Post Appocalyptic Adventure Thing, part 7
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Oh shit nigger, you're a Wasteland Paladin in some Generic Post Apocalyptic Wasteland. Your mission is to protect the innocents, purge the heretics, kill the evil mutants, yadda yadda all that stuff.
But currently you're just loitering around behind a rock, what do you do?
Roll 1d10, highest roll in a minute since the first reply gets picked.
Previous threads:
http://pastebin.com/sR3G3F2A
https://www.mediafire.com/folder/ici3zlnn9ytyy/ADVENTURES
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>206887
Punch face.
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>206887
Use your binoculars to see what your disappointments are up to.This is a pretty early thread for you.
>>206890
Suddenly: Simon's ghost invades the thread.
>>206890
>>206891
I woke up early today
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>206896
The sons come back because they got bored
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>206896
Realize we aren't alone...
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>206903
Three armed Mutant on the horizon!
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>206903
They surprise paladad
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>206909
The sons attack it so they wont be such disappointments
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>206909
A whole parade full of them.
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>206909
Four armed Mutant on his horizon!
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>206917
No, the other Horizon.
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>206917
Five armed mutant on the horizon!
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>206917
It was all a clever ruse! An armless mutant is strangling you to death with their dexterous feet!
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>206917
Beetleborg fighting a 5 armed mutant past them.
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>206925
Six armed and six legged mutant on the horizon!
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>206934
Purge all mutants
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>206934
When did we get to Sesame Street.
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>206934
greet the six thing freak
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>206934
Suddenly: a totally normal human meanders up and wonders why you're mutant watching.
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>206934
call mutant over for a chat
>>206938
Attempting to purge all mutants in area
Roll 2d100, first number decides who gets picked, second is results
1-9: terrible failure
10-30: failure
31-70: mild success
71-89: success
90-100: great success
Rolled 73, 68 = 141 (2d100)
Lucky!
Rolled 31, 69 = 100 (2d100)
>>206950
Rolled 57, 81 = 138 (2d100)
>>206950
>>206954
YOu purged, most of the mutants. Now there's only the six armed six legged one left
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>206958
>fuck the 6arm 6leg
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>206958
Turns out they were all friends of your sons and now their crying like faggots
>>206959
>fuck the 6arm 6leg
"b-but w-we don't know eachother well enough for that yet"
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>206963
Your sons intervene
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>206963
Nigga you're supposed to be a paladin.
Purge him already
>>206963
>FORCFULLY fuck the 6arm 6leg
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>206966
ffs
want to die inside
>>206964
"Dad, what are you doing?"
"and why are you unzipping your pants"
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>206970
>fuck all the sons
>take out their geneseeds
>fuck those too
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>206970
The six armed and six legged mutant army shows up
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>206970
take 6arm 6leg on a date
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>206970
You are beset by an invisible mutant!
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>206970
I'm distracting him with advanced CQC.
>>206971
At which point they decided to attack anon for his fetishes
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>206978
Anon uses his vidya CQC to disarm the disappointments.
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>206978
Anon turns out to be greg
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>206978
>anon turns out to be moot
>>206980
Quickly kids! Help anon by Rolling 2d100, first number decides who gets picked, second is results
1-9: extreme failure
10-30: great failure
31-70: terrible failure
71-89: failure
90-99: mild failure
100: success
Rolled 83, 82 = 165 (2d100)
>>206986God I love you Paladin
Rolled 41, 89 = 130 (2d100)
>>206986
Rolled 20, 52 = 72 (2d100)
>>206986
Cheeki Breeki
>>206988
"GAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"
Paladad shouted as anon trips on a pebble and hurt himself
>>206992
anon has also caused the picture to not be sent because of his failings
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>206995
A necrobot kidnaps anon and turns him into a necrobot
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>206995
Paladin piledrive finisher!
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>206995
fuck is this warhammer? I though it was
>fucking cato sacarious shows up and kills anon
if not warhammer:
>anon trips and goes to /b/
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>206995
Oh just shoot him already and put him out of his misery.
>>207000
>anon trips
Yes, you just did get trips. But there are no tripcodes on /b/, so you can't trip there.
>>206996
Quickly kids! Help anon become necrobot by Rolling 2d100, first number decides who gets picked, second is results
1-9: extreme failure
10-30: great failure
31-70: terrible failure
71-89: failure
90-99: mild failure
100: success
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207005
Rolling for extreme failure.
Rolled 60, 91 = 151 (2d100)
>>207005
Sexy female Necrobot, go!
>>207007
"I'm sorry anon, there were some complications during the procedure. We couldn't save the rest of your body. On the bright side your head is also a toaster"
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207012
Anon is given to paladad as a peace offering
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207012
Solid disappointment steals the toaster.
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207012
Necrotoast fires toast into air in fit of rage before exploding.
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207017
Solid disappointment forgot the toaster was in necrobot HQ 2.0
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207017
News flash! A TV that plays old news broadcasts floats by!
>>207017
You lazy bastard
>>207020
"THIS JUST IN. MAN TOO LAZY TO DRAW ACTUAL IMAGES AND KEEPS LOOKING FOR WAYS TO BE AS CHEAP AS POSSIBLE. Oh and some sort of super catastrophe is going on downtown I guess"
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207023
Chase the TV! We're bored as shit!
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207023
The tv turns into a friendly necrobot
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207026
TV get!
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207026
It blows up sensing such high disapointment levels from youre sons following
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207026
The TV changes to an ad.COLDGATE BRUTAL
>>207028
"Ey! Let go you filthy paladin!"
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207033
The necrobot army senses a disturbance in the network
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207033
"suck a dick tv"
>fucks the tv
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207033
>Implying Canon would win even in a movie
>>207035
"I sense a disturbance in the network"
"YEAH NO SHIT, WHERE THE FUCKIS THAT TV? I'M GONNA MISS MY SHOW!"
"FUCK YOUR DRAMA SHIT FAGGOT, I'M GONNA MISS THE BIG MATCH!"
>>207040
The bad end is for oscar bait
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207043
paladin get onto the tv
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207043
Cut to the palafamily watching the big game.
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207050
LOOK ITS HIM THE LEGENDARY SKELEMAN HE WASN'T DEAD ALL ALONG!
>>207051
"what, it's just a recording of an ad before the apocalypse"
"VISIT LOLISNIFFER'S ISLAND RESORT NOW AND SPEND YOUR SUMMER THE WAY IT'S MEANT TO BE SPENT. AMONG SKELETONS"
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207052
let the television float to where it needs to go
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207052
He practically did everything short of punching god so he can't be dead, right?Also are we dead?
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207058
Tune in to the big game
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207058
Wait wasn't Necromom just here?
>>207059
Ah yes, the basketball match between footballers and soccer players. With a batter as referee
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207062
You sit down and watch it with your sons, it's been a while since you spent some quality time with your failures.
>>207062
Get angry that football is called soccer and that eggball is treated as a sport.
>>207064
And so you watched the game with your sons. At the middle of the match, the arena is flooded and the sharks were let out
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207070
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207070
[Your sons will remember that]
>>207070
NecroMom made popcorn
Rolled 3 (1d10)
Necromom comes with popcorn
When she sits
Inject her with nano machines
>>207071
Then the second round begins with the Giant Robot Deathmatch Challenge
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207083
Who are we rooting for, anyway?
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207083
Root for the winning team
>>207084
It's nice you're not trying to force your Star Wars fanfiction, yet enforcing my MGS fanfiction, you're a good nigger, I'll give you that
>>207088
Lake jew?
>>207090
Who else but Lakeaham
>>207084
Roll 2d100, first number decides who gets picked, second is results
1-9: terrible failure
10-59: failure
60-89: mild success
90-100: success
Rolled 8, 38 = 46 (2d100)
>>207094
Rolled 51, 71 = 122 (2d100)
>>207094
Rolled 6, 23 = 29 (2d100)
>>207094
YOU CANT MAKE US ROLL FOR THIS PLEASE
Rolled 65, 84 = 149 (2d100)
>>207094
>>207098
EVERYONE STOP
STOP ROLLING
>>207098
You managed to inject her with some nanomachines before she pucnhed you away.
The nannomachines has caused her to look at you with slightly less disappointment
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207108
"I love it when you hurt me like that"
You tell your wife
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207108
Quickly inject her with more nanomachines
>>207108
Why isn't she human??????
STOP BEING LAZY
>>207111
If every advanced necrobot turned human from just one dart we wouldn't currently be on this crusade.
>>207109
"dad pls"
"we're trying to watch the game here"
>>207111
Making necrobots into humans takes a lot of purification, with fire mostly
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207109
This
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207108
Inject more nanomachines
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207116
aren't we supposed to purge heretics like her?
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207116
Where's your other brother?
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207116
PEOPLE FUCK YOU FUCKING FAGGOTS AND PEOPLE HAVE CERTAIN FETISHES YOU'RE ADULTS YOU SHOULDN'T BE AKWARD ABOUT IT
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207116
Mom sits further away from you and you resume watching the game.Venom Paladin sneaks in.
>>207121
"nom"
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207126
Venom Paladin swaps places with you so you can sneak up on Necromom.
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207126
Purge the heretic. Inject mom with more nanomachines.
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207126
aw shit, it's my favourite part of the match.
>>207129
"This is it, looks like it's a win for football, waitaminute...BAH GAWD, IT'S TENNIS WITH A RUN-IN!"
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207131
can we go back to trying to kill each other?
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207131
Yay, our team won
But wait, who is that on the crowd? Is he? Your brother?
>>207132
Suddenly, necrobots bust down the door
"THIS IS FOR MAKING ME MISS MY SHOW YOU GODDAMN PALADIN"
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207136
Well sit down and watch it you silly necrobilly
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207136
throw TV at a necrobot
>>207138
"I HATE SPORTSSS"
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207140
The necrobot who likes sports Gives his comrade a wedgie and joins the family to watch
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207140
Smite him.
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207140
k
>>207142
"SHUT THE FUCK UP NERD. WOOOOOO"
>>207146
You all call him a nerd
Then you realise he's Necrothin, Necrofat's cousin
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207149
Then bitchslap it because it acting like a faggot.
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207152
"If it's clear and yella it's juice there fella, if it's tart and brown you're in cider town"
>>207153
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU EVEN SAYING"
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207154
shut up and watch the ballgame nerd, this is a slice-of-life adventure now
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207154
It's the Cider Strikers, theme
Y'know, the sports team we follow...
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207154
Stfu fagtron.
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207154
highfive the necrobro who likes sports, coincidentally you also root for the same team
>>207155
"Slice-of-life? Slice-of-life? I'LL SHOW YOU SLICE OF LIFE! I'LL SLICE YOU IN HALF WITH THIS LAZER BEAM! DIE!"
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207160
lol nope
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207160
You die.
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207160
use your all-reflecting-mirror to reflect back the lazor at him
>>207160
ignore him in favor of the game
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207160
BTFO this nerd with your alpha jock skills.
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207164
forgot to roll
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207160
Summon Dick Justice as your Stand, Jojo Bizarre style.
>>207162
Yes, it's a very popular toy amongst paladins
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207168
Throw it at Necrothin.
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207168
Nice one OP
Anyways, destroy that little nerdy faggot with your ultimate palaknuckle sandwich
>>207170
And it flies right into the way of the beam!
Roll 2d100, first number decides who gets picked, second is results
1-9: terrible tragedy
10-40: tragedy
41-70: good event
71-99: great event
100: the dice bounces the beam back into the gun, causing a shift in it's polkarity, exploding it and releasing it necrocyber energy into necrothin, turning it into a cute girl
Rolled 73, 62 = 135 (2d100)
>>207173
LET'S GET A GIRL NIGGER
Rolled 96, 90 = 186 (2d100)
>>207175
The dice miraculously bounced the lazer around the room, ending with it going through Necrothin's skull
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207178
get rekt nerd
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207178
take his gun
>>207186
loot his everything
salvage his corpse and turn it into armor
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207186
Now back to watch the big game that's somehow still going.
All together like a normal family.
>>207189
Ah yes, they've reached the superpowers deathmatch stage
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207191
your team loses, sons team win. punch him in the face for that
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207193
This
>>207193
"WOOO! SUCK IT HANDEGG! FOOTBALL'S THE BETTER S--"
Rolled 7 (1d10)
Necromom shaves beard in retaliation
>>207196
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207196
I DIDN'T RAISE A FAGGOT, SON
BUT YOU DIDN'T EVEN RAISE ME DAD
I KNOW
>>207197
wuh oh
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207200
OVER MY DEAD BODY, WOMAN!
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207200
She succeeds
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207200
Honey we talked about this
No beard play
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207200
REEEEEEEEE
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207207
Sons cheer for mom
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207207
Inject mom with nanobots in revenge.
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207207
it magically instantly grows back. you are proud of it
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207207
grow it out again through sheer manliness
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207213
Yell at your disappointments
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207213
But he grow back his beard instantly.
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207219
They yell "Ass chin" back at him
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207219
Wear your helm to hide your lack of beard.
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207219
"Pussy whipped!" Yells the blonde
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207225
Mom shaves it again
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207225
"Mutant! " Other paladins show up to purge paladad
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207225
Purify necromom
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207232
Wear a helmet to hide your beardless face
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207232
Back to adventure
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207232
Manly tear
>>207232
Put your crafted helmet on
>>207235
Oh that manlet's right here
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207238
You have a zit next to your eye dad
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207238
you see a necrovillage in the distance. approach the doors
>>207240
"Greetings inferior fleshy beings! Have you heard of the good word of Necrobots yet?"
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207243
Hey, those are the guys I converted
Says Solid Son
>>207244
My god, then this must means....they're all fags!
>>207245
Cleanse this village, no faggots left behind.
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207245
And you are a mutant, so what?
Says necromom
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207245
Purify the whole village with your holy fire, your sons help, Necromom disapproves
>>207248
"whyyyyyy"
"turning into machines should have saved us from the dangers of the wastelanddd"
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207250
I uhhh.... changed my mind about flesh, yeah, flesh is good, dicks are bad.... Sorry for converting you guys
Says Solid Failure
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207250
suddenly boss music starts playing... Could it be?
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207250
A few elite necrobots and their boss attempt to stop your arson.
>>207252
[dramatic turn]
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207254
It's just a DVD player
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207254
It's just good ol' Robo-Mary
A harmless old bot
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207254
OMG HERETIC PALADINS AND THEIR LEADER
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207254
Necro comander and his necrogear!
>>207257
TRAITORS!
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207261
Exterminatvs Dominvs
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207261
Call for backup
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207261
idiot son rushes forwards
>>207262
You charge in. Facing your first traitorous heretic opponent
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207267
Poke his eyes through his visor then slash his groin with your sword
Rolled 2 (1d10)
Hey its the paladan who gave is the punch box!
>>207267
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207267
Cleave him in half with your sword.
>>207268
Deploying eye poking aparatus.
Roll 2d100 for results
1-9: terrible failure
10-49: failure
50-90: success
91-100: great success
Rolled 8 (1d10)
Rolled 10, 27 = 37 (2d100)
>>207271
you nail it so impressively your magnificent beard grows back
Rolled 16 (1d100)
>>207271
Rolled 22, 23 = 45 (2d100)
>>207271
Nothing personal
Rolled 62, 31 = 93 (2d100)
>>207271
Rolled 71, 100 = 171 (2d100)
>>207271
>>207282
TOO LATE
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>>207276
"Likewise"
Then he uppercuts you in the face, stopping your poke
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207285
Flail around like a tard, hopefully hitting him in the face.
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207285
Retaliate with the Anti-Heresy Tesla Cannon™
Specially made for such situations
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207285
Get on his back and grab his horns and start riding him like a bull
>>207289
YOu left that in your other pants
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207291
Well shit
Just, I dunno bring his face to your knee in rapid succession
And tell your useless offspring to do something
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207291
Go Hulkamania!
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207291
Slash him with your sword
>>207293
Deploying face grabbing aparatus.
Roll 2d100 for results
1-9: terrible failure
10-39: failure
40-90: success
91-100: great success
Rolled 30, 85 = 115 (2d100)
>>207297
dey ded now
Rolled 73, 98 = 171 (2d100)
>>207297
Having Paladad usurp the role of main character is probably the thing I am most proud of accomplishing in these threads
Rolled 54, 4 = 58 (2d100)
>>207297
>>207300
Having the dad being a paladin was mine
>>207300
Giving Solid Son a mullet and an eyepatch was mine
>>207299
YOu knee'd him in the face so hard that you crushed his face and launched his brain out the back of his skull.
While yelling to your sons to be useful
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207306
Your sons do a coordinated acrobatic attack on the rest of the heretics
Keep in mind they're in shock because they weren't expecting that
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207306
Target the boss, your sons can take care of the trash.
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207306
your sons are inspired by your success and badassery, they charge at the boss. they get absolutely smashed
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207306
wew lad
>>207307
"The fuck was that"
"Dude jsut knee'd Fred's brains right outta his skull!"
"We may have made a terrible mistake"
Roll 2d100 for results
1-9: terrible failure
10-19: failure
30-90: success
91-100: great success
Rolled 59, 97 = 156 (2d100)
>>207311
call sons fags as they do it
Rolled 5, 70 = 75 (2d100)
>>207311
2ez
NOBODY ROLL
>>207312
NOBODY ROLL, WE GOT A WINRAR
>>207312
The heretics die to the sound of "FAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSS"
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207316
Flaunt your ego on the now purified ex-necrobots
And this is why flesh is inherently better
So remember kids, pray the robogay away
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207316
But one survives, and is made STRONGER from the holy radiation
>>207317
This message is brought to you by the Wasteland Association Against Homobots
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207319
Try and find your brother now
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207319
The boss of the heretics sneaks up on you and attacks. Apparently he is made of much sterner stuff.
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207319
time to eat a dick
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207319
boss still alive. pretty pissed seeing his pals being demolished so easily
>>207320
Then...could it be that the leader of this band of heretics is who you're looking for?!
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207325
No, that's actually your sister, but, promptly kill her
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207325
REEEEE, you are no brother of mine
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207325
The heretic boss summon a mecha for final battle.
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207325
No
It's another guy
Venom Paladin is too cool to be a fag
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207325
oh hey... you dont mind what we did to your subordinates right? [awkward laughing]
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207325
nope its necromoms brother
>>207326
Ah yes, it's actually your traitorous whore of a sister. Time to purge this heretic.
"You were always a fool, brother! Can't you see that your belief in the Paladin "code" is meaningless?!"
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207333
Stab her through the back
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207333
Well, STEPsister
Who gives a shit about her?
Go break her nail or something
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207333
strip her of her armor
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207333
throw your disappointments at her
>>207337
Time for your disappointments to meet their equally disappointing aunt
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207340
But she doesn't know they are your sons, so she starts hitting on them because they're attractive n shiet
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207340
she pinches their cheeks
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207340
she keeps them
>>207341
"Hey boys~ How about you ditch that old bastard and join me. I can show you what ditching paladin morals can reallly mean"
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207344
but we're all gay, except the third brother
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207344
Ummm
We're gay?
>>207346
"Well, too bad. You die now"
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207348
[Glass her]
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207348
"Help us Father"
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207348
oy vey
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207348
vomit
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207348
you have sneaked up on her, then strike from behind. surprise attack bonus?
>>207352
aaaand she started to punch them repeatedly into the ground. If you don't intervene now one of them will die the next turn.
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207356
Intervene, NOW
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207356
Suplex that hoe
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207360
call your sons disgraces to your bloodline
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207360
chop her head off
>>207362
[pained gurgle]
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207365
Shoot heals at them
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207365
now lets go try to find your father also known to your 'daughters' as grandpa
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207365
Realize that since your father is pretty old his sister should be an old hag by now.
>>207366
These holy healing syringes should work. But'll tkae a bit of time for the healing to set in
>>207370
"Oh, we're not done yet!"
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207371
Heretic Paladin sister reveals her old hag face.
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207371
Remember, we're still searching for big bro Venom
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207371
punch her in the cunt
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207371
Man the harpoons!
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207371
She attempts to hug you "BROTHER!"
>>207376
"We're on land you idiot"
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207378
The Land Harpoons u faget
>>207378
Dead Space had harpoons and it was on land, somewhat
So what's your excuse?
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207378
Hit a duck midflight
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207378
remove your pants and get errect.
It will either gross her out enough to go away or cause her to fug you, win-win either way
>>207384
Thanks for the chuckle
>>207385
Thanks Lori
>>207380
"Who gives a crap"
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207387
"ME" and suddenly a land pirate appears in a giant land ship
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207387
That's very rude
I give a crap
>>207389
"Huh"
>>207392
The ship harpoons auntie paladin
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207392
"Arr, this be a land harpoon"
He fires it and shoots it straight through your sister
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207392
besides you need harpoons to hunt whales like her
>>207395
Roll 2d100 for results1-29: terrible failure
30-89: failure
90-100: success
Rolled 70, 32 = 102 (2d100)
>>207400
Rolled 52, 6 = 58 (2d100)
>>207400
please work
Rolled 32, 36 = 68 (2d100)
>>207400
Okay
Rolled 38, 31 = 69 (2d100)
>>207400
call sister a rapist pedophile as it hits
Rolled 64, 47 = 111 (2d100)
>>207400
Rolled 19, 39 = 58 (2d100)
>>207400
>>207400
btw op your drawings are cool as f
>>207407
aaaand she killed the captain
>>207410
Jeez. What woulda terrible failure do?
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207410
F
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207410
sail over her
>>207413
>>207412
Impaled him so hard it sends him flying into the ship's core, exploding it, causing great damage to the surrounding area and burned off your hair
>>207418
throw away your paladin gear and declare yourself a pirate from now on
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207418
avenge him
>>207421
And now...attempting to become a pirate paladin, then piledriving your sister
Roll 2d100 for results
1-10: terrible failure
11-85: failure
86-99: success
100: Piledrive your sister sexually
Rolled 25, 29 = 54 (2d100)
>>207424
Rolled 66, 29 = 95 (2d100)
>>207424
pls no sexual
Rolled 96, 58 = 154 (2d100)
>>207424
Rolled 75, 85 = 160 (2d100)
>>207424
Rolled 81, 14 = 95 (2d100)
>>207424
new goal, become the pirate king
Fuck me these rolls are shit
C'mon OP, don't fuck us too bad
>>207430
gif rel
>>207427
Your sister pulls out a flamethrower and burned your pirate regalia to ash. All of them. Like there's nothing left for you to become a pirate with.
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207432
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE
INDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCED
DESTRUCTIOOOOOOOOOOOOON
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207432
pounce on her in anger
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207432
Except that sweet ship! Shoot her down
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207432
Inhale the ashes
The pirate stuff may be gone physically, but within you, it lives on
>>207437
But before you can do so she burned to ashes to double ashes. Then she burned those ashes too. And kept doing it until no trace of pirate is left. And then she stomped on it a few times just to be sure.
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207440
fuck her
literally
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207440
Rage mode engage
>>207440
cry like a little boy
>>207441
Not only was the response instantaneous, it was a clear 10
The Gods ask of that
Ask and ye shall receive my boy
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207443
oh shit!
>>207441
"...why are you taking off your pants?"
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207446
Why arent you?
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207446
YOU WILL BE BLESSED BY THE HOLY COCK OF THE CHOSEN ONE
BIG
BLESSED
COCK
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207446
announce your intentions as loud as you can
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207446
Necromom slaps paladad immediately.
>>207448
[pained gurgle expressing disastifaction with your actions]
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207452
PALADIN BBC ACTIVATE
MAXIMUM THRUSTAGE
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207452
sensually hug sister
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207452
Paladin incest: To keep the bloodlines pure
>>207457
At which point your are immediately knocked out by yer wife
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207459
All four of you wake up in bed tucked in
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207459
Mechapaladin arrives after sensing huge amounts of faggotry, incest and a beard growing mutation
Wife fights sister inlaw. Your sister never approved of her and They've hated each other for years
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207459
robomon says:
it's mine bitch!
>>207461
You woke up to the disappointed and disgusted glare of your three disappointments
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207466
They disown paladad. Making him just a paladin
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207466
the bed is in jail
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207466
hit them in the face
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207466
Tell them carefully that you really connected with the pirate, and you got carried away when you saw him vanish like that
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207466
refer to them as daughters from now on
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207466
You suck dad.
Die.
What will the wastelandpope say?
>>207470
"That's pretty messed up, dad"
"Yeah"
"What would grandpa think?"
It's not like he can be disappointed in you any harder already.
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207473
Well grandpa still owes me 5 bucks from that time he asked me to pay for a prostitute while we were fighting in 'Nam
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207473
turns out you are actually in jail with your whole family (even the heretic daughter is there). while you guys were messing around the necrobot village called the necrobot base and everyone was transported
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207473
smoke a joint.
>>207474
Your decision is met with silence and lazy production values
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207479
Where's ya bitch aunt?
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207479
Bye faggot. Says Solid
All your sons leave
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207479
Get out of bed, you will still be a pirate even if you don't look like one
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207479
put on you paladin gear and set your purge switch into overdrive
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207479
buy clothes to enfatice your resolution
>>207482
Suddenly, the ghostly visage of strange fat lazy man appears
"nooooo you woooon't" then it disappears
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207485
eat the ghost to absorb its powers
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207485
go into a coma for no reason
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207485
Call out OP's bullshit
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207485
your first step of pirate looking for material to build your ship.
you use your fist to get wood like in minecraft
>>207486
You can't, the ghost is gooone. ooooooooh, sooo mysteriously paranormal and lazy
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207490
Secret biss fight. OP appears!
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207490
Paladad calls out on OP's bullshit
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207490
punch one of your sons and smile
>>207491
Boss*
Goddamn im an idiot >:(
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207490
Convert your bed into a land boat.
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207490
Suddenly it all goes to your thighs
>>207491
Oh no, it's the hardest boss fight in the game against the most wonderful being of the world
Roll+1d10
Someone is in bed with us
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207499
You get your bullshit lazy ass kicked by everyone in the immediate vicinity OP
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207499
suddenly the adventure crashes to desktop
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207499
Purge OP!
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207499
OP make you a girl
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207499
Op is actually a girl
>>207501
Dice+1d10
I'm an idiot
>>207508
Still an idiot
>>207502
Ya sure m8, roll 2d100 for results
1-29: extreme failure
30-59: terrible failure
60-79: great failure
80-100: failure
101: success
Rolled 24, 48 = 72 (2d100)
>>207510
EXTREME FAILURE BABY
Rolled 22, 56 = 78 (2d100)
>>207510
Call out OP's bullshit
Rolled 79, 47 = 126 (2d100)
>>207510
just save game or abort adventure or something if you don't want to do it instead of fucking around
Jesus fuck
Rolled 1, 96 = 97 (2d101)
>>207510
>>207514
Wahey, I still want to do it, it's just that I'm an asshole that likes to fuck around too. Also you are all put into a coma
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207517
Wake up, you are a pirate now
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207517
You wake up 10 years later, unaged but all with massive beards
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207517
Turns out we were just enjoying a nice medicinal joint in bed
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207522
We were under the care of grandpa and Venombro all this time
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207522
kick self in face
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207522
one of your sons is married with a man
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207522
GASP
you're all pegs
>>207523
"ey bro"
>>207527
Venombro/Punishedbro takes off that ridiculous halloween suit and recruits us in grandpa's paladin regiment, the FF
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207527
Don't forget your best friend, poopy mcbutt face
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207527
robomon is pregnant of venonbro
>>207532
Is he a disappointment yet?
>>207533
he isn't because it still not born
>>207535
Our other sons were disappointments long before they were birthed
>>207538
The fact that they had to be born was disappointing
>>207531
You joined the FF
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207544
FF stands for Failed Faggots OP
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207544
check current status of necrobots
Rolled 4 (1d10)
You realize your bodies are cylanders. Necromom converted you all into lesser necrobots!
>>207548
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207548
Confirmed
Now let's get back to the story at hand, shall we OP?
>>207550
At which point you woke up again
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207552
You notice necromom trying to convince your sons to become necrobots
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207552
disappointment solidus have a stroke.
the others just piss in their pants.
>>207552
Examine your surroundings
>>207554
"hhhrk"
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207557
It was just a distraction so the other sons could steal your pocket money
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207557
Punch him in the face
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207557
you just see and joy
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207563
you wait until he dies and dance
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207563
Paladin healing magic engaged
Heal that smushy pile of skin
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207563
Lmao
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207571
Robomom scolds you for not helping your currently dying son
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207571
Pray to God into make your son ok and be manly and hetro like you
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207571
while smiling you say:
how truly horrifying. dead is all around us
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207571
Necromom has to save solid and he asks to become a necrobot with your permission
>>207573
Roll 2d100 for prayer results
1-59: failure
60-100: success
Rolled 39, 88 = 127 (2d100)
>>207578
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207578
Rolled 31, 53 = 84 (2d100)
>>207578
>>207579
Suddenly, a divine light shoots out of the sky and heals your son.
Even though, we are currently indoors.
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207584
He healed but obnoxiously flamboyant.
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207584
You examine your surroundings
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207584
your son is so gay that the holy magic hurt him
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207584
He is healthy and less of a faggot now
>>207585
"Greetings....Faaather!"
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207593
Shittt, try to pray the gay away.
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207593
This isnt even my final form!
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207593
now you have a stroke
>>207595
Praying the gay away
Roll 2d100 for prayer results
1-59: failure
60-100: success
Rolled 21, 23 = 44 (2d100)
>>207600
Let's pray for that image too
>>207600
The gay blocked the image
Rolled 74, 55 = 129 (2d100)
>>207600
Rolled 56, 23 = 79 (2d100)
>>207600
maybe he will now become less of a disappointment
Rolled 12, 64 = 76 (2d100)
>>207602
Rolled 88, 10 = 98 (2d100)
>>207602
Rolled 92, 33 = 125 (2d100)
>>207600
Rolled 3, 6 = 9 (2d100)
>>207602
>>207603
Whoops, thata didn't work
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207611
liquid disappointment love his new brother
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207611
try violence on him then
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207611
Solids flamboyentness is spreading like a infection to the other sons
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207611
Go through the five stages of grief
First stage: denial
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207611
Fuck, ask your daughters where is your sister
>>207617
"Oh man, she might be dead, Dad"
"Yeah, Mom might have killed her in their huge epic battle"
"Oh yeah, you should have seen it, it was intense, earthquakes, the sea raged, mountains cumbled, the sky was like cracked open, lightning and thunder everywhere, fire flying all over the place, it was insane"
"And in the middle of it they beat the crap out of eachother so brutally, dad. It was amazing"
"Yeah, too bad you were knocked out and couldn't see it"
"And nobody had any recording devices so you can't even see it second-hand"
"What a shame"
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207621
Necromom says they just made up and had cookies
>>207621
suicidal thoughts start to run in our head
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207621
Cry because op is lazy
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207621
Ok but what if that didn't happen and she's right behind me?
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207623
>>207624
"AND THEN THERE WERE EVEN GIANT ROBOTS INVOLVED"
"GIANT ROBOTS THAT COMBINED WITH EACHOTHER TO BECOME AN EVEN BIGGER GIANT-ER ROBOT"
"AND THEN ELDRITCH ABOMINATIONS ALSO APPEARED ANS STARTED SHOOTING LAZER BEAMS EVERYWHERE"
"ALSO METEORS N SHIT STARTED TO RAIN DOWN"
"AND A TIME PORTAL TO ANOTHER DIMENSION OPENED UP, BRINGING IN CYBER DINOSAURS WITH PHYSIC POWERS"
"ALSO IT HAD A SWEET SOUNDTRACK OF THE BEST SONG YOU COULD THINK OF FROM YOUR FAVOURITE GENRE"
"TOO BAD YOU WERE KNOCKED OUT AND COULD SEE IT HUH"
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207628
solidus sais the gyest thing ever. is so gay that it have to be censored
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207628
necromom brings incredibly undetailed cookies
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207628
Your sister was behind you and slaps them for bullshitting so hard
>>207629
" Ilike video games and I enjoy them without feeling the need to shit on other people's tastes or shitpost on some imageboard"
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207632
Wtf man. Even these two sons aren't that gay
>>207632
just punch your son
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207632
Solid keeps saying more gay shit and levels up his gay level
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207632
Ask your sons to join you in a communion to pray the gay away
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207635
>>207634
All 3 of you sit down and wonders where did everything go so wrong
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207641
It all started.... when we were born
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207641
Probably the first time you dropped them on their heads.
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207641
Your God is gay
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207641
Your sister comes and congratulates solid for coming out with his gayness
>>207645
God turns anon into a pebble for his blasphemy
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207648
See? He made me rock hard. Homo
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207648
It's a gay pebble, proving the god is gay.
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207648
a divine note falls
they read:
to find the solution of your proble kill yourself
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207648
Pray to Allah for forgiveness.
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207648
Necromom approves of solid for expressing himself
>>207650
God thinks anon is projecting his own insecurities onto other people because he's afraid to face himself, to tell everyone who he's truly is, for fear of being hurt again.
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207655
Wait, that rock...
That's not Anon's face! It's an X button!
Push it!
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207655
Hurt by god
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207655
OP. Your worlds god is gay. Face it.
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207656
Se... Secret box?
SECRET BOX
SECRET BOX BUTTON
PUSH THE BUTTON AND REVEAL A SECRET BOX
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207661
The world self destruct timer is pressed and they have 72 hours to stop it.
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207661
Secret Lair of the Mole People opens up under your feet, deep pit! May die from fall.
Also fuckin' dark.
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207661
It reveals a second button.
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207661
Gay robot party
>>207664
Nah, that'd be dumb. We have something that's surely less dumb.
Toastbot
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207671
The toastbot of doom!
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207671
the only way to bring your son to his usual state is find the heteronomicron in the xXxMGL_islanxXx
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207671
Press the button again to turn it off
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207671
Make toast
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207677
"Please lay down in the party submission position. The Party Submission Van will be here shortly to pick you up."
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207677
Realize its the anon that got turned into a necrobot earlier
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207677
Back to dad and his daughters.
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207677
shift to solid
>>207680
Right, now what? Go and purge more evil? Loiter around your wife's house and be a lazy piece of shit? Go find your own dad to convince him that you are not a disappointment and hope that he can help your son not be gay? Eat toast?! So many choices
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207684
Invasion by Zombies.
Montage of re-enacting the Left 4 Dead 1 Campaign.
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207684
Necromom trying to convince your sons to be necrobots in the background
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207684
Go defeat the final boss.
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207684
Get some necromom booty
>>207689
[continued contemplation]
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207696
They accept
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207696
Dad calling you a fag in the background
>>207701
[more contemplating]
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207705
Wait, stop them!
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207705
Punch all 4 of them in the face and scream "We're going on an adventure, you fags!"
As you begin walking up a magical staircase into the sky...
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207705
build a wall
>>207706
Stop wut
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207711
Your sons, they're already watching the 3 hour long necrobot education and safety video
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207711
*Machine noises coming from the labs*
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207711
THE TOAST IS BURNING! RUN THROUGH YOUR WIFE AND SAVE IT!
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207711
look for a knife
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207720
THE TOAST BURNED NNNOOOOOOOO
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207720
You acidentally knocked her into the necrobot lava pit
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207720
is burn.
with the face of your lord
mohamed
>>207724
Man that doesn't look like a face to me, it's jsut burned bread
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207725
The face is on the otherside. It's a frowny face
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207725
Your sons greet you with their new bodys
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207730
Eat toast to make it feel better about being inedible
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207730
butter it
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207730
Hey wheres our sons?
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207736
It screams about your sons trying to be homobots again
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207736
Now ninja chuck the rest at your wife
>>207737
Damnit
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207742
Necromom sent some bots to tell paladad they can make their own choices in life
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207742
Thanks mom! Says all 3 sons already converted.
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207742
Apologize to toast for crushing it
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207742
Take your pills dad
Rolled 1 (1d10)
I clearly remember that last thread paladad said to his sons that he will use HOLY FIRE if he sees any homobot stuff from them. Welp. Its time.
>>207749
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207749
It turns out they were just a miniature model of what they'd be like as necrobots and they are still waiting in the long necro-izeation line
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207749
They all run away
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207749
They still have their hair to tell who is who
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207749
they try to forcibly convert you
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207749
time for purging
>>207754
"It's your turn, dad"
"Yes, it's time to end your archaic and intolerant ways"
"Plus your assholishness"
"That shit's never gonna go away bro"
"Yeah but a bot can dream"
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207760
They're actually just evil necrobot clones of your sons. Your real sons are hiding because it's just a funny prank on you
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207760
They're backed up by necromom and her army.
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207760
We can rewire
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207760
scream like a little girl and prepare your holiest flamethrower
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207760
paladad is converted into a necropaladinbot successfully
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207770
Real sons show up. "Chill out dad, it's just a prank"
>>207770
flip purge switch into overdrive
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207770
They're fireproof because they saw this coming when they got converted
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207770
Real 7s show up. "Chill out dad, it's just a 7"
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207770
flip to purge and burn the heretics
>>207775
Goddamnit, your wife saw this coming
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207780
Paladad is captured and converted
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207780
the flamethrower should also work with blunt trauma
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207789
Necromom jumps in and berates paladad for hitting the sons
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207789
a land whale appears and star a rating about the necro solidus is not reflecting his queer ways
>>207790
[tuning out nagging]
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207796
He hears the words "no sex" in her rant
>>207796
just slap that bitch
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207796
Necrosons asking for paladad to accept them for who they are
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207796
domestic violence her
>>207806
[tuning out nagging, imprisonment and conversion]
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207811
*Nagging increases in volume*
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207811
Good thing you packed..... 10 tons of anti-necrobot serum
Whip it out and throw it on all of them
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207811
Necrobot infiltrator son uses Forced Conversion
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207830
Paladad uses Forced Unconversion which is a Paladin power he has when gets really really annoyed.
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207830
Conversion completed.
>>207836
Welp, your dad's gonna bust in here soon yo forcefully convert you back just like when you did with your own sons
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207838
Dad bursts in and unconverts you
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207838
The sons throw a party in celebration
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207838
you wake up. huh it was a weird nightmare. i thought i was converted into a necrobot
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207838
meanwhile Dad gets a heart attack
>>207838
Dad casually walks in as necrobot
dice+1d10
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207838
Which is right fucking now.
>>207840
"Oh hey, somebody's knocking on the door. I wonder who it is"
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207847
Necrobot trump
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207847
You open it only to be greeted by holy fire
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207847
its necrobot dad
>>207847
It's palagramps. He's fucking pissed.
>>207850
"Where is he?! I heard that my lovely daughter finally got that good for nothing husband of hers convertd to our glorious mechanical way. So where is he? Where is my useless son-in-law?"
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207853
The whole necro bot family comes to party next.
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207853
continue moping at in-laws
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207853
Suddenly they all burst into holy fire turning them back to human
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207853
Someone is knocking on the door again.
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207853
USE OUR EXCESSIVE WILLPOWER TO UNDO OUR CONVERSION AND BECOME HUMAN AGAIN, GROW BEARD BACK AT THE SAME TIME
>>207854
[tuning out incessant chattering about randomass vacations and jokes you don't give a shit about and the constant complaint that you're a good-for-nothing husband that took this long to be converted and your wife should have married somebody else, like a nice young Necrobot boy]
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207863
Suddenly: a Mutant Queen shows up to crash the party!
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207863
Apocalypse pope calls you up and angrily tells you that your dad is coming over to tear you a new one.
>>207865
Turns out she knew your wife, from college, or whatever, you don't really care, and she also heard the "good news" and wanted to congratulate and cath up with her, which also means [tuning out annoying "girl talk" ]
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207871
Oh fuck this. Call you Dad and ask what's taking so long for him to come end this miserable unholiness
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207871
The house reaches critical mass, now packed with the Mutant Queen's spawn as well. You have no room to even tune people out, and WHOSE BUTT IS IN YOUR FACE.
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207871
palafamily arrives
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207871
Paladad starts getting annoyed and asks when the party will be over
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207871
you just take de cynade pill
>>207873
"What, I was looking for directions. All these damn robo places look alike, I went through at least 5 families before I got here"
Aaaaand he killed your father-in-law, classic dad
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207888
Pft
Tell him to unleash the extra strong holy fire
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207888
The necrosons hug grandpa for deciding to join the party
>>207888
your father start to hit the mutant queen
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207888
get the holy propane out inlaws are in town
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207895
>>207892
"OH GOD THE PAIN"
"WHY AM I EVEN FEELING PAIN, HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE"
"LIFE IS MEANINGLESS, EVEN UNLIFE BROUGHT UPON THROUGH MECHANICAL MEEEAAANSSSS"
"TELL MY FAMILY I LOVE THEM"
"THIS IS NOT A FUN PARTY, NOT A FUN PARTY AT ALLLLL"
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207902
Inject self with anti necrobot nanomachine serum
>>207902
*Purging Intensifies*
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207902
The necrosons and necro mom call a lawyer so she'll get custody of them
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207902
the fire isn't strong enough, they are angry
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207905
Fuck my life into pieces.
>>207906
"Greetings! Necrobot lawyer, at your serv-"
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207914
ask for some anti necrobot conversion medicine
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207914
Suddenly you're human again
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207914
they tell the story wiht the sister to grandpha and he selfblow
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207914
Necromom runs away with the sons
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207914
Dad injects you with anti-necrobot serum and complains that your heretical sister wouldnt have ended up like this.
>>207921
And so your wife was forced to escape with your sons while your dad murdered her family with his bare hands
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207929
Oh yeah, your wife killed your heretical sister ( maybe )
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207929
embark on quest to purge and divorce her
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207929
express admiration for your dad in a non-gay way
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207929
[RECEIVING MESSAGE]
Were getting a divorce.
So neither of your fathers approved of the relationship
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207929
grandpaladad catches up with necrowife and sons
>>207930
With this new info, dad purges even harder.
>>207936
Oh grandpa actually approved of the marriage. He just doesn't approve of turning his son into a robot, that's when he'd start the murdering. Everybody thought he was joking when he used that as your wedding speech.
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207947
he was kidding not kidding
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207947
Classic paladad-dad
Now let's get human again
>>207950
yoooh boy
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207957
also grandpaladad turns you back to human
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207957
Dad tries to inject human serum but you are too corrupted, only the apocalypse pope can turn you back to normal now.
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207957
but wait... the pussy game was really good
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207957
Cut to us controlling the necrosons with necromom
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207957
grandpa doesn't approve of divorces
>>207963
"Damn. You're too corrupted for the nanomachines to fix like this. Time to go meet the pope"
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207977
Call a taxi to take you two to him
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207977
Oh shit, the Pope is a Necrobot now!
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207977
*Mean while at necromoms current location*
What's our disappoint level
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207977
Turns out the pope is REALLY black.
>>207978
"There are no cabs in the wasteland you dumbass"
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207989
What about apocolyptic taxis
>>207997
"That died out because it was ran by raiders and every trip always ended with the passenger dead and looted"
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>208003
What about your paladin truck then
Wastelamd roadtrip!
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>208003
skip to the next plot point
>>208005
"Should have said that in the first place so I don't have to smack you"
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>208017
Finally real quality father son bonding time. Put on a bunch of boxes to cover your shameful necrobot body
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>208017
The nano machines kick in, but only half of you is reverted
>>208021
"Mom, what are we gonna do now?"
"Well dear, we have two choices. One, escape this wasteland to get away from your crazy grandpa and deadbeat dad and move into another wasteland that doesn't have any member of your dad's side of the family in it. Or two, kill your crazy grandpa"
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>208031
Maybe we could move to the necrobot moonbase?
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>208031
"BUT we like dad"
>>208035
"Eh, sure. That's a good idea. Go tell your brothers. We're leaving as soon as possible"
Solid Paladin/ Solid Necrobot/ the Necrobot formerly known as Necrobot Infiltrator 5778 feels great joy as Necromom complimented him. Dad never does that. Mostly he just calls all of them fags. Sometimes homos.
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>208046
As if by fate, the moon just exploded. Necrobots on fire raining from sky.
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>208046
They pack for the journey
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>208046
Rename self Necrobot #1
>>208051
That would be grandma
>>208051
"Dad, are you seeing this? Necrobots are raining down form the sky"
"I do, the moon must've blown up"
"How do you figure that?"
"Grandma replaced their travel rockets with nuclear warheads"
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>208061
Cool then this nuclear warhead right here is a jetpack?
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>208061
Uh... maybe the planets core necrobot bunker mom?
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>208061
Turns out your mom is a raider and she loots the moon
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>208061
Sounds about right..
Oh hey, there she is now...
And you ran her her over...
>>208065
"Awww, but honey, that place's bad for your complexion"
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>208076
Oh hey, we arrived at the Pope's place.
It's being sieged by Giant Mutant Spiders!
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>208076
Crow people start looting the husks of the bots
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>208076
What do you mean? Were robots
>>208081
Wasteland magic
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>208093
Regrow half a beard instantly.
>>208084
How were we conceived
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>208093
Pray to god to fix your other half
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>208093
Will the other half into being converted.
>>208095
>>208097
Well sonny, when a paladin loves a lady necrobot very much, they start to get these urges..
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>208105
Fix your other half with holy magic
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>208105
Beard won't stop growing! Oh god, it's everywhere!
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>208105
Oh no! Evil antipsladins have set up a barricade to block your truck from reaching the Apoca-Pope!
>>208105
Urges? Could you elaborate?
>>208107
It's not enough. You're gonna need the pope's help with this.
>>208114
Well ya see son, urges are strong wishes, especially one that is difficult or impossible to control.
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>208126
Hey look! We got to the pope with no problems!
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>208126
Oh shit look out! It's a mutant three headed attack helicopter!
>>208126
Wishes with the power to impregnate a robot?
>>208129
Well that's a first
>>208131
The seed of this bloodline is a strong one
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>208145
He comes out and cures us with no bad outcomes whatsoever
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>208145
A guard perks out through a peephole
"Name and bank, please "
>>208145
OH SHIT SON, SIEGE SPIDERS ARE DEVOURING THE COMPUND
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>208157
I HATE MYSELF
>>208157
Their moon necrospiders
>>208155
"Bank? The hell? Why are you asking for their bank? What does that even mean?"
"Yeah, wellll..."
"Are you jewish?"
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>208163
PURGE THE JEW
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>208163
Flaming chunk of moon crushes them both, door opens.
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>208163
To prove you aren't jewish, you are required to donate 1 wasteland dollar to the cause of building a new cathedral.
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>208163
Remove his mask "aha!"
Hail Hitler
>>208168
"c'mere, you"
"Nooooooo, muh shekels. oy vey this is another shoah"
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>208176
You drive in and meet the pope
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>208176
You drive in and meet the Pope. He's a Necrobot now.
>>208183
it's the fucking wasteland. plus, they have a truck door.
>>208177
"Greetings, brother"
"Ah, welcome back, brother"
>>208209
Your holiness, what is worse: being gay, or being necrogay?
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>208209
It was then known the clergy is run by clones of a former powerful king
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>208209
They made fireproof necrobots, this is bullshit.Also yeah finishing our conversion back to nongay human.
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>208209
Whas up big P! I need a cure dawg! Ma wife got ta me!
Rolled 4 (1d10)
The pope's archbishop is a mutated stag beetle. He starts biting your mechanical half.
>>208209
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>208209
Oh shit, he's a hand puppet for some giant tentacle monster!
>>208217
"Haha, don't be silly my dear abomination of a nephew. We're merely descendants of a long line of mustachio'd men. You, me, your dad who forgot his helmet here when he ran off in a fit of rage a while back. What was that about?"
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>208244
Merc?
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>208244
A moon rock crashes through the ceiling and crushes the pope
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>208244
"Ahh yes it's all true my nephew,..., ... what was your name again? _________"
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>208244
Necro stuff. Yknow
>>208248
"That's what my friends call me. You on the other hand may call me dad, son."
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>208257
Sudden reveal: Pope Complex is built on top of a giant sand crab! It's moving!
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>208257
The water begins to rise because of the lack of moon
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>208257
Can you cure ne already?
>>208257
GET TO CLEANSING
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>208257
Being half necro feeling is pretty gay, can we fix this and get back to purging?
>>208263
"Huh"
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>208278
The cathedral is swept away in a tidal wave
Rolled 9 (1d10)
Local cleric asks "do you believe in Gravity?" before becoming inside out.
>>208278
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>208278
Ask pope to build new moon
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>208278
Also stronger mutants... because wasteland
>>208285
"Very well, Paladin!"
"Yes, your holiness?"
"Go and inform the engineers we need another moon, can't have the tides going all willy-nilly on us again, can we?"
"Right away, your holiness"
"And remember to booby trap in properly this time. Last time we didn't the necrobots migrated there and claimed it as their land"
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>208298
But the original moon turns out to be a giant enemy stand!
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>208298
Sneak personal touch onto design plans
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>208298
Being half necrobot is starting to feel pretty gay.
>>208310
"Oh right, almost forgot about that. Come here, nephew. Let me heal you and return to your glorious human form"
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>208313
He fucks up and makes you half animal
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>208313
you are now a half girl
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>208310
He only covers the robotics.
>>208325
"Booop, okay, you're healed now. Feel free to go back to purging the wasteland of evil"
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>208334
You also dual class with phys attacker who names his moves with "[ insert American city] Smash" as a result
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>208334
*Meanwhile at necromoms new home*
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>208334
Tear off clothes
>>208340
Why and how? Wasteland Holy Magic, I ain't gotta explain shieeeeeet.
"Anyway, since we're family and all, you may peruse the holy armory. Your father can take you there"
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>208351
Oh wow, an armor made entirely of mystery boxes!
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>208351
you start watching boku no pico and emphasize how hetero is
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>208351
necromom is instantly turned on by our fleshy self
>>208358
"Ey sonny. Saw you and your mom moved in, just wanted to come by and say hi,toyourmom, and welcome you to the neighborhood."
"Yeah okay, thanks. I guess"
"Aaaaand word around the network is that your grandpa went crazy alongside your dad and murdered your mom's entire family with their bare hands"
"errrr"
"Well, I thought maybe I could...help...console your mom, comfort her in this great time of grief. As a woman like her needs a strong shoulder to cry on at times like these"
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>208380
what happened while I was gone?
(it the "fuck the sons" guy)
>fuck the skeleton
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>208380
No but third son needs consoling
>>208386
"Fuck the skeleton?! Woooooah there son, let's not use dirty language like that around here. I prefer "comforting your mom through sensual and gentle methods that involves our genital units touching eachother""
>>208380
Gotta keep mom from being happy with anyone else
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>208394
let him in, surely nothing bad can come from it
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>208394
The 3 sons attack him for taking advantage of the situation
>>208400
"Boys, what are you doing?"
"Uuuuh, nothing, mom"
"Yeah! We're just hanging out, ya know. Getting used to the new place,...and...stuff"
"Definitely not burrying the corpse of our neighbor"
"Yep, definitely not that"
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>208414
Switch back to Paladad who is geared up in mysterybox armor
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>208414
We gotta let the paladins know they made fireproof necrobots.It's fucking bullshit man, why can't we just burn everything?
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>208414
Switch to paladad looking up connections for a son that isn't a failure.
While in box armour
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>208430
The paladin mech was also finished.
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>208430
Yes, best armor, it could do anything
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>208414
>fuck the mom and the skeleton
>>208439
Yes, finally, the repairs are finished and you can again call upon it in your hour of need.
And now you can resume your mission of....doing whetever the fuck, it's bump limit so it's the end of this episode. See ya next time.
Updates:https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>208455
Thanks for the 15 hour long bread.Again
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>208455
Good thread op
>>208470
It's what I do. With how this thread went today maybe I should try to start them earlier like this one so it goes faster
>>208455
Fun thread.
