Oh shit nigger, you're a Wasteland Paladin in some Generic Post Apocalyptic Wasteland. Your mission is to protect the innocents, purge the heretics, kill the evil mutants, yadda yadda all that stuff.
But currently you're just loitering around behind a rock, what do you do?
Roll 1d10, highest roll in a minute since the first reply gets picked.
Previous threads:
http://pastebin.com/sR3G3F2A
https://www.mediafire.com/folder/ici3zlnn9ytyy/ADVENTURES
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>206887
Punch face.
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>206887
Use your binoculars to see what your disappointments are up to.This is a pretty early thread for you.
>>206890
Suddenly: Simon's ghost invades the thread.
>>206890
>>206891
I woke up early today
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>206896
The sons come back because they got bored
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>206896
Realize we aren't alone...
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>206903
Three armed Mutant on the horizon!
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>206903
They surprise paladad
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>206909
The sons attack it so they wont be such disappointments
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>206909
A whole parade full of them.
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>206909
Four armed Mutant on his horizon!
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>206917
No, the other Horizon.
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>206917
Five armed mutant on the horizon!
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>206917
It was all a clever ruse! An armless mutant is strangling you to death with their dexterous feet!
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>206917
Beetleborg fighting a 5 armed mutant past them.
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>206925
Six armed and six legged mutant on the horizon!
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>206934
Purge all mutants
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>206934
When did we get to Sesame Street.
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>206934
greet the six thing freak
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>206934
Suddenly: a totally normal human meanders up and wonders why you're mutant watching.
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>206934
call mutant over for a chat
>>206938
Attempting to purge all mutants in area
Roll 2d100, first number decides who gets picked, second is results
1-9: terrible failure
10-30: failure
31-70: mild success
71-89: success
90-100: great success
Rolled 73, 68 = 141 (2d100)
Lucky!
Rolled 31, 69 = 100 (2d100)
>>206950
Rolled 57, 81 = 138 (2d100)
>>206950
>>206954
YOu purged, most of the mutants. Now there's only the six armed six legged one left
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>206958
>fuck the 6arm 6leg
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>206958
Turns out they were all friends of your sons and now their crying like faggots
>>206959
>fuck the 6arm 6leg
"b-but w-we don't know eachother well enough for that yet"
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>206963
Your sons intervene
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>206963
Nigga you're supposed to be a paladin.
Purge him already
>>206963
>FORCFULLY fuck the 6arm 6leg
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>206966
ffs
want to die inside
>>206964
"Dad, what are you doing?"
"and why are you unzipping your pants"
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>206970
>fuck all the sons
>take out their geneseeds
>fuck those too
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>206970
The six armed and six legged mutant army shows up
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>206970
take 6arm 6leg on a date
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>206970
You are beset by an invisible mutant!
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>206970
I'm distracting him with advanced CQC.
>>206971
At which point they decided to attack anon for his fetishes
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>206978
Anon uses his vidya CQC to disarm the disappointments.
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>206978
Anon turns out to be greg
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>206978
>anon turns out to be moot
>>206980
Quickly kids! Help anon by Rolling 2d100, first number decides who gets picked, second is results
1-9: extreme failure
10-30: great failure
31-70: terrible failure
71-89: failure
90-99: mild failure
100: success
Rolled 83, 82 = 165 (2d100)
>>206986God I love you Paladin
Rolled 41, 89 = 130 (2d100)
>>206986
Rolled 20, 52 = 72 (2d100)
>>206986
Cheeki Breeki
>>206988
"GAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"
Paladad shouted as anon trips on a pebble and hurt himself
>>206992
anon has also caused the picture to not be sent because of his failings
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>206995
A necrobot kidnaps anon and turns him into a necrobot
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>206995
Paladin piledrive finisher!
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>206995
fuck is this warhammer? I though it was
>fucking cato sacarious shows up and kills anon
if not warhammer:
>anon trips and goes to /b/
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>206995
Oh just shoot him already and put him out of his misery.
>>207000
>anon trips
Yes, you just did get trips. But there are no tripcodes on /b/, so you can't trip there.
>>206996
Quickly kids! Help anon become necrobot by Rolling 2d100, first number decides who gets picked, second is results
1-9: extreme failure
10-30: great failure
31-70: terrible failure
71-89: failure
90-99: mild failure
100: success
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207005
Rolling for extreme failure.
Rolled 60, 91 = 151 (2d100)
>>207005
Sexy female Necrobot, go!
>>207007
"I'm sorry anon, there were some complications during the procedure. We couldn't save the rest of your body. On the bright side your head is also a toaster"
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207012
Anon is given to paladad as a peace offering
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207012
Solid disappointment steals the toaster.
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207012
Necrotoast fires toast into air in fit of rage before exploding.
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207017
Solid disappointment forgot the toaster was in necrobot HQ 2.0
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207017
News flash! A TV that plays old news broadcasts floats by!
>>207017
You lazy bastard
>>207020
"THIS JUST IN. MAN TOO LAZY TO DRAW ACTUAL IMAGES AND KEEPS LOOKING FOR WAYS TO BE AS CHEAP AS POSSIBLE. Oh and some sort of super catastrophe is going on downtown I guess"
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207023
Chase the TV! We're bored as shit!
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207023
The tv turns into a friendly necrobot
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207026
TV get!
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207026
It blows up sensing such high disapointment levels from youre sons following
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207026
The TV changes to an ad.COLDGATE BRUTAL
>>207028
"Ey! Let go you filthy paladin!"
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207033
The necrobot army senses a disturbance in the network
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207033
"suck a dick tv"
>fucks the tv
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207033
>Implying Canon would win even in a movie
>>207035
"I sense a disturbance in the network"
"YEAH NO SHIT, WHERE THE FUCKIS THAT TV? I'M GONNA MISS MY SHOW!"
"FUCK YOUR DRAMA SHIT FAGGOT, I'M GONNA MISS THE BIG MATCH!"
>>207040
The bad end is for oscar bait
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207043
paladin get onto the tv
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207043
Cut to the palafamily watching the big game.
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207050
LOOK ITS HIM THE LEGENDARY SKELEMAN HE WASN'T DEAD ALL ALONG!
>>207051
"what, it's just a recording of an ad before the apocalypse"
"VISIT LOLISNIFFER'S ISLAND RESORT NOW AND SPEND YOUR SUMMER THE WAY IT'S MEANT TO BE SPENT. AMONG SKELETONS"
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207052
let the television float to where it needs to go
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207052
He practically did everything short of punching god so he can't be dead, right?Also are we dead?
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207058
Tune in to the big game
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207058
Wait wasn't Necromom just here?
>>207059
Ah yes, the basketball match between footballers and soccer players. With a batter as referee
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207062
You sit down and watch it with your sons, it's been a while since you spent some quality time with your failures.
>>207062
Get angry that football is called soccer and that eggball is treated as a sport.
>>207064
And so you watched the game with your sons. At the middle of the match, the arena is flooded and the sharks were let out
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207070
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207070
[Your sons will remember that]
>>207070
NecroMom made popcorn
Rolled 3 (1d10)
Necromom comes with popcorn
When she sits
Inject her with nano machines
>>207071
Then the second round begins with the Giant Robot Deathmatch Challenge
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207083
Who are we rooting for, anyway?
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207083
Root for the winning team
>>207084
It's nice you're not trying to force your Star Wars fanfiction, yet enforcing my MGS fanfiction, you're a good nigger, I'll give you that
>>207088
Lake jew?
>>207090
Who else but Lakeaham
>>207084
Roll 2d100, first number decides who gets picked, second is results
1-9: terrible failure
10-59: failure
60-89: mild success
90-100: success
Rolled 8, 38 = 46 (2d100)
>>207094
Rolled 51, 71 = 122 (2d100)
>>207094
Rolled 6, 23 = 29 (2d100)
>>207094
YOU CANT MAKE US ROLL FOR THIS PLEASE
Rolled 65, 84 = 149 (2d100)
>>207094
>>207098
EVERYONE STOP
STOP ROLLING
>>207098
You managed to inject her with some nanomachines before she pucnhed you away.
The nannomachines has caused her to look at you with slightly less disappointment
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207108
"I love it when you hurt me like that"
You tell your wife
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207108
Quickly inject her with more nanomachines
>>207108
Why isn't she human??????
STOP BEING LAZY
>>207111
If every advanced necrobot turned human from just one dart we wouldn't currently be on this crusade.
>>207109
"dad pls"
"we're trying to watch the game here"
>>207111
Making necrobots into humans takes a lot of purification, with fire mostly
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207109
This
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207108
Inject more nanomachines
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207116
aren't we supposed to purge heretics like her?
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207116
Where's your other brother?
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207116
PEOPLE FUCK YOU FUCKING FAGGOTS AND PEOPLE HAVE CERTAIN FETISHES YOU'RE ADULTS YOU SHOULDN'T BE AKWARD ABOUT IT
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207116
Mom sits further away from you and you resume watching the game.Venom Paladin sneaks in.
>>207121
"nom"
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207126
Venom Paladin swaps places with you so you can sneak up on Necromom.
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207126
Purge the heretic. Inject mom with more nanomachines.
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207126
aw shit, it's my favourite part of the match.
>>207129
"This is it, looks like it's a win for football, waitaminute...BAH GAWD, IT'S TENNIS WITH A RUN-IN!"
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207131
can we go back to trying to kill each other?
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207131
Yay, our team won
But wait, who is that on the crowd? Is he? Your brother?
>>207132
Suddenly, necrobots bust down the door
"THIS IS FOR MAKING ME MISS MY SHOW YOU GODDAMN PALADIN"
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207136
Well sit down and watch it you silly necrobilly
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207136
throw TV at a necrobot
>>207138
"I HATE SPORTSSS"
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207140
The necrobot who likes sports Gives his comrade a wedgie and joins the family to watch
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207140
Smite him.
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207140
k
>>207142
"SHUT THE FUCK UP NERD. WOOOOOO"
>>207146
You all call him a nerd
Then you realise he's Necrothin, Necrofat's cousin
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207149
Then bitchslap it because it acting like a faggot.
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207152
"If it's clear and yella it's juice there fella, if it's tart and brown you're in cider town"
>>207153
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU EVEN SAYING"
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207154
shut up and watch the ballgame nerd, this is a slice-of-life adventure now
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207154
It's the Cider Strikers, theme
Y'know, the sports team we follow...
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207154
Stfu fagtron.
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207154
highfive the necrobro who likes sports, coincidentally you also root for the same team
>>207155
"Slice-of-life? Slice-of-life? I'LL SHOW YOU SLICE OF LIFE! I'LL SLICE YOU IN HALF WITH THIS LAZER BEAM! DIE!"
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207160
lol nope
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207160
You die.
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207160
use your all-reflecting-mirror to reflect back the lazor at him
>>207160
ignore him in favor of the game
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207160
BTFO this nerd with your alpha jock skills.
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207164
forgot to roll
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207160
Summon Dick Justice as your Stand, Jojo Bizarre style.
>>207162
Yes, it's a very popular toy amongst paladins
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207168
Throw it at Necrothin.
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207168
Nice one OP
Anyways, destroy that little nerdy faggot with your ultimate palaknuckle sandwich
>>207170
And it flies right into the way of the beam!
Roll 2d100, first number decides who gets picked, second is results
1-9: terrible tragedy
10-40: tragedy
41-70: good event
71-99: great event
100: the dice bounces the beam back into the gun, causing a shift in it's polkarity, exploding it and releasing it necrocyber energy into necrothin, turning it into a cute girl
Rolled 73, 62 = 135 (2d100)
>>207173
LET'S GET A GIRL NIGGER
Rolled 96, 90 = 186 (2d100)
>>207175
The dice miraculously bounced the lazer around the room, ending with it going through Necrothin's skull
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207178
get rekt nerd
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207178
take his gun
>>207186
loot his everything
salvage his corpse and turn it into armor
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207186
Now back to watch the big game that's somehow still going.
All together like a normal family.
>>207189
Ah yes, they've reached the superpowers deathmatch stage
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207191
your team loses, sons team win. punch him in the face for that
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207193
This
>>207193
"WOOO! SUCK IT HANDEGG! FOOTBALL'S THE BETTER S--"
Rolled 7 (1d10)
Necromom shaves beard in retaliation
>>207196
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207196
I DIDN'T RAISE A FAGGOT, SON
BUT YOU DIDN'T EVEN RAISE ME DAD
I KNOW
>>207197
wuh oh
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207200
OVER MY DEAD BODY, WOMAN!
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207200
She succeeds
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207200
Honey we talked about this
No beard play
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207200
REEEEEEEEE
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207207
Sons cheer for mom
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207207
Inject mom with nanobots in revenge.
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207207
it magically instantly grows back. you are proud of it
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207207
grow it out again through sheer manliness
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207213
Yell at your disappointments
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207213
But he grow back his beard instantly.
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207219
They yell "Ass chin" back at him
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207219
Wear your helm to hide your lack of beard.
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207219
"Pussy whipped!" Yells the blonde
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207225
Mom shaves it again
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207225
"Mutant! " Other paladins show up to purge paladad
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207225
Purify necromom
Rolled 1 (1d10)
>>207232
Wear a helmet to hide your beardless face
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207232
Back to adventure
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207232
Manly tear
>>207232
Put your crafted helmet on
>>207235
Oh that manlet's right here
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207238
You have a zit next to your eye dad
Rolled 5 (1d10)
>>207238
you see a necrovillage in the distance. approach the doors
>>207240
"Greetings inferior fleshy beings! Have you heard of the good word of Necrobots yet?"
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207243
Hey, those are the guys I converted
Says Solid Son
>>207244
My god, then this must means....they're all fags!
>>207245
Cleanse this village, no faggots left behind.
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>207245
And you are a mutant, so what?
Says necromom
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>207245
Purify the whole village with your holy fire, your sons help, Necromom disapproves
>>207248
"whyyyyyy"
"turning into machines should have saved us from the dangers of the wastelanddd"
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>207250
I uhhh.... changed my mind about flesh, yeah, flesh is good, dicks are bad.... Sorry for converting you guys
Says Solid Failure
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207250
suddenly boss music starts playing... Could it be?
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207250
A few elite necrobots and their boss attempt to stop your arson.
>>207252
[dramatic turn]
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>207254
It's just a DVD player
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207254
It's just good ol' Robo-Mary
A harmless old bot
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>207254
OMG HERETIC PALADINS AND THEIR LEADER
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>207254
Necro comander and his necrogear!
>>207257
TRAITORS!
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207261
Exterminatvs Dominvs
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207261
Call for backup
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>207261
idiot son rushes forwards
>>207262
You charge in. Facing your first traitorous heretic opponent
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207267
Poke his eyes through his visor then slash his groin with your sword
Rolled 2 (1d10)
Hey its the paladan who gave is the punch box!
>>207267
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>207267
Cleave him in half with your sword.
>>207268
Deploying eye poking aparatus.
Roll 2d100 for results
1-9: terrible failure
10-49: failure
50-90: success
91-100: great success
Rolled 8 (1d10)
Rolled 10, 27 = 37 (2d100)
>>207271
you nail it so impressively your magnificent beard grows back
Rolled 16 (1d100)
>>207271
Rolled 22, 23 = 45 (2d100)
>>207271
Nothing personal
Rolled 62, 31 = 93 (2d100)
>>207271
Rolled 71, 100 = 171 (2d100)
>>207271
>>207282
TOO LATE
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>>207276
"Likewise"
Then he uppercuts you in the face, stopping your poke
