Miraculous Jhonny
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Miraculous Jhonny wants to kill himself!
Choose a way to go out
>>101631
What caliber is that gun?
can I has skol shot+an hero?
>>101635
Let's say it's a .44 Magnum
>>101631
Hit the wall with head multiple times until dead.
>>101646
I second this
>>101641
Good enough. Put it in your mouth and shoot yourself pointing towards your spine.
This is the option with the best probabilities of success and less pain.
Rolled 2 (1d10)
>>101631
Wait around for old age to kick in.
>>101631
Use the hammer to smash your own balls to die from horrible shock.
>>101631
Shove the can deep inside his asshole
Rolled 8 (1d10)
>>101631
Wrap the noose around that giant dick and constrict blood flow until it goes necrotic. Then allow the necrotic blood to flow back into his system.
>>101641
>>101646
Miraculous Jhonny hits the wall with his head 5 times, only making a little dent in his head, he's still okay. The wall needs to be repaired though.
He's alive, and therefore suffers, but the dent in his head reminds him that soon he'll be free.
>>101674
Twist can in half and use the sharp edge like a cookie cutter to remove the skin surrounding his head-dent.
>>101674
Hammer the crack on the wall until you get a sizable chunk of concrete. Use that to bash your head in.
>>101674
Swing back and forth between each walls to gain momentum and then swing headfirst into the wall.
>>101680
Miraculous Jhonny scalps himself! Freedom is closer, but beer has been wasted, Jhonny is sad.
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>101709
Go to the hospital. Johnny is sick in the head on top of bleeding and suffering for blunt force trauma.
If roll is 7 or higher pour poison on open skull wound.
>>101716
They found Jhonny! He's inmediatly sent to the hospital. He wakes up next morning, realizing he's still conscious.
Will he be able to kill himself there?
>>101728
Remove the bandage and use it for strangle ourself while being pantless.
Rolled 14 (1d20)
>>101728
This is the hospital! There's plenty of things here that can kill you in more ways than one. But first we'll have to sneak into their medical supply storage.
Rolling for sneak success.
>>101728
Use sheets to hang yourself!
>>101733
He tries to strungle himself, but the bandages are too weak, he begins to feel the air flowing through scalp, and wonders if there will be something in the supply storage.
>>101753
>>101762
Look for meds in the storage and take them all
>>101753
He opens the supply storage, freedom is at sight. He wonders who runs this Hospital.
>>101775
Wear the gloves, safety first. Then pour some liquid nitrogen in the spoon and taste it, we don't want to die with something horrible stinking up our mouth.
>>101775
Inject liquid nitrogen directly into your bloodstream.
>>101775
Inject the LN in your aorta.
>>101782
Miraculous Jhonny ingests a spoon of Liquid Nitrogen, he begins to feel incredible amounts of pain, his tongue is no more, and the liquid is destroying his insides. 30 minutes of consciousness left.
>>101827
Fuck.
>>101827
Realize that this might not have been a great idea.
>>101841
Miraculous Jhonny injects himself with LN in his left arm, he can't feel it anymore. Blood doesn't flow correctly, the more minutes pass, the closer he is to freedom, but this wasn't the less painful way to go out. 25 minutes of consciousness left.
>>101870
Jump out nearest window
>>101886
cry
>>101835
Miraculous Jhonny begins to realize this was a bad idea, in an attempt to stop the pain, he gets closer to the window...
Use hospital defibrillator to electrocute yourself
Rolled 6 (1d6)
>>101901
Rolling to not pass out. If Rolls 4+ Johnny dives out the window.
>>101901
Flip off the nearest bystander you see as you jump off.
>>101906
>>101886
Miraculous Jhonny jumps! He breaks both his knees to stop his fall and not pass out, although the pain is too much for him. There is a piece of broken glass and a machete close. He still has his right arm.
>>101931
Cut off his limbs with the machete.
>>101931
Throw the machete at a passerby and cut his throat with the glass
>>101931
Jam the machete through our expose scalp.
>>101931
Carve the phrase "KILL ME" on your forehead.
>>101952
this
>>101936
After half an hour, Jhonny has cut every limb of his body, leaving only his right arm. The pain keeps him awake.
>>102000
Stab on our groin.
>>102000
An asshole mad scientist kidnaps you, and rebuilds your body to be indestrutable to watch you suffer even more.
You're also in pain the entire time
>>102000
Hungry stray dogs bite you and steal your limbs
>>102009
Before being able to kill himself, Miraculous Jhonny is captured by an evil scientist. He wakes up realizing that half his body is now mechanical, but he can still feel that his limbs are missing. Luckily, the scientist made the artificial limbs to release a chemical that stops him from blacking out.
In order to test the new enhancements, the scientists sends Jhonny to...
>>102125
buy some groceries. Tendies aren't gonna restock themselves
>>102125
Fight megaman
>>102125
A military shooting range.
>>102125
KILL DONALD TRUMP
>>102125
the cave of a dragon
buy heroin to dull pain/kill self
>>102145
This!
>>102125
Realize you cant die and become a one man army mercenary.
>>102268
Then spend your earnings on suicide research. Also hire that scientist person for that.
>>102133
... a military shootig range!
The thought of being able to die makes Jhonny happy, even though he's in constant pain. The military are told to kill the new target, thinking it's completely a robot.
What does Jhonny do?
>>102769
hold your hands up to heaven as you die
>>102769
He finds a nickle on the floor so the military miss all their shots
>>102779
>>102788
Knowing it's coming, Miraculous Jhonny prays to heaven and closes his eyes. He begins to feel the bullets hitting his skin, but nothing else. Turns out the mechanical limbs weren't the only thing changed by the scientist, as his skin was hardened too, feeling every bullet like it was a tennis ball.
The military go to eat. Jhonny stays there, sick of his life.
>>102874
Turn into a genocidal maniac and kill everybody you can, they will be forced to take you out.
>>102874
Go full Hellsing Mode.
>>102874
Drown yourself
Jhonny realizes that everything he tries to do to kill himself fails, something is lost in Jhonny, then he gets up, and follows to where the soldiers went.
There, he raises his mechanical arm and points it at a soldier, what happens?
>>103073
> be an American soldier
> get shot
>>103073
One of the soldier give him a high five.
>>101631
Fucking yourself to death. Like dick in your ass. No jerking
>>103073
Seek someone strong enough to kill you.
>>103103
You were trying to do something, but Radical Kevin doesn't leave anyone hanging
>>103176
DESTROY HIM
>>103176
Ask Radical Kevin for favor.
>>103176
Go on 9gag
>>103176
[Glass him]
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>103248
Fucked up that last post
>>103200
This.
>PLEASE KILL ME
>>103200
Jhonny tries to tell Kevin to kill him, but remembers that he doesn't have a tongue, as it was lost while drinking Liquid Nitrogen. What happens?
>>103435
Play charades to try to convey your message.
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>103435
Kevin calls his buddies over to figure it out
>>103435
Incite violence
Pick the fattest land whale in the bar and ask her to sit on your face via charades.
>>103442
>>103452
>>103524
Kevin calls his buddies, but soon he understands the situation. Kevin goes to find some weapons.
What does he come back with?
>>103602
He picks the fattest land whale in the bar and asks her to sit on Miraculous Johnny's face.
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>103602
They strap you to a missle, aimed at NK
>>103602
The highest caliber sniper rifle he can find, a .950
>>103602
Several tantos. The soldiers then all commit harakiri
>>103602
He comes back with army of space marines.
>>103602
He comes back with some super secret high tech military weapon thingy.Unfortunately the manual is all in a language nobody can understand.
Rolled 6 (1d20)
>>103612
This
>>103612
>>104891
We're back! Said kevin, as he brought a rocket. Kevin's buddies strap Jhonny to the rocket, and then watch as it destroys the ceiling, Jhonny has been launched.
What happens?
>>106139
The rocket hits a passing airliner.
>>106139
He flew to alien planet.
>>106139
Lands in NK as planned. Too bad the missile doesnt explode and now Jhonny is a political prisoner of Kim.
>>106150
>>106156
Jhonny hits a passing airliner, killing every passenger in it. Luckily, the rocket doesn't explode, but it changes direction, we're now in space.
After a few hours the rocket lands in an unknown planet, destroying a village of who knows what, Miraculous Jhonny survives the explosion, the rocket has dissapeared completely.
There seems to be more villages around.
>>106242
Take a deep breath of that alien air. Who knows. It might just kill you.
>>106242
Look for alien life if found aggressively shake your fist at them hopefully they will attack.
>>106242
rock out with your cock out
>>106245
Jhonny takes a deep breath, but nothing happens. He wonders how the fuck he survived being in space.
Check to see if this planet has reduced gravity.
>>106284
Jhonny jumps to test the planet's gravity, jumping 8 meters.
He feels like there is someone watching him.
>>106320
Try to jump into the space void
>>106320
Pull down the pants, slowly...
>>106320
Look for that someone using your super cyborg powers.
>>106440
Goddammit
>>106443
Attempt to pantomime our situation. Alien takes as a declaration of war from Earth
>>106443
shoot the fucker
>>106443
Do your best to disobey him
>>106440
The alien takes you to marry their leader's daughter thinking that you are some kind of prophesied celestial being from the heavens.
>>106443
Start speaking in gibberish italian, and how that he can understand you. Tell him to build you another rocket so you can crash yourself into the sun / a black hole
>>106600
hope that he can understand you*
>>106507
Jhonny walks to the officer menacingly, but he lowers his weapon and takes him in his floating vehicle. They enter the biggest house, the interior looks like a cathedral, it's some kind of ceremony. Jhonny is still in the floating device with the officer. What happens?
>>106670
jump and land on your neck
>>106670
Force a rock into the alien officers asshole. That will enrage him into trying to kill us
>>106670
Scream into the sky in pain as life will not go your way
>>106670
KILL her. Start a war with these aliens against you. All of them try yo kill you
>>106685
Jhonny jumps! Though it doesn't kill him, he's now paralyzed, all the aliens seem surprised, except the one in the altar. What happens?
>>106794
The aliens begin to heal jhonny with aliens magicks
>>106794
The guests drags his aching body to the altar. They're really eager to get this thing over with.
>>106819
>>106823
The calm alien floats towards Jhonny, after a few moments he realizes he can move again, the pain from the missing limbs has finally stopped, the mechanical limbs have stopped releasing the chemical that stops him from blacking out for now. Jhonny decides to go to the altar, after a few words from the leading alien, it seems that they're done. What happens?
>>106916
Your dick explodes like you just ate some concentrated gluten
>>106916
alien robot sex
>>106916
Proceed with the ceremony.
I'm going to rest a little, I'll be back in a few hours
>>106984
>a few hours
Satan springs up from the altar, simultaneously the alien reveals itself to be Bill Murray. He scratches his nipples and says:
"I ain't afraid of no goat!"
I'm back!
>>106969
Everyone begins to go outsite, you follow the huge alien. After a few minutes of walking you encounter some kind of palace, there, you sit with the alien in some kind of feast, in front of you all the aliens are eating while not paying any attention to you or the alien. The aliens have prepared a special meal for you, french fries with alien chicken and an regular fried egg, as they don't know how your kind eats, they've provided you with the following utensils:
A harpoon, a solved Rubik's cube, a "blessed" sword that's unable to cut or kill its owner, a sharppened knife, a fork, a hand grenade, a mistery button, an unused .44 magnum, a hammer and 3 nails, an empty can of beer, and some kind of balloon trapped in plastic, Jhonny's never seen that before. Jhonny feels like he has seen a few of these items before.
What will Jhonny do?
>>111528
Give the blessed sword to another alien as a gift, then steal it and jam it in your eye socket
>>111528
Eat that fine meal, then dome yourself with the .44, again
>>111528
Hit the mystery button. Ignore everything else, just find out what that button does!
>>111528
Pocket the balloon trapped in plastic, you might need it later for a party.
Shoot the mystery button with the magnum.
>>111534
>>111564
Jhonny grabs the blessed sword and gives it to a guest, while he's confused, Jhonny takes the chance and stabs himself in the head, it goes right through his head, FINALLY! Jhonny's... back at the table?
He looks at the table, the sword is missing. He looks back at the crowd, the alien who had the sword has dissapeared. Did it really happen?
What will Jhonny do?
>>111758
I'm sorry for all the fucking typos and awkward writing I've done, I notice them right after posting.
>>111758
engage in coitus with aliens, that'll probably end in a ritual sacrifice of us to something
Throw the hand granade at the aliens and start a war.
>>111758
TELL ME ABOUT THE BUTTON
WHAT DOES IT DO
>>111758
Pull pin on hand grenade, put grenade in mouth and start to chew
>>111758
Take the balloon out of the plastic wrap.
Put the balloon on your head and asphyxiate yourself.
>>111758
Take grenade and gun
Put grenade in mouth and pull the pin
Then shoot yourself in the heart.
>>111758
Give your heart to the Leader and soon you will meld with it
Before attempting suicide again, Jhonny enjoys the meal.
Then back to killing himself, he puts the grenade in his mouth and pulls the pin, his head explodes.
But he's back. Confused, he looks around, the meal is not there, nor the hand grenade, but there is blood everywhere.
Jhonny pushes the mystery button, the meal reappears.
1/2
Jhonny tries to kill himself again. and puts the balloon in his head, putting his useful hand in his neck so air won't go out, after a few minutes of pain...
...he's back. But not clueless! Before dying of asphyxiation he saw the huge alien getting close, is she the one doing this?
What will Jhonny do?
2/2
>>118019
Kiss her in the... face?
>>118019
Shoot her with the gun and harpoon yourself in the face
>>118019
Initiate battle mode with huge alien.
>>118019
MASH THE BUTTON, SPAWN ALL THE FOOD
>>118019
Moon the huge alien
>>119749
It's an alien. It probably lives on a moon.
>>118019
Call the artist a faggot, so he will erase Jhonny from existence, implicate the alien too because fuck her.
>>118019
Let the thread die so that Jhonny is wiped out along with everyone else
>>118019
No but seriously, make another thread. This one is on death row.
>>123439
I guess I will
