BEARD QUEST
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It is the morning of May the 20th, 1902.
In your slumber a voice fills your mind. Barely noticeable at first, but it grows in strength. From a barely audible breath to a soft chill brushing the ear of your slumber, as if someone was whispering across a distance. You feel can feel it URGING you.
It is enough to wake you up.
(Roll d100.)
(Rolling 95-100 will result in a critical action, the higher the better.)
(Rolling 1-5 will result in critical failure, the lower the more severe.)
Your name is DAVID DANGER, but your fellow workers at the sawmill just call you DOCTOR, as a bit of ironic humor.
You're well known by your friends and acquaintances around the small English town you live in as being KIND OF AN IDIOT, and by that you mean REALLY FUCKING DENSE. The very notion of you being given the monniker "Doctor" is ridiculous and hilarious to everyone, so of course it stuck. You've been known to often drift off in thought, probably fantasizing about SHAVING. Before today you had very little ambition in life, and would have been absolutely fine with working to provide for your family until the day you died. That will change rather quickly thanks to the mysterious and somewhat alarming facial hair that now flows from your face and through your mind.
Beside you sleeps your wife, a beard similarly flowing from her chin as she sleeps, alarmingly.
Rolled 69 (1d100)
>>156039
Shave yourself and your wife
>>156039
Invent chronophotography
Rolled 2777 (1d6100)
>>156095
Forgot roll
Rolled 34 (1d100)
>>156039
Use your new manliness to assume direct control.
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>156039
Make bearded love to Wife
>>156074
>Shave yourself and your wife
You swear you shaved just yesterday.
Oh well, no big deal, whatever this is you'll just shave it off. No problem!
The razor is in the bathroom, of course.
>>156231
Geez, these things are long! The sooner you shave them the better, you think. You enter the bathroom.
>>156239
(er, pretend I drew the beard still coming from him)
>>156243
Step and trip on your beard, breaking your neck
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>156276
Fug
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>156239
Inventory everything in bathroom
The bathroom itself if necessary
>>156239
You grab your razor and test it out on yourself.
That's weird, it won't cut. This has definitely never happened to you! In fact, you'd be in quite a pickle if it did, as you like to think of yourself as bit of a SHAVING AFICIONADO.
You're quite diligent about shaving. You enjoy shaving quite a lot, in fact. The aesthetics of a clean shaven face, the satisfaction felt when each follical of coarse hair is cloven from its rest in the skin, the feel of shaving cream on one's face and weight of razor in hand, the cool morning air gently caressing the fresh cheek of a new day...
You spend a lot of time thinking about shaving.
Rolled 15 (1d100)
>>156326
Use beard to kill ourselves
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>156326
Go back to bed, open to bljnds to let some sunshine in, and make bearded love to our wife. The Razor can come too.
>>156339
>Go back to bed, open to blinds to let some sunshine in, and make bearded love to our wife.
Well, you're stumped. Time for a bit of the ol' up-and-down with the wife!
You wake her up. She's a little alarmed to discover the new additions, but nontheless agrees to your advances. Time to hop right to--
Oh, what the fuck?
Now that's just gross, your unborn child's sprouted a beard as well. It's a complete turn-off.
Rolled 88 (1d100)
>>156400
Try to burn your beard off.
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>156400
Enough of this! Carry our beautiful wife n child over our shoulder through our beautiful home and follow the conviently railroad track-shaped trail of our beard hairs.
Rolled 24 (1d100)
>>156400
DOCTOR and wife: Combine shaving powers into a powerful shaving attack
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>156416
>railroading yourself
Get out
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>158003
This
OP u dere?
>>158830
His time zone is weird or something. I think he starts again in around 4.5 hours.
Where did you go, OP?
>4 days ago
RIP OP
Well, time to start posting random shit until OP stops being dead
