him exactly that
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>216602
establish diplomatic relationships with mutants
>>216605
"Well then, may The Lord forgive you for your sins, but now Imust destroy you"
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>216610
CROSS COUNTER
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>216610
give him the chair Pope! THE CHAIR!
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>216610
"what mutants want here anyway"
asks pope while sparring with boss mutant
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>216615
Holy grenades
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>216615
too easy
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>216621
Boom
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>216621
pompadour-horn survives cause it is awesome like that
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>216627
call dibs on it
>>216628
"Sure, here you go"
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>216631
Make it into your codpiece
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>216631
install it on your helmet and paint it black
also check the stat boost it gives
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>216631
Put it on
YOUR DICK
>>216632
Father like son, eh?
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>216636
Go back and stab the merchant with it.
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>216636
Stroke it
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>216636
Other paladins begin punching Paladad to steal items from blocks.
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>216636
go purge mutants with it
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>216644
Now with both hands
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>216644
that's gay
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>216644
Faster.
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>216648
Now watch Speed with your dad
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>216648
stop scrubbing your balls you gay
it seems your father came back
>>216649
Good thing Paladins managed to salvaged a pre-apocalypse video store a while back
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>216654
I love these pre apocalyptic action movies.
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>216654
stab your dad
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>216654
You and your dad really enjoy the film, and you decide to build a nice palabus that may or may not explode if its speed becomes lower than 50mph
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>216654
suddenly tv overriden with some another madman scientist who wants to take over the earth
>>216659
"AHAHAHA! GREETINGS FOOLISH PALADINS! PREPARE TO FALL TO MY ARMY OF SUPER MUTANTS! WITH YOUR DESTRUCTION THERE WILL BE NOTHING STANDING IN MY WAY OF TOAL WORLD DOMINATION!"
"Damnit, another wack job who found some pre-apocalypse tech and decided he can rule the world with it"
They seem to pop up every month
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>216668
You wonder why these retards wish to rule a barren wasteland.
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>216668
he never finish talking cause Coldgate Brutal ad starts playing
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>216668
Pipe summons you to deal with the problem
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>216668
We need my sons for this
>>216669
it's a nice hobby
>>216668
They can keep Toal world. It sucks. We will stay on Earth k thx
>>216670
"wait, ah shit, I emant TOTAL WORLD DO--"[bzzz]"HEY YOU! ARE YOU A HAIRY WILD MAN? A VIOLENT CURMUDGEON? A PILLAGER, WARRIOR AND OR RAPIST?! ARE YOU A BARBARIAN WHO WANTS NOTHING MORE IN LIFE OTHER THAN CRUSHING YOUR ENEMIES, SEEING THEM DRIVEN BEFORE YOU AND HEARING THE LAMENTATIONS OF THEIR WOMEN, BUT THERE'S STILL A HUGE PROBLEM: YOUR TEETH DOESN'T LOOK GOOD WHILE YOU DO SO! THEN WORRY NO MORE AS NOW YOU HAVE COLD GATE BRUTAL! WITH ITS SPECIAL FORMULA, COLDGATE BRUTAL WILL ENSURE THAT YOUR TEETH HAVE THAT SHINE AND CLEANLINESS THAT YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED! NOW YOU CAN PILLAGE AND RAPE TO YOUR HEARTS CONTENT WHILE LOOKING GOOD! BUY NOW! ONLY $9.99! COLDGATE BRUTAL, THE NUMBER ONE TOOTHPASTE RECCOMENDED BY BARBARIANS"
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>216684
Be really interested in the product but then immediately forget about it
>>216686
Wow, that sounds like the best thing ever...wonder what else is on
"Tragedy struck today as the console war became too real. An owner of the new XBOXV attacked an owner of the new PS7 after he insulted his console of choice online. Reports said the XBOXV owner stalked the PS7 owner through various social media outlets until he found his address and drove there to invade his home. Reports also said that the fight consisted of two neckbeards slapping eachother while rolling around on the front lawn"
>>216684
these ads are the best
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>216692
necrobots being fags again and injecting their AI in videogames
those bastards
gotta purge them all
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>216692
You had enough TV for now
Go for a walk in the wasteland park to relax
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>216692
then plot
>>216696
[bzzz]
"Great, the signal's been hijacked again"
"Greetings, palafags! You may have destroyed many of our kind through your intolerance and bigotry, but we will never be defeated! In fact, we know that you may have salvaged a video store! And guess what, we maanaged to salvage a Video GAME store! That's right fuckers, we have all the video games now! While you sit there on your fatasses watching the inferior form of non-interactive media, we'll be here, playing superior video games! And we'll even use our superior tech to remake them and add in the Necrobot ideology so that these games can be truly considered perfect!"
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>216706
GASP
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>216706
You see blonde son in the background
He's waving at you
>>216707
"also your waifu is shit"
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>216713
Woah woah woah you take that backYOUR WAIFU IS SHIT
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>216713
UNFORGIVABLE
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>216713
Don't talk shit about my wife you steeldriller
>>216718
"that's right fags, your waifus are all shit. necrobots superior"
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>216713
it's time to purge some slime....
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>216721
But my waifu is a necrobot
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>216713
This means war
>>216725
"lolno, here, let me draw a picture of your waifu, 100% accurate. Also your taste in video games, movies, music and all other forms of media is shit too"
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>216735
prepare for an another crusade, now
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>216735
Well, I gotta agree with you there
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>216735
Pack your gears. It's time to get me some necrobot heads
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>216735
your sons seems to be having same taste in waifus as you so they punch necrobot on camera
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>216735
paladad already left and is shown on the TV beating the shit out of the necrofag
>>216739
dad, why
"It's true, your tastes in media is pretty shit."
Rolled 10 (1d10)
Turn off the Tv
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>216743
whatever
let's just go on a killing spree on those fuckers anyway
>>216745
"Hey! Where you going? I haven't finished insulting you yet"
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>216746
...
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>216746
follow the cable to their hideout
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>216746
cast fist to necron face
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>216746
show up on TV killing those fags
>>216747
"Hah! Cowards! Can't even handle a little banter! Run away fools! Run away and realize that we are superior and the true path to save humanity!"
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>216754
commence the beating
>>216761
shill paladins faction via TV
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>216761
cut to advertisment
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>216761
Steal their network
>>216765
"THE WASTELAND IS A DANGEROUS PLACE, FULL OF RAIDERS, MUTANTS, JEWS, MONSTERS AND NECROBOTS! BUT DO NOT WORRY, FOR THE PALADINS ARE HERE TO KEEP YOU SAFE! THAT'S RIGHT, THE PALADINS. BRAVE MEN AND WOMEN WHO HAS DEDICATED THEIR LIFE TO THE LORD AND SAVING THE WASTELAND YOU CALL HOME! IN FACT, YOU CAN JOIN THEM! BECOME A PALADIN TODAY AND ENJOY THE MULTIPLE BENEFITS OF DOING SO! LIKE GETTING THAT IDEAL BODY YOU ALWAYS WANTED! HAVE EXCITING ADVENTURES! MEET NEW FRIENDS! PURGING THE FILTH AND HERETICS FROM THE EARTH! GAINING AWESOME EQUIPMENT! BE BLESSED BY THE WASTELAND POPE! SWEET HELMETS! AND MANY MORE! JOIN THE PALADINS TODAY!"
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>216770
Now back to Apple and the Treachery of Passion Fruit
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>216770
plot
>>216772
"Give it to me straight, Doc, how bad is it?"
"Well, you have cancer"
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>216775
stop watching telly and visit the guy attempting to conquer the world
>>216776
"Oh look, the wacko even sent his abominations after us"
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>216781
suplex them
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>216781
And a gun toting banana
>>216781
They light themselves on fire so you can't punch them without hurting yourself
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>216781
Summon the other paladins
>>216783
"So the nutjob even experimented on fruits"
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>216789
Also a banana totting gun "GET YOUR BANANAS HERE, BANANAS, WHO WANTS BANANAS?"
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>216789
where the fuck he got fruits in wasteland
>>216791
fast winrar
>>216791
"Same place most people get anything in the wasteland. Us honest merchants"
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>216796
Banana remembers horrors of being hold by jews and kills thems
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>216796
Turns out this guy isn't a jew he just has a big nose and is actually an honest merchant
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>216796
"Why don't you suk on deez nutz, then"
>>216800
"I'm actually an atheist"
"SO why do you constantly keep your hands like that?"
"My hands get cold easily"
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>216803
the super mutants attack with a talking Durian fruit with arms and legs
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>216803
Pull down his hood to check if he has one of those Jew hats to confirm
>>216805
"wassup bitches"
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>216807
Don't give a fuck and create Palladin youtube channel "How to survive on wastelands".
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>216807
Someone unleashed iron carrotpaults
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>216803
look out citizen monster fruit behind you
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>216807
maddness
>>216809
"Son, the internet has been dead for years"
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>216818
Paladad eats the banana gunman
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>216818
eat fruit then
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>216818
awesome monster fight scene
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>216818
Oh sorry, I meant the Apoca-net
>>216822
"NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! NOOO--"
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>216828
mutate into old age mutant ninja paladin
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>216828
Ride the monster
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>216828
tastes like a fried chicken
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>216842
hump it's head
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>216842
Rip skull off. Stab other mutant with it
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>216842
do a glory kill
>>216845
The codpiece is put to good use
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>216856
cod piece falls off afterwards
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>216856
do a sweet roll off the monster
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>216856
the monster takes you back to the mad scientist lair, it had more brians, like a potato with eyes.
>>216860
"The monsters are all dead"
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>216863
loot the bodies/pee on them
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>216863
not this one dad
make a puppet out of one hurry!
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>216871
Dad cuts off your arm
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>216871
burn the puppet
"Now the monsters are all dead"
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>216871
interrogate the monster
>>216874
"Why would I do that?"
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>216879
sniff the monsters to track their scents back to their master
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>216879
carry on the plot
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>216879
To kill the sock mutant
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>216879
I miss my dissapoinments
>>216881
And so you track it by scene
aaaand I'll have to end today's session right here. Something came up and I have to leave the house. Since this is /qst/ and all it'll take days for this to be archived so let's jsut put this on hold til later. Sorry niggas.
Go here for updateshttps://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>216890
>and I have to leave the house
>leave the house
dear god
>>216892
Yes, horrifying
>>216896
don't look into people's eyes, they try to hypnotize you
>>216890
dam op when ya gonna get back
>>219784Tomorrow
>>219795
then where are ya niggaI have no life
>>223821
Somewhere between here and there
continuation soon
>>216890
YOur sniffing brought you to this
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>229457
The signs a trap and it explodes
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>229457
punch self in face
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>229457
silently punch yourself in the face so nobody will notice
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>229465
The evil genius passes by you while goimg out for groceries
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>229465
Turn the sign to throw off any potential stalkers.
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>229465
who is that guy behind you?
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>229472
Eat it
Rolled 1 (1d10)
do a wile e cayote off a cliff
>>229472
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>229472
Proceed to the evil lair
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>229472
May as well check for sky fortresses while we're at it.
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>229479
The evil genius attacks for vandalizing his property
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>229479
Piss on it to mark territory
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>229479
sign dance!
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>229479
this taste reminds you of something but what?
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>229486
use a fancy power up from one of your question mark blocks
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>229486
Backed up by an army of gun wielding sentient fruit!
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>229486
The villain is a hot super mutant girl
>>229487
AND NOW....roll 2d100 to see what the power is
0-9: something completely useless
10-49: something weak
50-79: something average
80-95: something strong
96-100: OP pls nerf
Rolled 86, 40 = 126 (2d100)
>>229493
Rolled 33, 10 = 43 (2d100)
>>229493
Laser penis
Rolled 32, 4 = 36 (2d100)
>>229493
common feather
daddy needs a new cape
>>229494
YOU GOT:
A spear.
Nothing fancy or special about it, it's just a makeshift spear.
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>229503
While you were opening boxes your dad was beating the shit out of the genius and his minions
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>229503
Equip on your dick
>>229511
But you already have a codpiece
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>229513
Do it anyway
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>229513
It expired 5 minutes ago and turns to dust now.
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>229513
tape it to the end of your cod piece
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>229522
ATTACK THAT NIGGA WITH IT
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>229522
Attack the evil genius with your new super codpiece.
>>229524
attacking
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>229527
pole vault to the top, he won't see it coming
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>229527
trip over to launch yourself up
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>229532
DO THE THRUST
ONE SHOT KILL
>>229534
Roll 2d100 for results
0-19: terrible failure
20-79: failure
80-100: success
Rolled 14, 13 = 27 (2d100)
>>229538
DO IT DO IT
Rolled 63, 34 = 97 (2d100)
>>229538
>>229541
The giant mutant attacks before you could do anything, dealing heavy damage anddestroying your codpiece entirely
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>229545
it was you favorite codpiece
now you are sadand slightly mad
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>229545
NOOOOOOOO
beserker rage sets in
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>229550
start eating mutant leg
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>229550
No start sissy slap that giant
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>229550
Question blocks turn into exclamation marks
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>229550
Angrily, but also politely, attempt to dissuade genius from his evil ways
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>229556
Activate remaining blocks on body to make a super weapon
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>229556
you eat thru it
it tastes actually ok, like fried chicken
>>229558
Roll 2d100 to see if superweapon is made
1-79: no
80-100: yes
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>229562
it's giant codpiece v2.0
Rolled 74, 24 = 98 (2d100)
>>229562
Rolled 49, 43 = 92 (2d100)
>>229562
>>229565
Superweapon creation failed
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>229567
Think about your fetish to power up
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>229567
RIP AND TEAR
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>229567
fuck it. we are manly enough to kill everything without relying on silly weapons
we are not faggots like our sons
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>229567
Blocks instead make you as giant as the mutant
>>229569
And so you did. The mutant's leg is wrecked, it'll fall !
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>229573
it fall on evil lair and thus end the evil genius way to take over the world.
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>229573
he spills his spegehtti
>>229576
"JERKS!" the evil scientist yelled as his evil lair is destroyed
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>229579
Evil genius boss fight
>>229579
"get a life you nerd"
spank him
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>229579
Mark your manly territory and piss on his sign,
>>229580
Enraged, the scientist injects himself with all the mutagen he can salvage from the wreck to become a super mutant himself so he can kill you
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>229587
Channel your inner jock and show this nerd whos the alpha.
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>229587
meh, have seen tougher
spank drugs out of him
kids this days can't do anything but rely on drugs
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>229593
Smash your helmet against his face
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>229597
weaksause
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>229597
Give him a wedgie.
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>229597
more head fist technique
>>229599
He punches you to stop you before you can do it
>>229606
He grabs your arm to stop the spanking
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>229608
suplex then spank
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>229608
do it anyway
with your belt
>>229611
YOu quicckly move into suplex position
Roll 2d100 for results
1-9: terrible failure
10-49: failure
50-89: success
99-100: great success
Rolled 1, 72 = 73 (2d100)
>>229619
ohhhh yaaaaaahhhhh
Rolled 46, 3 = 49 (2d100)
>>229619
Rolled 75, 58 = 133 (2d100)
>>229619
>>229624
you had to roll, I had it the bag and you fucked us.
>>229627
Nah it's good, it was too late anyway
>>229627
>rolled 1 on 1d100
>GUYS I GOT THIS
>>229623
Suplex successful
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>229631
Insult his shit taste
>>229638
for who gets chosen? I got the roll that made a successful suplex. That's where it counts, I know the rules
>>229635
Administering spanking
Roll 2d100 for results
0-9: light spank that doesn't do anything
10-79: hurftul spanking but doesn't turn him back into human
80-90: damaging spanking that turns part of him back into human
91-99: spank him so hard he turns back into human
100: spank him so hard you fuck up the mutagen inside of him that caused him to turn into a girl
Rolled 4, 27 = 31 (2d100)
>>229643
grill
Rolled 42, 46 = 88 (2d100)
>>229643
Rolled 63, 4 = 67 (2d100)
>>229643
gonna have to roll
Rolled 83, 28 = 111 (2d100)
>>229643
Cmon 100 roll
>>229647
lul
Welp guess you had a point anon
>>229647
Well that was useless
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>229651
give him another
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>229651
Go for the backhand
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>229651
Bite his butt
Rolled 56, 76 + 1 = 133 (2d100 + 1)
>>229651
Fuck that spank him again
>>229654
Going for the back hand.
Again, Roll 2d100 for results
0-9: light spank that doesn't do anything
10-79: hurftul spanking but doesn't turn him back into human
80-90: damaging spanking that turns part of him back into human
91-99: spank him so hard he turns back into human
100: spank him so hard you fuck up the mutagen inside of him that caused him to turn into a girl
Rolled 40, 65 = 105 (2d100)
>>229659
common
Rolled 57, 53 = 110 (2d100)
>>229659
FATHERLY SPANK
Rolled 20, 36 = 56 (2d100)
>>229659
God power keeps my pimphand strong
>>229661
You spanked him so hard, you launched him into a nearby boulder.
But it wasn't hard enough to cause any changes to his mutation
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>229664
Dragon kick his ass into the milkyway
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>229664
fuck it, purge it with fire
that always worked on your dumb sons
>>229667
Applying fire
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>229671
it purges
as it supposed to
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>229671
and sparklers
>>229675
"Indeed, another wacko turned into a burned corpse. Good job, son" said your dad
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>229680
wait
that skeleton looks familiar
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>229680
Eat him for no raisin
>>229683
"What? Do all skeletons look alike to you? That's racist"
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>229685
skeletons are not race
>>229687
"Bigot"
>>229688
I liked Greg better than you guys (Granddad was saying how good cookies he makes), also while we are at it, have some HOLY FIRE
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>229688
Equip his skull as trophy
Of course on your crotch
>>229690
Oh no! You burned too hard, the skull turns to ash the moment you retrieve it and the wind blows it away right after
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>229688
wait dad praised us?
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>229693
use nearby necrobots instead then
can't win without trophy
>>229696
"HAH! IT WON"T BE THAT EASY!"
"TIME FOR ANOTHER BOSSFIGHT, ASSHOLE"
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>229701
"SHIT DESIGN, CAN'T DO ANYTHING BETER THAN COPYCAT DOUBLAS M2?"
>>229702
"Whatchu talkin about, fagadin?"
"Yeah, we're totally original and not a ripoff in anyway, just ask Bob"
"Yeah, can confirm, totally not a ripoff of anything"
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>229706
he can't confirm
Roll to confirm!
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>229701
BUILD UP SOME MEAT BEFORE TRYING TO COPY SOMETHING FAGGOTS
>>229708
YOu roll around on the ground to confirm
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>229711
Use your momentum to roll over the two fagtrons
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>229711
is it confirmed!
>>229712
"meat built, lmao"
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>229715
AND YOU HAVE SHIT PUNS FAGGOTS
PURGE
PURGE EVERYTHING
WITH FIREEEE
oh wait look, your sons are here
PUUURGE ANYWAY
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>229715
time for more purgin' for these virgins
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>229720
oh hey, your sons are here as bad Toros D7 parody
PURGE EVERYTHING
>>229724
"I swear, we look like a vagina with limbs"
"Shut up"
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>229728
I THOUGHT BETTER OF YOU, SONS
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>229728
more purging
you proud dad?
>>229730
"What? Yeah, sure. Whatever"
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>229732
Yyyyyyyyaaaaaayyyyyy
you hear that dissapointments?
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>229732
watcha reading
>>229734
"AWWWW, WHAT THE FUCK, GRANDPA?"
"YEAH! YOU CAN'T JUST HAND OUT PROUDNESS LIKE THAT!"
"IT'S UNFAIR!"
"Hey, he's the only human aside from me here right now, you have no room to complain"
"BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT C'MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNN"
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>229736
grand pa skillfully injects grandsons with nanomachines.... again
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>229740
now he spanks homofaggotory out of them
you have one awesome grandpa
>>229740
how do you draw so quickly, I draw fast but it's always mess as shit
>>229743
He spanked them so hard they flew into another boulder. But it also caused them to see the errors of their ways and become immune to the necrobots' conversions. You can now use them as playable characters again
>>229746
But my drawings are messy as shit
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>229748
mom is furious
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>229748
Plot please
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>229754
mom calls bot lawyer
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>229754
LET'S SETTLE THIS, OLD HAG
>>229756
"Greetings, I am Lawyer Bot Mk.2. Sir, I'm afraid I'll have t-"
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>229760
looks like momma is gonna have to bring the big guns.... cry
>>229762
"Welp, mom's angry"
"Thanks, dad and grandad"
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>229768
seen worse
your granddad also stays out of it.
one on one, like a husband should
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>229768
it's really her own fault ... really
>>229771
"Why don't you help dad, grandpa? I eman, I'm pretty sure you could end all of this extremely quickly so we can all go home"
"Gameplay filler"
"what"
"I mean, it's to stop my son from becoming wusses like his own sons"
"oh, okay....waitasec"
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>229783
talk her down, nah just punch mom
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>229783
Before battle you get one shot at talking with your wife with deep dialogue tree system of Fallout 1 and 2 style games
talking head included
>>229786
Attempting to punch wife, Roll 2d100 for results
0-19: terrible failure
20-69: failure
70-89: success
90-100: great success
>>229790
I want to roll but I'll let you have it
>>229790
loading up dialogue
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>229795
mount her
>>229798
waitasec, there's something wrong here
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>229804
Use mods to get more dialogue options
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>229804
THAT'S FALLOUT 4 SYSTEM
NOOO
WE DOOOMED
WE ARE DOOOMED NO MATTER WHAT WE CHOOSE
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>229809
wrong mod
download the one made by NMA
>>229809
MOD IT FURTHER
>>229810
[Todd stares at you disapprovingly]
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>229813
mod her boobs
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>229813
stare back at him
furiously
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>229813
Mod her into an anime girl
>>229817
Oh no, Todd's stare is causing you to be unable to mod the game!
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>229819
Game crashes
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>229819
fight back
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>229824
stare harder
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>229824
fight back damnit
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>229830
see his inner demons
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>229830
find the truth
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>229833
is it out there?
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>229833
sadness only sadness
let's punch our wife now
>>229834
Alwaysss
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>229833
Reboot the game
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>229839
fuck it, fuck dialogue system
tell your wife if she ever want to see her grandsons - she don't need to turn her sons in homos every bloody time she sees them
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>229839
reboot
>>229845
Rebooting...
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>229847
start up screen with publisher and title
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>229847
good thing autosave was right before fight with wife
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>229851
talk sense into your wife while avoiding all punches and things she trows at you
start with
"but honey, I don't want my sons being homo, why you are mad"
>>229854
"BUT THEY'RE NOT, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! CAN"T YOU SEE THAT THIS IS THE BEST FUTURE FOR THEM AS THEY'D BE EFFECTIVELY IMMORTAL?!"
While arguing is happening in the background, grandad plays "Wasteland Dinosaur Murderer" with his grandkids
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>229860
Grandad is surprisingly good at this game.
Rolled 8 (1d10)
btw maybe suspend threads when there no at least 3 posters? getting guarantee results is not that fun
>>229860
BEING IMMORTAL HOMO IS EVEN WORSE, CAN'T YOU SEE THIS, WOMAN
also based Grandpa, kids are aspiring to be like him
>>229864
"BUT THEY'RE NOT HOMOS, CAN'T YOUUU SEE THAT?"
Meanwhile,
"A double 20, you killed the dinosaur so hard its extended family felt it too and they all die"
"What the fuck grandpa"I already suspended this for a day already and I don't like leaving things like that
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>229866
critical point has been made
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>229866
Where is grandma?
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>229866
HAVE YOU SEEN AT LEAST ONE FEMALE NECROBOT ASIDE OF YOURSELF, HUH?!
PROVE ME WRONG
THEY ARE ALL HOMOS
Grandpa: don't be like your dad or mom, find yourself and you'lkl be as good as me
>>229869
"Oh she's in the part of the wasteland past that mountain range over there. She's busy bringing justice to the raiders and mutants of that place, she'll be back by Tuesday"
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>229872
why did she let mom turn like this?
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>229872
Wait are those surprisingly familiar skeletons by the mountain?
>>229875
They are probably necrobots... ya racist
>>229875
"Don't be silly, we're too far away to tell for sure anyway. For all we know, that could actually be just normal caravans. Or homobots"
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>229878
Paladad lads a critical point
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>229878
Its actually Raider Rocketeers, heading right at you!
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>229878
Grandpa tell us why war is started anyway
>>229879
[Rekindling of undying love in the background]
MEANWHILE
"Okay, you see a Dinosaur wanderer, he clearly does not belong to any hostile factions and is just minding his own business, he greets you wi-"
"I punch his face in"
"Wait what"
"You heard me"
"But that's what you did for the last 50 encounters!"
"Yeah grandpa, that's your solution to everything"
"Haven't failed so far though"
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>229887
Reading over the rules, it turns out if you DIE IN THE GAME YOU DIE IN REAL LIFE
>>229887
Great life advice, honestly
loud making out in background
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>229887
menstruation kicks in
>>229891
"Well of course, we need to use dies to roll after all"
"No grandpa, it means, dying. As in stop living. Death. Kicking the bucket. Pushing daisies, etc"
"Oh...so what you're saying is that I should go and murder an entire family of mutant dinosaurs to make that tagline true"
"What"
"Well yeah, my character have been killing all these dinos ingame so it's only fair that I do so in real life too"
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>229895
and so he did
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>229895
that works ...
mean while!
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>229895
A bunch of mutant dinos show up
"Rawr we only wanted to live peacefully, why can we not coexist [bizarre dino throat garbling]"
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>229895
Whatever, roll a natural 20 to kill the game.
>>229896
"Greetings, we come in peace and has brought gifts on enlightenment. THrough this we hope w---"
"Grandpaaaaa"
"What?"
[laugh track]
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>229904
Yeah... Go back to paladad and necromom
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>229904
That's my Grandpa, and then suddenly everything goes frozen and credits start playing
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>229904
cut back to dad
>>229908
[insert cheesy show tune here]
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>229913
MEANWHILE
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>229913
After Credits: NEXT TIME, ON WASTELAND ADVENTURE
DIRECTED BY HIDEO KOJIMA
STARRING:
PALADAD
MOM
THE SKULL TROOPS
AND SPECIAL GUEST:
SKULLFACE
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>229913
Aaaand CUT! Good job, grandpa, one of sons, now we have out own mini series to show off on TV.
it seems your sons take into cinematographic business
>>229915
You forgot to write "DIRECTED BY HIDEO KOJIMA" at least 2 or 3 more times
>>229914
"So, how are mom and dad making up?"
"Well they're now making out instead, violently"
"Oh"
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>229920
paladad asks kids if they wanna a sister?
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>229920
paladad asks kids if they wanna fist her?
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>229920
we give her nonbots stored in our mouth and force it down her throat.
>>229922
"Well, uh-"
"Too bad, you're getting one"
"What does that me--oh...Oh...OH...oh god"
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>229926
Suddenly be very glad you're mortal
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>229926
Gotta make necromom a human first i guess.
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>229926
And that's when their family just got one bigger, that's the end of this adventure in the wastelands. What next will come along.
>>229928
"LOVE TRANSCENDS ALL BOUNDARIES OF FLESH AND METAL"
"BEHOLD, MY HOLY GREATSWORD!"
"I'm going blind"
"I wish I was"
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>229937
CONGRATS ON THE NEW DAUGHTER
>>229937
Well lets see that greatsword. I bet its nothing great.
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>229937
nope just another boy
damn you patriarchy!!
>>229938
"LOOK SONS, YOUR NEW SISTER"
"TECHNOLOGY!"
"I can't believe we witnessed both the copulation and birth of our new sister"
"For 3 days"
"And the copulation part lasted for 2 and half days"
"Just when you thought it's stopped, they just start all over again"
"I can't move"
"Me neither, clearly our brains have been traumatized too much that the only thing actively working in our bodies are our eyes and mouths"
"Oh how I wish they were disabled too"
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>229944
There's only one way out of this
Pull the guns to your head
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>229944
Îœom says: You know what REALLY "grinds my gears", your well endowed self, Paladad.
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>229944
Nope thats a brother. Should we call him Punished or Venom and will he be a disappointment? Cant have girls in this story.
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>229944
man those credits were long
grandpa takes his granddaughter to raise
>>229948
"Eeeeeyup, that did it. I can't see or here anymore"
"Suddenly, darkness and silence? What's up with that? Oh well, at least the terrible imagery is gone"
.
.
.
.
"I can't get it out of my head"
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>229952
The next episode for Granddad-paladin and Solid Son starts playing
>>229956
"Awww, look at that little rascal--ow, fiesty little biter isn't she"
"Maybe she knows that you killed her mother's side of the family, daaaaad"
"What? They were jerks anyway"
"Dad!"
"Grandpa!"
[laugh track]
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>229963
perfect
sitcoms are best
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>229963
I lost track of what we are doing
>>229965
"Well, in any case. I'm gonna take her under my wing. Show her the ropes, turn her into a proper warrior and have her get her first kill by 2"
"No, dad. She's gonna become a scientist so she can improve life quality in the wasteland."
"Quality shquality, you can't trust gay necrobot mumbo jumbo technology"
"Daaaaaad"
"Besides, I don't want another of my grandkids turning out like, well...my other grandkids"
"Grandpa! Dad, say something!"
"Ah of course!...You're right, dad. They're pretty big wusses"
"DAD!"
[laugh track]
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>229969
SITCOM TIME IS OVER
THIS IS NOW A SOAP OPERA
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>229969
Due to her necrobot blood, she grows rapidly into a pre-teen girl
>>229971
"Well that was fast"
[laugh track]
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>229975
She's an annoying little cunt
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>229975
that'd the end of this adventure
>>229977
"I WANNA GO KILL MUTANTS! GIMME WEAPONS! I WANT ARMORS TOO! WHERE IS MY ICE CREAM! AND [various annoying childish demands]"
"Clearly I have work to do"
"Oh grandpa, hahahaha"
[laugh track]
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>229984
laugh track glitches
>>229988
Wow, you're awfully trying to force this to happen, aren't you?
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>229989
Yep. Girls are not canon.>implying any of this is canon
>>229988
"With how hard your pushing this, I think you're the homo here, anon"
"Yeah"
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>229993
Nope. Just living the dream.
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>229993
Put codpiece and daughter in front of Anon
If he choices the codpiece, he's a homo
If he chooses the daughter, he's the reincarnated spirit of Buddha or whatever, not sure how that stuff works
>>229996
"THE DREAM OF A FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG"
>>230002
Equip daughter in full paladin armor
>>230002
happy family tells brother to not make a scene
kids are here
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>230002
Seeing how often you call other fags, maybe you're the fag here?
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>230002
Regain eyesight but you can only see infrared
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>230002
then plot happend? or is the end? the end
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>230004
fug
>>230007
"AND THAT STILL WON'T HIDE HOW GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY ANON IS. BECAUSE HE'S A HUGE FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG"
And so the adventures of the Paladin Family comes to a close as all the issues are resolved and there won't be any new problems in the future, probably.
>>230015
Still
Necromom is a homo
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>230015
and then there are huge problems in the future, a meteor is about to strike the wasteland, demons have been summoned from the underworld, and daughter doesn't won't put on a jacket even though it's cold out
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>230015
New game
>>230018
And the terrible disasters will be solvd by...a new character
>>230021
Neutral and lock off
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>230021
mystery box
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>230021
Mutants lock in
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>230021
Future orc
lock in
>>230024
The mystery box...shows all of the classes, including hidden ones
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>230028
Bugman2 and lock on
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>230028
Merchant lock in
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>230028
Merchant
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>230028
The merchant. Lock in.
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>230028
Beserker lock in
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>230028
Orc Merchant
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>230028
DRIVER LOCK IN
>>230030
Input name, mr Jew
>>230028
Where is the spaceman classes?
>>230040
Spacemen have left the building
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>230039
Shlomo Goldstein
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>230039
Bergestien MoneySheck
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>230039
Ms. Jew
lock in
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>230039
Shlomo Shekelberg
>>230046
Strange choice
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>230050
Golden Lockberge
>>230055
confirm y/n
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>230057
CONFIRM
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>230057
y
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>230057
y
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>230057
Maybe
>>230059
Ah yes, Golden Lockberge. Wasteland Merchant. You have one goal: Make as much as money as possible to make your shitty wasteland life less shitty. Go peddle your wares, hire caravans and mercs for protection, establish trade between towns, yadda yadda...
Oh and a meteor is gonna hit the wasteland soon.
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>230069
Attempt to bargain with Meteor's associates
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>230069
what wares do we have in stock?
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>230069
JEW FUCKING EVERYONE
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>230069
Man, space metals can sell for a very high price.
>>230072
You have:
50 rifles
80 handguns
50 explosives
100 canned foods
40 knick knacks you picked up during your travels like a skeleton bobblehead
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>230078
Shed a tear for your 6 mill-
I mean six gorrilion.
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>230078
try and find some stalkers
>>230078
then let's barter with the meteor, surely we can insure our saftey.
>>230080
"ooooh yeahhh...every breath you take, every move you make,....I'll be watching you..."
Well that looks like a stalker
Rolled 8 (1d10)
excuse me good sir, could I care to offer you some Quality stalking tools, at a CHEAP price
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>230086
sell guns to the stalked one by pointing out his stalker
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>230086
Sell him a bobblehead.
And don't forget to inflate the price.
>>230089
YOu informed the stalked one of the stalker
"WHAT?! WHat guns you got?!"
"NO! DON'T LISTEN TO HIM! MERCHANTS ARE NOT TO BE TRUSTED. I WAS JUST...WORKING OUT BEHIND THIS ROCK THAT JUST HAPPENS TO BE CLOSE TO YOU"
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>230094
Offer him some cheap workout tools, like this grena... I mean stress ball
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>230094
offer him the most expensive things
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>230094
give him a cuuuuraaaazy deal
>>230096
"Ah yes, I see you're a man who likes to work out, improve your body and whatnot. Then how about this incredibly cheap workout tool! Golden Lockberge's very own Stress Ball! Guatanteed to both reduce stress and improve hand strenght! Only 19.99$!"
"That's a grenade you lying kike"
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>230102
Ah, I see you're a man with a good eye, then how about... this!
Quickly put the grenade behind your back and cover it in tape that says "Stress ball"
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>230102
Offer him the bobblehead.
>>230103
"Isn't that just a grenade with tape over it with the words Stress Ball scribbled on top?"
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>230107
But if you buy it you also get a discounted bobblehead.
>>230108
"Oh really? So what's your selection of bobbleheads?"
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>230112
poak bun bobbleheads
mutant bobbleheads
necrofat bobbleheads
AND MANY MORE
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>230112
They're all rare exclusive and unique exact same replicas of some skeleton, if you miss out on getting one, you'll miss out on getting the only one! (of 40)
>>230114
[wobble wobble]
"hmmmm"
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>230116
Quickly put an exclusive sign on it
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>230116
I see you're concerned, how about this, just for you, because I like you show much, I'll give you a special price. I'll knock it all the way down to 19.89! A huge discount!
>>230119
"WOW! THAT IS A HUGE DISCOUNT, mayyyyybe I should buy it...."
Roll 2d100 to see if he buys it
1-49: no
50-100: yess
Rolled 63, 46 = 109 (2d100)
>>230123
Rolled 80, 76 = 156 (2d100)
>>230123
He buys 2 for 39.78!
>>230126
"....damn your jew magic"
Cha-ching
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>230131
Now bite him so he becomes a were-jew.
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>230131
He promptly uses the stress ball
"Wow it works I don't feel the need to stalk people anymore!"
And then he blows up
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>230131
>I'm not Jewish you necrohomo!
>>230132
That's silly, there's no such thing as werejews, jews cant turn goys into jews by biting them, stop thinking that.
Plus it'd ruin your newly gold-plated teeth
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>230139
put shekels in your anus for safekeeping
>>230140
You already do that
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>230142
Show off your superior mercantile ability by successfully selling something to a piece of rubble.
>>230144
Dunno, this guy looks like a tough customer
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>230147
But you cracked this nut.
>>230149
Yes, also a tough customer, but this piece of rubble looks to be even tougher
>>230154
Look a generic knight!
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>230154
Mention how with the purchase, he'll get an extended warranty for free
>>230157
Ah yes, the wasteland knight. A rare creature, seldom seen by mere mortals such as you.
>>230161
Did you remember to feel sorry for the quadrillions of my people killed in the wasteocaust?
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>230161
he definately needs guns, cant be a proper wastelander without them.
fortunenately we have some of those
>>230161
sell him a new hat
>>230166
"No need, my lance is already a gun"
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>230172
Offer him a bobble head to stick on the gas tank.
>>230175
"I already have one though. And it's the limited collector's edition Classic Version too"
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>230177
Try to sell him the rock.
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>230177
Yeah, but you don't have the Ultra Exclusive Limited Classic Collector's Playable Edition Version
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>230177
sell him a gun but call it a superlance
>>230179
"I already have one though"
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>230184
Yes, but this rock is the new model
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>230184
offer to upgrade his lance to a gunlance
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>230184
sell him his own lance
use your jewpowers to do so
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>230184
But does yours come with a free standard bobblehead you have to pay for?
>>230185
"So?"
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>230190
It's better
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>230190
Ah so you are that kind of faggot.
I bet you don't even change your phone every two months.
>>230190
You'll include a bobble head with it. All for the fair price of 38.95
>>230194
"And why is it better?"
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>230196
Shit, my roll.
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>230198
It's slightly bigger and it barely fits in your pocket
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>230198
jewpowers activate
>>230201
"THen no thanks. I'm content with my current rock"
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>230204
What rock?
Your jew magic makes it disappear
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>230204
But wait, there's more! It shines your shoes! See, look!
>>230206
"Don't be dumb"
What's this?! He's cancelling your jewish powers somehow!
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>230209
Ask if you can join his knightly order
>>230209
"You said you already had 'one' of all of those things... Don't you need extras when one could break at any time in the wasteland?"
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>230209
He must be a Holy Knight curses. We must move on.
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>230209
well shit
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>230209
How about some gas for your bike?
>>230211
"Sorry, no jews allowed. Bye"
Then he suddenly drove off
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>230216
Run after him.
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>230216
OYYYYYY VEYYYYYYYYYYY
DAS RACIS
>>230219
As you yelled after him, you also notice everybody's gone for some reason
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>230221
Lets go exploring then. Find treasure to sell
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>230221
The knight dropped something when he left
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>230221
Grab wandering half necrobot paladin little girl, to sell for scrap later
>>230226
Huh, seems to be a note
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>230228
It's a 4 panel fan comic from the knight's favorite JRPG
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>230228
Ur a faget
>>230231
What does he mean by this
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>230233
He must have been delivering it to somebody, and accidentally dropped it.
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>230233
Unrequitting reasonable absolute fabulous ancient ghostly endangered turtles
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>230233
Wait, turn around what's that!?
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>230233
Read bottom of page
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>230233
UR A FAGET
Ultimus
Regnum
Anarmatica
to FAGET
He's shipping a giant mech to a man named FAGET!
>>230237
It's a 4 panel fan comic from the knight's favorite JRPG
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>230255
While reading this raiders sneak up and try to steal your goods!
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>230255
Hearty chuckle "Everytime"
>>230257
You'd think that's what'd happen...but no. THere are no raiders, no anybody around. how strange.
Is it getting dark?
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>230268
Its not dark, you look up and see a meteor casting a shadow on you.
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>230268
You don't worry
Everyone knows Jews have nightvision
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>230268
Its OP looming over the shoulder
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>230276
Oh shit, jew powers activate, offer the meteor a low price on a bobblehead to go away!
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>230276
Use your one time use emergency jew teleporting device to get to jew hq to not get smashed
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>230276
run
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>230276
buy meteor out to stop it from moving
>>230278
Oh no! THat fascist knight's jew cancelling powers still lingers! Your one-time use teleporting device is malfunctioning! Roll 2d100 to decide your fate
1-69: systems failure, you die
70-89: You got it to work! But turns out HQ is only a meter away form where you're standing and you still die
90-97: YOu get smashed, but because this isn't real life, the meteor's space energies mutate you into a mindless ultra mutant with space powers to become the final boss
98-99: It works and you escape safely, the meteor destroys a huge part of the wasteland, rendering travel and more importantly business in that part impossible
100: It works and you escape safely. The meteor destroys a huge part of the wasteland but you managed to find a way to salvage it, discovering extremely rare and precious space metal that the Necrobots would pay billions for without having to negotiate
Rolled 13, 14 = 27 (2d100)
>>230290
Rolled 45, 89 = 134 (2d100)
>>230290
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>230290
F
Rolled 8, 86 = 94 (2d100)
>>230290
Rolled 91, 59 = 150 (2d100)
>>230290
You fail in your last-ditch efforts to repel it by bouncing it off of all of your bobbleheads.
Rolled 3, 1 = 4 (2d100)
>>230290
Rolled 20, 50 = 70 (2d100)
>>230290
Fuck
>>230296
Such is life in the wasteland. You died.
And with that we end The Wasteland Adventure Thing, for reals this time. And look to the future, where different but equally as retarded adventures await.
It's time for strawpoll to decide what's the next one is.
>>230304
Rip
What's our Jew score?
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>230304
I blame jews
>>230304
Adventures of Rainbowman, duh. He needs to defeat Rainbow Wife
>>230314
But why does he needs to defeat Rainbow Wife? She left him
>>230317
To create evil babies
>>230318
But Rainbowman wasn't a villain
For anybody that is still here for some reason, pollhttp://www.strawpoll.me/10413208
And that's it for now, updates r here:https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>230319
Maybe, maybe
But isn't it all just a matter of perspective?
>>230325
From my point of view, the anons are evil
>>230324
Thanks for the thread.
>>230330
Thanks for thanking
>>230324
REAL ROBOT GOGOGO
also thanks for bread
>>230319
But Rainbow wife wass
>>230345
And that's why she left him for a literal black man
